May you all find an Andrew! He came through an agency, a young man with a CNA, two years of community college and some time working in restaurants and, I found out later, a short history of drug abuse. He goes to CODAC every morning to get his methadone. He has now been with us for close to 18 months. I pay him through the agency for the time he spends working with L., and he comes 3 full mornings a week, and other mornings and every evening for just half an hour or so to get him changed and into bed. he cleans the house and cuts the grass and organizes stuff (cleaned the garage, for instance) and tonight brought us fresh mashed potatoes and smoked turkey with gravy (he's on a gravy kick at the moment). L. love him; they play back and forth, make faces, throw pillows, and laugh. Without him L. would not be at home, I'm sure.
Oh, briegull! You are so lucky! I think it would be nice if I could get a young man here to help because with my husband's background of college professor he loves to talk to, and encourage, young people. When I go to the agency I'll mention something about that.
Bev, you are right, I am lucky to have my daughters here. At this point in time I don't think my DH would be agreeable to have anyone else take care of him. At first he didn't want to go to our daughters, but he is getting used to it. My older daughter takes him with her when she runs errands & he likes to go places. Yesterday she took him for a walk on the local walking trail. I'm hoping this can continue for at least a year because a year from now I will be able to collect Social Security (providing there are still funds available!) & then I won't work if I don't have to. But who knows what will happen in a year. You are right about a young man being a good companion. When that time come for us I think I'll look into that.
Well, reading through this old thread triggered some tears...... How thankful I am we are not where we were back then..... How thankful I am that I refused to build those walls. It will hurt more while living it, but there is a lot to be said for mourning the losses as they come.
I can't believe I am the same person who wrote those posts almost 3 years ago. Well, I'm not, none of us are.
Turns out late stage is not as horrific as I thought it would be. Marinol has been our miracle. But I also believe it is because I did never let go of our love, that I spend a lot of time with him, and that time is spent showering him with love and affection, that he to this day still knows who I am. He might not be able to say my name when he asked, but he knows me and loves me still. This has been proven to me time and time again.
If you need to build those wall, I do completely understand the necessity to do so. We each do what we must to survive the moment. We do not judge here, we offer unconditional support.
Hey Nikki--I never built the wall either. Just couldn't and wouldn't do it. I agree with you about late stage not being as horrific as I anticipated (so far).
Me too ladies. marilynMD you have stated a few times how it does get well..."smoother", in the later phases. Perhaps this is a part of acceptance. Truly there were times last year when I thought I was not going to make it, due to constant sadness, tears, non support, and then sickness. I find this human body so amazing at recovery. Of course it is still very tough, however, I do find some happiness now that I did not expect.
We are all going to have a rough patch ahead though, very rough. Nikki I know you are having surgery and your Mom too, and you are in my prayers already. I am sure the lights will be on all over the world for you again.
I wonder if others can see the strength we see in them? If they can see the positive changes to their thinking, their essence? I have seen so much growth from so many of our members, it is an amazing thing to witness! There is so much pain, but I also see a great deal of healing going on. ♥
I remember the day Kathryn was diagnosed like it was yesterday. The doctor said I should get a book called the 36 hour day. While they were doing the test I got and read the book. I remember thinking “my god, there is no way I can do this” but guess what? It didn’t all happen in one day. It happened over a 4 and ½ year period and I did handle it. Maybe not perfectly but I gave the best I had to give at any given moment. Was it easy? Nope. Was it worth it? Absolutely. I was never able to detach my self from Kathryn and I still haven’t been able to yet. I miss her every day. I guess I will for the rest of my life and I’m ok with that. We were married for 12 years and Alzheimer’s was with us for 7 and ½ of those years but they were still the best 12 years of my life and I wouldn’t change having Kathryn as a part of my life for anything.
The fear I had at first was fear of the unknown. When I understood it that fear was changed into strength. And Kathryn and I made it though it together.
I think the secret is to learn to not fear it.
JimB
Nikki, best of luck with your surgery. I am sure everything well go fine.
Jim I am so happy to see your post, despite the fact that you are so sad. And I love that you pointed out not to fear the unknown....thank you. I am working hard on walking right in to what I fear.
And when you talk about reading the 36 hour day, and telling yourself there is no way, but you did, and with all the gold stars possible. Yes, when Dado was first diagnosed I was in shock, fear, denial, and anger. And I am doing it, have done it, and continue to do so, and love myself so much more for it.
Please keep coming around you mean so much to us all here. Hugs and warm wishes and all to you.