As you know, my DW has been gone 6 months on Tuesday. Last night I was invited to a busy, busy restaurant to celebrate our Grandson's birthday. When I was walking thru the crowd, I instinctively wondered if my wife was Ok and I turned to take hold of her hand. This is what I have doing (before placement) for the last two years and it just came naturally.
To be honest, I miss taking care of her and looking after her every move. I would take her back, if I could.
no your not crazy I feel the same way about my DH I would take him back in a heartbeat, I have gone through nine months of this and I sometimes think he is still here , then reality kicks in and another kick in the gut, sure hurts.
No you are not crazy. Mother's do it when the kids are grown - I use to sit and rock my daughter during church when she was a toddler. I still at time want to do it and it comes natural when I hold a grandchild. When our dogs died together back in 1984 for 5 years I would hear them walking through the house, feel them jumping on the bed, or starting to call if them. When we left our dog died 3 years ago I would naturally call her name out when going to bed, or leaving, etc. The same with our cat when we left her behind last month at my sister's. I can only imagine how much more we are use to a spouse that has been around longer than a child or pet. As they say, habits are hard to break. They say 30 days to break a habit, but the habit of caregiver will take much longer because love is a deep factor.
Recently my middle-aged daughter was hospitalized for several days. Leaving the hospital, driving her to my home, when I came to a sudden stop, I instinctively stretched my right arm out in front of her as I had done countless times when she was little. Haven't done it for decades, she'd think I was nuts, but knowing she was fragile, subconsciously, it just happened.
Yes Dean I think care giving is forever. My DH has been placed for nearly 6 months, today I took him to the dentist then to have his glasses adjusted after that I took him to our club for lunch where he visited the toilet just before we left but he didn't quite make it thank goodness he had dependables on so back we went to the rest home and I helped him change.
My DH has been in a care home almost 2 years and only last night I was thinking if I could bring him home I would ,although I know in my heart its not possible.I go and see him often,he is well cared for and not unhappy .Its us left on our own that feel the pain of being seperated after many years Rosie
My husband was placed 5 months ago...I know exactly how long,because last night as I was lying in bed I was thinking about it. Even though I know in my mind that I can longer care for him alone, my heart still thinks I can.
You dear people are precious and your experiences make me feel better. Thank you for posting them.
Patricia - I can especially relate to your experience. On a recent Dr's visit, I wanted some fellowship and companionship terribly. So, I stopped at a small restaurant on the way back and requested a booth in the back corner hoping for some quality (that's what the young people call it) time. Nothing special. Just her and me and talk. Like we used to do. I had my hopes to high and she didn't enjoy it; didn't want to be there and couldn't understand why I would enjoy a piece of pie and a cup of coffee with her.
We didn't stay long, but, I left there with a feeling about as low as you can get. Very disappointed. And vowed not to try something like that again.
Betttyhere*: You and I must be close to the same age. I like your illustration inre throwig your arm up to protect the passenger when driving and stopping suddenly. That was befor the days of seat belts and I had gotten real good at it. Brings back memories.
I do this by habit no matter who is with me. When I do it to DH, he really get mad at me. He thinks that I can help it and that I am only doing it because I know it bothers him. Our 1956 Cheby Belair does not have back seat belts. We did install a set in the front, however.
Yes, caregiving is forever, just as parenting is forever. When my children were little and we were out in a crowd, anytime I heard the word "Mommy" I turned and looked for my children, today I do the same thing when I hear the word "Grandma", My husband is in a facility but I spend most of my time thinking about him or visiting him. I would bring him home if I could.
My mom spent the last several years caring for my dad as he declined from Parkinson's. He died a year ago. Since then she has been much freer to accompany my husband and me to our kids' graduations, events, etc. She jumps right in, and is even more apt to hold my husband's hand going down stairs (and that sort of thing) than I am. She's very solicitous. I think she does miss it to an extent and likes to jump in and help when there's an opportunity.
I also automatically put my arm out in front of DH when I stop suddenly. So far, he thinks it's funny, maybe because I laugh at myself after I do it. It's totally unnecessary with seat belts!
Being the cranky person that I am right now, when I read that question, right off the top of my head I thought, "Is caregiving forever? No….it only SEEMS like it's forever". Lately I've been feeling like an animal caught in a trap, and the only way to get out of the trap is to gnaw off my own foot.