Tonight as I was giving DH a pedicure, he started talking about his wife. I took the opportunity to ask him about her (me). He said she is a wonderful person, does lots of things for him and he loves her. I asked what kinds of things she does, and he replied that she takes him places and does things for him that he can't do. Later on, all evening, he kept thanking me over and over and hugging and kissing me.
ok, experts, if I am to survive this I know I need to develop some "clinical detachment" and build that emotional wall. But how do I go about it when he is so sweet and appreciative? Not that I'm complaining, believe me, but I think it would be a lot easier to do if he was getting on my nerves!
It is bittersweet to be sure when he is speaking so of you while it is you who is sitting with him and talking about her even though at this point he doesn't know that it is you to whom he speaks..it does tug badly at the heart. What is lovely is to know that he has always thought so of you and you can get a hint of how he would have spoken to others about you. When my mom had AD, and she would care for her teddy bear dressed in a little girl outfit and I got an insight into just how she handled us when we were babies..which were it not for this disease, I doubt we would have ever seen this manifestation of her affection and tenderness. I personally think this disease is more difficult to contend with when DH is getting on my last raw Irish nerve than when he is appreciative. However my DH still knows who I am but I feel I could be on an edge as today he did not know who the Vice President is today. When he took that memory test last year there were other well known political figures he didn't know in our very recent past..like who the Sec of State is, even with hints.
I wouldnt try to 'detach' yet while hes still able to relate to you in this manner. the time will come later when you see he doesnt have this insight and it will be the time and you will know when. til then enjoy what you have and relish each time he tells you he loves you. divvi
I am fortunate, if you want to call it that, in that my hb has not said sweet things to me for as long as I can remember. I think back in the 70s when we would go out and get drunk was the last time. In response, I gave up saying sweet, loving things to him hoping he would get the message. I won't say I don't have my moments. They usually follow after reading how affectionate your AD spouses are. If he should change that way as the disease progresses, it will really make me mad.
So those whose spouses are sweet and say sweet things, as bluedaze said 'treasure it'.
This is an interesting post. My DH tells me he loves me first thing in the morning; then in 10 min. he will ask if he's told me today that he loves me. This goes on all day! I always tell him that I love him too and that he has told me. Then he will say, "Well, I just want to be sure I tell you everyday how much I love you". It gets on my nerves - the constantcy of it, but it certainly could be soooo much worse! I can't possibly detach from a man who tells me he loves me 50 times a day!
I don't think , if you had a good marriage previously, that you will be completely void of great affection for your mate. However, it will be very painful for you if you try to continue your relationship as it was before AD. That personality with its uniqueness which attracted and sustained your marriage bond is no longer evident and you are caring for a loved stranger. Cherish your memory of the spouse you remember but separate the memories from the reality of your now and future bond . enjoy the times when they know you (in whatever capacity that is)I really doubt if an AD person can still comprehend the concept of marriage. Care for your spouse for the love you had but begin to live a new life that will be as fulfilling as you can accomplish.
WOW! I was going to post something similar to what all of you are saying. MiMi my DH knows who I am, but he can't tell you what day of the week, month or even year it is, let alone who some of the politicians are (he does know who the President is, although it's probably because he doesn't like him). Vickie, my DH does almost the exact same thing (constantly telling me he loves me). I know as other people say, we should treasure it, but like you said it gets on my nerves. I don't think that I have actually detached from him, but our relationship is definitely different. It's so frustrating how you can have a really good day & then the very next day you can tell the minute he gets out of bed that the day is going to be BAD....today is that day :o(
I guess it all goes back to the one day at a time philosophy. Some days are good really good and the next a bummer in every way. None of us have the same relationship we had before...but somehow knowing there is still affection,even if different is some consolation..after awhile that will be gone. It seems all of our LOs do things at times that drive us nuts..like the tv volume is once again tooooo louuuuuuddddddd.....grrrrrrr. There is no good answer but I still find it meaningful when I do get that little pat or a kiss or and ILU..or what would I do without you or the I hope you keep me....
