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Vanilla 1.1.2 is a product of Lussumo. More Information: Documentation, Community Support.

    • CommentAuthordivvi*
    • CommentTimeJul 28th 2011
    welcome sundown and jcapo3! we nearly missed seeing you as new members. threre is a newbie topic already started if you like post there! good to see you and hope you feel at home among friends. we all deal with dementia spouses.
    • CommentAuthoracvann
    • CommentTimeJul 28th 2011
    jcapo 3 ... where exactly is Malta, NY? I'm from long Island.
    • CommentAuthorjcapo3
    • CommentTimeAug 2nd 2011
    Malta is 10 minutes south of Saratoga. My wife was diagnosed 3 weeks ago with EOAD. She is 52, I'll be 46 next month. We have 2 kids, 12 &16....this is shocking to say the least.
    • CommentAuthoracvann
    • CommentTimeAug 3rd 2011
    OK, now I know where Malta is!

    Very shocking, jcapo3, and I'm sorry you now have to deal with what is on your plate. However, you have made it to the single best site on the web to provide caregivers with support, information and help as we all go through this. I hope you can get yourself into a good weekly support group nearby, but this virtual support group will also be there for you 24/7. Read the side bar on the home page to gain information, and click on past message boards as well. In my case, I will turn 65 in 5 months. My wife just turned 65, was officially diagnosed at 63, but was demonstrating signs of AD starting at age 59, which is when I first started keeping a log to note her symptoms and first brought her to a neurologist. But she aced the early terts and was misdiagnosed and treated first for stress, then anxiety, and then depression as doctors ignored all the symptoms I was reporting to them and went solely by what they saw in 15 minute office visits and what the testing showed them. Hang in there, jcapo3.
    • CommentAuthorSundown*
    • CommentTimeAug 3rd 2011
    jcapo 3. . Sorry to hear your news. .My wife just turned 55 and we have been dealing with this for ten years. .Was just medically diagnosed last year, but symptoms prevalent for some time now. Sorry to hear of your news as well acvann. Too young. . We were misdiagnosed as well. .Treated for borderline personality disorder and put on anti-depressants. . Heavy duty therapy along with it. .The anger eases a bit. . .sometimes. .
    • CommentAuthorLori,RN
    • CommentTimeAug 3rd 2011
    New from Sonoma County, CA. I've been absorbing all the information here. It's the first place place I've found reality about all the anger, criticism, and negativity directed at the spouse. My neighbors all think my husband is such a nice man. He was just diagnosed in January and I didn't find anyone talking about the verbal abuse until I found this blog. What a relief to know I'm not the only one!
    • CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeAug 3rd 2011
    Welcome Lori, RN
    • CommentAuthoracvann
    • CommentTimeAug 4th 2011
    Definitely one of the best features of this site is the confirmation of feelings we receive from other spouses dealing with issues that we are facing ... and are openly discussed on this site's message boards. We all may be in different boats, but we're all paddling in the same lake. Welcome, Sundown and Lori, RN.
    Welcome, Lori. I assume you are an RN as I am. Nothing I learned in school prepared me for this train wreck of a disease. I live in Fl.
    • CommentAuthorKadee*
    • CommentTimeAug 4th 2011
    Hi & Welcome Lori!!!
    A big welcome to you, Lori!
    Welcome Lori RN from Lori (not RN). This site is absolutely a life-saver, or at least a sanity-saver.
    • CommentAuthorterry*
    • CommentTimeAug 4th 2011
    Welcome LoriRN, i am about to visit SF Bay Area (East Bay, step son lives in Hayward) for two weeks. would love to meet up if logistically possible. my email in profile.
    • CommentAuthorflwoman
    • CommentTimeAug 12th 2011
    I live in Palm Beach Gardens, FL. This is near West Palm Beach.
    Welcome to a fellow Floridian. My struggle is over but I'll hang around a bit to help you newbies. Ask anything you wish and we'll even share a pity party with you. We are here holding the hand of a wonderful man who's spouse is about to leave us. Sad times are shared as are the triumphs (yes, we do have some). Now-two very important questions-do you have any pets and what type of wine do you prefer?
    • CommentAuthorginaginaz
    • CommentTimeAug 12th 2011
    I am Gina, a newbie, who resides in Chandler, Arizona. We retired almost 11 years ago in Staten Island, New York, and relocated to Az. where our 2 sons were living.
    I am Terry from Delaware. We are an Early Onset family, hubby diagnoised at 55 he's turning 62 next month. I am still working full time and currently bringing in help for a couple of hours each day. Will be expanding those hour for the winter. Not sure when I am paying out more than I am making what I will do, not like there will be any SS money by retirement age anyway :) Not even sure I will survive to retirement age :)
    • CommentAuthornoahcam2
    • CommentTimeSep 6th 2011
    Northern Virginia. DH has had Parkinsons and Alzheimers for 15 years or more. He is now in the "memory impaired" part of the retirement home we moved to 4 years ago. He still recognizes me when I visit each day
    HI, I am Julia from Perth, Western Australia. My hubby 72 has been diagnosed with Dementia last year, but the family had notice it had been oncoming for the last 4 years. After a fall off the roof 3 years ago sustaining a brain bleed, it seemed to trigger it off sooner. He will not accept he has it, and I'm finding it hard to cope some days. He is on 10mg Aricept a day, I don't think it's really helping him....but then again he may be worse without it!
    I felt very alone until now, a lovely lady Mary, gave me the link to your site.
    Thank you
    • CommentAuthorElaineH
    • CommentTimeSep 14th 2011
    Hi Julia, let me be the first to welcome you to your virtual support group. I’m sorry that you have to be here, but since you do this is a good place to be. We understand what you are going through. You will find valuable information to help you. Come back often to vent, cry & even laugh (we have some very humorous people here). We understand.
    Julia you have a lovely country. Sorry for the reason you join us-but a very warm welcome. When you see a * after a name it denotes the passing of our loved one. As we say-we are in the "after"
    Welcome, Julia.

