Rainy day here in the PNW - how depressing!! We have sat and did very little today - really needed a day of rest. Currently watching 'On Golden Pond'. Back then they called it getting old but definitely early AD. Henry Fonda and Katherine Hepburn did so well in that movie. It has been years since we saw it so it is good.
Charlotte, I'd put up with rainy days to be back in the PNW for awhile. It's been a year since our short visit there but still can't get the gorgeous scenery out of my mind. My niece posted an album on facebook of a rafting trip she and her law student friends in Eugene just took. Looked glorious.
We were invited by my brother who is a raft guide to go rafting on a river in eastern Washington next week. But, I think we will pass after the stress of the last week. We use to go white water rafting yearly with him. He does 'gourmet' trips down Hells Canyon during the summer but can't afford them. But yes it is pretty here. I like that west of the Cascades we don't have poisonous spiders, snakes, etc. . And the ocean or desert is an hour drive away.
Our idea of the automatic satellite finder didn't work out. Hb was having too much problem with not being able to watch a TV in the bedroom that was on a different satellite than the front. After his melt down this morning I called to have someone come bring it in for us. We will take the automatic one back for a refund. Everyone knows that changing routines are not good and this was a major one that he kept forgetting about and couldn't deal with. So now he is happy - doesn't have to learn anything new. If these 'melt downs' as I call them happens again I will be on the phone to the neuro about putting him back on an antidepressant. Neither of us want to go back to the stress there is at my sister's so for now this is our only option. We can spend the winter here without moving by paying for our week out. That is an option.
Hope everyone is having an OK day. It has rained and sunshined today - raining now.
Today's a difficult day as financial pressures of having a house in Richmond, VA with renters who are currently not paying their rent but e-mailing ridiculous versions of "the check is in the mail". We bought that house in 2005 to retire into which was the top of the market and now are stuck with it and unable to sell. This kind of stress coupled with other things we're all dealing with has brought on my "stress stomach" as I call it. It feels as though my abdominal muscles are so tensed I can barely stand upright. Okay, breathe....focus on positive things....lower my expectations of myself....these seem to help. Just told DH I couldn't drive us to the minor league baseball game tonight as it is predicted thunderstorms and it is an hour from here. This is going to be one of those step at a time days and I've got to try really hard not to let depression get its grip back on me. I'll take all the thoughts, prayers and good wishes you can send!
Me, my life has taken another turn this morning...with the in-home health caregiver, the Hospice nurse came today, the Hospice CNA to bathe him came at that same time, bringing a trainee and his supervisor!!! I had a house full for an hour and it was like a three ring circus! I decided to take a seat in my recliner and just watch while they did their jobs. A year ago, I would have tried to help, get things for them, give advice, etc.....and now I can relax, knowing that they are well trained to do their jobs and that my husband is well cared for on all fronts.
I have been doing a lot of "downsizing" and tossing out of "stuff" that we don't need, things that haven't been used in a long while, and are taking up space. This weekend I managed to fill two garbage cans full, and also two big boxes for Goodwill. If I can keep this up, I'll have the house the way I want it. I realized I let AD really get to me in that I would put off my sorting and tossing, and take care of my husband and when I wasn't taking care of him, I would read or watch TV with him because he would shadow me (or try to help me)...now that that stage has passed, I can "getter done!" LOL
Take good care of yourselves....this is a long and arduous journey, and we need to lighten up each day for a few minutes - and smell the roses!!!
Several of us "spouses" went to the movies on Sunday. We saw "Get Low" with Robert Duval. It was a very well-written, well-acted and well-shot movie. I admit that this is not the normal type of movie I typically go for but I was very pleasantly surpised by how enjoyable it was. It takes place in the 30''s so the whole feel was from that time. Overall, it was kind of a dark, solemn and serious movie but it included some humor and well-placed lighter moments.
Of course afterwards we went out for dinner and filled that time with lots of laughter. An evening out is always a good thing.