Re Joyful*'s comment.....we had a terrific marriage..even our kids couldn't believe we could work together and live together 24/7...now we can barely tolerate each other! So, what happened prior doesn't necessarily influence later. He was so very "hands on" all our 50+ years, but now he doesn't even want to be near me. Quite a change and hard to deal with. Living without any affection at all is one of the worst parts of this damned disease.
kathi37, it sure is hard to live with someone who no longer shows affection or appreciation. It makes me think he doesn't know who you are now..he may be seeing his loving wife as you were when you were in your early days of your marriage. I discovered this when my mom had AD..she did not know the person in the photo was me..she now saw me as a little kid in her mind..yeah that hurts a lot but when we stop to think where their mind is now.
Oh, he knows me..not that far down the road in many ways. So that is one reson it is so hard...where this came from? Who knows! He told me lately that he doesn't see that I do anything for him!!! Besides, feed, dress,bathe, etc etc? There's that "Oh well" again.
Last night, when I reminded my husband that it was "cuddle time" he said, ok, but you know I have a wife. It was actually funny--he would hug and kiss me, but wasn't sure who I was--he seemed a little guilty--kept mentioning his wife. So I asked him a lot of questions about her, he responded that she's so nice, he loves her so much, then he started telling me how pretty I am (the woman who isn't his wife)! So then I started telling him about how we met, our first date, our wedding, etc., and it was as if it was the first time he had heard any of it! He kept apologizing for not remembering, but his reaction was pure amazement. Somehow, suddenly things seemed to click and he knew me again. His doctor attributes it to agnosia--looking at someone or something and not recognizing it. Must be so weird to him, having this woman he doesn't know (me) say I'm his wife, but at least it doesn't seem to upset him--just surprise.
marilyn i have done the same thing many times- asked about DH 'wife' and he always seemed amazed that i knew so much about her.. haha.. even today late stage 7 i asked if i was his sister or his wife and he smiled and said wife much to my amazement-- so it really gives for thought to know how much they know but cant vocalize- i think this comes/goes but we are in 'there' somewhere! it helps alot to know its something that is common and doesnt catch us so much off guard knowing others experience the same thing. divvi
My DW forced the clinical detachment during the last year that I kept her at home. She didn't like me at all, and often wanted to move to her own apartment or in with her sister. Anywhere except with me in our house. I think we had a pretty good marriage. Lots of "I Love You's" good times and celebrations, but, this disease changed her dramatically. And, to be honest, it hurt me deeply, because at the time, I didn't know what we were dealing with. Now, when I visit her in the ALF, she tells me the 50 times per day how much she loves me and misses me and on and on. I sometimes have trouble accepting this. Its as if I don't know how to process these feelings after what I had to go thru.
I know that we are supposed to just blame the disease and forget what happened, but, I don't know for the life of me why it is so hard for me to do that. I will tell you tho, that it is hard to describe how her rejection hurt me. So, I just need for somebody to tell me to 'Get over it'.
So, Charlotte has a good point there and I am the last person to try to tell her how to handle it if it happens.
I can't build the ""Emotional wall" ... maybe I should say, I wont. I love Lynn, he is the love of my life, my everything!... it SHOULD hurt to lose him. Maybe that is wrong to some of your thinking, but I can't change how I feel. At times I am sure I will be completely destroyed from the pain and anguish I am feeling. Each stage brings new heartache. You think while you are in the stage you are in right now, that that is the hardest... but as they decline into the next stage you find no, this one is even worse. At least, that is how it has been for me.
Stage 7 is by far the hardest I have had to deal with... much worse than even the anger, the hitting, the yelling and screaming. When I was living that, I thought for sure nothing could be worse. I was so very wrong......Then I had my anger at the disease, the outrage at all I was losing to help me through the pain. Now, now there is nothing but the stark horrible truth of what the ending will be.......
