Some of you might recall that several weeks ago my dh had a physical at the VA and the doctor said to me "You know you dh qualifies for hospice and it threw me for a loop". My husband is very functional and at first glance you would never know anything was wrong with him. Well...hospice care has begun. Two hospice nurses were here last week and the hospice doctor (same doctor that did the physical) was here for over an hour. He said my dh qualifies for this because he has the lung condition and Alz and both are considered fatal conditions. He toured the house and ordered bath rails and a bath bench for the shower. He said he was going to send someone to help me clean the house, a person to stay with my dh so I could get out alone and that he would be back once a month and the nurse would be here once a week. We both just loved this doctor..so kind. My dh was on his best behavior...however two days prior to the dr. coming to the house and immediately after the dr. leaving my dh was "crazy". I got so nervous I thought I would have to call the hospice hot line or something. Anyway, he has calmed down now and he told me he can no longer mow the yard and to get a gardner. He also told me last night he knew he was getting much worse. I honestly believe the doctor sees something in him (like fatal sooner then I thought) and is going to continue this hospice thing. I can't quit tearing up...I was not prepared for this so soon...or maybe I am just reading too much into it. My blood pressure is too high...I am going to keep a check on it this week and go to the doctor if it stays high.
Judith, I would ask the doctor point blank why he believes your hb qualifies for hospice. What is he seeing that you don't recognize. Knowing this will also help you to look for things. As we all know, when we spend 24/7 with someone we don't see a lot. I see how much my hb is loosing when he interacts with others.
Charlotte, I agree, we don't see everything because we are with them all the time. I also see how he interacts with other people and that is how I really find out what is going on and how far he has advanced. Judith, my DH has a wonderful VA doctor as well and I know that soon I am going to be in the same position as you are in but I agree with Charlotte in that maybe if you ask the doctor why he made the decision to have hospice come out you might be able to rest more assured. You need to take care of yourself and your blood pressure but I am sure you know that. Take care and keep us informed of how things are going.
Our hospice care also began, but the nurse feels G is too high functioning to be kept on it for another session..shall see. High functioning? Eyes of the beholder!
Thanks for the response. I did ask the doctor when he was here. My question to him was "Why does my husband qualify for hospice care" His answer to me was "because he has two medical conditions, COPD and Alzheimers, both of which are terminal conditions. After the 2 nurses came last week and my dh became so angry about the doctor coming I said to him, "Don't fret about this because I will bet you anything once the dr. sees you he will say no further visits are necessary at this time and we will check back with you in 6 mos." Well....I was wrong. The doctor said the nurses will be here next week and he will be back in Oct. Also, I told the dr. that we were going on a cruise the end of Oct. and his comment back to me was..."good, do all the traveling you can this year". Maybe I am reading too much into that statement too. Also...my dh saw his neuro about 3 mos. ago and he told me to start looking for a place to put him because he probably would need it in less then 2 years and things could get worse fast and I should be prepared.
I put a lot of faith in the things regarding stages and the things I read here from others regarding how their spouses are doing. In my own evaluation I figured my dh probably would have something like 4 to 5 more years unless he had a heart attack, blood clots or something with his lungs and then he probably wouldn't recover. Now, I think I might be looking at less then 1 to 2 years. He is only 63.
I have noticed his speech has gotten much worse wrong words, wrong place in sentence, etc. Also, I think his hearing is getting worse.
Do you know what has caused his COPD? Jim had FTD, but with the Motor Neuron Variant, which affected different muscle groups, causing his COPD symptoms. This is what caused his very rapid decline. He was 62. My suggestion is to ask the DR straight out if he is concerned about his lungs and why? Does he suspect muscle atrophy? If he says yes, that could explain what he is thinking. Arms around, Susan L*
My dh was a Federal Coal Mine Inspector and that is what is caused his COPD. I just read about COPD thinking I might find out something I didn't know about. It said it was the 4th in death causes, however, they also say it is a very slow progressive condition. Also, my dh has a heart condition and heart failure.
JudithKB--I believe it is the combinantion of your DH's conditions that are impelling the Dr. in this direction. Also, I don't think he's trying to scare you or push the idea of impending calamity, but rather to provide all support possible in a fragile situation. He didn't tell you not to travel, but rather get in as much qualiity of life activity as you can. He is probably pushing you a bit to be more aware that your DH's health conditions together are indicative of a shoter remaining life span. You hav to be looking at all the conditions, not just his Stage of Dementia.
Once the schedule of Hospice Support is in place, you should find it easier and less stressful to deal with it all. You no loner have to do all his care alone. You have round-the-clock backup.
Carosi, you are so right, Judith, take it from a *, treasure EVERY moment, for in the end, it will feel that there were never enough of those moments, but later, you WILL look back and Remember, with Love and smile..................
Thanks everyone. I just can't explain how deeply this has shocked me and my emotional response has even surprised me. How many times when he has been on one of his ranks that can last days I would wish "this" was over and didn't know how much longer I could stand it....but now I feel like I have been given a sentence that will be harder to handle then I had thought. I have to go hide in the bathroom several times during the day because I can't control my emotions and I need to conceal my tears. This experience is like I am talking about someone else...like, this can't be happening to me. You all are so brave and I feel like a little pebble among giant rocks. Your support is so important to me.
Judith, you don't need to hide your tears, I would cry in front of Jim, he was sometimes confused, but always hugged me. It's ok to share..........it's love.