I know about all the dangers of anesthesia and major surgery for our loved ones with dementia. But what if you are really going to have to do it? In DH's case, he has a pancreatic tumor that causes almost constant nausea. All the meds he has taken don't take care of the problem, and what quality of life he could be having right now is destroyed by being sick all the time. This is not like pain, where many doctors are trained to deal with it, and there is good control of the symptoms. Imagine being nauseated all the time, day after day, and you can understand why we are looking at this surgery.
This would be very major surgery, with nearly two weeks in the hospital, and months of recovery. He has a DNR, so if anything goes wrong during the surgery, it is possible that I won't ever bring him home again. And it is possible that even if he gets through the surgery, that the person I bring home will bear no resemblance to the husband I took to the hospital. His mental cognition may be pretty much destroyed by such extensive surgery.
Dementia is such a hideous disease by itself, but combine it with another terrible disease and it's just inhumanly bad. Some days DH can hardly lift his head off the pillow because he is so sick.
For myself, I am really afraid that what little I still have of my husband will be gone as of the day of surgery. For DH, I am afraid that he will survive the surgery, only to suffer more than he has already. But somehow I am supposed to make the best decision on this, when it very much appears that there is no possible good decision.
Jan have you thought of hospice now with this major surgery upon you? nobody would want to see our spouses in constant pain or nausea. i am sorry he is in such distress and whatever you decide know we are keeping you in our thoughts and prayers. divvi
This is a tough decision. My DW and I have decided not to treat anything that might cause an early death. We do not see the logic of prolonging the life so that in the end you are unable to swallow and put a feeding tube in. I guess it depends on what stage he is at. What is his quality of life? Do you want to prolong that? My understanding is pancreatic cancer is about the worst kind. I hope that his wishes are followed no matter what. If he is able let him decide. If he is not , perhaps he has endured enough and is ready to move on. Your doctors perhaps may guide you in your quest to follow DH wishes.
Jan- it is such a hard decision. My DH had to have rotocuff repair surgery last year, it was such a relatively simple surgery but he wound up in the hospital for about 10 days due to the anesthesia side affects for someone with Alz. It always a question for me about how much medical stuff he can handle. But on the other hand he is always in pain because he forgets he can't use his drill, or get down on his knees to do repairs, it is such a vicious circle of trying to keep him in one piece. Being nauseated all the time is no quality of life either....best of luck wiith your decision. If it is okay, you will be in my prayers.
We were at the doctor today for protime. The nurse had a hard time finding DH's pulse in his wrists or his neck for that matter. She resorted to the stethescope . DH has stents and these were put in some years ago under this twilight anesthesia. It this got me to wondering about the reaction of an AD patient to that sort of anesthesia as compared to a general. Does anyone have experience with this? Nothing has been suggested so it is not something that we are facing now but I was wondering about later.
Mimi, My wife Kathryn recently had minor surgery and they used twilight anesthesia. She did not suffer any side effects at all from it. She is in full Stage 5 and about half of stage 6.
Jan K,My husband had back surgery in June,was supposed to take 2 to 2 1/2 hrs. Well he was under over 7 hour.For years He always got disoriented from anesthesia but he was in a lot of pain'which makes the memory bad,also on morphine.So we went ahead with surgery not knowing it would go so long. I was worried sick that I had made a bad decision'he was so out of it in the hospital,had to have a one on one aide for several days,was there almost 2 weeks.As soon as I took him home his mind started to clear and in a couple weeks was back to pre-surgery stage.He is now on only tylenol .It is a tough decision for you,for me it would depend on whether the tumor was cancerous or benign and what stage your husband is in.We will all pray for you.Good luck.
Jan, sorry you have to make such a tough decision. I think getting help through hospice is a great start. My dh has a life threatening condition that can be corrected with surgery. I (and the rest of the family) have opted not to have the surgery. We didn't make this decision lightly. His neurologist is behind our decision 100% After weighing all the options, and talking in depth with the neuro, I'm convinced it is the right decision for us. Best of luck to you. I know how hard it is. Watching someone you love suffer is not easy. Keeping you in my thoughts!