Lynn has declined significantly, drastically, since I last posted. I was not even able to come here and share with you how deeply I have been hurting. I knew the friends I had come to care so much for here were the only people who COULD understand.......... yet, the pain was so great I was sure even here, no one would know my pain. Yes we are all in the same "boat" but still, we are all unique too. Some had great loves, some had sad tragic marriages. Lynn has held my heart since I was 18! This past June would have been our 25th anniversary........ He is more than just my husband, he is a part of me!!
so to me..... to build an "emotional wall" to detach myself from him, would be to detach myself from me as well!!! I couldn't do it... I wont. I will continue to see him as much as I emotionally am able to.... I will hold his hand and speak tender words of love.... I will smile my brightest smile for him......... and yes, I will fall apart when I leave.... my heart will break anew every day. But, I can not detach from him, that for me would hurt more.
We all have to do what we feel is best for us. Only we know our own hearts. No one thing will be right for all of us. Be kind to yourself in whatever you decide and just follow your hearts ♥
Nikki, thank you for sharing. It is nice to be reminder that there are marriages out there where they are soul mates. There are people here who have marriages from as special as yours to just existing together. As you said, we all have to figure out how we are going to deal with it - whether to detach or stay as close as possible to our spouse. Just as 'if you have seen one AD, you have seen one', we all deal in our own way. Some are similar but we are all individuals.
I don't think that "building that emotional wall" is really something that you can decide upon and set out to do. It either happens or it doesn't. My dh has declined rapidly and they are telling me at his day care facility that I should prepare to place him within a year. So I have been thinking a lot about "losing" him in even more ways than I have so far and my feeling now is that -- although I certainly don't feel that we can ever be as close emotionally as we used to be -- I do want to keep him here with me as long as I can and love him as best I can. My problem is that I can hardly remember what he used to be like, before AD.
My DW starts in the evening telling me that she loves me and it goes on most of the night. She goes to bed at 8:00pm and will get up several times and come tell me good night and that she loves me. She goes to bed and then forgets that she told me and will do that 2 or 3 times before she finally goes to sleep.
Nikki--the reason I started this thread is that I'm afraid that I will be the same way you are, unable to emotionally detach during Stage 7. I try to tell myself that nothing could be worse than the early stage, when there was personality change, but I really won't know that until we go through the whole disease. Yet I know that unless I'm able to break away somehow, seeing him go through the end stage will be torture--as it is for you. My husband and I are also soulmates, and although I always felt he might predecease me, when you are young (I was 28 when we married), you think of that in abstract terms. The only comforting thing that I can think of is that at least he won't have pain--if there is discomfort at the end, I'll have hospice and they'll give him morphine.
Thanks for your post, glad you are still reading and let us hear from you when you can.
Nikki, so glad you posted. I have been wondering how you were. I placed my DH in January. I'm seeing a decline and it's heart breaking. He still knows me which makes me feel good. Watching him decline is worse that when I would get upset with him.
Bob that is so sweet ♥ Marilyn, it is torture... but to me not as bad as letting him, us, "go" while he is still alive..... but that is me, we all have to follow our hearts. You will make the right choice for you ((hugs))
Now I have time to reflect back on the things that irritated me so much while we were going through them, the violent moods, the personality changes, the driving issues, the shadowing, those were "biggies" for me. The constant repeating never did bother me. I knew he couldn't help it. It seems odd when I think about it now but I somehow accepted the physical changes and loss of abilities easier than I did the personality ones. I often times found myself mad at him that he was changing from my loving husband into a total stranger before my eyes. Of course he couldn't help that either!!! And though I KNEW it, while I was living it, I couldn't accept it.
