I visited two ALFs and one nursing home in my immediate area last week. The nursing home is close by and I was impressed with several things about it. Seemed like they have a lot of activities with a very committed activies director. It occurred to me if I volunteered there I would be able to get a much better sense of the place. So I went in one morning to help with getting the residents into the dining room for a singing event they have each week. I sat next to a blind woman who did better with someone next to her to keep her feeling secure. A number of the residents were really into the singing and I enjoyed singing along and watching their reactions too. One man who has advanced Alzheimer's was sitting close to the stage area and still and quiet for most of the time, but when they sang a blues song he became very animated playing "air guitar" and gesturing in tune with the music as though he was conducting. People started coming down the hallways to watch him. It was exciting to see how the music touched him when evidently he wasn't very communicative normally.
A couple days later the director had arranged for a large group of award winning banjo players who were in town for some festival. This time I sat next to a woman who had a tendency to take off in her chair so I kept her engaged and pretty much in one place. She had a little baby doll she held up against her face the entire time. By the end of the concert I had developed a relationship with both of them!
I told the admissions person that if she could find a couple people who had spouses with Alzheimer's as residents that I would like to talk with them. She introduced me to a woman who had admitted her husband there last October and we talked for over an hour in her husband's room. This was extremely valuable as she was quite forthcoming on her likes and dislikes. She was assisting him in shaving with an electric razer and I asked if they didn't shave the residents. Yes, she said, but not as thoroughly as she would like so she was fine with doing it herself. She was also able to fill me in on her negative reaction to the ALF I had been to.
DH is only stage 5 now and I hope not near needing placement but it is a relief to know there's a place just 5 minutes from our home which although might not be everything I'd hope for had the advantage of distance.
Have any of you volunteered as a way to get to know facilities near you? Any pointers on what I should look for. I enjoyed my time there and intend to go back at least once a week and am going to bring in one of our Bichons soon to visit with some of the residents.
terry, I did not volunteer at Charlie's facility before I took him there and I am not an "official" volunteer now but I do try to do as much as I can to help any of the other residents if they need help. It is a rewarding experience and would like to continue even after Charlie's journey is over if my own health permits.
If you talk with the Director of Admissions about your husband, she may suggest you place your husband on the "waiting list". What happens is that each time your name comes to the top, they call, and if you are not ready, they leap frog number 2 on the list to number 1. -- Locally, the good homes have got waiting lists of 4-5 people at all times. When the time comes to admit your husband (IF!!! you come to that time) you won't have to wait months for your name to come to the top. OR, perhaps, that is never a problem in your area. I live in a city, and there are never enough beds in Memory Care Facilities that are GOOD! Trust me, the word gets around here, too, as to who are the best and who are not. Good luck, and congratulations on your committment to volunteer there under the circumstances. You have to be a very sweet person!
Nancy, no waiting list at this place. That was one of the first things I asked. It's not a Memory Care Facility but a regular skilled nursing and rehabilitation center. They also do outpatient speech, occupational and physical therapy. And respite care so I could use it sometime later to get away for a couple weeks. I wasn't even going to check it out as their Medicare ratings are only 2 out of 5. However I've heard from a couple locals how much they like it so thought I should at least check it out. Any 4 or 5 star place or place with memory unit would be at least an hour away. I live in a very tiny tourist town so they don't have a big population to draw upon for residents.
I'm really seeing the advantage of a place so close esp. in a small town where I will know at least some of the people working there. I could drop by as often as I wanted and bring the dogs and depending upon when (or if) DH was placed there I could bring him home sometimes.
The woman whose husband with AD is a resident told me of one of her relatives out of state with AD who was being cared for by relatives but her habit of walking nearly nonstop day and night was proving to be too much and no one could get any sleep. They placed her in a facility where she stayed for weekdays and brought her home on weekends. That just opened my mind to more possibilities than I had previously considered. Since DH has a good LTC policy it gives me the opportunity to explore various options. The future feels a lot less dismal thinking I might have a little control over our lives than I had thought.
I'm still going to check out other facilities further away but this holds enormous appeal.
Terry I am glad you found the experience so rewarding. I didn't volunteer before I placed Lynn, I was too busy taking care of him with no relief. But, I have been to the nursing home I placed him in since I was a teen. My Grampa was there for 8 years so I knew how the place was. They also offer recuperation after surgery so I visited some family members then too. Plus I had two siblings work there at one time.
It isn't all I want, I want him home with me! But the place has a "home" atmosphere. It isn't clinical and sterile looking like so many I did visit. They also have some sort of activities every day with lots of special events and concerts. Lynn didn't want to do any of those things for the first year and a half, but now I take him down to the music events and he really seems to like them. He taps his feet and smiles. Can't ask for more than that :D
I too have become very close to many of the residents. When his first roommate died I was just heartbroken!! There have been 16 deaths since I started going there almost 2 years ago, and after another one dies I swear I will harden my heart and not get so attached. But, it just isn't in me. I see them every day, I know all their names, their fears, and how to make them smile. How can you not get attached?
I am glad you found such a nice place!! I know how much peace that can bring. ((hugs))
Nikki and terry, they must love you there. It does my heart good to read these great accounts of facilities that are good and visitors who are even better. I have not volunteered -- I want my time off (day care days) for other things. But the facility I have chosen is the place he goes to day care, so I've had chances to interact with staff (although the resident staff is different) and enjoy the atmosphere. But the big test will be his short term stay there (10 days) when I go to the States in mid-October. I am so hoping he adjusts well. Then I can take him there for respite every few months. My pcp is a rather cynical guy who told me that the main criterium for choosing a facility was a convenient location. His experience is with AD parents, though, not a spouse.
Terry--your recent posts (especially this one) have sounded so much more upbeat! You go girl!
Placing the person during the week and bringing them home on weekends--what a novel idea. Never would have occurred to me, but I can see how (in some cases) it would work. One thing I've learned about ALF's and NH's, is that they have a skeleton staff on weekends and holidays. Started noticing how when my Dad had a fall, it was always on the weekend and a knowledgeable person pointed the staffing thing out to me. She suggested that we consider hiring a private aide for only those times. Just shows, we have to think outside the box in this business!
Marilyn, you are right about being more upbeat. This is a lot of "better living through chemistry" as I found another dr. and he changed me back to Lexapro which I had been on in the beginning but which totally pooped out on me. AND something in my conversation with him opened up my mind to trying to find a way to survive this disease and maybe even actually LIVING myself during it. THAT'S A BIG CHANGE. That said today is a difficult day for me but I feel confident it will pass and I'm pushing through. Thanks for noticing.