Like a thief in the night, Alzheimer;s has made a major haul from my house. AD has stolen my:
BEST FRIEND DEAR CAROL LOVER WIFE OF 50 YEARS BED MATE (waking up is lonesome) TIL DEATH DO US PART! COMPANION EATING TRAVELING MOVIES WATCHING TV ETC. CONVERSATIONS ETC.
We are loosing things every day . Loss by death will probbly be easier. Are you lonely now? I am!!! Add any to the list you think of. My other list on the words to describe Alzheimers will be combined on another post.
Alzheimer's has taken my best friends for over 30 years. My DH thinks the man friend took something out of our garage and he doesn't want him in our home ever again. Wow...Thankfully they understand and we just talk by phone.
It has taken everything.. no one to help with decisions does not get the joke, clams up when friends are here..no longer tells his funny and interesting stories no longer gives geology lessons as we drive along no longer says " that must have been the old highway" no longer realizes he needs to shower and wash his hair no longer looks in his closet "for what to wear today" no longer wants to go check on his grape crop no longer wants to go look at the fig tree and munch em no longer makes a decision on what he might like for lunch or dinner I could go on...
Yall have put so much that counts here that I don't know what to put. But I know it has taken me away from me. I am sure all of you know what I mean. I am tired of just having a big baby and not my husband, man of my dreams, father of my children, someone to share everything with and have fun with. I am tired of not having a good conversation that does not include " I don't know". I am tired of having to figure out everything and everywhere to go. My dh has no interest in anything any more, anyone, no hobbies, no reading, no games, no nothing. He can't understand words, numbers, messages, conversations, how to do almost anything, but he still looks like nothing is wrong.....I don't get it.....he needs to look sick,,,,,,,, then maybe I could understand why everything is missing from our life....... guess you know what Alzheimer's has taken the most,,,,,,, me........thanks for listening.l
I count on just that bluedaze*. My brother in law ask me if I still go to this site to read and visit, I said yes, this is my sanity. Combine my faith with this site, I have half a chance of surviving the day......I so appreciate everyone here.
Not only has the "thief AD" tried to steal everything, he has also tortured me and ransacked the place, but as in the words from Gloria Gaynor's, I Will Survive.....you think I'd crumble you think I'd lay down and die Oh no, not I I will survive as long as i know how to love I know I will stay alive I've got all my life to live I've got all my love to give and I'll survive I will survive
Mammie, You just made me cry. This is all so sad. I miss my husband. And we are just starting on our journey. It is so strange. Looking back I now see how my DH just stopped doing things. And now when he no longer does something I just is to sad. He now no longer knows how the answering machine works. Our daughter was leaving a message the other day and he said she was talking to someone on the phone...........How can our minds just forget these things.
Blue, you just mentioned something really interesting...that your husband just stopped doing things....mine did too but I missed the signal as he has diabetic neuropathy in his feet and I thought it was due to that problem that he stopped golf and fishing..and rarely goes out with his pals now hunting for gold....I tried to find out the why he was not interested and it seemed to grow over 2 years..so it was a sneaky change... Anyone who has a diabetic spouse will tell you sometimes it is hard to figure out if something is related to AD or diabetes... And you mentioned the answer machine..the thing I missed maybe several years ago that was a hint despite his ability to do everything else at the time was that he never got the hang of the computer...just turning it on...or the DVD player or his cell phone.....I would say...you could fly and jet and you can't understand this???? Pay attention while I show you....and this happened over and over..
The smoke signals that are there and we don't know how to read it....sigh
Mimi, I did not understand what I was seeing. DH is great with the computer and ham radios. But could not check the messages on his cell phone. Or put songs on my ipod. This has been going on for years. One day stopped flying RC planes, reading a book in a weekend, bowling, going to the movies, almost like he had never done it at all. I now know why.
It's been almost a year since this thread began and I want to add to it........I MISS MY HUSBAND!!! I was hit by a memory so strong yesterday......he used to be so funny, roll on the floor,tears flowing, pee your pants FUNNY! We rarely laugh anymore and I didn't realize until yesterday. We have stopped aricept and are starting namenda. I'm doing all the driving,which I hate, because I'm doing everything else as well. I know we're not as far down this road as many others and I have much to learn and experience yet. So for all of you that are really, really missing your spouse today......say so!!
Oh my goodness, just this morning my sweet dog gave me a kiss. And I thought of how long it has been since DH has kissed me. He now kisses like a small child would. When he tries to kiss me. Not a real kiss. I miss being kissed....... I miss the man that he was......