Acceptance is vital if we are going to survive ourselves. Now with Lynn firmly in stage 7 there is no more denial, just total acceptance. With the peace acceptance brings, there is also an overwhelming sadness. For me, this is when the real grieving process started. NOTHING had quite prepared me for the vacant, lost, stare coming from the love of my life’s eyes. Oh I knew others had experienced it, and I thought I was ready for it......... but something’s you just can not prepare for! He has the strength to still walk, he just can't. His doctor believes he has forgotten how. He can't even stand unassisted. He needs total care, feeding, changing, everything.
He can hardly talk at all now. Yes and no, mostly nods. Most of the time he is asleep, and when he is awake he stares at the tv, or nothing, with a blank lifeless stare. When I am able to get his full attention he will smile and reach for my hand. Every visit I get kisses and somehow, someway, he manages to croak out I love you.......
Now I may be wrong, but I firmly believe the only reason he is able to express that kind of love, is because I haven't detached, because I still express my love for him in voice and tender touching. I think it affects him and reaches him. He doesn't respond right away always, but he ALWAYS responds at some point. If I detach, if I don't try to keep that alive in him, in me... I think that too Alzheimer's would have claimed a long time ago. Yes it is painful, extremely so........ but knowing he is in there somewhere, that gives me the strength to make it another day ,♥
I guess the moral of my story is....... the things that are bothering you so much now, later they will seem so trivial!! You will wish for those "bad times" back! The sooner you can not only understand, but ACCEPT that they can not help what they are doing, or how they are acting, the more peace you will find.... and the sooner you will be able to love them for not who they use to be, but for who they are now. Build happy memories for you to hold onto …. Even deep in the abyss of pain, I am now able to recall who we were before Alzheimer’s. I never thought I would be able to recall those wonderful memories… but now I can, and it just strengthens my resolve to not just let Lynn slip away…. I will hold on tight for as long as God allows ♥ (( BIG hugs of understanding to all of you ))
NIkki, What you say is so true. I saw what you are seeing now when my mom was in the last stages of this disease. The thing that makes this so miserable and hard is to see our LOs like this, not wanting them to be this way and at the same time not wanting to let them go. I can't soak in the idea of emotionally detaching from my sweetie either..and he is 17 years my senior...having convinced me the "best tunes were played on older fiddles". ( he was right at least for us). He is everything one could ask for in a life partner..funny, very smart, courageous, honest, etc...and then this disease is robbing him of more than I ever knew in the first place. I am not sure emotional wall is quite the right words....but the jist is to figure out where to get the strength to soldier on through this process without falling completely to bits so we can't function at all as this disease takes us all where we don't want to go. Where is Cinderella's godmother when WE need her!
This was such an interesting post. Here I was, sitting out in the beautiful Pacific NW, thinking I was the ONLY one who got told 50 times a day how much he loves me. I hear at least 15 times a day how he was looking for a wife and finally found the PERFECT woman out there in that jungle. He is so affectionate, so appreciative. He'll tell anyone who stands still long enough what a great woman I am, what a great cook I am. Yet he doesn't know what day, month or year it is. Politicians? forget it. He doesn't even know what you are talking about. He does know who I am. But when I insist he takes a shower and shave--the first time since August 13--he gets mad at me and tells me I'm not his mother and he's not a baby. I usually respond "then quit acting like one. " and I give him his shower. He still shaves his face but after 9 days I'll have to admit it's pretty spotty. He doesn't change his clothes unles I get ahold of them and throw them in the wash.
I can't see well enough to do a pedicure on him so about every 5-6 weeks I get him up to the little Vietnamese lady up the street and she cuts his toe nails for $10. I have her was my fact at the same time. And then she does my nails every 3 weeks. He fights me every step of the way going in there but is very nice and polite once he's in the chair. Go figure.
He comes into my bed almost every morning just to cuddle and get warm. And then about 2 hours later when I get up he'll tell me that was the best sex we've ever had. He's been impotent for 20 years. I just tell him it was very nice.
People tell me how lucky i am that he's as cooperative as he is. I just smile and agree. The great, lovely man I married is not with me any more. He left several years ago. But this man is pretty nice, too. Whata can I saly. He's the shell of my husband and I just can't help but hug him, take care of him and love him back.