Mary, I can so visualize you sitting in your recliner watching the circus. I too am learning to sit back a little more. I decided worrying about the tenants and trying to take action today was not worth what it was about to do to me mentally, emotionally and physically. Took DH out to lunch which he really enjoyed and I practiced a little zen breathing imagining the gentle rain outside washing away some of this stress. Then we went to the bank where DH went in to make the deposit and got a cookie they keep for customers. I prefer drivethrough but this has become a ritual for him. Then the grocery store and back. It wasn't that long ago that just accomplishing these little things would have exhausted me to the point of going back to bed. It seems as though if I can just keep myself moving I can keep the worst parts of this depression at bay.
Had a good day today..I had a meeting with our elder care attorney and said no to the divorce thing..in the end even if there were a divorce my dear sweet hubby would still have too much in terms of his pension from ret pay, SS and VA disability to qualify. So we are redoing the POA etc and will clean up the trust too. Then fingers crossed for the best. I have been learning of some homes in our area that take care of those needing the nh type care and from what I am finding, people are very happy with them so there is another avenue to inspect. And hubby had a good dr visit to day with his Ha1C down, wt at a better level, and vitals etc all good!! That was a woohoo day. I might actully be able to sleep well for a change tonight....unless my little cat who thinks she is my mom decided I need my ears cleaned! LOL She is so attentive and sweet..and Dh talks to her more than me.
Just checking in here. Hello all..I don't have computer connection when I stay over in Dh's area. The drive is tiring and I moved my little Casita (rv..looks like a white twinkie) to an rv park down there. HOWEVER, it lacks the amenities one needs to stay longer than overnight.. DH is doing well enough, I think. He has adjusted and likes his room. Loves his bed and probably stays in it too much. When he was here.. his bed was in the back of the house.. Now his furnishings are in the same place and he chooses the bed over his chair. I'm trying to figure out whether to buy a larger RV that would actually be suitable for spending more time..or buying a mobile home in a very well established place. This is crazy but things just feel too 'temporary' to invest in a house or even lease an apartment for a year. The benefit of the RV is that it can go anywhere I need to go. The benefit of the mobile home is that it is 2bdroom/2bath AND in a college town. That particular location is a prime market for college students every semester. So rather than invest in a home hoping to sell at some point..the mobile home might sell faster. I'm a complete loon..but thats nothing new, friends. It was great to get to sit here and see typing from you all. Take care and stay dry!
Things happening. Got a new car yesterday -- first one I ever picked out and bought on my own. The guy from the dealership came to fetch me at 9 am and when I got home at 10:30 DH was still snoring. I had put out grapes and unshelled peanuts for him which would have kept him busy if he's got up.
Later we had to go to court for the hearing on guardianship. I was nervous, afraid I would have to discuss his condition right there in front of him, but there was nothing to it. The judge took one look at him, exchanged a few kind words with him and that was that. It probably helped that I had taken a lot of trouble to describe his condition on the application form. When we first went into the courtroom (tiny) after waiting in the hall for quite a while, DH was unwilling to sit down. WHen I pointed him to his chair and urged him to sit he said "Well I've just been sitting for a long time" which is about the most logical thing he's said in weeks. For a minute I was afraid he was going to surpass himself and be normal at the wrong time, but I needn't have worried. The judge told him he could remain standing or just walk around if he wanted to, but after a minute he did sit down.
This morning we had a new kitchen door put in. The old one stuck so bad every winter that we could not use it till spring. DH slept through all of that, too, including the noisy bits. The new door is hardwood and has double glazing which should make the kitchen more comfortable in the winter. And much better locks.
Congratulations on getting the new car Jeannette. When my husband had stopped driving, I traded in both of our white cars for a blue one so that there would be nothing familiar in the driveway. At first I thought I wouldn't have to do that but after a while he started talking about driving so no more cars that he knew. He never drove the new one. Someone on another thread said that it took their husband a while but after about 3 weeks he recognized their new car. I found the same with my hsuband - even from 3 stories up, he could pick out the new car in a parking lot.
My Catholic girlfriend arranged for her priest to go to the facility my husband is in and give him a blessing for the sick today. My husband was raised Catholic but later changed when he came to this country. I am not Catholic but it was a very sweet gesture on her part.
