My Mary passed away at 1:00 o'clock yesterday. For anyone who is not familiar with our story, she had a form of Frontal Temporal Dementia that stole her language abilities early but left her very pleasant and easy to care for five or six years. Last Fall, she entered a stage where she did not understand normal cues of caregiving and would fight and yell at me if I tried to help her stand, wash her, etc. I began the process of finding a placement then and in March did place her in a nursing home. She walked in there and was a voracious eater. Within a month, she was in a geri-chair and had to be hand fed. About three weeks ago, they informed me that they were putting her on pureed food because she was pocketing food and was not swallowing. We agreed to call in Hospice. Since then, she would refuse food and the only thing she would eat was ice cream. On Wednesday, they called and advised that I come in as soon as possible and call in any family members. I sat with her all day Wednesday and Thursday and had been there since 7:00 Friday. I had gone to the cafeteria for something to eat and came back to find her gone. The chaplain told me that it is very common for people to wait until family members aren't there. They may be trying to save us the pain, but it doesn't.
baltobob, I am so sorry you have lost Mary. I pray you will find comfort in knowing you cared for her so well and for so long to make her days as pleasant as possible. Take care of yourself and God Bless.
Baltobob, my thoughts and prayers are with you. You have become a good friend here, and helped us all as we have gone through this journey. May you and your family find peace knowing that she can now communicate on another level now. Please keep in touch when you can. ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Baltobob, indeed sad news to hear of your dear Marys passing. but we alll want them to be at peace and free of this terrible disease -. its always difficult to lose them earlier than planned but in some cases its a merciful act that they are released much sooner than we'd like. sending condolences to you and yours. let us know how you are doing when you can. divvi
Please accept my deepest condolences on Mary's passing. I hope you can find some peace in the years of good memories the two of you shared before AD, and knowing that her suffering is finally over.
So understand the pain of your not being with her as she drew her last breath. Same thing happened to me with my sister who died at an early age from breast cancer. Have to believe what your minister said... being such a loving and caring women she wanted to spare you. Maybe the message is she wants you to remember her as vibrant and beautiful as on the first day you met. Thoughts and prayers are with you.
I am sorry to hear about your loss of Mary. It is hard to watch them get worse and worse and wish it was different but know that it isn't. I have heard what your minister said also, even though it is probably harder on us than easier, we would like to be there. My grandmother did the same thing. My dad went to see her in the hospital and on his way home he was told she was dying and he tried to make it back in time and didn't make it. He has always remembered that. I hope that you and your family will take time to reflect on the good memories and take care of yourself and each other.
So very sorry, Bob. Please accept my heartfelt condolences on the loss of your Mary. The next days and weeks will be difficult, please take good care of yourself. ~Diane
Dear Bob, your journey ended a little sooner than some of ours and we understand and know your pain. God bless Mary-she thought of you until the end and blessings to you as you continue to grieve. The real healing can begin but the loss is so overwhelming. Much love to you and your family- please stay with us because we care about you.
Bob--the battle's done. Mary's at Peace and due to your dedicated care, she has passed with dignity and love. She will never truly be gone--living on in the hearts of you and you family. It may not be the win you would have liked, but you did win. Peace be with you now.
Bob, I'm so sorry for the loss of your dear Mary. I know first hand the difficulties of FTD, it is time to take care of yourself now, no easy task. We are still here for you, always will be. Arms around, Susan
I am so sorry for the loss of your dear wife. I know it must be hard but there must also be the element of gratefulness that she is finally finished with this journey. Please know we are all praying for you and your family. May God Bless you with peace.
Oh Bob, I am sorry for you and your family but so very happy and joyus for Mary, She was so blessed to have been loved and cared for by you. I know that you are now starting a new phase in the long grieving process that you started several years ago. God will guide you. Lean on your friends and family and know that this virtual family is loving you and praying for your strength. Phyllis
Thanks to everyone for their kind words. And, yes, Shellseeker, this is the beginning of another phase of grieving. I should have been shedding these tears over her illness and gradual loss of her self, but I didn't. Now that she is free and whole again in spirit, I should be happy, but I'm having a hard time handling it.
By the way, for the past four or five years, when her aphasia was so bad, I became convinced that when I see her again in heaven, I'm really going to get an ear full of all the things she wanted to tell me and couldn't.
Oh Baltobob, just checking in here to see this sad news. I'm so sorry. Will be praying that you have the support of family and friends now and just thank you so much for posting here and sharing with us.