Nikki, our sentiments have always seemed to run along the same line. I do not fault the ones who are able to detach. Sometimes, I may even envy them. But, I love him too much. I can't do it. I share my love with him every day and tell him that I know he loves me too. He can not put it into words, he hasn't spoken so much as a yes or no in a year, but in my heart I know that he loves me and I too am greeted every day with a kiss and another when I leave. As you said in another post, the love remains.
ehamilton & Nikki, My DH is in the stage where he can be all sweet & lovey dovey one minute & hateful the next. He woke up in the middle of the night last night & called me an SOB & told me to get out of his house all because he thinks I steel from him. By the morning he was better, but still not himself. We went to Church & halfway through the service I could tell he was aggitated. He proceeded to tell me (in a loud whisper )hat he was going to tell the Pastor that I'm going to "dump"him. I asked him to please wait until after the service. At the end of the service we took communion & while the Pastor was getting ready to say the last prayer before the last hymn he started walking towards the PAstor & I tried to stop him & he pulled away from me, but one of the ushers intercepted him & convinced him to walk outside with him. The Pastor could tell something was wrong & after theservice he went out with the usher & calmed him down. Meanwhile I'm in tears, but thankfully everyone knows our situation. This is the first time he lost controll in public & of course I know it's not the last. By the time we got home he was apologizing for acting like a jerk. He was almost in tears himself. I was upset, but I hugged him & told him it was alright. Sometimes it is very difficult to not stay angry at him for the things he says & does, but for some reason today I just felt sorry for him & I didn't want him to feel bad. Thanks for letting me tell my story. I haven't even told my kids what happened yet.
Oh, Elaine--I've often wondered what I would do if DH lost his 'cool' in public like that. He does have a short fuse and threatens to tell various people off. I'm so sorry you had to go through that but by telling us, it let at least this person (me) know it could definitely happen and at least gie me the chance to prepare--if anyone could be prepared for that.
Praise God for the usher and Pastor's calming influence.
Mawzy, my life is an exact duplicate of yours ... the shower situation and shaving and change of clothes. It's always a battle to get him to shower. He looks at the tub and says I can't go in there -- I'll die! I have to convince him that it's alright, and after a few minutes he does get in. It's so mind-boggling. This guy was in Special Forces and not afraid of anything.
Elaine, you handled the situation at Church beautifully. So far, going to Church is still a pleasant experience. Everyone knows our situation and comes over to greet him and he's always polite and friendly back to them.
Yesterday I went to Church alone and left him sleeping in bed. We had a big dinner party the night before and he was in a deep sleep. So I made a deal with the Lord ... I'll go to worship you and you take care of him. I left right after communion and got home just in time. He was just getting up and as I started up the stairs I could smell that he was about to mess himself up. I now put him in depends at night, and I got him to the john just in time, but he was still somewhat messed up. So, it was quickly into the shower ... with a struggle of course. But when I dried him, powered him, and got him in clean clothes, I felt better. As I'm cleaning him, and fighting back the urge to gag, I think of all of you who are going through this same thing, and although I don't post often, I read a lot and all your posts help me.
I know placement will be down the road, and I'm not looking forward to losing him, but I will know that I'm not alone. I thank God for all my friend her on the wonderful website. Bless you Joan for starting it, and bless all of you who share your feelings. Hugs to all.
One of our friends sent my DH a card when he was first dx'd and she said that "just think, everytime you look at your wife it well be like looking at her for the first time all over again and falling in love with her over and over again." Of course it didn't quit happen that way but the sentiment was nice and I think that what might be going on with some of the LO's even if they don't know who we are anymore the person in front of them every day seems to still be special to them. I think that is great!!!
PatL--My DH acts lilke he's afraid to get in the tub to shower. I had grab bars installed on the side of the tub and one on the very back. He uses them and I think it helps his anxiety.
