August 1st and hot and humid. At least I could read my outside thermometer when I got up this a.m.! DH said last night he wanted to go to church this morning. However, changed his mind when he woke up. This happens often, so I never PLAN to go - anywhere. He did want to go to breakfast with our small group who goes every Sunday. We went and he was fine. Took Millie out for a walk a few minutes ago and is now playing golf on his computer. My afternoon down-time!!!
Another beautiful day in Maine. Took my wife to church this morning, but not sure how much longer I can do that. She slept through most of the service and, for the first time, showed no interest in even trying the communion. Her sister and husband are here now, so we have a full house, including all three of our kids and families.
Today was carry-in dinner day after worship; so I was ready w/casserole, pasta salad and Amish pumpkin bread w/cream cheese spread. Hb got up ate breakfast, went back to bed. As leaving time approached and I was putting myself "together," I reminded hb of day and time. He said, "OK." That was that. Didn't get up so we have food to share--invited family over this evening. He's beginning to have trouble w/finding page #s in hymn book and once in awhile seems not to know what to do w/communion emblems. Takes a nice nap though. Small congregation and everyone knows our situation. Out of "good" clothes, into "yard" clothes to weed, burn, etc. HOT HOT To be 90 tomorrow.
good afternoon late checkin from tx. hot and humid is the word all week. rain has been abundant and now with the heat its humidity galore. it hits like a wall from the door with a/c to outdoors. had family over to visit over the weekend and went to movies and lunch and shopping with grandkids and my mom. DH is doing ok but losing ground too especially mobility and seems to be starting to constrict his hands into fists at times -another new sign things are moving forward. they seem to move lots faster downward once into stage 7. sigh..
on a lighter note ms squirrley and scooby still come to visit daily. scooby has turned into a fine handsome specimen of how a super squirrel should look.. grin.. with all the goodies hes getting his coat is shiny and hes in good shape. hes in a territorial dispute for my balonies for rights to sammiches though and has his butt kicked more times than not. haha..hes been in a real fight and his right ear has a tear that has mended nicely and so hes got his battle scars ! the bigger males are not amused him trying to take over. but hes not giving up.. squirrley is supsiciously looking chunky again thru the middrift. hoping its fat and not more babies!
Well when the wee ones arrive,divvi, let us know and we can have an on line baby shower for mom and babies...nothing like new life to celebrate. I'll bring some nuts.
Hi Everyone! WEll it cooled off in Mechanicsville Maryland today, I don't think it reached 80 degrees. My DH is restless. He again lost his roll of money & is going crazy trying to find it. I swear if I find it I will keep it & give him a roll with a few dollars & the rest paper. I am also blessed that everyone in our small congregation knows our situation. I just feel uneasy when he goes off talking to someone, I'm just hoping he is making sense. I do agree with Mimi....same stuff different day!
It is local news here in Michigan so in case it has not reached you. Dr Hall's body was recovered last night from Lake Michigan and positively identified today.
Went to my class reunion last night and had a great time. It was so nice to chat with people that didn't repeat and had interesting things to say. It has been so long since I was out without hb. In our marriage I rarely went anywhere without him - he thought togetherness all the time was what marriage should be and/or was afraid I would find someone else I guess. I had to cut off one of my best friend from high school because it was a male. He still says the guy was my boyfriend but he was not - he was an very dear friend and still is even though we rarely see each other. I met up with my oldest friend - we were probably 1 when we became friends. Our older sisters were in class together which led to our mothers becoming friend. We both had a big laugh because in the early 80s I said something that made her mad and we never spoke again. She contacted me Friday to see if I was going to be there. It was like the last 30 years never happened. I felt alive last night.
Now back to reality! I was greeted today with my hb saying he almost had it out with my brother who went into the shop office and said a couple of tools were his. Hb says they are all his or my deceased bil. I know my brother said he loaned hb a wrench a few months ago and that may have been it. So I emailed my brother asking that he wait until Tuesday after we leave to go get those that are his. If hb notices later they are missing, let me know and I will deal with hb.
