Got to go back and read the rest of the comments which I appreciate. I am grateful that I do have the funds which may end up being used to support us..I have LTC ins for me but when we were looking at it, for my DH who already was dx with diabetes it was so costly we could not afford it then and sine then he has gone from bad to worse. He served more than 33 years in the military and was exposed to AO twice...two tours.Today I was at the cardiologist and asked him what the difference was between CAD and IHD..and he saie they are the same thing. So I am getting a statement to submit to the VA and he will then go from 80% disability to 100% disabled totally and permanently. what that may gain for him who knows.
Today I ran away from home. Came back in a few hours but sitll felt like running away while I was driving and driving and driving to nowhere in particular. I do this a couple times a year and it's usually not planned but when feeling stressed...usually I start out going to the library or the store and I just keep going. I know soon will come the day when I can't leave DH and I'll have to hire someone to be here when I run away but that won't feel as wicked or rewarding.
Last night I took DH to his favorite barbeque restaurant about an hour from here. Had delicious pulled pork sandwhiches with baked beans and coleslaw. Yummy. And then wento to my first minor league baseball game. Not bad. Fun even in my new definition of fun which is "the absence of misery." And our team The Naturals WON 4-3. I'm not a baseball fan but I'm working on enjoying it since DH isn't able to drive anymore. He had a wonderful time and then when we got home and I was lulled into normalacy he threw a tantrum because he couldn't find something. When will I ever be braced for these?
On and one question..in a community property state...in our cases when the lawyers suggest the big ugly D word, I fail to see how this helps anything if they see everything as community property..I would end up paying hubby support..so it seems a net sum game..I'll keep after this for answers.
Therraja, I am so sorry to read your news of your DH having these complications. Try to take care of yourself and get some rest...this is a stressful time for you and your family. Hugs and prayers.
New experience at 2:30 this a.m.: I hear hb go out the door from our mudroom to the great outdoors. (We live in the country.) I watched him stretch and walk to the end of driveway and turn by mailbox to walk down the road. I let his terrier out. After she ambled a bit, she got his scent and away she ran. I knew he'd pick her up and bring her back because he wouldn't want her running down the road.:) A little later, I heard him go out the front door. He was just standing on the concrete driveway pad when I let his terrier out again. He directed her towards the house, and I opened the door and stepped out. He came in, patted my cheek and went to bed. So, now it's time for double key-locked deadbolts on all outside doors. A lock for deck slider, too. I have to unplug the stove top and lock the pantry door, too. One evening this week, he headed for the bedroom w/6 string cheese snack pkgs. I asked what he was doing with all of them. "Putting them in the little fridge back here." There is no fridge of any size "back there." Convinced him they should be in fridge in kitchen. Guess I'll have to get a chain and padlock or bicycle lock and lock the fridge, too. All of this is extremely inconvenient as ya'll know. Is it okay to say I'll be glad when he can't walk? He's the "supervisor" type who watches me do everything and doesn't offer to help w/anything--and there are a few things he could do.
Thanks for the thoughts and prayers everyone. We have made a lot of progress in getting his pain resolved. He is now on a 50 mg patch of morphine with a PRN for more until they can figure out what he really needs. I have been watching what happens when I more a part of him and noticed that if I touched or moved his legs that he did not react as if he was in pain but when moving his arms he did react. He had a pinched nerve in his neck one time that was operated on and thinking back on how he described the symptoms of it, he reactions were very similar so I asked about that. He now has a prescription for Neurotin for nerve pain. They tell me he is better this morning and not moaning.
I also got a call from the speech therapist and he is now officially on pureed food (I call it mush). He was having a lot of trouble swallowing over the last few days and has not been finishing his meals over the last couple of days. Last night he ate the first several bites just fine but then started holding the food in his mouth. She told me that he did better with the pureed stuff. I'll feed him later and see how it goes.
I am so glad that he is where he is. I am not medically inclined in any way, shape or form. I feel like there is a team behind me there that helps to ensure we get him the right care when he needs it. Not only have they been wonderful to him but they have also been good with me explaining things and answering all of my questions.
