Hi all, My 41 year old hubbie has been diagnosed with MCI. Still highly functional, driving, etc. But I am becoming more and more worried about subtle signs of slippage. I don't know if I am seeing things that aren't really there so I thought I would get your opinion on two behaviors I have recently noticed:
1. Forgetting to eat. During the school year (he is a full time seminary student) I noticed that he started to eat almost every lunch out. Recently, in an attempt to tighten our budget a bit, we both agreed to not eat out as much. The freezer has frozen "healthy choice" style lunches and most of the time we have bread and cheese and sandwich making stuff, as well as leftovers from dinner the night before. Frequently now, I come home from work to find that he has eaten very little, if any food during the day and he says he either "forgot" to eat, or there was nothing in the house to eat. Now, I will admit that I have not been very regular in getting to the store but honestly, there is stuff to eat in the house!
2. Yesterday, I came home from work and the house was a mess! He had started the laundry and so there was a pile of clothes on the couch...no big deal as I usually am the one to fold the clothes. But then I went in the kitchen and most of the refridgerator food was out on the counter...not cold any longer so had been out for a while, and the shelves from the fridge were sitting outside the refridgerator. He had cleaned out the fridge (for which I was very thankful) but he didn't finish. I couldn't find him or my daughter anywhere and he left his cell phone at home so I couldn't call him. About 45 minutes later, he came home with groceries...he had gone grocery shopping. Then, I went outside and saw that he had also done a tremendous amount of yard work in the front...but again, had left the job half finished.
This is from a man who's usual M.O. is to be so incredibly thorough that he takes a long time with one job but does it better than I ever could, and definitely finshes it. Yesterday there was this sense of desperate chaos around everything that he attempted - like he could prove to himself that he could multitask.
Does this seem strange to you all? Did any of you experience this in the early days?
Kirsty, my husband is in Stage 6, and he has, in the past month, "forgotten" to eat his lunch, or tells me he did when I have checked and nothing is moved or used from when I left for work in the morning. I have had to start going home for lunch just to make certain he eats. He loves it! He gets to see more of me, but it doubles my gasoline bill, which is going up daily here!
When I got home yesterday, I couldn't find the tea pitcher. It wasn't on the counter, nor in the fridge, nor in the trash, nor in the cabinets. I finally located it on the bathroom counter.
Half finished jobs are because they get distracted from what they were doing and forget to go back to it. He's been doing that for 6 months. I've learned that as long as nothing is ruined, and he is all right, I can cope with the rest. I've even made a game in my own mind about what I will find when I get home. It keeps my stress level down.
If you read some of the older discussions, you will see that some symptoms come at different stages. Your two examples are common behavior for a lot of us.
This is not unusual. What kind of doc diagnosed MCI? Find a Memory clinic near you at a university or large hospital & take him there. It just seems as if he is forgetting what he is doing in the middle of a task. We all do that on occasion or get distracted, but usually not to this degree.
It does seem that your husband might be progressing a bit. Perhaps, for your own peace of mind, you should have him re-evaluated. MCI can progress to AD, but it can also progress to other types of syndromes — such as frontotemporal dementia, primary progressive aphasia or dementia with Lewy bodies.
On the other hand, MCI may just stabilize, or even disappear. Your husband could be having another problem entirely -- and something that is treatable.
The earlier you know what you might be dealing with, the better.
I agree completely with Sunshyne. MCI generally progresses to AD, but you need to get him evaluated again. ASAP, so he can be placed on the correct meds.
Also, what you describe is very common with AD patients in the early as well as later stages. That happens around my house all of the time. Sid starts something, gets distracted, and that's it for the first thing he was working on. So the food gets left on the table, while he's gone into another room to do something else.
What happens is he gets an idea in his head while he is, for example, fiddling with the camera trying to figure it out. If he doesn't go to whatever the new idea is immediately, he will forget it, so off he goes. Then he forgets he was working with the camera, so that gets left unfinished. He constantly interrupts me while I am talking - right in the middle of a sentence. He says he does it because if he doesn't say what just popped into his mind at that very moment, he will forget it.