It's been raining, finally, and all is greening up. Great attitude is beginning to come to a crunching halt...like the sound of brakes on a gravel road. Loosing momentum or something. Every day is the same old same old. I can't plan anything because I'm still waiting on S.S. to make Medicaid decision, etc. Need word from lawyer about financials, John's little annuity, BACK TAXES he owes (and so, how much of MY hide the IRS wants). Geez, just want to be free to get on with my life. And, I wish the church I've been visiting would send visitors to me.....after all, I DID fill out the little form they ask visitors to do, and asked for visitation. Two weeks ago.
Signed up with e-harmony...think I told you that they can't find matches for me. Sucks. I like to think I'm just "that unique" and have "special needs".
On top of all that (which is only whining, I know), I have lost (misplaced?) a one ounce gold coin which I wear occasionally on a chain around my neck. The search for it occupied my whole evening last night. *sigh* Hopefully, it will turn up someplace soon. Would think it may have been stolen, but then why wouldn't the thief have taken lots of other gold stuff? I think I've just put it someplace "safe".
I have someone coming to look at one of my ponies tomorrow morning. Very sad for me. The people looking at him may buy him outright or lease him. I'm torn. REALLY need to move these guys on to someplace else, though. Reality.
Have a good, uneventful day. Or, a peaceful day, without worries.
Jen, I am sorry to read that you have lost your gold coin....I bet it will show up....or at least I hope so. I understand how you feel about the ponies...
But, don't take this as being a criticism, but why not forget about the e-harmony site for a while. Do you really need the complication of some "guy" in your life right now? You need to get your life back in some semblance of an order and just take care of yourself for a bit. Take care of the legal stuff, take care of your physical issues and get your financial house in order. Then, when the time is right, a really great person may come along.
Charlotte, I am so happy to read that you had such a good time at your reunion....it is nice to reconnect, isn't it? Good for you in going....
Welcome to August...month of the dreaded wedding anniversary.
DH has now been in ALF for about 2 weeks..doing ok..not great/not horrible.
I go back to work tomorrow after a month leave to get my hubby settled in. I am ready to see people again, but am worried my control of my emotions is not what it should be. I had about one week of lots of energy and elation after he was placed, relished my privacy and quietness. Now, the lonliness is crushing. I wrote my creditors to stop calling me, that I would only deal with them via mail. Now I even miss THOSE calls, as no one else ever calls.
Went to a local church yesterday, had tears in my eyes the whole service.
Now I am wondering why I placed him? Was it really so bad?
I need to build a life for myself. I am only 53. I am starting over in a new state..it is so freaking HARD!
Sheltifan...I understand exactly what you're talking about. Lonliness is peeking its ugly head in at me with a VENGENCE! (that's why the attempt to reconnect with what is a normal life through e-harmony!) Holidays, anniversaries ARE tough, no matter what the relationship was like, I'm finding. Need to find a way to make friends that doesn't make me uncomfortable. Maybe uncomfortable is good? YES, you DO need to build a new life...and you and I both will. In time. My problem is that I tend to "engineer" things and am not patient to let things happen naturally, by itself. Feel the need to always meddle in my own life. And screw things UP!! It will all work out. And, I feel sure you made the right choice in placing your husband in the facility. Have no worry there (but, I know your thoughts are normal). Jen
Wow, Sheltifan - you certainly do have a lot on your plate.
Congratulations on going back to work. Work has been my lifeline and salvation throughout this disease - I love my job, get to see people and it is something outside of the Alzheimer's world. Good luck with that.
Church makes me cry too and sometimes I am a basketcase after I get home but getting rid of those emotions is also clensing so I keep doing it (I really must be nuts).
Building a life for yourself is never easy and in a new state - that is impressive. Does the church have a group that meets once a week doing something you are interested in?
Divvi - my husband also has the contracting of his hands. At one point he developed a sore he was clenching them so hard. He is now on Bacofen (sp?) and we do Botox every three months - that makes a huge difference in his hands and how comfortable he is. Unfortunately the stiffness/contracting has progressed to most of his body and he defines "board stiff". I feel badly for the CNA's that work with him as he has become quite difficult to maneuver. Good luck with this one.
Divvi, It sounds like fun to have had lunch and a movie with your grandkids and your mom. Saddened to read that your husband is now contracting his hands. Each step they take down hurts.
