Today while riding in the car my 4 year old granddaughter asked what our perfect day was. When her mom asked me I didn't answer but sure thought about it. It has probably been at least 4 years since I could say something to my hb and not repeat it. I thought it was selective hearing but now know it was part of the disease. My perfect day I think would consist of not having to repeat things, have him remember, not keep making the same comments while I have to act like it is the first time I have heard it, and not repeatedly asking the same question cause he can't remember asking it.
A perfect day would be sharing the morning paper over coffee, running errands together or me doing housework and Charlie doing yard work followed dinner together and an evening sitting on the porch talking and talking and talking then going to bed to talk and cuddle some more until we went to sleep.
Just having my dh for 24 hours like he used to be. Smart, witty, loving, thoughtful, fun, able to hold conversations, spending time with each other doing things we enjoy, enjoying each other, just plain living as much as possible before the 24 hours ran out....
A normal lifestyle would be nice..He would go play golf or fishing or work in the yard puttering, washing the cars or taking them for tune up etc while I cleaned closets or laundry or house cleaning or just running some errands...where he would cook and I would clean up..he was the better chef of the two of us...just to turn back the clock say 20 years would make me happy..that way when we came together in the afternoon we would have news to share with each other about our activities of the day, the mail, the news andCONVERSATION!
A perfect day.... I don't want to ask for anything that's impossible to have. I know what my husband has is nonreversible, so I think I'd just say....My perfect day would be a day with all my family together, everyone talking and laughing together, including my husband and other chosen relatives. The day would be warm and sunny, maybe we would be at our vacation cottages. I just want all of us together, acting as though nothing has changed in our lives, everything perfect.
My husband is gone and there is no changing that. I am on vacation with one of my daughters and her husband. Right now we are in the Smokies in our time share. We all get along well and that to me is perfection.
A perfect day would be DH NOT going on about the yard and him having to take care of it. Now he wants a rake! I told him I would get him one and he can do whatever he wants but not to expect me to be out there with him. After a while he said not to get him a rake. I told him "I am getting you a damned rake". I don't know how high you can go with Seroquel but if he keeps this up I will be calling the neuro's office again. We went through the same thing last week so I am thinking the Seroquel is only working for a bout a week and then he's off again. I could just scream!
DH obsesses about certain things - for awhile - then it's forgotten. A few weeks ago he wanted to buy a new large grill - we have a table-top - fine for us. At first I argued with him - know better, but I did. Finally I told him we'd look at them in the spring when the new ones came out. Now, he doesn't mention it. Bought a new market umbrella - already had the pole - he put it up and took it down for about a week "because someone will steal it". Now, that's over. Put up new solar lights, and he kept saying someone would steal them. Told him I'd take them in later in the night (not); and he finally forgot that. If it's not one thing, it's another.
I know you've had quite a time though, Jean. I do hope you can get his meds adjusted so that you don't have to go through this daily. Hugs.
Vickie, I know I should count my blessings that DH can still take care of showering and toilet and make himself a cup of coffe or sandwich but when he gets on the yard he drives me crazy. It was the same thing at the condo...someone wanting him to do whatever and always,always someone is P.O'd with him. Right now the only one P.O'd with him is ME! As for showering he showers before he goes to bed and when he gets up. If he starts raking leaves who knows how many times he will shower!
Vickie, I have the same problem with my DH being afraid that somebody is going to steal stuff. He wants to bring the swing cushions in every night because somebody might steal them and he puts something heavy against the basement door after locking it because somebody might break in and steal his tools. Is this AD related?