It is a very hard road we all are traveling. I know that I would not have made it this far as well as I have without the help of friends and people on this site.
therrja, I am glad to hear that you are happy with your husband's placement. Placing our spouse is a very hard thing to do but if you are pleased with the placement (as I am) and you are confident that they are getting good care it helps a lot. My husband's food is not pureed yet but his meat is ground up and his liquids are thickened. He has more trouble with fluids than solids.
This will be a bit long, to catch everyone up. I’ve been working on taking care of me, just lately. All the basic tests are finally caught up and came out well. However, the problem with my toe is not yet resolved—that happens 9/20. My Orthopaedic Dr. said the 2nd toe on my right foot is useless and must be amputated. The problem is the significant Lymphedema condition I have in conjunction with my CMT, and the wounds on the toe. I have completed the Therapy program for the Lymphedema and am now on a home treatment program. It is much improved and the wounds have healed—a very good sign. The Dr. has been very clear that there is still risk involved because the Lymphedema is still a negtive issue as relates to healing. Knowing my CMT is slowly progressive and that the Lymphedema will always be an issue, I believe my best chance to solve this is to do it now while we know the tissues are healthy enough to heal.
Just in the time I’ve been getting to this point, every time I come home from an appointment my DH has asked, “Did they take your toe off?” This last time he asked, “Did they take your foot of?”(I was returning from getting my mammogram done.)
In the late 90’s after I began Caregiving (his Mental Breakdown in 88)I had surgery on the other foot., and in ’07 (after Dx in ’06) I had my umbilical Hernia repaired, so Caregiving while healing from this latest won’t be totally daunting. The appointments in preparation for his surgery might be. This time every appointment means scheduling the appointment, care for DH, and transportation, all to meet a timetable. So far, the funniest (to me) appointment is the one Tues. when I visit the Orthotics Dept. to have them fit my KAFO (brace) with a “boot”(brace) to protect my foot post-surgery and allow heel touch when I have to move from chair to bed or bathroom. I’ve never needed layered braces before. I’ll update when I get to the other side of this latest adventure.
Yesterday was a first for me. Throughout my career I often referred patients to Clinical Psychologists for counselling. Yesterday, on the suggestion of the coordinator of our support group, I went to a counsellor for myself. I'm not sure how much it helped, but just talking out the problems was a good thing. I have another appointment in a couple of weeks. One good thing did come out of the visit. The counsellor agreed to take at least one patient referral from the Free Clinic where I work. This would be at no cost to the patient.
Right on marsh. Help for yourself and someone else. And you are so right, if nothing else talking out the problems can help. I've often found just having a listening ear can let me get a clearer picture and then deal with the matter in question easier and quicker.
Rainy day here, but still hot and humid. Glad for the rain since I won't have to water! I hate doing that.
DH hasn't been too good today. Realized last night he had taken an extra dosage of his meds sometime during the day! He's always taken his meds okay, I fill the boxes, one for morning and one for before bedtime. Yesterday he had a fasting lab, so we didn't take the meds and I told him to take them when we came home or wait until lunch. I must not have been paying attention yesterday. He took Friday morning and Saturday morning meds sometime during the afternoon yesterday, then took his regular ones at bedtime! That's when I discovered it. Boy, did he sleep well though! LOL Didn't give him any this a.m. I told him I would have to start handing him his meds since I didn't want him to over-dose. He was fine with that, but frustrated about it because he didn't remember taking them. Another slip downward I guess.
Hope you all will have a good and peaceful Sunday.
I swear...I thought "the journey" ended when you became a widow. Nope. I keep reading posts here and feel such heartache for each of you still in the throws of this disease. Widowhood brings its own terrors, but I can't imagine still being submersed in the daily worry, wear and tear. I've moved on to trying to reconstruct and make sense of my own new life. I wish I could be of some use to you. Only thing I have to offer are prayers, uplifting thoughts, sent your way. Just an interjection...when John was placed, it was a hard thing, because I really DID want to take care of him in his last days. I could not, and accepted this. He was placed in a very nice nursing home (too far from here, but the best we could do). He had the best care and I can't complain at all. The staff was so compassionate and caring. My beef with "management" and billing was another issue, but had nothing to do with John's care (wonderful). I feel as if you all are my sisters and brothers. I've said before, "friends are Gods apology for family". You all are the example of that. I love ya.
