therrja* 3 hours ago ehamilton, I have watched my husband suffer in a great deal of pain over the last couple of months, have problems swallowing and it was awful. A switch went off inside of me that said I was ready so I looked at him and thanked him for waiting until I was ready but I was now. Shortly after that he stopped eating and today he is gone. He waited for me to be ready. It was very difficult but having been through it, for us, things worked out to happen at the right time and I am very grateful.
I copied this from another thread so we could start a condolences for therrja*.
May you have peace,and know that you did all you could do and your support to the end is to express the love that you held, not by words but by deed. Bless you and grant you peace.
Therrja* This sad journey for your LO is now behind both of you..one is finally at peace and well and whole again and now you have a new door opening before you. I can only imagine what a mix of feelings this brings but you will be well in time too. You deserve your * after the tender care you provided your LO all this time. The road was long and hard as we all know only too well. As you settle into your new world, know that all of us here are there with you in spirit with Arms Around.
I am going through the same grief, myself. He must have loved you very much to have waited for you to be ready. Even when it is expected and welcome, we still grieve the finality of death.
Therrja* - please accept my heartfelt condolences. May you find the grace to continue to move forward, and the ability to hold on to your precious memories. Take care~
Theerja, you gave each other the greatest gift - you gave him permission to go out of love and he let go out of love. These next days/months ill be difficult but may you always fell your husband's love and begin healing yourself. Condolences.
Hugs and sympathy to you and your family, Therrja. Sorry for your loss yet happy for his release from the grips of this horrible disease. Wishing peace for you all.
Therrja, you fought the good fight, you were a terrific caregiver. You have earned your *star* and your Purple Heart. Be kind to yourself and know that we are hear for you. God Bless, arms around, Susan L*
Therrja, it is hard to let go....I guess I'm not quite ready....you and I went down the AD caregiver road together until this time. Now your husband is in a better place and free from AD. My prayers to you and your family. Please keep in touch, dear friend.
Therrja some of us posted under oct checkin for you but wanted you to know i am thinkin gof you and yours at this time of loss. i am sorry but also glad its over for you both. divvi
Therrja-ditto for me (other thread). I hope all the paperwork that suddenly falls on your shoulders doesn't beat you down. I learned that it all can wait. Just keep a record of every form you fill out. I found dealing with insurance companies to be a nightmare. Also get the name of the person you speak with.
Thank you all for your kind thoughts. The service was yesterday and it was a beautiful celebration. I could not believe how many people were at the church. It is amazing how many lives we touch as we go through our life journey.
One of the nice aspects of this journey is that there is plenty of time to plan a service. I had the service start with the song "My Way" - it was my husband's theme song and whenever asked why he did something (before AD), he would sing "I did it my way". My girlfriend's daughter was the soloist. I had heard another song (Shepherd Me, O God) that is beautiful and Ave Maria. The service finished with her singing one verse of Amazing Grace and a gentleman played it on the bagpipes while we exited the church. His best friend of 62 years had written a beautiful euology. I had a copy of it and was able to read it to my husband before he passed. When I left the church yesterday, I truly felt that my husband's life had been celebrated and that was a very special feeling.
How wonderful, I have goosebumps. Please take good care of yourself. Prepare for a rollarcoaster of emotions, but you will survive, because that's what we caregivers do, we survive. Arms around and around, Susan
Theerja, please accept my deepest condolences on your loss. I am so glad you were able to have such a wonderful service. My arms are around and hugging you now.
Honestly, at this point while I am sad and having some emotional ups and downs, I am very relieved that he is no longer in pain. The last couple of months were very difficult for both of us. In some ways, it is easier to think of him as a spirit that I can talk to wherever I am and whenever I want. As he wasn't talking for several months before he died, not hearing an answer is okay with me.
therrja, that seems like an healthy way to look at it. Having had a brother in his mid twenties in a coma for 7 years I came to the conclustion that the quality of life is more important than the quanity. Now, I know when the time comes for me to go through it I want find it easy but I think we older caregivers are used to having our family members and friends crossing over into another world and maybe more accepting of the fact. Does that make sense? I am not always good at expressing myself. I am in no way saying you are older but I am old. LOL
Bama, this might put a slight dent in that idea but I am 52. I realized a while ago that sometimes you have to love someone enough to let them go. If he could have expressed his thoughts, he would have hated being in a chair unable to do the things that he loves so much. I would much rather think of him getting in another round of golf or tennis in heaven than watch him be in the chair, unable to speak, unable to feed himself and in so much pain.
therrja, I didn't mean you were old. I was just coming from my view as being older (82) I agree with you that sometimes you have to let them know that it is okay to go. I am praying that my DH goes peacefully in his sleep before he gets to the stage that he is bedridden. That is what I would like for myself. I know we have no choice in the matter. Praying that you get through the grieving stage and find some peace.