I think it is a great lift to our spirits do do something special for just ourselves. We get into a pattern of "everything is for our AD spouse" that we neglect ourselves. My dh passed last December but I try to do some little (sometimes big) thing for myself to give my spirits a lift.
I like to buy a special plate just for myself. A few months ago I seen some "fish shaped" small plates at Kohl's and purchased a couple "just for me". I put my sandwich, snack or breakfast on my special plate and it just brightens my day because it is so colorful. I am on the lookout for similar things at garage sales, Big Lots etc. One plate is not expensive and it can brighten your day a bit. I have 3 Christmas trees in my house year around with clear mini lights on them. Saturday I found a collection of mini-Boyd Bears at a garage sale that I though would look neat on one of my trees. Now I have a tree with fun bears climbing on it. She also had a tree skirt and a few larger ones that I bought. When I get tired of it I will give the collection away and replace it with something else interesting. Those neat "pencil trees" are inexpensive and just add a special touch to even the smallest room.
Share with us something "special" that you do just for yourself.
I had my special day a couple of weeks ago, when my cousin took me shoe shopping and out to lunch.
I don't know if everyone is aware that Bluedaze and I live around the corner from each other - last time we had lunch together she did mention a place that does manis, pedis, and massages for a low price, but I forgot where it is. Where is it, Bluedaze?
bluedaze*, you are so lucky!! My manicure and pedicure are $35 each, and my massage (just neck, shoulders and back while fully dressed) is $20. A full body massage in Hot Springs was $50.
My something special are my iPad and Kindle. They occupy my brain at home after I get home from work and have dinner and take care of my husband. I can sit in my recliner with a glass of wine in the evening and read books and play games (Scrabble, Words with Friends, Pocket Frogs, Jewel Quest, etc.) - and still keep an eye on my husband and feed him and talk to him, yet have some fun at the same time.
Vickie, my hardwood floors need polishing - want to bring him over to my house?
Lois, I love the idea of those clear lights in the house year round...it would brighten up the house and brighten up your day!
I've started in again with a massage every two weeks. She comes to our retirement facility and brings the table to my apt. and gives a full massage for $30. I'm also buying books on my Kindle, a real treat.
Great topic and great idea. I just bought myself a new pair of expensive earrings in Macy's and I'm glad I did. Because Saturday I tried to give my DH a shower and he fought me all the way. Wouldn't even let me get his clothes off. He was hanging on tightly to his underwear and I couldn't pry his fingers off. At one point I saw him make a fist and I just stared him in the eyes and said, "Don't you dare." I don't know if that was right or wrong. But he left the bathroom naked and went into the den. I simply took his clean underwear and handed it to him with clean sweatpants and left the room. He finally dressed himself and I let the idea go. Sunday morning, he was more responsive, so I sat him on the commode and washed him in sections. Then I dressed him in nice clothes and took him to church with me. I don't know if this is the beginning of a definite pattern or if he will once again get into the shower for me.
I buy a new fruit bowel every so often. It is one of the first things you see as you walk into the kitchen. I only spend about 5-10 dollars on it and when I find a new one I give the old one to Goodwill. The other thing I do is Starbucks. One or two a month, that keeps them special. I love a White Chocolate mocha, extra hot. They are just for me:). We need to remember to take care of ourselves and we do need to treat ourselves too. I like the idea of the trees year around. Last year I got a Charlie Brown Christmas tree. Only one red ornament. I love it, and DH and DD loved it too. It will be going up again this year.
On Wednesday Hospice will take over the care of my wife (in the local hospital) while I go to Washington, DC to visit with friends from high school (4 of us formed a club then and still get together). While there I will also get to see my cousin who I have not seen in 15 years.
I think one of the most real good things that has come from losing almost everything else is that I'm finally starting to be nice to me.
People that know their wants and have a long list are well off. I never know what I want and never seem to get myself much. I think it partly low self esteem and partly not wanting to use up or waste money.
When I thought about how I'm going to survive this horrible disease one thing that clearly stood out is that this is a very powerful experience and I very seriously need to help myself through this.