I'm seriously thinking of getting a new shower head--one of those big ones with a detachable brush for showering either way. I know that cleaning him up after an accident is probably down the road and I want to be prepared. Does anyone out there have this type of shower? How do you like it? Is it handy or is it a bother?
For those who are using a bathtub for the LO, sometimes they become fearful they will slip so one thing that might work for a time is to put a bath chair in the tub so they can sit on it and not the bottom of the tub. Then the shower can become a problem too as they start to think the water drops or spray will hurt them.. What worked for my mom later was one of the sprays that was hand held to rinse a bit at a time. And in between use those large bath cloths that are premoistened and have baby wipes around for messy fingers or if they don't want to wash hands after using the look they may use those.
I have a detachable shower head with a six foot hose, so my husband can sit in the bath chair in the tub and the shower can reach every part of him. It makes rinsing him off a lot easier, and shampooing his hair as well. The shower head hangs up at the spot that you would want it if you got into the tub to take a shower, so you don't have to take it down if you don't need to. I love it!
Mary, I have a detachable shower head with a hose also, and it does make cleanup so much easier. I also have a bath chair and, once I convince him to get into the tub, he can sit and feel secure. I don't ask him about washing his hair anymore. While he's sitting I just wet his head with the hose (he's really complaining then) and I add the shampoo and tell him to close his eyes. There's not too much he can do then but cooperate. However, it's always an unpleasant experience and I'm so happy when it's over.
You are all such an inspiration. I wish I could be like you. I try and try to be patient and calm but I don't always succeed. He has entered another stage and the amount of patience required is sometimes more than I can handle. But, there are good days as well, and I will try to focus on those. I do love him, even though he's not really the man I married.
Bev, we are not all calm and patient. I know my halo slips often. I really want to be an inspiration to all you younger folks here but I wasn't born patient. I keep seeing life slipping away and I don't have the energy left to do anything about it. All we can do is forgive ourself and try to do better tomorrow. Now that sounds like a whine doesn't it?
Bama, you ARE an inspiration to us "younger" folks. I think about you often and wonder how I would cope with this is I was older--I know it would be harder.
Thanks for the kind words. Now I am tearing up. I start each day hoping my attitude will be pleasant and before bed time I have gotten irritated. The delusions were usually happening from 5 o'clock and now they start at breakfast time. I try to redirect his attention, pretend not to hear him, explain (never works, yet I keep trying) enter into his world and nothing seems to work. I wouldn't care but he gets so agitated and upset. All the meds we have tried have had bad side effects so I just try to live with it. So, all you good people, put me on your prayer list. Hoping I can continue to keep him at home. The funny thing is that physically he is in better shape than I am.
Today and the past couple of days have not been stellar for me...nope not at all and the reason is fighting the refill of HD coumadin...to make a long story short, if I was one of those woeful persons in the "divorce" to protect assets but still at home doing the chores dealing with this madness I think for sure I would have walked out the door and not looked back.
Yesterday was not a steller day for me. I came home from work at 5 p.m. and Jack left for the day. I told my DH I was going upstairs to change my clothes. When I walked into the bedroom I was hit with an overwhelming smell of urine. I couldn't understand it. But then I saw it. Rocky had taken off his Depends and put it in the corner of the room. Thank God it doesn't leak. I couldn't wait to get rid of it. Then when I walked into the living room, I saw that he had wet himself. It must have happened in the bathroom ... I guess he didn't get his lounging pants down fast enough. So it was get him into the bathroom, strip him, wash him down and put on clean clothes. This was a hard transition to make just coming in the door from work. Yes, life is hard now. So, I pulled myself together and began to prepare dinner.
I'm ashamed to admit it, but sitting there at the table, I looked at him and, for the first time, felt little respect for him as a person. I guess it was resentment, and the fact that so little of him resembles the man I married. Do I still love him? Of course, but in a different way.
I can hardly wait to get home today ... I wonder what I'll find?????
