Just an update...I have increased my anti-depressants and am doing my best to hang in there. But I do have another subject I need to ask all my friensds(yes,you) about.

It has been one month since I placed my DH in ALF. Cut to the chase..I want him home. It would solve the HUGE financial problem of trying to get 1200.00 a month out of that money tree in the back yard that croaked 8 years ago. The absolute truth? Alot of the deepening of the depression is my finances. I do not have enough money even for food and make too much for food stamps.

I ran into one of my DH old caregivers and both caregivers would JUMP at the chance to take my DH back as a client. She said she would go thru the house with a fine tooth comb to find any safety issues. I used to receive 60 hours a week coverage and used it while I worked. I also had 160 hours of respite every 6 months, and rarely if ever used that.

What I would do different? I would not be at DH beck and call on my weekends. His CG got him out in the community at least 4x per week. On one day, he could come and run errands with me, but I would set up respite hours on my 2nd day of my weekend and that would be a day completely to myself. A "holy" day.

I miss him. I miss him in bed. I miss everything about him. He is used to wearing depends now 24x7. That was a big reason I placed him..scrubbing crap off him in the middle of the night.

Another thing I would do different. I would get set up on official FMLA at work, so the nights I was up all night, I could call in and not worry about my job. It wouldnt be a disaster for no pay either, cuz that 1200.00 a month is back in our pockets.

Am I nuts?
Or does this make sense.

sheltifan

I brought my husband home from the ALF. He was put on lots of drugs there and declined quite a bit. He has noe been home for almost one month and I am very happy to have him here. I have a caregiver come every morning from 8:30 to 12:30 and Mondays and Fridays one from 2-5. I get my DH showered and dressed in the morning and make breakfast. Then I can leave the house or do whatever else I need to do. The afternoons I usually go see a movie. He has gotten incontinent while living in the ALF. He regained some of his abilities back. He wasn't able to get in and out of the car, now he can, he didn't walk there very much, now he walks every day at least 30 minutes to an hour. Now that he is off the Zyprexa he speaks more clearly and is more himself. I modified the house, put in a higher toilet, took off the glass shower doors, secured the stove, put childproof doorknobs on the kitchen door, have night lights, put in locks so I can lock certain rooms and closets.
He does go through sundowner's in the afternoons (not every day, and not always at the same time). He doesn't wander anymore in the night like he did at the ALF, however, he does get up every 2-3 hours in the night to go to the bathroom. He is still independent in some ways, but can't control his bladder. I now know that I don't need to change him quite so often and wait 4 hours until I do.

He is more confused and needs more help dressing, but has been able to regain some of those skills. He even started shaving again. I control what he eats and his BM's are easier to clean up. He now only takes the Aricept, which we started again over a month ago. A few days ago he started the 10 mg and I'll see if that will make any changes. It is so nice to have him sleep next to me. We have fun together and last evening for the first time we went out to have dinner. He was calm and enjoyed it very much.

I had to change my attitude about taking care of him and what my expectations were. He is more like a sweet child to me. Sundowner's is no fun and we get through it, just like a storm hits you and then passes.

If I place him again for safety reasons or other reasons I would put him in a smaller home, rather than the larger ALF. I was so miserable when he was gone and couldn't enjoy anything. Now, when I go out, I enjoy what I do and trust the caregivers that they will do their job. I also hired a housecleaner once a week. The caregivers also do light housework.
Since I wasn't working, I thought this will be my job, taking care of my husband for as long as I can do it.

circumstances can change and our spouses may also be at a different level of care than when you first chose to place them. aggression and out of control raging may be under control if meds are under control and adjusted thus making it easier to care for them at home. i know i wouldnt doubt it a minute if i had placed mine and decided he was ok enough to bring back home. whille incontinence isnt fun its not a deal breaker on my end - i would give it a second time round and if it didnt work out so be it. but i dont think its off the table to make it work if you can hire additional inhome help to give you breaks when you need it. i hope it works out for you who try.
divvi

sheltifan2: I know exactly how you feel about missing your DH and wanting to bring him home. I feel the same way about my wife except mine is just lonliness and I want her with me.

But, I can't do it because she is in a secure environment and she is content. If I brought her out, she would be confused and within an hour get very agitated and upset. In other words, she couldn't handle the big world that is just our little home.

Because of that, the decision is already made for me.

I wish you all the best, whatever, you do.

Placed Dee July 1st. My guilt is tuff but I know she gets better care in some respects then she got at home.. Its a small facility with 18 people in her building and she looks nice each day cause they do a better job with her dress and her hair.. She does ask to come home and will cry when I visit and that is what is so hard for me, that I in most parts made the decision to place her.. I am working hard at getting through the guilt but my broken heart is slow at healing.. Good luck to all and bless you guys that have placed your loved ones,, which ever way you eventually deside to go (leave in a facility or return them home)