Another day of work, work, work. Peaches! Pears! My orchard is burdened with the richness of the season!! Jams, jellies, preserves, and today......the beginnings of PEACH BRANDY!! I'll take a picture of what's been done today and put it on my facebook page. Yum. In six months (mid-winter), I'll have something really nice to put in my flask and take to the barn ..... a little "tummy warmer" when I'm out there in the bitter cold. I have a secret in my recipe.....I put a vanilla bean in the middle of each jar! So....anyone wanna visit around mid-February or March?????
Neighbor talked me into buying a new grill. It has a burner on one side, prep side on the other. Three burners and a warming area. He put it together for me yesturday...manual said it would take 30 minutes to do.......it took him the better part of the day. And he was a mechanic when he was employed in his younger days! I'm about to go out now and put a chicken on (free-range, local) and roast some corn. For whom??? Only lil' me. Along with some artisan olive loaf, sauteed spinach, garlic mashed potatoes. Trying to learn to cook for two......too hard to learn to cook for myself alone. I DID write a note to a male friend who works all the time and has NO TIME for me. I said I have a "shelf life" and to make time for me soon!!! He's a BIG GUY, and I know he likes to eat. I like to cook. 'Nuff said. Going out to grill, then go to the barn. Love to you all. You've always been there for me. Jen
Vickie, I do that for my dh..he no longer sees the med bottles or boxes. I put his tablets in the little jar on the table along with his insulin which I prepare so he gets the right dose, the exelon patch and the spiriva thing..I have to stay with him to make sure he takes it all and doesn't toss the patch or capsule for spiriva out he hates em...
Then at night at supper I do the same thing again..the tablets and before bed the insulin. Then I set the table in the kitchen for the next morning. It gets old and once in awhile I forget to do this routine cuz I get tired but as I am always up first this works for now. But if he starts to wander bout the house at night I will have to have a new plan.
Mimi... my momma does the same thing for my dear daddy. He has a sound mind, just can't physically DO anything for himself. I often wonder how one would do without the other. So sweet.
It started out to be a good day! DH was in rare form; spray painted our wrought iron table, 4 chairs and a bench in our back yard. Had lots of paint on him - but he did a pretty good job. At least it's painted! Sat and talked on the back porch with a cup of java; had lunch, he took Millie for a walk - and I thought - what a wonderful day this is! Then he played on his computer most of the afternoon. We had a glass of wine on the porch around 5:00; then dinner at 6:00. After dinner he said he wasn't "doing well" and couldn't take Milie for her walk - and he staggered around like he was drunk. Said he was so weak he couldn't move. Finally got him upstairs and in bed and I took Millie out. So much for a whole day that was "good". Can't remember a "whole day that was good" - been a long time ago.
Vickie...sounds like a pretty good day to me. Geez, someone who'll do stuff with ya, work, have a glass of vino.....been a long while here, except for my neighbor that keeps me company. My day was busy with dr. appts, a little retail therapy. Didn't buy anything, just went window shoppin in town. It's an old fashioned "main street" almost like Andy of Mayberry, if you know what I mean. Then came home and painted jumps in the barn. Pastor and his wife came to visit tonight and they just left. He's a horseman as well and familiar with 4-H, all that stuff I like to relate to. I'm sure they thought they'd never escape here alive. I tend to KEEP visitors. Lonely. I love to talk and 'entertain'. Oh, well. Wonder if they'll come back???!!! Overall, good day. Trying to stay "bright" and carefree....upbeat. I may have a housemate soon. NOT like the one I was saddled with a few months ago! This girl I know. I've known her since she was a little girl first taking riding lessons and in Pony Club. She's a good girl (a twenty=something), finishing up school, NOT a priss.....lots of farm skills and horse knowledge. Could be a great help to me, lots of company, and I could be helpful to her as well (i.e., high speed internet, satelite TV, I like to cook and there's horsey stuff everywhere ya look!). Hope everything is well with you all, wherever you are. Jen.