New doggie/kitty story: We have had a visitor in our yard over the last week or so - the dogs were very interested in one particular tree and constantly checking it out. I thought it was a squirrel. It wasn't. Last night (it was dark), I had them out in the fenced in back yard and noticed that they were playing with something and rubbing themselves on it. I went to take whatever it was away from them and found it was a 'possum. I dragged the dogs (92 pounds and 71 pounds) into the house and made sure the cats were in. I thought it was dead so got out the shovel to take care of the remains. When I got back to the spot - the 'possum was gone. Guess the 'possum was playing 'possum. Of course the dogs were also very stinky as they had rubbed themselves good on it so at 9:30 last night I was outside with hose, dog and shampoo. Ended up with stinky wet dog smell in the house instead of stinky possum smell.
Well we got a new battery in our 2003 Trailblazer..so there!!!¡¡¡ LOL. We had a dental appt..car started up just dandy..no sweat..got to the dentist and DH got his teeth cleaned and sparkley..very nice..go out to the car, try to start it and not even that odd sound of a battery near death..this one was pushing up daisies...in onoy 45 min time too..deader than a doornail. So got a neighbor to come get DH and he and the tow truck arrived at the same moment..got DH off for a bite to eat while I handled the car..one new alrighty then for us.
Jenette..what color is your new set of wheels? I have been wanting to trade the truck ( but not my Sienna) for something smaller. I am finding the parking lots just too hard to squeeze this big ol truck into anymore..everything is set up for max parking of mini cars...I have cats to tote to the vet and all the other errands and just don't know that the next choice should be.
The car is light blue-gray, metallic. I wanted red (which has always been the color of MY cars) but the only available colors for the hybrid were black, white and various metcallic silvery tones. This one has the advantage -- as therrja says -- of being a completely different color from his Prius so he won't be tempted to think of it as his car. Meanwhile we've been out in it several times and he accepts it although he doesn't recognize it yet. He could recognize my little red Starlet from far away on the street or parking lot.
News: I have broken down and contacted the home health care service and starting Tuesday they are going to come to bathe him once a week. We chose a non-day care day so there will be plenty of time and no hurry. I was advised that it would be good to get him used to having someone else help him. Also, there are many evenings now when he refuses to get in the bathtub. If it goes well I'll have them come more often. They can't promise to always send the same person so I'll have to see how that works.
Hi Everyone, Well we are in Ohio visiting our son & his family. The trip was long but my DH traveled very well. (we took the long route through the WV mountains) He is doing fair here, moody at times. Keeping busy with soccer games. Went to the Sternwheeler festival in Marietta OH & watched the best fireworks last night. The best part for me was that my computer genius son added my picture to my account so now you can click on my name & see mer! Going home tomorrow. It is nice to get away. It's also good for our grandkids to be able to see their PopPop while he still know them. Thanks for listening!
ElaineH, that's a nice picture! Thanks to your computer genius son for making it available to us. If he's up my way, Vancouver, Canada, I'd like to see him; maybe he'd do the same for me.
A beautiful Sunday here in KY. After the flooding rains the last two days, the sun is shining and it's nice and cool! DH decided NOT to go to church this morning, after I had gotten dressed to go. Should have known. LOL So, got some things done that needed to be done; ate lunch; DH is playing golf on his laptop and I'm just messing around this afternoon. Feels good!!
Vickie...you must be in the same mood I am. Got up to go to church but decided not to go this morning....I have had a very bad week and I am just too tired. I think I may go to the evening service since I haven't done that in a long time.
Make room for me, Vickie and Judith, I had a icky week too with too much running to doctors and pharmacy etc and a dead battery in the truck on Fri and then relatives who couldn't decide until yesterday to come up. It was exhausting by the end of last night. Then today a good friend called to say " we are missing you at the picnic"..the weather was overcast and chilly, I ached after lifting two 25 bags of watersoftner salt..and didn't want to go out either..so I just bagged it... What gets on my raw Irish nerves is when we say no to somthing and the others just refuse to let it be.. I know they don't deal with this and have no idea and even telling them doesn't seep into their senses..they don't understand that sometimes, no matter how many or in what way we tell them, we just need down time with no more obligations..even for a pot luck.