So even though "I" don't approve, I am spending time figuring out what would make me happy, or make me smile, or that I would want, or want to do. I've started saying to myself "you can have that if you want" which I never used to do.
Up here in Canada with our socialized medicine (not a political opinion) I still have to come up with about 25 thousand a year when my DW goes into long term care. I will likely have to downsize the house at least. So I'm just facing that.
But the caregiver who everything hinges on (me) has trouble spending on himself. When I realized that really did make me an idiot - I finally started looking around. I now have a beautiful Sony 40 inch which we both love. And I wanted to play a computer game which cost $30 but I didn't get it because I would have to spend $400 upgrading the PC. So I did that and is it ever great to play late at night when she's asleep.
Even better I now go to the bakery I love and am generous to us. I buy the best orange juice. I get strawberries all year. I buy flowers. Better brand of coffee. Even the pens I buy are now my favorites. They're all more expensive; but, I like them all. I also trimmed some other things that don't matter. I saved $500 a year by telling everyone I wished them well and please keep sending cards - but, it's too much for me to do.
The point is that even I realized that this is so hard that if I don't find ways to help myself feel good then I'm being foolish. What I can afford. But these are peanuts in comparison to what I'm ready to sacrifice to spend on her. And when I get this I can find ways to cut some costs and make the whole thing more like a game. I cut a net$40 off the monthly budget just by getting larger sizes and comparing prices where I'm ok with making the change and am getting some treats I care about more.
The main challenge for me is to keep looking. I want to buy eggs directly from a farm. I want to find a hair stylist that will come to the house and do us both. I tell my DW I have to 'do the money' and she kind of gets that that's me working. I'm playing on the PC. That's not deceit really. It's management. That's my job. Throw the worker a bone so they keep working.
Some have my problem and some have an engine ready with a list. Either way if funding is an issue I promise I saved over $1000 a year by not sending cards (except Xmas) and buying more smartly. That money is for the slave keeping this whole thing together. And if the slave wants more I'll give him/her some more. I'm going to end up selling the house anyways and this keeps the slave happier. Me. When I take it seriously - it works. It's a good thing. It feels like a treat.
This is a very important topic. If we can get this it will help us in a very real way. It's part of the road finding out what we as individuals like and don't like in life. If that isn't important when our life is changing like this then I don't know what is.
hmmm greeting cards huh? when I placed LO I knew she like greeting cards but didn't know the extent,if anyone has use for them I must have close to a cpl hundred that I will gladly send to anyone that can use them
Physical Therapy..yep...went to the doctor for hip and leg pain..does not seem to be the joint thak God..whew..but muscles are so tight....so got authorizations for PT..and yes it is painful but as each day goes with it ( and I have been at this since last Fri) I can already feel the difference when I stand up and go up steps..I have a long way to go since all the large muscles of my right leg are involved to a greater extent than the left but I have to stop twice a day to do the sets..It isn't glamorous but getting rid of the pain helps a lot..chronic pain is terrible to live with.
Oh on the luxury front..I always hoped DH would surprise me one day with a diamond bracelet..never did and now never will...so I saved up for sometime and got one..thing is the sentiment isn't the same when it is something you always hoped your DH would get for an anniversary or birthday or Christmas...but I enjoy it AND is sparkles.
I saw a little frog pendant that makes me smile..just a fun thing and it is a little expensive and I may just save up for that one ..it is whimsy to the max.
I also have a hard time spending money on myself, but I am learning to give myself treats now & again. I am actually trying to clean out the clutter in my house so I try NOT to buy anything to add to it. I still do send greeting cards, because that is one of the things I like to do & because I make them on my computer. I have software from Hallmark & American Greetings & I have so much fun making them & the people I give them too always remark how much they like them.
I went shopping today for some pants, since I lost weight the ones I have are too big. Tried on some 6P but they were too big, couldn't find a size 4P so I came home and checked Penneys on the Internet. I bought 3 pair on sale for $21.99 each. I hope the only thing I will need to do is shorten them some. Other than that I have no idea what I want or what to do to treat myself!