Vickie, maybe after such a full day..a pretty normal day from the sound of things, by after dinner time he was just tired..and the wine may have made him really mellow along with any meds he may be taking. As for my day..well I started out going to the cardiologist to sort out an issue with the meds and get a report to send to the VA. Then off to the base to get our ID cards scanned..some new requirement...and get some slacks for DH and a couple of bath mats..then to the doctor for something on my face that got frozen off and then home.. Tomorrow will be telephone tag with the VA, call a family law attorney to see about conserving our assets and a few topics before I meet again with the elder care lawyer..and then I get to go to the grocery store and finally a hair cut for me... Is it Sat yet?
I've spent my entire August driving AH back and forth to P.T. we go 3 times a week ans off days to the mall so he can walk.We live in the country and there is just no safe place to walk.He walks so slowly my back aches .I was a runner for years and am used to taking long strides.The therapists are great with him,so patient.I thought I could get away while he's there but he doesn't want me out of his sight.I worried the 8 hrs.under anesthesia would make his AZ worse but he is back to same as before.As I was there anyway I decided to take advantage of theur balance program,it's really helping me since I have multiple problems affecting my balance.I think they have loved getting me enrolled. The young woman I mentor seems to slipping backward again ,Sometimes I would like to just be able to shake her and tell her how good she has it,she keeps asking me not to abandon her,what do you do? .
I mentor a little boy at school. Did not start off well-we plain out didn't like each other. We spoke about it and somehow we turned things around. I am looking forward to working with him again this year.
Good for you guys! I hope you two continue to build the bond.
Lucky for all of you, I got carried away here telling about my a.m. so far and decided you didn't need to read it all, and writing somewhat purged me; so....have a great day.
We had a fairly good day. Went out to lunch at the restaurant in our local castle, very high class but they had a special deal this week with a three-course lunch so I decided to celebrate our wedding anniversay. It was a couple weeks ago (45th) and we always have dinner at the castle but it is a long sit and I was afraid dh would get very restless and unhappy. so I just let it go. Then I saw this lunch and booked a table. It was fine, just long enough. The rest of the day was not so good; he had eaten quite a bit for lunch and when we got home he decided to go to bed -- which he never does in the daytime. He was there for maybe an hour and a half. When he got up we sat out on the back lawn in the swing for a while and watched the wind blow the trees (well, I was reading.) But then the "I want to go home" routine started and I was able to distract him with tv and a light supper, then back to "Will you take me home, you have a nice car ". Now it's his bedtime but of course he doesn't want to go to bed. He says he already went to bed (true). Is this going to be an all nighter?
WE went to the dentist..DH had a tooth yesterday that started to bother him a wee bit..this morning a bit more so into the dentist we went. Now next week we have to go to another since his root canal of 2008 seems to have failed..so this afternoon I am off to get my hair cut, get his meds and maybe some groceries. I give up.
Got up early (too early) to a rainy, hazy, cool and lazy day. Went to the barn to paint all day (still refurbishing jumps and poles). Came back inside around four p.m. Took a bath (covered in white fence paint). Did laundry. Checked telephone messages....none. Well, there was ONE. An attorney in California trying to collect a debt of John's (IRS from 2006...he filed seperately and my lawyer and accountant says I'm not responsible). When I return the call, I'm going to give them the names and addresses of ALL of his living relatives....I even have social security numbers. m'bad.
Do any of you do this.......bored, come inside or stop what you're supposed to be doing, check your e-mail. Check up on Facebook. Look folks up, see what they're up to, make comments. Go putter around....come back to computer and mess around with background (desktop) pictures......maybe remember to make a bank funds transfer (hopefully in time)......check e-mail again, see if eharmony has a match for you (never does), check this site....and make comments when appropriate (and sometimes not). Go back to what you're supposed to be doing.....then the whole cycle starts over again? What the heck. I think I'm lonely.
