aalferio, all too common to hear this that the caregiver has their own health issues and the decision is made for them. its good that your son is behind you and supporting your efforts. i am sure she will adjust in time, most here say its so very difficult on the caregiver more than the one placed. they will soon enough adjust to the new home. take care of yourself and let us know how you are fairing. divvi
My heart goes out to you aalferio..you did all you could, the time came when you had to do what was best for both of you. Your son is to be commended for sticking by you and letting you know it was OK..
I have contacted a Medicaid specialist that has helped me in the past, tired of waiting I need help now. The fee is low. Things are lined up. Foster home only a 5 minute drive. Doctors notified of Level of Care form.
This past 24 hours have been hell on earth. Watching him run his hands in a urine soaked deck, sexual issues, crying, falling, I have to let him go. Sobbed and cried to his nurse on the phone, she is behind me all the way, I hope.
Coco....ohhh....so sorry you have to face this. Wish i could be there to give you a big hug. You are making the right move. Your situation is so bad and not many if any could endure it for very long. I could never have done what you have been doing and which will continue to get worse. Keep us posted and let us know what you are doing and when..and how. It makes us a part of it when people going through this post their reactions and their spouses reaction and it helps the next spouse that will face the same or similar thing. We are here for you.....night or day...
Oh Coco, what horrors you have been through, to reach this point. It is a good thing that you are doing, for both of you. Hope that it happens quickly and easily.
coco when y ou put it on paper, it reminds us of how severe our spouses truely are. sometimes we tend to overlook, ignore, or wish too hard that what we witness just isnt happening and they are not as bad as we see. i hope you can get your medicaide situation approved and you can successfully move your sweet dear Dado into the home near you. it will make for a stressful situation more tolerable in the long run. many here say they become the loved happier advocate for them once they are placed and the full handson caregiving has been designated to professionals. best of luck. divvi
Coco..it's time. You have been through so much. I truly think the sooner the better now, for both of you. You just can not go on like that you are so strong to have come this far..your strengh and courage will get you through this transition...
Coco, you Rock!!! You have found the strength to take action now, and know there is help to be had. This has to be so very hard for you to do, what with exhaustion, and all the horrible experiences you have had and are now enduring. You can do this, and hopefully everything will move quickly for you. Thank you for sharing with us, and please know all of our hearts are here for you. Keep your courage, and try your best to care for your own health and strength. Hugs!
It's strange-I began this thread many years ago. Most of the posters now have stars after their names. Coco thanks for finding this. There is so much healing to do. The scars will last for ever.
Wow...thanks for bringing that to our attention. I just now looked at the number of posts. You are a wonderful person to have posting on Joan's blog. You have helped so many, including me. Thank you for your service...my hat is off to you.
For the love of Nora, and others here, I chose this thread to add to. How honored I am to be able to tag on to something so deep and healing and scar inducing.
I so appreciate each and every one of you responding , it means so much to my heart.
Just got off the phone with yet another friend coming to visit when Dado has the 10 day respite coming up. She said some things that drove me to tears and sobbing and astonishing hurt, things about Dado that were so unfounded, Dado the nicest person I ever knew. Basically she said she did not want to have to deal with him when she was here, that she would be willing to pay for respite for him so we could have fun and she would not have to get irritated with him. I did not cry when I was on the phone with her, but told her well you had better not stay in my little house in the back if you are so worried about him.
Hmmmm...help Patty out maybe and not be so selfish, can you not see that your friend of many years is suffering the worst ever...... in the 40 years you have known her....thank God oh thank God I just had that wonderful friend June here that loved both of us up, to show me that though seemingly rare..there are caring people out there.
She is a radical feminist and that is where some of that comes from.
Right out of left field an so hurtful I can't tell you. Needless to say, I will be taking the 10 respite days by myself. I really just want to sit on the beach and cry anyway. Perhaps with some snacks and a libation.
Also , just got off the phone with the Case Manager for the home I have chosen. It is going to be a road allright, and basically she said in order for me to keep his Social Security I will have to go for Spousal Impovershment. I don't care if I move in to a cardboard box at this point, truly I don't.
One thing I do know, when this is "over", I will clean out the slate of people in my life, and love and cherish the very few who truly cared.
2 am here, can't sleep, I am ok though so utterly sad and let down once again by "friends" I keep telling myself, to remember all the hurts in life, especially the bad ones when ones you thought were close to you really cared, and did not . The curling up in a fetal position for months after my first husband cheated and lied to me, and we broke up. I got through all that, and I will make it through this. We have to don't we? Janny I only hope I can be as strong as you have said I am.
I want to do it right, stand firm, and maybe someday I can be an example and to be able to help others in need. God help it to be so.
Aalferio I was wondering how you are faring. I may have missed any updates you have given us.
Coco, my friend you are extremely tired and overwrought. Please take a tody and go to bed. Things will not look so glum in the morning. Please do not expend your energy on old things that friends have done and said. The number one priority now is to get Dado into the foster house and then start taking care of Coco. the friend problems will work themselves out. Lots of prayers and hugs to you. Good night.
i agree its very eye opening and sad when you realize 'friends' have their own agendas and you are not on the list. i also opted to vote out any friends OR family that took the idea of brushing off my dear husband as a burden or obstacle. if they cant accept the fate we have been dealt -offer support and true friendship, then they cannot and wont be part of my life period, now or after. there are so many caring souls who truly are a blessing its just not worth getting bogged down with those that are so self centered. good luck coco. you are strong and will make it thru this, and your experiences after will surely help someone else who comes after. i hope you do not offer hospitality to the undeserving. my best divvi
Coco, Someone who would hurt you like that is not a friend. They many be an acquaintance, but not a true friend anymore. I have not had the friend problem. Mine has been family. And they can cause us great pain. And like Shellseeker50 said, you are overwrought. Just work on yourself and your dear Dado. Anyone else can wait.
I don't know exactly if I am wrong or not. But, if a spouse can get a doctor to send the AD spouse to the hospital then don't they get like 3 months free in a nursing home. Of course, this is not a nursing home you are talking about ...but, is that a way you might approach your problem.
It's not quite that easy. First of all the patient has to qualify for a hospital stay. To be admitted to a SNF a well documented skill must be needed. Only the first 20 days are totally covered, then in decreasing amounts. Progress must be demonstrated or the "skill" isn't there. That's not to say that it's impossible-but it is very difficult.