I think my dh is progressing rapidly. I say this because every day there are more and more things he does not remember or know how to do. Today we were at his brothers and he went into the bathroom. He came out a minute or so later and looked worried. I asked him what was wrong and he tried to tell me but couldn't. I began my ritual of asking questions. I asked do you need to use the bathroom? He said yes, but I forgot. I had to show him the toilet which he was standing in front of. He was real upset that he forgot what to do in the bathroom. He did do what he had to do, but now I am worried. He has not known what things were for a while now but it is getting worse quick. Is it time to be prepared by getting some personal items incase he has an accident when we are not home? I read the post all the time about incontinence but now that it is drawing nearer, I am scared. I am not ready for this and am scared......Please tell me what to do? All I want to do is cry and try to ignore this but that is not what is right. Here at home my son and I always have to tell him or show him where things are, even our room, where he normally sits in the living room, most things he doesn't know what they are. But this is getting really concerning and I don't want to make him more uncomfortable by not being prepared in case of an accident, but I don't really know if it is time. I am not ready for this step but I think it is happening. Please send advice....thanks....
I am not yet facing this issue...but I too am getting concerned as Dh's grooming slips..right now it is teeth brushing, hair combing and shaving..he can do it but now must be prodded. I too have been giving this situation some serious consideration and am going to go ahead and start to get supplies gathered up..follow the boy scout motto..be prepared. I hate the thought of this too. I worry about our nice king size bed and the thought that I may have to get two twins..or move him to the guest room...I feel your worry..
Mammie, i know those with experience in this stage will be on in the morning to give you their experience. We're starting to get closer now too but not there yet. I know how scared and unprepared you feel. I'm usually wanting to put my head in the sand. Get plenty of sleep so you'll have the energy to deal with what comes. I don't and it makes it so much more difficult.
I remember the first time my husband pooped in the garage, I was devastated....I knew that incontinence was beginning. I was sobbing & gagging the whole time I cleaned up the mess. However, the next time it happened, I didn't fall apart, I was sad for him to think this stage had began, but, as I have heard before it's just poop. After that first time, I did start having him wear the Tena brand briefs. I had to tell him the doctor suggested it for medical reasons. I did not want him to have an accident outside our home & be embarrassed.
Easy, easy. Not everyone becomes incontinent, certainly not until nearly the end, and for many it just creeps up with leaks. Mine never peed anywhere inappropriately except in his pants, so putting pull-ups on him was relatively easy and he didn't resist. Go through the incontinence threads here. Fecal incontinence is of course harder to deal with but with a little care you can USUALLY establish a routine as you did when your kids were getting trained. I would guess that RELATIVELY few of us here have really had to deal with the peeing in the closet bit, but worrying about it doesn't help anything. Buy one package of pullups to have on hand, and some "personal hygiene" wipes (in the same department of the drugstore), AND RELAX. If you look at it as having a toddler on hand, it may help. Remember they can't help it.
Thanks for all the input. I really think what is bothering me the most is the fact that my dh is still aware of what is happening. And this is another sign that he is leaving me. I am always mad, hurt, sad, lost when new issues crop up. After dealing with the new issue I am better able to cope with what is happening. I did look at the depends yesterday, but could not bring myself to buy them. This will be a hard step for me. Briegull I will try to take your advice and try to relax about this.....I do understand they can't help this, but that is not my problem. It is the acceptance of the end closer and closer. I will get some things this week and have a bag in the car just in case. Thank you all, hope the day is great for all of you....
Briegull is right about establishing a routine for bowels. I try to get DW on the toilet after every meal. This has avoided any problem for several weeks. Today after the large Sunday Brunch at our retirement Inn those of us at the table got talking about a lot of different things. As a result we stayed at the table for almost an hour after the end of the meal. When I got back to the apartment DW had deposited a large BM in her Depends. Fortunately, I was able to get it cleaned up with not too much problem.
Mammie - my dh went through what you are describing years ago...the "end" may not be as close as you think, but you are wise in thinking "ahead" of the changes to come. I am alot like you in that I really get stressed and anxious and sad when things "change", but the coping skill seems to "kick in" and I get more focused on "how can we get through this change and keep things as normal as possible"...focusing on solving the problem has always helped me, vs. thinking about how far my dh has gone away. I remember back to a very early support group meeting for he/I and one gentleman needed help in the restroom...my DH happened to be in there & when they were through he told me "that's so sad, that man can't even figure out how to point his weenie at the toilet"...Apparently my DH had helped him with that...All I could think @ the time was "OMGoodness, that will be you all too soon" ~ OF COURSE I DID NOT DARE SAY THAT OUTLOUD, but pondered it in my mind/heart. We have been here for YEARS now...My advice to you: Keep things light, keep your sense of humor, try not to get upset in front of your DH...it will help him to not think anything of it when you are having to help him...I just try to keep reassuring my DH ~ i.e. "It's okay, no big deal...we'll clean this up & be back to good as new again"...I think saying it outloud is a comfort to ME as well!! :-)
I am so going to take the advice that was given. I thank all of you for the great info. Yes, I did freak out some the other day. Now that I have time to process this, I will simply get some supplies and chill. I know this too will pass, and it is not the end yet, but it is still very scary. I appreciate all the help.
