One month ago I took DH to the nursing part of this retirement home. I visit him every day. He keeps asking me when he can come back to our apartment. The only answer I have is "Not now", but the truth is never. Help.
Maybe you could do a fiblet...and tell him they are doing repairs in the apt. or painting the apt. ....and that would keep him from being so anxious to come back to the apt.
My wife was placed about a month ago an yesterday was the first time in a couple weeks that she asked that,I tell her when they get your meds squareded away an she's usually okay with that,however yesterday she told me if I wouldn't take her she would walk home (65 miles)when she took off walking the second time down a long hallway I left,I would think that before I got to the car she had forgotten I was even there,ya have to tell them anything to make them happy or get their mind off whatever is bugging them at the moment,thats about the only good thing with memory loss
Today I saw they have put a tracking device on his ankle. The only exit from that floor is through a door that needs a combination to open. But I saw them going after a patient last week who took off when someone else was leaving.
One day he will complain and complain because he can't leave; and the next day he may not mention it.
You have to hang in there on those days and ride it out. You could try telling him the house is not safe for him and until it is, he can't come home. Then try redirecting him to some other subject.
My DW was placed on Feb 10, and I am still having the problem. However, she doesn't remember our home, but, she does remember that it was in a different city. She thinks that I still live there and that the house is for sale. Truth is that the house sold and I move to within two miles of her ALF, but she doesn't know it and probaby never will. That doesn't mean that it is easy, but, you just have to do what you have to do. Sometimes I leave the facility feeling terrible, but, it just has to be.
My DH was placed on 16th Feb and I'm also still having that problem sometimes. He is in a secure wing with a code to get in and out twice he has managed to get through when people have opened the door but has never got out of the building before been found. He is not trying to get to our house which is in the same street as his rest home but is trying to get to the town he was brought up in which is a 6 hour drive from here, he also thinks I come from this town when I visit him. I have brought him on a few visits to our house and he goes around looking at everything he does remember what are his things but after a short time he says come on I better be going back so I take him. I try changing the subject when he says about going home and if he tries to come with me the staff are very good at taking him off to look at something. Like you dean I leave feeling terrible sometimes but when he comes to the door kisses me goodbye and waves when I get to the corner of the hall it is a great feeling. I also visit DH nearly every day. So hang in there Noahcam it does get better just take each day as it comes.
Patricia, what stage is your husband at? I've never taken my husband home since he's been in the care facility. I'm afraid he would refuse to go back. Having tried in-home care and failed - he fired them - that's not an option. Also, I would have to let his children visit him here, and that's out after their treatment of me. So we do what we have to do, painful as is so often is.
On January 29, I took my DW to day care. At 10:00, i picked her up for a dr's appt. She went from there to the ER and then to the hospital and from there to the NH. She never went back to our house and she couldn't handle going to anybody's house now. The only place I take her is to the Dr and then I have her Sister take her back to the facility. That is difficult, but, it is all she can handle.
I have never even taken my husband down to the first floor where they have a fenced in yard we could sit out in. I'm not taking him off that secured floor. I certainly don't take him to doctor appointments. The doctors who come to the nursing home are there at least twice a week and see each of their patients more frequently than his old doctor could see him.
Mostly he has stopped trying to get out of the floor although I know that some of the time he wants to "go home." When he was on a non-secured floor he did get to the door. Their answer was to put him on a floor where going to a door wasn't an option.
Noahcam2, I placed my husband last August. For the first few months he would say he wanted to go home, or ask me when he was going home. I told him he was there to get his meds balanced. And when the doctors felt his meds were right they would tell us when he could go home. Sometimes after that he would ask me if the doctor had called. I would tell him I haven't heard from them. In his mind this seemed to work because he knew it was not my decision. That made it easier for me.
Hi Mary 75. I live in New Zealand they don't talk about stages here so I don't know what DH would be in USA. I placed him when I was told by his psychiatrist & other medical people he was under that it would be the best thing to do. They said I would get some quality time with him without the every day caring before he gets too bad but it took me 3 months & talks with our children before I decided it was right.
I brought my DH home this afternoon we really had a nice hour and half he had a walk around the garden, watched my new kitten, had a small beer then a cup of tea. He then decided it was time to go back so I brought in my washing he had the door open when I came in and took the washing off me carried it down the hall. I took him back to the rest home just in time for him to have a second afternoon tea. It was lovely but I know things could change at anytime so I'm making the most of these good days we have.
I'm with you 75,I know if I brought her home or even took her out the door with her history of violence I couldn't control her,once at hospital a few years ago after major surgery she was placed in a strait jacket an managed to chew her way out of it an even bit a nurse an this happened with four or five security guards,a minister,doctors an I don't know who all in the same room,no thank you she's better an the most important thing safe where she's at
Yesterday we observed a patient trying to hit her husband. She is less than 5 feet, and about 90 pounds. He is 6 feet and was backing up rapidly as aides tried to subdue her. They told him to leave. A chair went flying. But eventually the aides got her under control. Thank heavens my DH may grumble but has never been violent. Hope that continues.
I also discovered that DH has a 'tracker' on his ankle. It is a locked ward with a combination needed to open the door. I was taking him to an outside doctor appointment. When we got on the elevator and I pushed for a different floor the elevator would not move, and an alarm sounded. Found an aide who explained that his 'tracker' had caused this. He must go to the back corner of the elevator before anyone pushes the elevator for a different floor. She had a password number to undo the problem.
I placed my DH a month ago in a ALF. He has very poor word finding ability. I visited him last nite, and as I was tucking him in bed, he said "How come you outgrew me?". Tragically sad.