My hubby is in the early stages of AD. His behavior is sometimes bad, but, mostly his memory is really bad and his judgement, etc. is bad. He can no longer drive and we have removed guns, etc. However, he still feels no different than he used to (his words), acknowledges his memory isn't what it used to be (after all, I'm 80 now). Anyway, all that to let you know where he is in this never ending saga.
I don't feel good about leaving him for extended periods of time and am wondering if it is time to start bringing in someone to help care for him so that I can leave without anxiety. I'm wondering at what point in your spouses disease you all did this for yourselves and how your spouses handled the introduction of someone new into your household. And, what kind of questions did you ask when you interviewed the caregiver, how often did they come, etc? I'm somewhat afraid my dh will not think he needs someone there and I'm aprehensive about having a stranger in my house when I'm not there. But.... you all know the rest.
mothert--if you are having anxiety about leaving him, it is time to bring in help. Trust your instincts that the time is right--that is really the best guide. There have been several old threads on this topic--do a search and see what you can find. All the details--how to interview, what to look for, what to expect, pay, how to secure your house, has been discussed here. Good luck.
mothert, like marilyn said, trust your instincts. My DH is in stage 5 which sounds alot like your DH. However mine would NEVER accept someone coming in the house to be with him no matter how I would explain it to him. (some suggestions have been to say the person is here to help clean the house). I am very blessed though to have 2 daughters who help me. I work one day a week & I take DH to my younger daughter's house (across the street) when I leave & my older daughter picks him up at lunch time & takes him to lunch. He doesn't like me leaving so I usually sorta sneak out. (I feel like I am taking a belligerent child to daycare!). Good luck & I will pray for you.
mothert, this is a difficult time for both of you, however I recall that others on your earlier posts have advised you not to leave him alone if you have doubts about leaving him and his ability to cope. I speak from experience - dh was "forgetful" but my job demanded that I travel 1-2 weeks each month and I thought he was capable (before dx) to take care of himself and dogs. Our wake-up call was when he drove to a sporting event and I was called by the police dept 100 miles away to come pick him up (at 4:30 am) because he was disoriented and in another state. He was never left alone again. Tell him its someone coming in to help you or clean or whatever. Eventually they will adjust. If you have LTC insurance you must go thru an approved, licensed home health care agency. If not as marilyn says look at previous threads to determine how to proceed. Be advised that if you hire someone on your own, you should conduct a background/criminal check and notify your homeowners insurance that someone else will be in your house in case they get injured.
The time to put someone into day care is much earlier than you think it is appropriate. The time to get in-home help is also MUCH EARLIER than you think it is. If you are considering bringing someone in so you don't become totally isolated and don't lose your entire life, it is probably later than you should have considered doing it. DO IT NOW.
Your point is well taken and one I tried. Dh refused day care and, one after another, fired nine different in-home caretakers, all this in the space of a year. It wasn't until he was hospitalized for a spontaneous compression fracture of the coccyx (and multiple complications) that I was able to get help by moving him from the hospital to a care facility. I think that in his case, he wanted me to take care of him, and no one else.
mary75, my DH feels the same way & there is no point in trying to bring someone in when DH would only be belligerent to the person & same with daycare. No point in taking him to one when he would probably be disruptive. Right now I will be the primary caregiver with spells of relief from my children & neighbor.
Elaine, then do what I did do. Bring in someone to clean your house, for YOU. Bring in handymen to fix the stuff that is broken, for YOU. And then finally bring in someone so you can get out of the house once a week, for YOU.
It would be better if you did what I said, but if you can't, do what I did.
Starling, I appreciate yor comments, but you would have to know my DH to understand why I said your suggestions wouldn't work. There is no way I could or would leave him here with someone else.....NOW. I'm not saying that I won't in the future. Right now he stays with my daughters when I work one day a week & any other time they can give me. I am so blessed to have them close (one is right across the street) & willing to help me. I will definitely look into daycare when I think he is ready. I so appreciate your feed back to me. It is so helpful to get suggestions from caregivers who have "been there". Hugs to you!
I am using "Senior Helpers" a service here in Denver. I have a man who comes in for 4 hours, 2 days a week. Primarily he is here for ME... to run errands, clean, whatever I need done around the house. Plus he can make my DH lunch and DH can go with him on the errands, etc. The guy is studying to be a nurse; so he is doing this while he goes to school. So far it is AWESOME. A little expensive, but since I was about to loose my mind trying to get everything done around the house AND work fulltime, it is so worth it. I never really thought about having a man do it - but I think is it good.... kind of like a buddy for my DH.