    Sorry about your hubby. I am not sure telling them they have Alz does any good. I chose not to tell my husband. I was afraid he would be too demoralized. He knows he has a tough time remembering and conversing. You will feel very at home with all of us. We talk about everything and anything and that helps keeps us sane.
    • CommentAuthordivvi*
    • CommentTimeSep 14th 2011
    welcome Julia! its always good to hear newcomers have found joans website. its the best spousal website for those of us dealing with dementias. there is a alot of topics in past posts if you have a question feel free about posting a new topic and there is always someone here to respond.
    Thank you all for the warm welcome...already i am feeling better knowing there's somewhere i can come to "talk". Just what I have read so far has helped my with my feelings of guilt and selfishness on about how i was feeling about everything. My daughter comes down, (an hours drive ) once a week on her day off from work to be with her father while i take some time out with my quilting firends
    So much of what I have read is like reading about my story..again thank you.
    • CommentAuthorbigdallas
    • CommentTimeNov 1st 2011
    I am new to this. My wife is in her third year of dementia, I have felt very much a lone. I find it reliveing that there are others out there I can talk to. We live in Schaumburg, IL (west of Chicago).
    Welcome bigD I'm from fl
    Welcome, bigdallas, to this wonderful site where you will receive support and where you can rant and rave to your hearts content! So sorry you have to be here but glad you found us. I'm from KY.
    Welcome, bigdallas. It's good to have another man on board (although we all wish that we didn't have the reason to be here). I am a bit familiar with where you live. My daughter and her husband live in Mundelein, and we often drive through Schaumburg when I am visiting them. I live in Maine, with my wife of 57 years who is in stage 6.
    • CommentTimeNov 1st 2011
    Welcome bigdallas,

    My husband was diagnosed with FTD, 3 years ago at the age of 59. We live in Bridgeview, IL (southwest of Chicago).
    Hello, friends! I've visited a few other joang sites and have really found it comforting to read that others are walking in my shoes. I'm from Canton, Ohio. My husband is now 61, was diagnosed January of 2009, and had shown signs for probably 5 years before that. The first thing I remember was retelling stories of his younger years over and over and over. Then he began to have difficulty carrying on a conversation. Today he can't carry on any conversation at all and comprehends virtually nothing. He really doesn't remember anyone's names anymore, but seems to know who they are. He had his first major seizure in April of this year and was in the hospital for a week. That whole experience put him on a downward spiral and I am now grateful for any little plateaus where he levels off for a while. I feel horrible for the people who caregive and do it alone. My youngest daughter and her family gave up their home and came back with me to help over a year ago. Everyone works but at least in the evening and during the night there is comfort in knowing they are here. The morning he had that first seizure, I was blessed with a house full of teenaged boys who had slept over and were glad to keep "Grandpa" still while I went down to open the door for the ambulance. I have 2 grandsons who live here (ages 17 & 18) and my husband (Lloyd) enjoys all the action and they include him in a lot of it. His mind is gone, but he will still dance with them and laugh at their stories. When special people visit, he applauds their arrivals. He is generally happy, although frustrated and sometimes angry that he is not permitted to do whatever he wants. He cannot do anything for himself anymore - bathing, dressing, brushing his teeth, eating, drinking. On occasion, he can do finger foods. We have to use a key to get out of the house as well as in so the running has pretty much stopped. Forced visits to the bathroom upon waking and retiring has reduced accidents and waterproof pads under the sheets help, too. Alot of accidents happen right at the toilet while trying to get pants sown and getting him to relax enough to sit and sit back far enough. I hope that some of the details I put in here can cause a chuckle and let others of us say "I know the feeling" because many people have no idea!!! Well, he is up and about so my day starts NOW!! Everyone have the best day possible and remember you are not alone.
    oops, that would be pants down.
    • CommentAuthorAnn*
    • CommentTimeNov 15th 2011
    Linda Mc,
    Welcome from another Buckeye.My DH and I live near Toledo.Sorry you need to be here but lots of help here.
    Hi, Ann. Thanks for the welcome. My daughter just moved back to Canton from Toledo to be closer. She works for an insurance company located in Maumee and still goes up there about once a week.
    • CommentAuthorAnn*
    • CommentTimeNov 19th 2011
    Linda Mc,
    we are only about 15 miles from Maumee.Small world
    • CommentAuthortorps
    • CommentTimeJan 5th 2012
    This message is from Africa, Johannesburg South Africa to be exact. This site appears to be most informative, with lots of very useful information, not readily available here. There are AD organisations doing amazing work in SA, but this site appears to have information which is focused to my immediate needs. Thanks to all who contribute to gathering and supplying that information. My wife, Renee, who is 52 was diagnosed 2 years ago with EOAD, which is now at an advanced stage. I wish all caregivers strength, compassion and times of gentle laughter, in the year ahead, and trust they do not prove too trying. Torps.
    • CommentAuthorJean21*
    • CommentTimeJan 5th 2012
    Welcome torps. By now you know you can ask, say or vent about anything here and you will always have support.
    Welcome aboard this rough train ride, torps. You have landed in a very soft place!
    • CommentAuthordivvi*
    • CommentTimeJan 5th 2012
    a hearty welcome to you Torps. its a select group of folks who care specifically for our AD spouses. a caring, informative, and friendly group who can offer a multitude of handson advice or a good shoulder to cry on. how sad to hear of your young wife. we have many EOAD here and they will be here if you need connections with younger spouses as well. its just awesome that we have members as far away as africa, australia, UK, hawaii, and elsewhere. where would we all be without a cyber connection!
    alone and nomans land.
    • CommentAuthorKadee*
    • CommentTimeJan 5th 2012
    Welcome Torps!
    • CommentTimeJan 5th 2012