It's like "surfing" the television, except there's a 'mouse' in my right hand and not the 'remote control'. HEEEELLLLLP! (can someone plan a vacation stop here sometime soon????)
stunt girl, I'm constantly on my computer, because I'm a procrastinator. I have so much to do in this house, but I don't know where to start. Actually I want to get rid of a lot of "stuff" but anytime I say I want to get rid of things my DH goes crazy. So one of my daughter's is going to help me by taking her father every other Friday afternoon so that I can take the "stuff" to the thrift store. He will never miss it. My son & daughter-in-law got rid of a treadmill that was taking up space & DH never noticed it was gone!
When will I ever learn not to tell my DH we are going anywhere until 2 minutes before we leave? I made the mistake of telling him we were going to my Weight Watchers meeting about 5 hours before we were going to leave.......well of course every 20 minutes he would ask if we were leaving yet. Of course after hearing that about 5 times it was getting a bit old. He got frustrated after a while because we weren't leaving. So when we finally left as we were driving there he asked if I was mad at him. I was a bit short with him when I told him no, so he said, "I'm sorry if I said anything wrong, I'm trying to keep my mouth shut & not say anything I shouldn't." So of course I felt bad after that. (They can just be so sweet at times. After my meetint we went to Wendy's for dinner (we go there at least once a week) & the manager gave us our meal for free. Wasn't that nice? She called us her regulars!
Yesterday we took the car in to get the wheel bearing fixed - so nice to have quiet now. Then we drove on down to Vanc. to pick up mail at my sister's and see grandkids. It is a about a 180 miles one way so made for a long day, especially since we didn't leave until 11:30am - got home at midnight. Made the mistake of last week mentioning to hb that I was thinking, only thinking, of bringing granddaughter back for a week. Well, he never let the reason that we were going to Vancouver to pick her up go. So, we brought her back for a week. Now I can't sleep in - will have to go to bed earlier than 1am to get sleep. He will have to deal with noise and someone else around.
I was really ticked when we got home. Since the only store around her is super expensive, we did some shopping while down there. When I brought the bag with the bread in - it was smashed. I had it put in the trunk where it would not get smashed = that was until he rearranged things. We had this old TV with a built in VCR that only can be used with the remote. We can not find the remote so it is useless. He talked the last week about it and I kept telling him it could not be used. Guess what?? right - he rearranged things in the trunk to put it in. My 2 loaves of bread were smashed because he snuck the TV in and hid it under other things. The bread is still useable, but it is the principal of it.
He still functions well except when he gets something into his mind, he won't let it go no matter how much talking - like granddaughter coming back with us and the TV. Then he acts like I never said it before. You all know the routine.
Cognitive he seems to be stable but I think the disease is affecting his legs. He has been complaining of his legs cramping and his lower back. Oh well.
The last few days have been a lot of ups and downs for both him and me. I think the pain is mostly under control for him. He is now doing a moaning/humming type of sound. At first I thought it might mean he was uncomfortable but after watching him for a while, I think this has taken the place of humming. He is also gritting and clicking his teeth. The nurse explained that it could be just another way he is trying to communicate or a sign that he is uncomfortable. At this point, I would much rather overmedicate and make sure that he is comfortable than not have him have enough medications and be in pain.
He is also having more trouble eating and drinking. He starts pocketing (hold food in his mouth) food after a few bites. Sometimes he is really struggling just to swallow. He was having some problems before the siezure but it is much worse now. It could be he has just progressed that far or a side effect of al the morphine making it harder for him to think. Either way, his risk of aspiration pneumonia is a lot higher now. They did ask me if I wanted to treat pneumonia or not, I was able to say "just keep him comfortable - no antibiotics".
Saturday night, his hands and arms were somewhat swollen. This may be the result of his not moving around as much.
I think what I am saying could be called final stage - it is just a question of how long he will last in this stage. I asked the nurses is he was starting that final decline and the concensus was he could be. One told me that if we put food in his mouth and it keeps dribbling out, that will be a signal.