Today is our 7th anniversary. I knew he wouldn't remember it, just like last year, and thought I was ready not to feel bad, but I do. I feel cheated out of the life we've enjoyed together. Celebrated in a small way, Applebee's for lunch and I was glad I did it that way, as a really nice restaurant for dinner would have been too much for him to cope with. At least here at our retirement center the waitstaff is used to dealing with dementia, which makes it much easier. When he kept saying there was a lot of chocolate in his 'juice' (raspberry iced tea) I was glad we were alone and that the meal wouldn't take very long.
PrisR, I really can't say "Happy Anniversary" to you, because I know you aren't happy. We all go through this and it's not a happy time. But I am glad you got out and celebrated for yourself, even if in a small way. God bless you and all of us as we traverse this horrendous road. Here's some hugs anyway for your Anniversary (((((((((((((((((())))))))))))))))))
Going to be a hot and humid week here in the Chicago area. Have to find things to keep my husband busy this week. His day care is closed for vacation this week. I do have dinner with my daughter on Wednesday to look forward to. My son is going to stay with his dad.
PrisR, I know anniversaries are not the same anymore. I'm glad you were able at least to celebrate in a small way. (((hugs)))
JEN, Catholics believe ST Anthony to be the Patron Saint of Lost things.. My cousin told me whenever she misplaces something she says: " Tony, Tony, please come round.Something's lost and must be found." She said for her it always works. So when I have misplaced things I decided to try it and ya know what? It works for me too. May take a day or two but I find what I have mislaid.. give it a try. Can't hurt.
PrisR, I know what you mean about anniversaries. My DH has always remembered our special day until this year...our middle girl was here for a visit and departed on our anniversary. She made sure her dad got a card for me..and during the day she kept saying " well dad where are you going for your anniversary dinner?" She flew out about 1 pm and after that nothing more. So to celebrate all by myself I bought a pretty bracelet..something shiny with a little sparkle. It is pretty and I enjoy it BUT there is no sentiment behind it..jewelry is something special in my mind, not like having to buy a shirt or jeans..but as pretty as my bracelet is, there is no more sentiment to it than buying a pair of jeans. Guess I won't do that again. Sigh.
Stunt Girl* I have to gently say, I agree about the e-harmony thing. While you have gone through a lot and have grieved a lot along the way, give yourself some time, learn to get to know yourself again in the quiet. MyBIL lost his wife at age 38 to cancer..and within just a couple of months he was married again and it was a mess..worst thing he could have done and caused tons of problems with in the family ( he had 4 minor kids) and this woman just made play on him and his emotions. The marriage was annulled. Take it easy with yourself and don't put demands on yourself. I think you are going through some emotional highs and lows still and are finding your sea legs. I say that because though I am in the midst of this, there are days when I think I can lick the world and get tons done and then two hours later be in a slump. Take care of you..you deserve it. Hugs to you.
mimi and everyone....I wonder if GOD himself is in an all out effort to protect me from myself!! E-Harmony can't FIND anyone for me! LOL!! Fine. Just rollin' with it. Yep, I read somewhere that when you go through huge life changes (loosing a spouse, child, divorce, etc.) that you're not suppossed to change things (make major changes) for at least a year. Gives you time to find your balance once again (if, indeed, I ever had any). Probably some good reason in that one. Also, if you're my friends, DO NOT be gentle with me. Really! I like "true talk"!
Went to my physical therapist today ( I still go 3x a week, even after a year). He knows me so well, it's like talking to my HAIRDRESSER! Poor guy.
Ads came out today in several publications for sale of broodmares, other equines I have. LOTS of calls and people willing to pass info along. NO ONE wants their horses to go to an auction (read, MEAT).
Thought I'd go to a movie tonight.....maybe tomorrow nite. Want to change my bed linen, wash my cat (her once a weeker) and re-do my nails. I made them bright blue last night. WHAT WAS I THINKING??? Have a good evening and most of all, SMILE! Jen
End of a good day! I "contracted" w/one granddaughter to clean our house every 2 wks (no toilets). She mows the yard every week, too. Did a fine job cleaning (she's been mowing for a couple years; so I knew she was good at that). Grandson-in-law cleaned gutters; didn't want $, but I foisted some on him. Took hb out to do errands; so he was happy just to be out and about. As we started he said, "I forgot to shave." We weren't going to be anyplace very long or w/people I'd care about their seeing his whiskers; so I just said, "Oh, well." I'm sure I didn't pay family members the "going" rate, but I give/do other stuff for them along our journey.
