Most of us have taken the car keys away frpm our spouses shortly after their AD diagnosis ... and BEFORE they could injure themselves or others in an accident due to their cognnitive/processing difficulties. Well, just as with driving, I want to take action BEFORE my wife wanders OR becomes totally disoriented when walking alone in our neighborhood. Although she has not wandered yet, she does get disoriented and I'd feel a lot less stressed when I leave her home alone if I knew she ALWAYS had identification with her. Often she goes out to take a walk with no ID or cell phone with her. However, my wife refuses to wear any of the ID charms/bracelets/lockets etc. for sale by various groups. Then I realized that my wife always wears one of 2 lockets containing nitroglycerin. (Aside from AD, she has a serious heart condition.) So I plan to go to a jeweler and have identification inscribed on the back of those 2 lockets. Here's my question: IF only room to provide either just her address OR phone number along with her name, which would you inscribe on the lockets ... address or phone number? I can see a good case for both, so I'd be interested in responses from others! (Yeah, I know ... I could always buy her 2 larger lockets!)
if you have noticed shes getting disorientated it may be time already that she not be left on her own. most of us have had difficulties in many areas getting our spouses to comply with safety issues= there is another thread about the safe return bracelet or lockets. i had a sterling silver pendant with tel number and a medical alert symbol on it for DH. he took it off and wouldnt wear it either. i got the safe return and placed it on him while asleep. its very hard to get it off once on as the locks/clasp are designed with AD in mind. once they realize they cant get it off without breaking the stainless band they usually get used to it. i hope you can get her into one soon its a small price to pay for getting them back home if they do get lost. i found an AD man on the streets once myself and he had no id on him but at the gas station i had just been too the family was hanging up poster looking for him. i knew right away it was the man they were searching for. he easily got into my car and i took him back to the station and they called the family. how vulnerable they are poor dears out there alone. i hope everyone gets something on their loved ones asap. those of us who have lost our spouses know it happens in a heartbeat and you are not prepared. divvi
my hubby won't wear the safe return bracelet so I hook it on his trousers where he can't get to it but is shows..he will wear the watch with the medic alert symbol and that has his name, conditions, and that he is on anticoagulant meds. maybe a bracelet or watch that doesn't look so plain and more like a nice piece of jewelry would be more pleasing to her. Also YOU need to wear a bracelet that states you are a caregiver for one who is memory impaired so that if you are in an accident the medical people will know your wife needs to be looked after. I would recommend you contact the ALZ ASSN Safe Return folks.
acvann--It's great that you are thinking ahead to the possibility of your wife being lost and how to avoid it. The problem is, identification isn't really a substitute for supervision, IMO. I agree with Divvi's statement, perhaps you should consider making arrangements so that she isn't left on her own. The ID bracelets are definitely a good thing to do, it could be a lifesaver if you became accidentally seperated while out with her, etc.
i think this is exactly why i had a dose of ativan on reserve during mid stages . if your spouse is showing bouts of aggression you may want to have something on hand to calm him down. your safety is at risk surely if hes pulled a fist on you. you may not be so lucky next time. they have no control over their emotions at time with the rages. please ask dr for meds for 'just in case'. i also used a velcro like ID packet from rescuefacts.com that has a velcro strap that you can attach to either the seat belt of the car or as i did to the back of DH belt if we were out. its visible with medical symbol on it and he couldnt take it off. it has a place for ALL critical info including pics medical info and drs contacts. it was very inexpensive and well worth the time i got 2 and used them for years. its good peace of mind to know if you are in a vehicle the police ER will see it and help your spouse. if its a lady you may could hang it on their purse. divvi
I use the rescuefacts.com ID packet also; in the car and whenever we are out - in a store, park, etc. We each have one. DH also has an ID bracelet he has worn since he was first dx. But I'm thinking of getting each of us the safe return bracelets also.
I have an emergency information packet in a red velcro folder which fastens to the seat belt in the car. I have one for DW and one for me. The only problem I have is remembering to remove hers when she is not in the car, but someone else is, particularly another woman such as my sister.
IMO, also, if one of our loved ones becomes disoriented, he/she should not be alone. I keep thinking, well, he's okay now; so I'll worry later, BUT the problem w/that faulty thinking is change happens fast; so Boy Scout motto should be followed: BE PREPARED.
Our family's handyman friend is coming tomorrow afternoon to look at outside doors to evaluate for double, key-lock, deadbolts (and other items on a list I'm preparing). Hate to think of being locked in myself and having to use a key, but...I have Sprint family locator on hb's cell phone, but new neurologist says that's not good enough; we should have safe return. We live in the country; and, so far, he's only walked to 3 different sites on our road, turned and came back. BUT, who's to say he won't decide to wander off.
Zibby, I have had double keyed dead bolt locks for over thirty years and it's odd but I don't consider myself "locked in" the house. It will just take a little getting used to. I keep the key in the keyhole now, but when my DH was alive, I palmed the key in my hand and when he wasn't looking, I would place it on the top ledge of my tall grandfather clock that is near the door. The secret is to always know where the key is and to WATCH OUT for yourself. Manic individuals can be sooo strong..He could have broken your arm or thrown his fist through the door when the two of you were struggling at the door. If that happens again, let him go out. (You know where he is.) and just follow him...while calling for help on your cellphone. THINK defensively.