I really believe it is AD related, Dazed. I also had the problem with the cushions, potted plants on the porch, etc. etc...Now he wants to get an alarm system. NOT. I can see it now - alarms going off at all hours! LOL
all of you with obsessions now its heartbreaking. i so can relate to those bad times. it does drive you batty and keeps you in ansy mode all day with no peace and quiet. the only resource is to modify medications periodically and some more than others. their bodies tend to 'adjust' quickly to doses dont they? i remember DH did one that blew my mind all day was opening and closing doors to the outside that would set off our interim alarm that alerts that a door has been opened but didnt trigger the alarm to police. i finally had to disconnect that as it was too hard to keep up with until i finally got the keyed deadbolts which kept him from opening up doors. mine obsessed over this jacket on and shoes on 24/7 he literally would sleep in a zip up cotton jacket and his shoes had to stay on or all hell broke loose. even while in bed at nite. haha.. to each his own to devise ways to drive us bonkers. its not easy to get thru especially if lasts a long time. i feel for all of you! divvi
divvi, dazed. Vickie, & Jean21, My DH does everything that all of you mentioned. He is sure people are stealing his things & usually he accuses me. I was wondering if anyones LO sleeps with their shoes on like mine does. He also sleeps fully dressed & if he does put PJ's on to start with he will wake up sometime during the night & get dressed, shoes & all & come back to bed. One night I woke up & he was wearing his favorite baseball hat & sunglasses. Never a dull moment. (I wish!)
I am going to wait a few more days and if DH keeps on about the yard etc. I will call the neuro's office again. Does anyone know how far up the Seroquel dose can go?
Yep...my dh does all the same things...someone is stealing things out of his yard, out of the garage. We need to get an alarm system...we need to get a new car... we need to get this we need to get that. Drives me nuts. My dh is not on Seroquel...can someone tell me if it makes them "dopey"? .....he doesn't want to take anything that makes him "out of it". I DO...I WANT TO TAKE SOM4ETHING THAT MAKES ME "out of it"...this is driving me nuts. I can't make it through the day without tears over one thing or another.
comes to a time when many of us the non AD spouse has had to make the decisions whether they will take the med or not if dr prescribes it. if we left so many things up to our spouses nothing would get done to better our lives. their thinking maynot be all off during earlier stages but there are specific internal mental losses where they cant process everything either. meaning sometimes its better left unsaid if we can get the meds into their foods without their approval at times.. this is for us in this case to be able to continue our caregiving without losing it ourselves along the way. divvi
Judith, my husband is on seroquel also and it does not make him dopey. This was a man who needed his naps--now I'm lucky if he sits still for a half hour without popping up like a piece of toast.
If I could have a good day....it would be one just like this, weather-wise. I would get up early with a feeling of purpose and a happy, positive attitude. I'd get my house in order quickly, spend time outdoors with the animals, come back inside and work all day in my studio. I would be PAIN FREE, physically. I'd have a couple of friends over for a simple Fall dinner on the deck, go take a long soaky bath, read or watch tv, go to sleep with a feeling of accomplishment, fatigue and great happiness. If I could ever grasp that perfect day.
OK..HERE GOES MY PERFECT DAY (HOPE I DON'T GET BANNED). I would wake up early (having taken my dh to a respite place the night before) shower, have my coffee and I am off to the airport. I will be traveling to a city near the ocean or large lake (maybe Chicago) and I will be met at the airport by an old friend whose wife has died and we will check me into at a beautiful hotel over looking the ocean or lake and then go for a great seafood lunch and catch up on our past lives and old friends we both knew. Then back to my hotel where he tells me he will pick me up at 5 for drinks so we can watch the sunset and have dinner as the lights of the city come on. Also, he tells me that the place he is taking me for dinner has a wonderful jazz band and we might even have a few dances after dinner. Then back to the hotel and if we get lucky fine if not fine too. Then back to reality early the next morning and on the plane back home and to my crazy life.....but not before saying to each other "SAME TIME NEXT YEAR".
My perfect day would be to have 24 hours with my husband as he used to be. We would tallk, swim, go out to dinner, make love, and fall asleep content and happy in each other's arms.
Since that is not possible, a perfect day in my new reality would be to spend an entire day with my son. Just the two of us involved in deep discussion as we used to do so often before he moved a continent away. He is coming for Thanksgiving for a very short visit, and we are going to somehow fit in an afternoon for just the two of us.