We sleep in a king size bed and was wondering if most of you now sleep in separate beds/rooms/ I have tried sleeping on the sofa but found my dh standing in the hallway for I don't know how long in the dark which scared me half to death. Even with the child monitor I do not hear him get up. He doesn't get up so much at night anymore, thank goodness, but I am so tired in the mornings. I worry if I move into another room I might miss something or not hear him if he needs me.
For now. I think it might hurt his feelings if I officially established myself in a separate room. Although I'm (seriously) considering trying a hammock for neck/shoulder pain reasons. He is apt to wake up and have trouble finding the bathroom if I am not nearby to intervene.
Brindle: I slept with my DW until the day she went to the hospital and I never slept is that bed or bedroom again. I gave all of the bedroom furniture, including a beautiful king size bed, to our newly married Grandson and I am glad I did. I have the old bedroom furniture that me and DW put in the spare bedroom several years ago. but, I don't care. It is perfectly good enough for me.
One of the main reasons I slept with my wife was to take care of her if she needed anything in the night. It got to where she couldn't even roll over without my checking to see if she was alright or needed something. And, she often did. I am glad that I did it that way.
I still wake up in the night and reach over to see if she if OK. I hate sleeping alone. Haven't done it for 57 years and don't want to do it now. But????
We sleep in a king size bed - always have. I think it depends in what stage your spouse is, whether or not you sleep together. While he is still functional and continent, I cannot imagine sleeping without him. However, neither can I imagine sleeping WITH him if I wake up in a soaking wet bed every morning.
We have had separate bedrooms for a number of years because of health problems. This way we both can get some sleep. At least he can. lol. I wake up through the night and sometimes have a hard time getting back to sleep.
We slept together in a kind sized bed (separate blankets for the last 40 years) up until the night before he was taken to the hospital. I don't know how much longer that would have lasted, but the last two weeks I needed to be there so he would not fall, and the last night I was scared to be in the bed with him.
We haven't slept together in quite a while and I do worry about not being able to hear him and I think that is why I go to sleep so late at night because while I am awake and he is asleep I can be aware of his movements (if any) Our rooms are not far apart from each other and I have a censor light in the hall. Everytime someone or something passes it it goes off and back on. I am a really light sleeper and don't get much sleep but so far it is working. I am sure that well change and then I will have to do something else.
My husband and I shared our bed until he had to be placed. He was incontinent in the respect that he would not or could not use the toilet, but he always got out of bed to pee. Most nights he went across the hall to the laundry room, braced his arms on the dryer, spread his legs and let it go, at which time I got up, took off the wet depend, put on a dry one and we went back to bed. I felt that I needed to be with him because he wandered at night and often fell when he was up and I knew that the only way I would know he was up, was to be in bed with him when he did it. I still sleep in our bed and I still miss him
We are still in the early stages and sleep in a queen bed - can't fit anything bigger in a motorhome although I would love a king again. I have no where else to sleep except the floor. When he becomes incontinent he definitely will have to be placed.
Like I said above we have had separate rooms for a number of years. If and when my DH becomes incontinent or starts to fall I will have no choice but to place him. He is a foot taller than I am and weighs over 60lbs more so there is no way I could get him up or turn him over to change him.
We slept together for 31 years in a King bed, until I placed in in ALF July 16th. I miss sleeping with him. He always told me it was his favorite thing to do. Just lie in bed and listen to each other breath. Having a hard time sleeping without him.
His ALF donated a brand new twin bed for him. I don't want to seem ungrateful, but I wish it was at least a double. There is privacy there, so we could at least lay down together, but the twin is way too small.
I believe it is much easier to tend to our LO's in more narrow beds. When someone has to be on each side to pull them up toward the head of the bed, to treat and dress them, to change bed linens when they are bedbound... But I understand how important it was to lie next to our dear ones just to feel that same body so close. I miss him so much. I used to press my nose in the back of his shoulders/neck and breathe in his essense. He felt so good.
When we moved to our renovated house, last November, we had separate bedrooms for the first time. My husband has Lewy Body Dementia and one early sign is REM Sleep Behavior Disorder, where they act out their dreams. He only hit me a few times (and bit me once) but his yelling out in fear or anger shook me up and seriously disturbed my sleep. So far he manages ok alone at night, though when we were on vacation last week the first night I woke up when he came to bed and he asked me for help because he was disoriented and couldn't find the bed.
I'm very happy with my new latex mattress (amazing how a sore back is gone in the morning), which wouldn't suit him at all. He likes having a TV in his bedroom and the bathroom I set up for his comfort. I think he feels some embarrassment that we had separate bedrooms but when I show friends around the house I say something about the RSBD.