More good news about the new facility. DH is eating more now that he can see better. His blood pressure has returned to normal (it had been 80/50 for the last month at the old facility), and he is not feeling dizzy or falling. He's back to using his cane, not the walker. Plus, he looks so much better. Feel so happy about the improvement!
the reaction from my brother on the email requesting he let me deal with hb went over badly. I was shocked that he was so ballistic about it. He came to the door asking if there was something we needed to talk about and I said 'no'. I didn't want to say anything in front of hb or granddaughter. I could tell he left angry so went into the house to find out his problem. He refused to talk about it just going half-wild like I was suppose to know what his problem was. I grabbed him as he tried to run away and I ended up with a bump on my lip from his elbow or something. Never did find out his problem. I did find out he doesn't remember telling me about a wrench hb borrowed last winter and never returned which is what I thought he was talking about in the shop that he told hb was his. I told him in the email I only knew what hb told me and really didn't care about what actually was said, just that after we leave he can get whatever is his and if hb notices and says something to him to let me know and I will deal with hb - otherwise diffuse.
Hb wanted to know what happened cause I came back shaking and crying. He was ready to go down to shop and take all his out and let brother know whatever - not sure but with the anger my brother shows I would not trust him. It is so interesting that he is much like our dad. Our dad was a dry alcoholic who beat me in front of him, younger sister and brother that is just a year older than me. My brother just a year older followed our dad's example and was mean and hurtful to me and my friends. My younger brother doesn't drink but he is a drug user. IMO - he has fried his brain on drugs of which he denies. I followed with an email apologizing for saying I never wanted to see him again but did tell him the answer to our oldest sister's question of what damage drugs have done to his brain - it has caused him to be paranoid, irrational, and no control.
So I have three people here with memory problems: hb due to AD; sister due to stroke but she is improving; and bro from drugs. Plus a sister who thinks she knows what I am going through because she watched her hb die after his stroke - he recovered but then gave up but no dementia. She thinks hugs cure everything but I told her I hate hugs. Hugs to me mean be ready to be used and abused.
To top it off, hb last night could not remember what went on in the shop - what was said. Why does that not surprise me?? Anyway, did not get much sleep last night and granddaughter woke me up at 7:30am. That is late since she use to get up at 6:30. We had fun today - took her to do laundry then grocery shopping for last minute things as we are taking off in the morning. I will be so glad to get away from here. And what a downer to the good time I had at my reunion.
So I look forward to tomorrow and leaving. We have two weeks in one park, then move to another and still trying to get reservations for another one after that. I just don't want to come back here. I want to be free.
Well, we are still in the condo! I am waiting for the second bedroom set to be delivered to the furniture store who will then deliver both sets to the new place. Once they are over there I can get the movers to take the rest of the stuff. I have boxes upon boxes I packed myself and they are getting on my nerves laying around. Then I will get a guy in to take care of a couple of handyman things, have him paint the sewing room and then get the carpets cleaned and put the condo on the market. I don't expect it to sell real fast in this economy. DH has been pretty good lately. Except for his memory and occasional hallucinations and/or paranoia and/or confusion he seems almost normal. We can still joke with each other and that will be one thing I will really miss down the road. I hope everyone has a GOOD day.
Hot and getting hotter. 103 Today. I am cleaning our pool. We get back from our trip and the pool is total waste. I have drained it and will power wash it today. Sunday at church DW during the sermon is in a panic to get to the bathroom. When she panics, she can not talk. She writes me a note in church and say bathroom. She did not make it in time.
Fortunately a friend at church went into the bathroom and helped her get cleaned up.
It is August in NC. We had a cool day on Monday. Yesterday, it was hot and humid. I kept wondering if the air conditioner was broken. I kept turning the thermostat down. Oh, someone had turned the heat on. He took the garbage can out to the curb on Monday night, then on Tuesday brought it back into the garage, with the garbage in it. I discovered that today.
Are in the park and enjoying the peace and quiet even though the park is full. Our cat is having the hard time cause she can't go out unless she escapes which she did yesterday while we were setting up. We have reservations in parks for the next 6 weeks, so that just leaves me figuring out what to do after that.