Calling on Wolf K for his comments on how a man would handle this. (I know one of the problems is that women's feelings get hurt more easily than men's - or so it seems to me.)
Mimi, if someone refused to accept my "no, we aren't able to attend due to my husband's condition and I don't have time or energy to prepare anything" - then ask them to come and take him and bring a dish for you and you will be glad to go and sit and do nothing!!! <grin> Seriously, when anyone wants me to go now, they HAVE to help with my husband. I can't do it alone any more. So, I say no...and if they insist, they can come to the house and put him in the car, and take him out when we get there and reverse the procedure going home. AND if I don't have to do anything but sit while I'm there...it is away from the house and not having to look at all I need to get done!!!! A little respite....much needed....
AND, if they come up with an excuse why they can't help you, then they WILL accept your "No!" <grin>
Took hb to a "new to us" neurologist this a.m. I'd written a couple pages of meds, things he can do, can't do, or does do (and shouldn't). He'd had an MRI at this doc's request a couple weeks ago. Doc didn't have results at hand, but went to find them. I told him I didn't expect he'd had time to read my notes...."Oh, yes, I've looked at them" Anyway, he wants some blood tests and another I've forgotten the initials for and am too lazy to go get my notebook to see what I wrote (aren't I the helpful one?) Not so interested in MME. Anyway, bottom line is he said based on my observations and thoughts, he thinks he has AD and not vascular dementia. My guess is he could have both. Recommended LIFELINE from Alz Soc. and having a copy of The 36-Hr Day on hand for reference and reading "ahead."
Tomorrow a.m. we go to his group w/University grad students. This was part of their eval summary: "Verbal output is fluent, but empty. Utterances are often vague and irrelevant to the conversation, containing few substantive words and paucity of ideas...The client appeared unaware of, and was therefore unconcerned by, the difficulty he had completing evaluation tasks." Glad I didn't pay for this eval in and of itself. I could have told them all this, but perhaps not w/the vocabulary. "Paucity of ideas"....I like that.
I finally felt I could leave AH alone for a short while on Sunday. It's been 10 weeks since his back surgery.It was so good to get away even for the 1 1/2 hrs.I went to my volunteer job at the local NH and the Amish church group was there singing. I found it very soothing, they bring their entire families,lots of children,teens,all dressed intheir Sunday outfits.I thought the residents might not remember me but they were all so happy to see me,said they were worried about me.Made me feel good.One woman said"here comes the lady that makes us laugh" AH will not have anyone come to stay with him,not even the children,so it's hard to get away,but I love so going to the NH and it's only 3 miles away,I realize it won't be long before AH will not be able to stay alone,especially with winter coming.
Mary, The caller actually did say, well we will come and get him out of your hair. Thing is he wasn't pestering me, he was happy watching the military channel. I just didn't want to go there and have everyone asking me " how is DH" and having to talk AD..and I just was tired and not in the mood for being out in the yucky chilly day, picnic or not. Sometimes I just need quiet time with no questions...it is always about DH and how he is doing.....
I am now into my 3rd. stint of caregiving, but this time it is my adult daughter recovering from a severly crushed pelvis from a ATV accident July 3. She has been living with me 6 weeks now during her first part of recouperation. She is bed/wheelchair bound and her husband is sharing in the caretaking duties but I am reliving some of the same things I had with the other 2. She will be moving back home - most of the time - next week and starting PT for learning to walk again. She has taken over my 2 spare bedrooms and LR sofa. Today I took her for her first shopping outing. Helped her transfer to my car, load the wheelchair in the back, unload at the store and back home etc. She had to use the bathroom 15 minutes after we got there and "just avoided a major disaster", and I lost her twice in the store. I spent more time looking for her than anything else. We decided nobody would want to kidnap someone in a wheelchair. When we got home, we both collapsed on our beds. I am really looking forward to having my house back - most of the time - next week. And, I don't think we will go shopping again for at least a week.
Lmohr, its good to hear from you and that daughter is on the mend. its a long hard recovery and it will be so nice for you to have your house back. take care of Lois now, and hope she is so much better soon! divvi
Fall seems to have settled in here, cool days. Great for yard work. Mostly very windy for cycling but I have been getting out while DH is at day care. The other day I went out the door to go to IKEA (needed extra separate bedding, washable bathroom rugs, etc), took a look at my new car, thought of that crowded parking garage with metal carts, looked at my bike and the blue sky and quick got on the bike before I changed my mind. It was a great ride (about 6 miles each way).
