I am 79and still want sex.I don't want to die an unhappy man.My wife of 79 has AZ. I am her caregiver at home and I have a visiting angel 20-30 hrs a week as a companion for her. I have a friend and we go to dinner and we have got intimate. She is a widow and we enjoy each others company. My daughter and son know about this and so do some of my friends. I love my wife and will do anything to help her. Some think this is wrong but they have never been in the same situation. The Jewish religion have a name for this it is not adultery.It's about time someone woke up and said what is on their mind. I used to have melt downs and cry and not be able to stop. I'm happy now and still love my wife.I will check your blogs and messages to see if others have this problem and are honest with themselves
It is wonderfull that you have found a friend. The fact that you are happy enables you to provide better care to your wife.Please continue be happy and grateful that you are in the company of someone who is understanding.
Please check the left side of the front page of the website, and click on "Articles of Interest." In that section, look under the topic, "Love and Marriage." There are two articles that may be of interest to you. One is "Is it Still Adultry if it's Alzheimer's?" and the other is "Intimacy, Marriage, and Alzheimer's Disease" by Rich O'Boyle.
Also, I did a blog a few months back about a man in your position, who wrote a letter to his children concerning his new relationship - copy and paste this link to read it -http://www.thealzheimerspouse.com/tomandmarycompanions.htm or you can just go to the "previous blog" section and click on #134.
Anna Thank you my friends husband died 10 years ago with Non Hodkins Lynphoma and 10 years ago I was diagonosed with non hodkins iynphome his birthday was 9/8/28 mine is 9/7/28 what a quoiniance
Hi orb...I completely understand. My husband's not at the point where that would be a valid choice for me, but I understand. At a certain point, the primary things that need to be taken care of are: Making sure the AD person is well cared for, and making sure you, the caregiver (or care coordinator) are in good enough spirits and health to do it.
Orb, I completely understand your situation. Just a decent conversation over a horrible cup of coffee at McDonald's would be a wonderful reprieve from the daily ordeal that I go through. Rejoice and be glad that you have a companion, that your family and friends understand, and that it makes you a better caregiver in the end. Take care!
Orb, my husband is still very sweet and affectionate, and in many ways still a very good friend and companion, so I haven't had to face your situation yet. But I sure do understand the need for a close friend when your spouse is no longer able to provide the close, loving relationship you have relied on for so many years. How wonderful that your family and friends are so supportive.
Orb, there is no "one size fits all" when dealing with this disease. What works for you is what is right for you. I am glad you have found someone who can bring a smile to your face and gives you the physical and emotional comfort that you need and deserve.
Orb: I'm glad you wrote, I think it lifted a load off your shoulders. I called myself a 'married widow' it's an impossible position to be in. If the right person came along, I think I would have done the same thing and my family would have been OK with it. I had opportunities, but never what I needed. When he died, the right person did come along and I cherish that relationship--not the way I cherished life w/my DH, and I often wonder to myself how I've been able to divide my loyalties because I still would choose my DH, but that's not to be. Try to rent 'Away From Her' an exceptional AD movie in my view. It was exactly how my life was w/AD, except in the movie, my role was that of the husband--as yours is. He gets to laugh--oh, God, it felt so good to laugh. People told me that they had never heard me laugh until this friend started to come around. There can't be anything wrong with that.
Orb - go for it - follow your bliss. There is nothing in what you want that should cause guilt. My DH is 83 and he still enjoys a love life - even with AD. It isn't the same, but we should have libedo until we die. Just be glad that you aren't too exhausted to enjoy!
I hope no one minds me replying here since I am not a spouse, but a daughter of someone with AD. I think that everyone wants a loving touch, the feeling of being desired by someone, and the "right" to laugh with someone. Orb, you seem like a very kind person.God knows your heart and that's all that matters. I wish you many days of happiness and love.
Let's hear it for Orb's philosophy and his ability to cope with the reality of AD. Hopefully now 4 years after his posts he's still living life to its fullest Checking with my brother in law the Rabbi. I'm not familiar with Orb's reference,but typically if you ask ten Jewish scholars a Talmudic question and your're assured of 15 answers.
Orb: I am 78 and still have the same desires that you have. I haven't followed your path yet, but, I would not, in any way, critiisize you. I am glad that you have found some happiness.
Orb I am proud of you for being able to make sure your spouse is cared for as well as yourself. In this life if we are to be responsible for our spouse as they once again become a child and you do everything from hand feed to bath, clothe and make sure their privates are kept clean. That is the same as you would do for a small child and no one should ever judge you for finding a companion and if it became intimate then so be it. Until someone walks in your shoes they are not entitled to judge you or your choices. God bless you for caring. Bruce D *
All I have to say is that I think it is absolutely fantastic that people are having intimate relationships into their 70's and beyond...caregiving takes so much life out of the caregiver, it is nice to see that there is still companionship to be found after caregiving....gives the rest of us hope!
Absolutely. Numerous people here have found that. You might be interested in looking at the story of Emily. She was somewhere near your age and she wrote a fair bit about her experiences with what sounds like two good men in her life. She also writes a blog which is linked in her home page. I'm not sure it's current but it did provide a real look with pictures into her experiences.
You can use the search feature for users or for topics or keywords which is something you're apparently already doing.
I was just reading an older post here by Admin mentioning to click on the left side of the front page for "Articles of Interests". I cannot find that. Is it just me.