I'm back from a week's trip to Houston to see my son, grandson and his family, and to visit with friends. My daughter, who is visiting for the summer from England, did all the driving on our vacation. My husband was in Hospital Hospice for the week and we will pick him up this evening. I feel well rested and relaxed. I needed this vacation very much. I hadn't realized how exhausted I had become.
I'm with Divvi and Therrja - and our spouses are at the same stage. I am so grateful for Hospice. It is allowing me to keep him home - except for the five days each month of respite care (I combined July and August to have over a week off).
It was cooler in Texas than it was at home! How rare!
I now have to admit to being a bit slow in some of my thinking. All along the journey I have run into brick walls when dealing with my own preconceived notions or others. The fact is that due to the length and type of things that happen during this disease a lot of those are useless. I have always believed when a person is sick that you do everything you can for them. I still believe that but with this disease you really can't do that to the point where there is nothing left of you. I've learned to let a lot of those ideas go as useless for the current situation but every now and then I still run into one that surprises me. Good news is I still have lots to learn.
This is the saddest disease I know of. I can't think of anything worse. Except maybe having a child with some withering kind of disease, or watching a loved one fade into oblivion in a comatose state. I dunno. I wish you all could-comonovatamahouse. *sigh* Love you all, every one.
Hot, hot. HOT here in Virginia.....but we did get two nice thunder-boomers this afternoon that cooled things off. Steamy, now, though.
Well here I sit by myself because my angel of a neighbor just took my DH to an American Legion meeting. He lives right across the street so when my DH sees him sitting on his porch he will go & talk to him & the angel that my neighbor is he listens. How blessed I am. My daughter also lives across the street (next to angel neighbor!) & she is also very helpful & even though my grandson is only 9 years old he knows that PopPop has a memory problem. He even tried to teach his PopPop how to play games on the iPhone. It's things like this that I have to remember when we are having a bad day. Thanks for listening.
I haven't checked in for awhile. I've been working all summer. I haven't really taken any real vacation time this summer. I let the boys go away with my sisters. I don't have the money for a real vacation. I guess I should take some time for a "staycation". But I don't know. I feel better staying busy at work. Still, I feel guilty for not spending enough time with the boys. I need to do something with them before they go back to school in a few weeks.
Lately, I feel lost, empty, floundering, more than usual. Work has been going pretty well, although hectic. The boys are doing well. My property taxes doubled from one year to the next, and I think I'm going to have to apply for an abatement, what a pain! That really threw me for a loop this week. I'm tired of worrying over finances. Gary used to handle all the finances, and I remember how frustrated he would get paying bills. How mad he would get at my spending (not that I'm a spendthrift, but there have been times when I've spent more than I should). I get it now. Now that this weight sits squarely on my shoulders. Some days it feels like an elephant crushing me.
I realize lately that somewhere along the way, my grief shifted from grieving over him to grieving for him. I still miss him every day and feel lost without him. But what really weighs heaviest is knowing what's become of him. Thinking of who he was, strong, lively, funny, "normal", to a shadow of a person sitting in a wheelchair, unable to communicate in any meaningful way. I know I'm supposed to find joy in everyday things, like our boys, who are growing up in front of me. But somehow I can't. If he were gone, I could try to find "comfort" that he's in a better place. But trapped in his own body, he's not in a better place. And there's no comfort.
Ok, I'm done with my pity party! It feels good to check in though. I'll try to do it more often, hopefully with something uplifting to say once in a while!
Yesterday family minded the store (read stayed w/hb) while I attended a caregivers conference in Dayton, IN. Melanie Bunn from North (or was it South) Carolina was the keynote speaker. EXCELLENT! I also attended a small group session, Becoming a Super Caregiver: Keeping Loving Relationships. Other breakaway sessions were Mapping the Journey: Late Stage Options and Building Care Support: Community Resources. There were vendor displays all over the place, too. Door prizes and a delicious lunch, also. In the Super Caregiver session, one woman mentioned she's started the incontinence journey and asked for help and suggestions. Well, as you can imagine, I couldn't keep silent. I told her she'd find anything she ever wanted to know about the "issue" and more at this site. The day was time well spent on many levels:)
Zibby, good going! I'm glad you were able to attend! I wish we had more of those sessions here. A lot of the caregivers conferences here are for those who WE pay to be caregivers in our absence. I went to one about two years ago and it was good.