In the midst of all of this downhill slide, there has been some positives. His neice is here for a visit and got to see her uncle one last time. He did recognize her on some leve and stayed focus on her the whole visit and was jabbering away trying to communicate. I am very greatful that she had the opportunity to see him and that he did give her some indication that he recognized her. She does a lot with fiber arts so we went shopping in some of my mother's hand painted fabric (she used to paint it and sell it at quilt shows). I have several 18 gallon plastic containers filled with the fabric. We went through 2 bins and she got about 1/3 of a bin that she wanted and took with her. I know that she will use this and make some fun and interesting things with it.
The dogs and cats had a lot of fun with the her being here and visiting her. They enjoyed lots of extra attention. The score this week is rabbits 0 and cats/dogs 2. I am glad that they are proud of their catches but have to admit that I really don't like disposing of the remains.
Had a good time today. Even though it was cool and windy we went to the beach with granddaughter and had fun. Then we came back and she played on the playground and the big pile of sand. She has such a good imagination, she gets into her own little world. She found small sticks which became her friends and had her own little world going on.
HB continues to complain about his legs hurting - I think like cramping. I don't know if it has been the walking in the sand or what. Even the days we don't walk he complains. this has been going on for a week now. When he drives the car his leg bothers him - loves the cruise control. When he drives the MH they don't cramp up. I am wondering if the disease is affecting his legs/lower back/muscles.
Tomorrow is suppose to be a lousy day so will take granddaughter into town to do laundry.
Therrja, What you reported, sounded a lot like my mom when I got down to TX after a call from a nurse. Mom was home and we had in home health care for her. When I got there, mom was in a hospital bed and she was not taking food or drink. We used a little mouth sponge to get some fluid in her and some puree foods to keep her somewhat comfortable.
However quite some time before she got to this point there were several instances of her "chimp monk eating" where she would not swallow her food..and " save it". One episode ended up in the hospital..but it wasn't long after that she was confined to a wheel chair having forgot what her legs were for, then after an episode of either difficult breathing or the chimp monk syndrome, she was in a hospital bed.
At that time we were lucky to get 500cc of fluid into her, her skin became dry and flaky. She sort of recognized me and others and seemed happy to have people around her. At one point we got her one of those air mattress beds which helped her. And when her breathing seemed irregular we rolled a small towel behind her neck just to keep her head more stable so she didn't list to the side quite so much. As the 11 days went on, she "ate" less and less...her skin changed colors and back again and finally she quietly slipped away.
I don't know if everyone escapes the ravages of this disease with such grace as she did, in the end. I relate my experience only so that you may recognize signs and symptoms. Had the hospice nurses not given me a booklet that described impending death I would not have understood what I was seeing. As it was I did know and I did not leave her for a minute. I was not going to let her go across the threshold alone with no one holding her hand as she stepped into her spiritual life and received her crown.
Your husband's legs...the cramps...is he getting enough potassium in his diet? Perhaps that is the problem. If not, maybe he has poor circulation causing the pain..
My dh used to get leg cramps all the time and less so now. I don't know why.
Thursday....one day is getting to seem like just another. Feel like I'm falling here. Just reality settling in? I really am feeling lost and without a future. Yes, taking antideppresant (Prozac). Want to back off and just learn to cope. Had so many plans, it seems. Where'd the smiley face go? Wanted to go back and get an education. Where's the funding? Want to continue to run the farm, provide full board for other people's horses, provide ground work, etc. But, I hurt so much and have less strength. Can't seem to remember how to make and keep friends even though I enjoy people. Want to work in my studio, but what if I can't work anymore? Frightened. Frightened of debt. Worried and cry all the time lately. Surprises me. Kids are snakes. Found out last night, that daughters indeed stole from me.....and kids are all upset that I'm beneficiary of small annuity that they thought they were entitled to. They're haughty and proud of their attitude about me. Ari thinks I'm "defective" and toxic. Tells me that she is going to share equally with her brother and sisters (my step-children) when she inherits my estate, because dad provided nothing for them...and because she is a "just and fair person". Doesn't she already know that my reworked Will bequeaths everything I may still have at that time to VA-Tech and The Heifer Project? Gee, thought I'd told her that already. Iron-clad. Yep, I know it's only "stuff", and you can't take it with you. But, you don't have to leave it to people who dislike you and all you stand for, either. That's what I know. Wish I felt better. I don't know what direction I'm going in, where I SHOULD be headed, if this will get any better....just would rather sleep all day. But, when I try to do that, all I end up doing is cry all day and stand in the doorway. Life seems over, really. I feel like such a liability and simply 'on hold'. Don't even want to see my parents, I bring them down and fill them with worry. Feel old, worthless, worn out and tired of everything, not interested. Nothing works out. Wish I could go back in time, knowing how this would turn out. Love is crap. Stupid to think it will ever live here again.