I've just been through the first serious accidents, and yes, it is something I would have chosen not to have to deal with, but all of a sudden it was there and I was dealing with it. And, once I got him into the depends, no big deal. Sometimes he seems really sad about it trying to say something like "it just comes out" and that is the hardest for me to deal with. You're right Natsmom -- it's important to be reassuring and not make more of a fuss than necessary. I was prepared by reading the incontence threads here but need to go back and read them again now -- I've been putting it off. The waterproof mattress covers that Walmart and others sell are very nice -- not like rubber or plastic in days of yore. I feel better having them on both of our connected twins, even though we haven't had any nightime leaks yet. Just went upstairs a couple days ago and brought down the duvets that were on the guest beds. Just getting under a duvet is easier for DH to manage than trying to get between the sheets. Lately I've found him between the blankets or half on top of them after a nighttime trip to the bathroom.
I have found the microfiber blankets are great. They are light weight and come in a lot of colors. I use one as a blanket and it serves as a bedspread as well. Really easy to wash and dry. I'm all for easy and not for looking good. My bed is a queen size and I bought a king size blanket and it fits just right.
I think the microfiber are great, too. Like Bama I get king sized for a queen bed and in summer don't even bother with a top sheet because they wash so easily. One trick I learned is to put a small safety pin in the center of the bottom. Makes remaking the bed much easier.
I agree about the microfibers, or even the older kind that's lightweight and easily washable. We don't do top sheets either and sometimes when I forget to make sure "equipment" is pointing down at night, the cover does get damp, so having it washable is essential.
I think that the volunteer work my daughter and I do at the zoo is standing us in good stead. We've gotten so used to the animals plopping, wherever, that we can almost keep calm about it when it happens to us. Almost! (but we don't have to clean up at the zoo!)
I have found that teaching DH to sit on the toilet like we girls do, saves a lot of cleaning up when his eyesight got so bad that he couldn't see where he was aiming for. At first he was a little unsure if it was for him, but now that's how he GOES, and there's no mess to clean up.
My husband sat to pee for about a year and it worked well. He couldn't seem to coordinate his balance and his aim in a standing position. Unfortunately, balance became an issue even sitting and he fell off the toilet several times. After a while he was so afraid of it he refused to go near it. But it was nice while it lasted.
I've been lurking...and noticed that no one answered Mammie's question about an emergency kit. I would strongly urge everyone to keep an emergency kit in the back of their cars. Clean underwear, (jockeys & undershirt*) clean SOCKS, a pair of khaki's, a washcloth, some wipes, and soap. I had a big plastic zip lock bag, (it was about 4 gallon size,) and everything fit nicely folded in the bag. it was ALWAYS in the trunk, because you just never know when and/or where you'll need it. (*My husband always tucked his undershirt into his pants along with his other shirt, and when he had pee accidents, the shirts got wet in the front.) I had to use the emergency kit twice. Thank God! it was there!!!!!!! Don't forget the SOCKS. They really get wet! if the guys are up and about when they have their accident. Just like when we had toddlers....you always want to be prepared.
This is OLD info, but in case you didn't know, shaving cream removes poop from legs and buttocks like magic. I kept a travel size can of Colgate Shaving Cream in my emergency kit, just in case. Be sure to rinse as well as you can, and rinse again when you get home. Some people felt it was strong, but it didn't bother us at all.
Nancy I had forgotten that, it was not relevant when I first read it. We have lots of leftover shaving cream since dh stopped shaving with a safety razor. I also appreciate your advice about the emergency kit. I have a spare depends in the car (ever since we had to go home instead of to an appointment because of an accident) but without the other "tools" it wouldn't really get me very far.
Thank you all and Nancy I really appreciate the info about the emergency kit. It did create a chuckle when I read about the shaving cream. I am always trying to help my dh remember what things are for, toothbrush goes with toothpaste, razor goes with shaving cream. Wonder what he would do if I put shaving cream on his butt? Might freak him out, but it sure would create a strange look and lots of laughts for me. thanks again for all the information.