    Just want to add my welcome to you too!
    Welcome to Torps. I don't remember having another poster from Africa, but as Divvi mentioned, we come from many countries and it is interesting that the challenges of AD caregiving are the same all over the world. We have many members dealing with spouses who hace EOAD (myself included) and you will find support and compassion in abundance here.
    • CommentAuthoraalferio
    • CommentTimeJan 5th 2012
    Welcome Torps:

    Sorry you need to be here, glad that you found us. My DW is also 52 and in later stage (7?). We started this journey about 5 years ago. While there is little each of us can do to help relieve your pain, draw comfort that this group is here for you to just listen to if needed (my preference) or seek/provide others advice/comfort.
    • CommentAuthortorps
    • CommentTimeJan 6th 2012
    Many thanks to you all 'Bluedaze'.......'aalferio', most kind of you all to take the time out to welcome me to this 'family'. I am in a phase where I have to make a decision as to whether I hire a professional home care provider, or book my wife into a frail care centre. I believe the former will be the better option, certainly in the short term, but am cognisant of the problems my wife's mannerisms are impacting on my two boys (21 and 18) in the home enviornment. Any personal observations as to how you may have managed you own decisions in this regard would be most welcome. Kindest Regards, Torps
    torps,let me add my welcome also.Sorry you are on this roller coaster ride through H---,but we are here to take the ride along with you and sometimes you will here screaming and yelling (just like the real coaster without the fun)but here it is OK. And the up side to this coaster is you rarely get thrown up on!
    BAK from West Virginia.
    torps--I have brought a thread up for you about Placement. If you use the search function and put in the word "Placement" you will see many other discussions come up. The dilemma between hiring in-home help vs. placement in a facility is a difficult one, which has been discussed here, at length.
    Torps: I have been away for sometime, but, I am back and can sure recommend these folks and their advice. On the matter of placement, I will only tell you that I waited a lot longer than I should have. In fact, it was forced (no, to strong a word) I was coerced by DW's dr and our children. But, you know what, they were right and I was wrong.

    That still doesn't mean it was easy.

    Best Wishes.
    Welcome, Torps. My nephew used to live in Madagascar. Actually lived there until the uprising a couple years ago. He started out in the Peace Corps. He now works for Catholic Charities in South Africa and gets to go back quite often.
    Your wife is so young to be going through this. Keep her with you as long as you can. Whether you know it or not, I am sure she finds a lot of comfort in you being with her. Familiarity means so much. Strange people and strange environments seem to unsettle my husband. He is 61 and has had AD for about 6 years. I intend to keep him with me until the bitter end. Of course, circumstances could change. I am very fortunate to be able to stay home with him now. My youngest daughter moved back in over a year ago so I could do this. She has rented her house out. So I am blessed to have her and her husband and her 2 boys (18 and 17) with me. This enables me to get the occasional escape whenever I want it which isn't very often. I just want to be with him as much as possible.
    • CommentAuthortom
    • CommentTimeJan 17th 2012
    Tom Dorle

    Stoney Creek, NC (Between Greensboro and Burlington, NC)

    Nice golf course. If your travels bring you near, let me know.
    • CommentAuthorwoeisme
    • CommentTimeJan 20th 2012
    Nelson. Like so many Floridians a former NYer Cortlandt Manor in Westchester county and Mahattan and for the last ten years Palm Beach,Fl living in an ocean front condo..
    My wife was diagnosed in 07. Her mother had Alzheimer's and we cared for her after my father in law passed away for several years until even with help we were overwhelmed.
    I'm new to this site but have more caregiving experience than necessary or desired