Yes this is what it comes down to, sad to say. We resent what this disease is doing to the LO who would not wish this on him/herself..but we also resent what it is doing to us too..robbing us of our independence, our own youth, our own lives..everything revolves around the needs for someone else to the exclusion of our own often times. What makes it worse are the roadblocks put in front of us from utility companies not wanting to talk to us since our names are not on the account, as if we are invisible and have no role..insurance companies who send you on wild goose c hases for prescriptions, to banks that won't talk to you, to the VA who won't talk to you on the lo's behalf etc.. Know what I feel like? I feel like one of those poor women in the middle east that has to wear one of those burquas and am nothing more than a slave.
I got up earlier than my husband today. As I was sipping my first cup of coffee I heard him slamming the doors to the bathroom and his room upstairs. It sounded like he was angry so I went upstairs, asked him if he was okay and was he angry about something. At first he said no, then he said "You just got up from lying next to me and then got out of bed and ran away." He thought I had "dismissed him." I told him he must have been dreaming, I wasn't there. He has not come out of his room, refuses to eat any thing and won't talk to me.
I guess this is another manifestation of his disease. He shocked me. I'm going to get somehelp in here, as "carosi" advised. I'm, literally, still shaking, several hours after the encounter.
Have any of you experienced anything like this? Is this a sign that he has entered a new stage? I started giving him 2 pills of Seroquel instead of 1 beginning Saturday morning, and the doctor said I could increase it even more, if I need to. I've taken the first step to get someone in to "help clean the house," but I am so scared of his reaction.
i havent read of anyone who has not had the spouse 'balk' at bringing in someone to help out. we used the cleaning lady theme so it wouldnt be unusual and it worked out well. it takes time for them to get used to the helpers but it does happen. dont give up if you are met with resistance. increase the meds as needed to maintain compliant behaviour before you really need to or things get dicey. and bring in the help regardless of how the attitude is, start out with a couple hrs then increase as they get more relaxed. its not easy but necessary for our sanity divvi
divvi, I guess I was fortunate. My wife accepted others I brought in to take care of her, even taking her to dinner. Most of the time she is very willing to do anything I ask - just gives my trouble getting up in the morning, and occasionally getting out of the car.
I found that, in time, my husband became as comfortable with our combination housekeeper/sitter and he loved her. I didn't thrust her upon him all at once...and she understood that she had to work her way into his life. She'd ask him questions in Spanish sometime, and he'd reply in her language. Then look so proud. They had their "secret language" and I'd pretend I didn't know what they were saying, and put my hands on my hips and say, "SPEAK ENGLISH" and they'd laugh! She was very good to him...and when she left the house each time, she'd kneel in front of his chair, take his hand and tell him goodbye. He'd pat her head and smile at her. I was so blessed to have her.
I am very blessed to have my daughters here to help. I work one day A week & we just started this routine. On the day I work I take DH across the street to my younger daughter's house & he stays with her all day or until my older daughter comes & picks him up. (they will alternate) & My older daughter told me that she will come & get him onalternate Friday afternoons so that I can have some alone time & so that I can get rid of the junk in this house that DH doesn't want to part with. God Bless my daughters!
How lucky you are to have daughters who can help close to you! Our lives (my husband and mine) are not getting easier, the last plateau lasted a year, although there were some bad days. These days, though, have been extremely difficult. We had another encounter today. He's too smart, in a way, to be fooled. That's why I've been so reluctant to get anyone in here. Since I began giving him two pills of Seroquel in the morning, he has been asking me why he's taking two of them. So far, all I've had to say is "because the doctor said you should."
Did any of you go to an agency for a real caregiver, or did you just find someon who could help around the house? I'm planning on going to an agency. I don't want to have the added job of keeping records of social security, taxes, etc. One of my daughters will be here when they come to interview us, which should help him be in on it; otherwise, i'm sure he wouldn't come down even to meet her. He's being very, very difficult right now.