Well, dh and I went to see his neurologist last week and the neurologist tested him again and told him that he was getting progressively worse and that he did definitely have Alzheimer's Disease. Then he launched into his "safety" speech which culminated in telling dh that all weapons had to go (and he explained why) and that dh had to quit driving. DH and I talked about selling his car on the way home (I've done most of the driving for quite some time now and he didn't seem upset about the driving). However, he is not letting go of his guns willingly, at all.
We had friends over who tried to convince him to let Mike take the guns and sell them. DH was very resistant but finally let them take just one gun. I was in the safe with him yesterday and OMG, he has 3 more handguns and 2 shotguns + tons of ammo in there. And, today he tells me that he doesn't want to part with any of it. After all, if safety is an issue then we should get rid of all knives in the house and anything that could be used as a weapon. I'm about to pull my hair out. I explained to him again about his reasoning and judgment capabilities going south, but, again I was ignored. He's now taken off down the street alone; again without telling me was going, to brood, I presume.
I just don't think I signed up for this. I get 2 weeks of very good behavior and now we're back to bad again. I HATE THIS!!!
mothert i had to go thru this as well. DH was not a hunter but had collected or was given expensive guns over the yrs. in the early part of AD he went on a tangent to obtain an M1 rifle like he used in the army. i had no idea but agreed to help find one for him at a local gunshop on the condition no ammo. long story short. after we got the gun we put it in the gun safe and soon after i called his son to come get it ALL. changed the lock and rid of all ammo period. when he tried to get into the safe i just said you must be doing the lock wrong and i 'dont know' the combo so he would play with it but never opened it again. problem solved. son got all the weapons and i was free of the issue. you just have to do it regardless of all the stink they may make and its just like the driving issue. you do not want to find yourself or a loved one at the other end of a barrell - we must take the bull by the horns on so many issues that are so hard and attack their independence. driving, weapons, daycare, depends,deadbolts, inhome help. all hard but a necessity and priority for safety. many of us have had to follow thru and had to go thru the ugly ramnifications but the alternatives give us no options. they rant and rave but soon forget. plus once the drs order things to happen you must comply to avoid legal issues should things happen and it wasnt followed thru. divvi
As for trying to reason with them, forget it. Save yourself the breath and aggravation. They cannot reason. The reasoning button is broken and cannot be fixed. Believe me, I know. I tried reasoning over the driving issue, and all it got me was my own anxiety attacks. Figure it this way - if someone doesn't have any reasoning ability, how can you reason with them? Would you try to reason with a 2 year old?
I am totally in the dark as to how to change the combination on his safe. Anybody have any ideas? It's an Iron Man America's Best SAFECO brand - a big honkin iron safe. I think changing the combo would be perfect after this whole thing dies down a bit. It's a tough safe to get into even if you have the proper combination. Thanks for the idea.
I was lucky with the guns..a few years ago, we got a big gun safe, not for guns but for all important papers and my jewelry and our coin collection, some sentimental things and had room for his historic gun, a replica of one from WWI and a cap and ball...we have a couple of big pistols he used when he went to Alaska..those were in the safe too. But he did have a small pistol at the bedside always and one in the kitchen up high. When I changed the bed a year ago, I just put the pistols in the safe too..and he has never said a word and I tell his friends DO NOT TALK ABOUT FIREARMS AT ALL OR I MAY DO SOMETHING DANGEROUS TO YOU IF YOU DO AND I HAVE TO LIVE WITH THE OBSCESIONS.....
If you can slip them away and secure them under lock and key do that. I do think on some level my dh knows the guns are here but he never mentions them thank heaven.
Hey, a gun? Try 3 handguns and 2 rifles/shotguns and enough ammo to hold off the US Army?? Today my dh says to me "are we having problems??". I say " we have been discussing the issue of removing guns from the house and you giving up driving". He looks at me with a puzzled look - "I don't have a problem with the guns". So, today it's giving up the car? Tomorrow, who knows? I think I'm a candidate for the "funny farm" myself, now. It's like being shell-shocked - damned if I do, damned if I don't. I did overhear a conversation with our daughter where he was telling her he was going to part with his guns - but, as I said, I'll believe it when I see it. I cried throughout the whole service at church today. I wonder when the hardened heart will kick in??
mothert, well if I read correctly some hearts don't harden, however mine wasn't one of them. I'm about 4 years into this with the last few months a big downward turn. I wish my heart wouldn't be so hard, but it's difficult when you get called names, accused of stealing his things, etc. I try not to take it personally, but that is difficult also. Of course he can be sweet at times & all huggy kissy, but it's hard to reciprocate after a bad time. I had a bad church moment 2 weeks ago. My DH had a mini meltdown & almost disrupted the service & would have if an alert usher wouldn't have seen his behavior & intercepted him. I cried too. Thank goodness everone knows the situation & is very supportive to us.
First is to get the ammo out of the house including what is in the guns. I don't know anything about gun but is there a way to remove the firing pins? does he clean the guns or send them out? Maybe you could talk him into sending them out for cleaning - maybe your daughter can take them out to be cleaned and he will accept that. Start with one gun at a time if necessary. I am with sheltifan - one gun in the house is one too many. Ever since a childhood friend was killed in a hunting accident (he was 10) I have hated guns.