What a wonderful topic, thanks for all the great suggestions. Wolf, I loved your post, I recognized myself; I have always had trouble spending money on myself and always took DH when I went clothes shopping (back in the good old days when I could get him into a store) because I needed him to say "Yes, buy it" or I would come home with nothing. Little things ARE important -- bought myself a new, pretty coffee cup. Big things: I've booked a flight to see my Mom next week and a trip to Disneyland in March with kids and grandkids. AND a new car recently, a real splurge but I love it. I'm learning.
Treat the slaves better and it'll all work better. It won't make us happy but it will help.
I have to admit I stopped with the cards because I didn't want to. Which is a different kind of treat - allowing myself not to do something I don't want to. When I found how much it was a year I did justify to myself that I could spend that money on me instead. I told everyone it was just too much to do and they were all very nice about it. Now if I can just figure out how to get out of cooking every day.
One more. I started talking to all my neighbors. I was always working before and I never opened up to who I lived near except to be polite. Now I chat for a few minutes, I took a pie over to one, I had a couple over for dinner. They all know about my wife and will all watch out. I got phone numbers in return. It makes me feel more a part of the neighborhood and at this point in my life I want that. I'm going to be alone and I need to learn how to chat and connect with people again.
Getting friendly with the neighbors is a smart move, Wolf. I don't really have any, but I wish I did. The farmer across the road is not friendly, and other than that there's nothing for a while in either direction. People who live further down do know about DH and I chat with them, but not frequently.
Wolf K, I am also talking more with the neighbors.They have all been so very kind. That is a very simple idea and a very good one, thanks for reminding us to do it.
Jeanette - I would get two dogs and two budgies. Mid sized dogs that can sleep on the bed. Maybe one dog. Or two female cats. This is my third pair and they all get along. One was abused (by a male) and she trusted my wife fairly quickly but it's taken me 4 years to earn that. This AM she came bounding in with the other one we got as a kitten. It feels pretty good inside. Animals are great loving companions.
Jean21 - go talk to the local specialty restaurant. I did. I'm more family restaurant guy but I would do the same with Indian food (savoury) or Thai. I talked to the manager and told him we had AD and would they consider delivering. He was all umm and ahhh until I said "on a slow night and what will it cost to get you to do this?" Ten bucks. Tuesday nights are usually slow. I have their phone number. They'll deliver it in the containers they have for 'doggy bags'. They make a great half chicken dinner and club sandwiches. Get it done.
For the women - a soft robe. It's got to feel great. For those days you don't get dressed. That's another one. My wife is downstairs in her nightgown and socks and a sweater. It's 45 degrees up here. I turned up the heat a bit and dressed down. Whatever works.
Today the second I was thinking the Pyrex pots we got for our wedding are great because I can put them in the dishwasher as I was putting it away - I cracked it. And I cried. So many things are going wrong and it picked that second after 40 years when I was suddenly appreciating it to break.
Jean, savory to me is a treat of a dark chocolate raspberry truffle from Sees Candy store...yum..don't have them often..found a substitute..Bryers Black Raspberry and chocolate (chip I think is what is in it) ice cream treat now and then...
Other than that, I try to keep the sweets out of the house.
I would like to find a place locally that sells English food. Pork pies, Cornish Pasties and Sausage rolls. We did have a small hole in the wall type for a while but I guess they went out of business. The only chocolates I like is Cadbury's and Fry's Turkish Delight. Dream on!!!!!
Books! If I'm having a hard time, and DH isn't in a bad mood, I like to go to a bookstore and buy books. I love being surrounded by them, looking at them, and thinking about reading them. Secondly, there is also a lovely cafe there where I can get coffee, and a dessert if I'd like, while I look at the books. And, of course, I must go by myself!
Outside of used books from Goodwill and necessary clothing, I do not buy anything for myself. First, I have no money to buy much of anything. But, even if someone gave me a hugh sum of money and said "buy something for yourself" I have no idea what it would be. I used to spend a little money on small decorative things for the house, but now I haven even lost interest in that.