We have always had the double keyed deadbolts to. When my husband started to leave the house before I could even get up, was when I took the keys out. I now keep the key in my pocket (where he doesn't see it) and have keys hidden throughout the house. At first he was agitated by them being locked and once even unscrewed a chained deadbolt to get out of the house. Now (a year later) he is not bothered by it at all. He takes it as being normal.
I had the family locator on his cell phone but as he no longer knows how to use the phone and I don't allow him to go anywhere without me, I discontinued it. He does wear a dog tag style safe return necklace.
I guess this is odd; but, both of our cats are microchipped. It's a tiny thing that gets injected under the skin. Why doesn't someone invent a similar thing with all their information including allergic drugs. It's certain then that they have their ID. Anything else we put on can be taken off. Nothing my wife wears stays on for long especially any bracelets etc.
I've read too many stories of AD sufferers bolting suddenly. I can't keep my eyes on my DW 24 hours a day. I have to go to the bathroom at least and shower. One story I read here was turning to run the bath water and the DH was out on the street naked.
I'm not there yet. We had our first serious 'accident' this morning. Caregiving is not an experience easily survived.
I have the 15 day trial of Sprint's family locator and was thinking of not purchasing it BUT this a.m. I read of a woman who was lost from Sat - Mon. Was found in a woods; so, even tho she had a med necklace, it was of no use. The family locator would have worked (if she had the cell phone on her; doesn't need to know how to use a cell phone.) Since we live in the country w/woods on 3 sides, maybe I should keep it. Keep him in eyesight when we're out. Wolf, one of our sons suggested a microchip. Do we care more about pets? Sci Fi movies insert them....
What's amazing to me is that we are told to prevent certain behaviors--wandering, for example--and to make our LOs take their meds; yet in the next breath we're told we cannot make them do anything. They are adults and have rights. Sometime ago it was put forth that placing a microchip would be an invasive procedure and data on such a device would involve invasion of privacy. IMHO microchipping makes wonderful sense in dealing with dementia issues.
I would go with the phone number over the address also.
As I've stated before, the cell phone that has the "Chaperone" service - so that you can see on the "parent" phone where the "child" is at all times and rings you if they go outside the radius you set is the best way of tracking them (until they allow microchipping!) - the day my husband received the diagnosis of AD, we got the phones. And he knew that day - we discussed it daily for weeks - that the cell phone was his lifeline. That I would always be able to find him no matter what. Just keep it on your belt. He did - except for bath and at night in bed, he wore it - until he could no longer walk unaided.
I had to go get him twice. Once he went to the grocery store about three blocks from the house...and was in the check out line with no money....I got there and paid for his peanuts and took him home and went back to work. <grin> The other time he got a few blocks further away, but I got him and took him back home. And we started having someone stay with him while we were at work.
The biggie was coming back from England with a stopover in Dallas...and the plane was delayed and then cancelled; and after several hours, he got mad and stormed off and we couldn't stop him, and a minute later couldn't find him. It took the security police in the airport FIVE HOURS to find him - walking BACK to the airport on the road from the hotels! He had managed to get on a shuttle for the hotel and when he couldn't find me at the hotel, started walking back to the airport! So, we made it....and no heart attack...and no more travel for us with stops...only direct flight (one more, then we stopped).
My dh has been lost many times. He loves to go walking. We live in a subdivision and we are the 10th house on this street. We are fixing to move to one of the new houses that is being built that is the second house from the end, by the woods, and a long, long shell road where he can walk in safelty. The expense of moving is better for me than having to worry minute by minute. We have also installed a chime on the doors so if they are opened they chime. This has been a life saver. When either me or our son hear the chime go off, we mosey out side if he is not back in about 10 minute. Of course this is if he is in a good frame of mind at that time. If he is irritated at all, we go sooner. Since we got the chime, he has only got lost within the subdivision. That is scary also, but better. I can't wait to get to the back of the facility. It will take him longer to get to the main road if he should wander, and we can see all the way down the road. He is excited about being closer to the woods. I would much rather have him in the woods than the road. The longest he was missing is almost 6 hours.....it was pure horrible for me........ Hopefully someone will have better ideas, but for us, this is working. Also the fact that his walking pace is a little faster than a snails, helps.
Fayebay, my DH too is fixated on the front door and I was able to leave the other doors open in hot weather and he would just be upset that he couldn't get out the front. I keep it locked all the time now; there is a key on a high cupboard nearby. We have a sliding door in the bedroom that can't be locked so we could leave the house at any time in case of emergency; DH has completely forgotten about that one.
He has been lost at least six times, the police have brought him home four times. He carries his (expired) driver's license in his wallet. Also, I call the police right away. The last policeman who brought him home suggested a locator-gadget so that he could be traced by computer. I saw them on internet for about $125 but I haven't figured out how to get him to carry it: sew it into his beloved jacket? That would not be foolproof since I often hide his jacket but he somtimes leaves the house without it. Now that he can no longer get away by bike it is easier to find him since I know which direction he thinks is "home."
The last couple days have been so pleasant and I couldn't figure out why, then realized that he has stopped obsessing from about 2 pm onwards that he wants to go home. Makes life so much better. Things change (and I know they could change back).
By the way, the (very young) policeman also advised me to have DH placed immediately! (I didn't)
Just signed up with Medic Alert and Safe Return, ordered bracelets for both of us. Don't need them for wandering right now - but more for me - if something should happen to me first! DH has been wearing a medical ID bracelet since first DX'd, so I told him I had ordered new ones for both us and he was happy.