Failure with the home help; the aide could not get DH into the shower. She made the mistake of ASKING him if he would come have a shower. His standard answer is NO so I never ask him these questions. She explained that they are not allowed to force anyone against their will. Going to try again next week but this time I will tell the aide to TELL him that he is going to have a shower. If it is another failure I'll drop it for now. Last night, all of a sudden, he got in the bathtub. (I promised him mini cream puffs, his favorite).
JeanetteB, bribery (especially sweet treats) works great, doesn't it? <grin> I bribe my husband with cookies or chocolate malts or pudding cups a lot!
Fall may be coming, but it is still in the 90s here during the day - it gets to the 60s at night though, so the mornings feel great! The leaves are falling, but that is more from heat and lack of enough rain, I think. The mums are just beginning to come in here, because of the hot days, the markets delayed their shipments so that they wouldn't die too soon from heat.
Bama, Go Tide!!
wwwwoooooo PIG sooooooeeeeyyy!!!!!!! Go Hogs!!!!!
(For those who weren't here last football season, Bama and I love our football teams and enjoy rooting for each other when we aren't playing each other!)
Mary, DH is a big fan of minor league baseball. The other night I took him to a playoff game of the Northwest Arkansas Naturals in a beautiful new stadium in Springdale. We won! I was surprised how much I've enjoyed going to these games as we've been to a few now. They won the first game of the finals last night which we missed but are going tonight. It's an hour to get there and boy do I miss the days when he was still driving. When the games get a little slow (it is baseball) I have my Ipod with NPR podcasts I subtlely listen to. But the last game was play after play after play. Never would have thought I'd become a fan and am hoping NOT to get the Razorback fever so many people out here have. I'm keeping up my old allegiances to Cal and the Redskins and 49ers so once in awhile will watch a game on tv with DH. I've been in Arkansas for 3 years now so I suppose it's just a matter of time before I start up with that woooooooooo PIG sooooey business myself.
Getting some much needed rain here in southwest PA. Took Charlie to the dentist today (he was transported by ambulance from the nursing home). It was a total waste of time. They could not get his mouth open far enough to do anything. He has a broken tooth in the far back that is punching his jaw and tongue when he eats. No one seems to have any suggestions on what to do now.
Finished a 2000-piece puzzle today. There was a piece missing. The lady at the shop (we have a little neighborhood goodwill shop with proceeds going to third world charities) let me pick out a new puzzle free of charge. Not that I paid much for it anyway. And I donated three puzzles (declutttering, I should have donated 10).
Edis, there must be an answer to this problem. Off the top of my head, how about a medication that would relax him, or relax his muscles? A doctor, along with the dentist should know. Perhaps it's a natural instinct on Charlie's part to keep his mouth clamped shut in order to avoid any further trauma to his mouth. I worry about an infection if the tooth is left as is.
He has graduated to pudding thickness for liquids. I've decided that I like the word graduated because even though I know he is going downhill physically, saying graduated adds some humor to the situation for me making it a bit easier to deal with. While he is seriously deteriorating, I am finding that the words I use to describe the situation make a difference in my being able to deal with and accept what is happening to him.
One of the things I have learned and am being reminded of is how important it is to remain consistent with the facility staff on the care he is getting. My staying calm and decisive helps them do and say what is needed. Truly, I would love to be able to melt into a puddle and have someone hold me letting me cry my eyes out but that won't help him when he needs me to be strong for him.
So, it is Friday, we are supposed to have beautiful gardening weather for the weekend. I have my eye on a couple of small gardens in the yard that need weeding, trimming and sprucing. My goal is to get them done this weekend.
Finished Nora Roberts "The Search" this morning. I enjoyed the book a lot. It is a great story about and animal trainer, carpenter and of course the pyscho that is after her.