So, that's my check-in. The real me. No mask. Have a good day.
Mimi, thank you so much for sharing that. I have that same hospice book and have read it once (a while ago). Will be reading it again now that we are so much closer to the end.
I watched the aid feed him yesterday. He has changed so drastically from the person that ate his whole meal a couple of weeks ago to one that struggles to eat and swallow. It used to take 10 minutes to feed him, now it is a half hour or more.
The good news is that the pain seems to be under control and he is a lot more comfortable. That is a huge relief.
I did and passed it on. Just feeling like the walls are crumbling around me....such a strange reality. My daughter telling me all about the "memorial service" they had recently....where the EX WIFE from almost 29 years ago spoke and then hosted a gathering. I wasn't even invited. As a matter of fact, told to stay away. Do they think I have no feelings? Just too strange to get a grip on. (and no one can tell me that that fella never has a day that he's feeling amiss and all wrong)
Jen, I am so sorry. Wish I were there to give you big hug. I can't imagine the hurt you are going through with all that has happened. Keep hanging onto the rope - with the big knots. We all love you and are pulling for you.
I think the root of your depression right now is related to the following: 1..you discovered your daughters did indeed steal from you..can you get the items back? If it were me I would be serving them papers from a lawyer. Scare the c**p out of them.
2. that x of 29 years ago hosting a reception for YOUR husband, no matter how vile he was to you in these later years, as though she saw him thought to the bitter end and is the grieving widow is an insult into which wound was poured salt when you were told to stay away.
3. this cheeky step kid thinking they are entitled to whatever you have left because in their demented minds ( don't you love my description of them?) they deserve it? And what you have left is nothing your dear departed left you?
these are enough to send anyone deep into the blues..Now remember one thing...revenge is best when it is cold! Think things out slowly and clearly...and make sure there is not one single way these vultures can swoop over your estate for anything...
You can sue the daughters for theft...maybe small claims is all you can do but you can put them on notice.
The funeral is over and done with and there is nothing you can do about that one...
But as to those step kids...I would fix up a fancy little box with lady like go 'sh** in your hat' kind of letter laying it all out so that they think they are being complimented only you are leveling some straight talk to them and leave them the stack of bills, a history of all the hell you went through, and one buck each...so they can't contest anything...
mimi, yes, you've pretty much hit it on the head. Those are the major things going on inside of here...and the fact that I've been lonely for so long. Sure, I have a neighbor that is over a lot, doing things for me (a little too intrusive, but glad he helps out over here). My daughter, Ari, told me that April took my medallion....I can't get April to call me back...I intend to confront her with what I know. No, I didn't let Ari think I would pursue the matter. How can I prosecute if she denies taking it? She believes it belongs to her, or to her family, because her dad purchased it on a vacation with them, before me. You'd think I'd only been around for a couple of years. So strange. Yes, if I can I will get it back, even if I have to scare the living hell out of her. And, I'm plenty scarey.
Crooks deny stealing too. I would file a police report that it was stolen (important), and then have the LAWYER write one letter to everyone who had been in the house, (the girls) saying it was stolen, a police report was filed and an investigation was underway. If it is returned, by mail, the investigation will cease, and no charges will be filed. Is that too "over the top"??