I miss all the things we all took for granted. I miss being a couple and sharing the everyday moments of life. I even miss our sometimes bickering, we are two strong willed people who didn't always agree.
Andy, "I Will Survive" has been my theme song through all my trials and tribulations. It is especially meaningful in this fight against AD.
This is so sad. We have been in the process of closing my husband's office down for a while. One day he brought home a dvd from his early days where a city council meeting was filmed for the local tv and he was presenting something or other .... I popped it in to watch it thankfully I was alone.... I lost it.. it was mesmerizing and devastating.. I remembered who he was and realized why i loved him (frankly sometimes i forget). It was probably 6 months ago and I can't watch it again but it still haunts me. I know you all understand thank you for being here. Sometimes I feel so raw.
My husband doesn't understand expressions. An example is "I lost 3 pounds." Or, "you little stinker." He takes everything I say at face value. When I called him a "little stinker" last night, he felt that I was insulting him and that I thought that he stunk. Just think of all the expressions you use in a day. "get a grip," "I'm over-loaded," "I woke up on the wrong side of the bed," none of these make sense to him anymore. When he has an "off week," it is the worst. this week, he is very parinoid about everything. He is trying to figure out why everyone hates him. He thinks that I hate him also. The problem is that he is so functional with FTD and has his memory. With the exception of most very short-term things, he remembers everything. Last night, I died my hair. I use a dark blond as it faids rather quickly. I have lighter blond hair with gray, so when it faids, it turns a lighter blond. He was arguing that I used the wrong color last time and that I had told him I used a lighter color. In addition to this not being something to argue about, it is totally wrong. I even have the box from last time to prove I am right. He will be so sure that I have told him something when I know I didn't. I just have to "let it go," or there is an argument. (Here is another expression, "let it go." When I say this around DH, he wants to know what I am letting go.)
Andy uses the expression "far down the road." Try explaining what this means to someone who doesn't understand expressions. DH whould say, what road? and want to know which road I was going down. Sometimes, I think he is joking, which is also something he did a lot of in the past. "pulling my leg" sort of joking. I just can't believe that he doesn't know what "pulling my leg" means.
I miss a lot of the things the rest of you do but our marriage wasn't as good as yours sound. He was selfish and very controlling. I miss all the things we didn't get to do because he didn't want to. When we had our years long battle over no longer driving, I used to think of all the times I begged him to drive to all the lovely places I wanted to see. I thought of the times the boys and I went by bus to places because he didn't want to go and didn't understand why I would think he should when he didn't want to. I cry just thinking about it. I can't drive.
jang, Are we married to the same man?? sure sounds like it...DH, has always been controlling and vindictive, not to mention selfish.. If he didn't want to do something, the rest of us didn't do it either..So our marriage wasn't good either but I stayed, because that's what women our age did and at this stage, too late....My conscious will not let me dessert him in his condition so I'm sticking to it.. I read some of the blogs and admire those of you who have a happy foundation to build from or remember.... It is hard to give up so much for someone who never cared in the first place.. Sorry, to vent like this... but truth is liberating...
peggy & jang, I “think” we had a good marriage, but honestly I can’t remember & to me that is so sad. I remember once my sister told me that she was envious of Tom & me because of our closeness……. well I bet she isn’t envious anymore. I’m hoping that she thanks God everyday that she never has to go through this.
Peggy, I frequently think that he controlled me or I allowed it, I guess and now the disease is controlling me. It sometimes drives me crazy.....and it isn't a long trip.
I too miss the man I married-what we have now is so cold and distant,like living with a stranger.Don't you just wonder how we all got HERE and will we be able to survive this D--- disease.
My husband has been gone for about 13 months and some other man lives in his skin. This man still says he loves me and then will get so angry over nothing. We have been married 59 years and it was so much fun. When he was working I traveled with him after the kids were gone from home. We got to go to so many interesting places and it was always just like another honeymoon. After we retired we spent 6 weeks in Alaska our very best vacation we were gone 2 1/2 months on that trip then we went to Nova Scotia the next year. Then a trip to the Holy Land. I want to say that husband is a long time lymphoma survivor so we've been through some tough times. He always came out of everything, heart attack, stroke, liver problems just the same fellow. But now he isn't there anymore. I hurt so much I can't even cry. But then look what he has lost.
That line struck me hard too....... we get so caught up in our loss we forget how very much they have lost too. The one blessing is eventually they do not know..... but we can never forget.....