There are other sites that ship these foods direct to your door, too. Just type in "British Gourmet Foods for sale" and see what's there. Enjoy, Nancy*
I splurged on a pair of wool Stegmans! They are so comfy. I painted my bedroom in colors that I love. Decorated just the way I wanted. The big thing is I am considering Gastric By-Pass Surgery. I have battled my weight since I was 20. I'm tired of dieting. I've talked with my dr and she is in agreement. I need to take care of my health, my knees are shot, I have a low thyroid, and high cholesterol. So, at this point I'm not sure if I'll pass muster, but my pcp and the surgeon are in agreement, so now for the social worker and the nutritionist. Oh and a sleep study. Who knows maybe I'll get into that bikini yet!!!
Nancy, I know there are several sites on the Internet for British food. The one you gave me is in Dayton, Ohio. We lived outside of Dayton and I don't remember that store. Of course we moved to SC a little over 20 years ago! I am trying to justify the prices because they all seem high to me. Maybe I will treat myself for Christmas and pig out. LOL. Thanks for the information.
I love purses that can worn as a backpack - hate to carry one. Mine is getting worn out (my 2nd one) and I finally found them on overstock.com. The measurements seem to be the same as the one I have, different style though. It should arrive next week and hopefully will be the size I want (smaller vs bigger). This will be my first new purse in 10 years maybe. The first backpack style I had was the first new one I think I ever bought -the rest came from yard sales or thrift stores.
I love the Vera Bradley wristlet. I will probably never carry a purse again. I do keep it locked in the trunk just in case I need something I hardly ever use.
I have worn cross body bags ever since my husband became ill......I needed both hands to hang onto him and anything else I was carrying...! Back then it was hard to find those kind of purses....now they are the rage.
Charlotte, I sell Avon & they just came out with a purse that can be used as a backback. It's kinda big though, but I love it. If you want to see it my website is www.youravon/ehurley.com it's right there on the first page & if you click on it & then click on the large view you can see how you can use it 3 ways. I love purses too, but I try not to buy too many!
Sometimes, I go out to the barn, and actually clean stalls, like I'm doing something for 'myself'....like company's comin' or something. Neaten up the tackroom, spray for flies, etc. Water things on the front porch. I waste so much time. Trying to "feel better". Right now, I'm cooking a big pot of dried beans, ham and making some fried apples and late pears. Why? Dunno. Just makes the air smell so good. And, going to make myself a nice hot buttered rum later on to sip on in front of the Sci-Fi channel all night......alone again.
My husband stopped wearing his wedding band a while back and said "take care of this for me". Next week I'm taking it in to have it made smaller and adding a diamond to it that he gave me years ago that I rarely wear because it's a necklace. I think I'll really enjoy wearing the new ring since the band was his and the diamond was a surprise gift he gave me.
This week was our thirtieth wedding anniversary. For the first time- no card, no note, no flower from DH. He is able to write brief notes to grandchildren on their special occasions and with my help they are addressed and mailed; however, nothing left for me.
This page is encouraging me to do something special for myself to mark this milestone. Sweets are not the answer for they bring more weight gain which ultimately makes me feel worse.
Brooke, Last weekend was our 30th anniversary. And I to had a hard time with it. On my sweet 14 year old DD advice, I bought myself some flowers. They are still looking good and am I ever happy I did it. Go buy yourself some flowers, if your DH was able to he would have gotten them for you. And a very, very small sweet can't hurt to much :)
This week would have been our 43rd anniversary and also my late husband's 64th birthday....to celebrate I took my grown daughter out and bought her some really nice clothes that she wouldn't have bought for herself. I told her to thank her dad! LOL! It was something my husband would have heartily approved of......
Brooke and Blue, it is so sad when they can't remember important dates and anniversaries. I know - been there. I have gotten birthday card for anniversary and vice-versa, or Christmas card for birthday. YES, go do something for yourselves! You deserve it.
The hospital my husband was in this winter had a different vendor every day in the foyer. I treated myself to several items, including a jacket for which I have received many compliments. When I bought it I told the salesman this has given me a real lift to which he replied " we call it therapy retail". I'm glad he didn't stay much longer as it could have been very hard on the pocket book.
Wow did I ever do something for me today. I had my long hair cut short and curly. Nobody has seen me yet and only you guys know. I have worn my hair pulled straight back for years.