Our team lost the baseball game last night. It was one of those VERY slow games for many innings but some big excitement for a few moments. But then we lost. DH just loved it which was nice to see. He claps along with the mascot and even sings Take Me Out to the Ballgame. Can't imagine him doing that before AD. The drive back from the ballpark takes 1-1/4 hours and without much of any conversation it was hard to stay awake. It felt good though to do something he enjoys so much. Just when I got into bed and was feeling so sleepy he yelled at me about the various groceries he was OUT of. There went my readiness for sleep. When will these things not bring me down or make me anxious? After more than 3 years you'd think it wouldn't affect me at all and it is easier, but it still rattles.
Cloudy and cool today. A nice change, but unfortunately winter is just around the corner. I love Nora Roberts books. Have not read "The Search". Will put it on my list. Terry, maybe the two of us could make a BIG puddle. I agree that staying totally involved once they go into care is the only way to go. I wonder when they give them "pudding thick" liquids, how they can be called liquids. The dentist did refer Charlie to the dental clinic in Morgantown WV where he could be sedated to do the work. They did tell us there might be "a bit of a wait". Guess I will just have to call and see.
Edis--is that the dental clinic at WVU Dental School? I had work done there years ago--excellent quality, the students were closely supervised by instructors. However, using sedation on a dementia patient is another story--if it is the Dental School clinic, I would question them about how it would be handled.
Today, I walked in the "Alzheimer's Memory Walk" this morning. My husband has FTD instead of Alzheimer's, however, to me dementia, is dementia, no matter what it is called. I raised $600.00, I was hoping for a $1,000...maybe next year. So far the walk for my town, has raised almost $25,000. It was a beautiful day for a walk. I would guess maybe a couple hundred walked...maybe more.
I've been doing so well keeping the worst of depression at bay lately but have had one bad day/night and today I had to force one foot in front of the other, but I made it through and actually arranged dinner out and to an All Brass concert at a local community center with DH and a friend. DH enjoyed it. It's so wonderful the way he enjoys most music anymore. I had never seen an all brass ensemble. Interesting. Loved the swing/big band music particularly. We used to do a little swing dancing, just basic triple step stuff, not sure if DH could do it anymore. Maybe I'll give it a try with him in the livingroom and see. The music made me wish I had been able to follow during those lindy hop lessons.
Okay Mary... I "Sooooceeeee Pig" it yesterday and I am glad to see your team win but this week it will be NO "Go Hogs" for me and No "Roll Tide" for you. Your Ryan Mallet looks like a winner and we'd better get ready to defend the pass. ♥♥♥ I'm sorry to say DH can no longer follow the game and doesn't know who the heck Sabin is.
Hello all. It's been a long time since I checked in. Mary, sorry I did not answer your email, I haven't opened my emails for a month. Ditto all others. I have had chronic diarrhea for 3 years since my H moved us into the apartment out of the house he "thought" he sold. I finally went, at my son's request to a gastroenterologist. I was diagnosed with irratable bowel symdrome. But then I read the "hand out" with the antiderpressant Lexapro and it said to contact your doctor immediately if you have severe diarrhea. Wow, that was 3 years ago! So, I decided to withdraw from the drug. I have been through Hell worse than I can describe. I missed 3 weeks of work, had just about every symptom of withdwrawal, except headaches. Dizziness, inability to concentrate, etc. etc. Meanwhile, I have moved into my rental property & the tub/toilet stopped working. Fortunately, since this was my 1st day back at work, called H & he left the door open for me to shower/wash my hair at his place. (Playing tennis, as always, while I work.)
Sorry for spelling errors, spell check not working. Terry, I read a few of your posts, my thoughts are with you. Divvi, I don't know at all what is going on with you. I hope it is going as well as possible. Nora, I think of you often and appreciate your friendship. I have not opened the emails you sent yet.
HE has filed for divorce, which at first angered me, since I was the one to decide to leave. Then I thought, well that's money I don't have to spend. We are on good terms, thankfully. I may have to stay with him for a few days until the plumbing issue is resolved.
He now has a hand gun and a license for a concealed weapon, which concerns me. Not for my sake, but as you know, in general.
Just wanted to touch base, you all saved me when I was so unprepared & unknowing. ♥ Kitty