I admit to getting into the hospital bed with DH at times. its a small bed but i dont mind - i automatically release a sigh of relief just to feel his closeness again and the comfort of his warmth. divvi
Like Charlotte, we are in the early stages, so we still sleep together in a king size bed. However my DH feels the need to have his arm around me while we are sleeping. It isn't always comfortable, but when I try to move away from him he gets upset & asks me if we are still husband & wife. I don't mind the closeness, because I always went to sleep with my head on his shoulder, & then usually during the night I would move away. But like I said, now he gets upset when I try to move away & sometime I just need some space.
I curled up in my DH's back a few times after he was placed. I wanted to feel his heartbeat, his breathing, his warmth, smell his essence, no one stopped me, a nurse might peek in and then leave. However, after he was placed, I fell gratefully into our bed, alone, the first night and slept like I'd been drugged. I was wholly ehausted. I think I could have slept draped over the chandelier. Oh, I had my sorrows & my tears, but mostly I've felt very comfortable in our bed, our room, our home. I can't imagine where else I might live.
Bettyhere, yes, for the first two weeks after he was placed I was so exhausted that I finally gave in and went to bed for naps a couple of times a day until my eyes stopped hurting. It is a king sized bed and "my side" faces the bathroom, so I haven't slept on all of it yet, but I'm working on not hugging the edge which I did for years since we were never snugglers.
We slept together in a King sized bed until the day that I put her in a nursing home in March. She was usually a good sleeper although we did have a few middle of the night crisises. The sheet would be wet every morning, but they are easy enough to wash.
I miss hugging her in the bed and falling asleep with my arms around her. (Until I woke up with the bottom arm numb.) She is rigid and in a geri-chair now. There is no opportunity for hugging now. I kiss her alot and only occasionally receive a smile back. I also think that I hear her or feel the bed move at night. Damn this disease and the decisions that it forces us to make!
We have slept together in a queen-size bed for the last 56 years. She is now incontinent, but by using the Tranquility Overnight underwear, and a pad on her side of the bed, there is no problem. Occasionally I have to wash the pad. The only problem I have is when she sleeps diagonally across the bed, not giving me any space to lie down. Usually I can move her over with not too much complaint. I have talked with the hospice nurse about a hospital bed, but am not ready for that yet.
We sleep together king-size. The only other beds in our house are upstairs and I would not feel comfortable leaving him alone, although he still gets up to use the bathroom without my help in the night. Also I would not be able to use the burglar alarm which goes off if anyone is in any part of the house except our bed & bath. But I spose I could get that changed. He is incontinent in the late afternoon but gets through the night dry, so that's no problem. We both sleep fine and I like having him in the bed with me. No touching usually. I go to bed after he's been sleeping for hours, and usually get up in the morning while he's still sawing logs. The last time | tried to snuggle when we were both awake in the morning, he just lay there stiff as a board and didn't get what I was trying to do. Marsh, I know what you mean about the diagonal sleeping. DH tends to get into the bed with his head too high so that it knocks the headboard, and gradually he gets diagonal. There's no way I can budge him, but it's a big bed so I can find room somewhere.
We have had separate rooms for some 4 years because of snoring. His single bed is against the wall and I have placed an alarm mat on the floor so if he steps out in the night I hear him. It is very loud and there is no fear of me not hearing it. The single bed works better for his apnea as well as I can place pillows behind his back to keep him on his side.
We're still sleeping together in a queen size now that I seem to be sleeping again. I went for months on 3-4 hours a night and that seems to have ended where I can sleep again. When incontinence comes to stay I will move to the guest room which I've slept in a couple of times as a change.
I'm a snuggler and she still likes it; but, she also has twitches at night no doubt from the meds. Reading the heartbreaking stories about their scent and familiarity is too close to home for me. I can't afford to look into what I've lost and am losing because it sweeps me away like a deluge and that makes coping much harder for me. The person I love is there; but, the personality is not.
My husband and I slept in our king sized bed until a week ago. The last of stage 7. Even with incontinence, his side of the bed had multiple types of bed pads and my side of the bed and the sheet stayed dry. He ended up on the floor one night but wasn't hurt, and also was having difficulty shuffling his feet even with my arm around him to get him from the bedroom to the den. It made me so physically tired that I stayed exhausted. We moved the furniture out of the dining room which opens off the den, and put a hospital bed there and his recliner right beside it, both seven feet back from my recliner in the den and the TV is directly in his viewing range from both the recliner and the bed. After a week of this, I will say that my energy has come back and I feel much better. He has two steps from the bed to the recliner and two steps back! The Hospice aide takes him on his "walk" to the bathroom for his shower each day. My husband has accepted the changes and so it seems to be working for now.
Before this, he wouldn't be separated from me. He would stay in the den and sleep in his recliner until I went to bed. His condition has gotten worse and he is very weak now.
Similar to what Joan wrote yesterday, my spouse is still in early stages (although moving towards moderate), we still sleep together (in a queen size bed), and I cannot imagine otherwise so long as she is still pretty much where she's at now. However, also as Joan wrote (and unlike what many in my support group are able to put up with), I cannot see myself sharing a bed with my wife when/if she starts soiling the bed repeatedly.