Try this link for finding a Memory Disorders Clinic in your area:
Kirsty Sounds like my house a few years ago. One day I asked my husband to vaccuum and came home to find all three of our vaccuums in pieces around the house. He thought something was wrong with each one so he took each one apart to "fix." He saw nothing wrong with just leaving them. And by the way, he never actually did any vaccuuming.
And as far as forgetting to eat, my husband stopped remembering to drink coffee but would complain every evening because he forgot. Long before he stopped doing most jobs around the house he would start things and become distracted.....
I think it is wise of you to see this as a possible next step. It does sound like his illness is progressing...
Thanks everyone, for you input. He was put on Aricept back in December and it seemed to help. But things are slipping. I am feeling really sad and angry today. Last night, he left his e-mail open and I saw an email from his spiritual advisor with the subject "attorney". A few years ago I found a list he made of divorce attorneys. I shouldn't have, but because of this,I read the e-mail. Sure enough, the attorney is a divorce attorney.
He has said on and off that perhaps we should divorce to protect our assets (what little we have) but I have discouraged this because it really doesn't seem to help much and he would lose his health care coverage. Anyway, this could be what the e-mail was about, but somehow I am thinking "Oh Sh*%, here we go again". And frankly, I am much less likely to talk him out of it like I did a few years back. I feel like I am being yanked around by a chain.
I HATE where my life is right now...and it must be so much worse for him...sniff. Kirsty
Kirsty, my husband was in stage 5 of this disease when what you say is now happening started happening to us. We have been married for 49 years and during that stage for the first time in our life he was not sure if he wanted to be married to me. The stage passed but oh how it hurt me.
I would immediately disable that computer until it could not be fixed. I would make an appointment with my own Attorney, explain what is happening and ask advise. I would make an appointment with your husbands Doctor, go by yourself and explain things and see how he could get him evaluated. Do not let this stage of the disease destroy both of you. He is not realizing what is happening.
Kirsty, we went through the "we are heading for a divorce stage" also. He got past that. I was so shocked and hurt at the time. This was before he was diagnosed, I had no understanding of what was going on with him.
Depending on how the disease affects them, they often think that they are doing everything right and logically. They do not see the changes in themselves. My husband told me one day after he was diagnosed that he didn't believe he had the disease, he saw no changes in himself.
Given that, the first two rules are protect the assets and protect yourself. The disease will continue to progress.
Getting him back to a doctor for checking is also a good idea, at least the results of that will let you know what is happening .
I wish my husband would divorce me. Would save me money. I just found out the buyer backed out of the house sale, even though we agreed to his terms, due to the inspection report. I'm numb.
val so sorry this happened. what a nightmare -hope you can get the inspections up to par so you can try for another buyer. better take the lead this time round...arrrgggh- i know you are sick about it. divvi
Thanks very much. So glad to be a part of this group. My friends have NO idea. If you haven't experienced it, how can you?
I don't have the energy to be sick. He doesn't have the money to pay for the repairs. From wealth to impoverishment. All because of this d***ed disease. Yes it is a nightmare, and I don't think it's one where you wake up & it's all over. We'll just keep on going, offer on the house, inspection, buyer backs out. Like Groundhog day. Bad day today. And to think I was trying to wean myself off of Lexapro, because I had gained weight. That will have to wait. At least I'm not (seemingly) depressed & can function.
well Val if its any consolation, as i was trying to be supportive to some of you, my own DH! pulled down his pants and poo'd all over the formal dining room chair, thats what i get for ignoring him for an hr-i was not happy either and been at it for over an hour cleaning and trying to save having to recover ALL of them now..yes, we live in a constant state of hell on earth. each day surely brings a new challenge. today mine is patience which i am lacking at this moment. divvi