Kelly, good to hear from you.
My house is back to normal now. My husband is back at home, the same as when I left for my week's vacation with relatives and friends. He got his chocolate malt on the way home, and enjoyed it for the hour it took him to drink it. <grin> He may be slow, but he's sure!!! I've got to smile at the little things.....they are all I have left.
I have a full time caregiver starting on Monday. A new way of life will be beginning for a while. I am hoping it works. The alternative is a nursing home, and I want to avoid that. My husband sleeps most of the time now, so he is easy to care for. I'm just concerned about having a stranger in my home all day each day.
Am I the only one who gets antsy with changes in our lives, even with AD being such a big part of it? I know I have so many emotion ups and downs, and watching him slide down to this last stage has been extremely hard......<sigh>
Mary, no you are not the only one who gets antsy - he has handled all of the changes in our lives better than I have in spite of the AD. I have moved him three times and he had no problems - it was harder on me. He told me one day that he was lonely with me working all day and that opened the door for me to bring in a caregiver who worked for us part time at first. He adjusted fine - it was hard on me having an additional person in the house. They did do a lot of the basic housecleaning together though - vacuuming and stuff like that.
Now he is in a facility and many of the people on the floor are also in stage 7. There is a high turnover on this floor as the residents pass. He still adjusts and I still find it difficult.
As suggested by several of you, today I checked on a local nursing home - the one my mother was in 7 years ago. There were a couple of people there who remembered her. One woman I talked with - the activities director - had been at the home for 31 years, so there doesn't seem to be too much turnover. Everything about the home seemed good EXCEPT for the price - $8,000 per month. I'm going to keep her home, with in home help if necessary, as long as possible - no long-term care insurance, too much assets for medicaide - but this price would bankrupt us within 2-3 years.
That is outrageous Marsh and we all know all the money doesn't go to pay for help or to make it a better place. I know there are a few that show they spend the money to benefit the patients, but I believe they are few.
Today it is still just 58 not expected to get much warmer. He is nice being away from my sister's. We haven't done much but walk around the park. Hb has visited with a couple people near us while I sit in the motorhome. I finally paid for the wi-fi yesterday so I could catch up and play games. Our son and family were going to come and put a tent up next to us for the weekend but with the cool and showery weather forecast they didn't. Wish move since grandson is still fighting an ear infection. Next weekend will work out better if the weather is nice as it is the county fair here in town. In 1993 we were living here at the park while unemployed when the fair was in town. Hb worked the fair, we followed it to another town where hb, son and daughter worked in the carnival and then went to the Oregon State Fair where we all become 'carny' people. It was a fun month traveling and working with them.
Marsh, we'd have to do at home care, too. Hope places here are less costly when/if the time comes. Met a woman at the caregivers conference who cares for her dad. Has 24/7 help mostly friends, friends of friends. relatives, etc., but will finalize the selling of the family farm in September and work with an agency for help hoping it will be less stressful for her because the scheduling help is getting to her.
Much better day today here in KY; had very bad storm yesterday afternoon, lots of trees down. Nothing damaged at our home though.
We drove the 45 mile trip to our nearest Wine shop this morning. DH asked me what I was going to do when he was no longer here!!! That rather threw me for a loop and I really didn't know what to say so that he wouldn't be upset. Finally, I just said I didn't know, that I would think about it. But then I told him he'd be around a long time, so he shouldn't worry about it. (He's 87!)
Hope you all have a great weekend - peaceful, if nothing else.
marsh thats outrageous for any facility - i hope you got a veryyyy complete list of what entails the cost and care for 8k a month. incredible they get away with it and folks actually move in. there are nice places here for 4500dol low to 7500 on the high end. i have a relative that has her mom in the 7500/mo and has to go everyday to feed the mom 3meals a day. nothing changes except how much they are paid. 8k will buy you alot of inhome care on top of hospice. i hope you can keep her at home and keep the costs down.
vickie i think you answer was the right one. :)
mary glad your DH is back home and i am sure things will be ok with the caregiver. yes any change is hard to maneuver with all else we do on top of AD. divvi
It was another hot and humid day here with the usual afternoon thunder and rain. What amuses me is people swimming and playing and having a good time in the pool. Then when the rain starts they put their towels over their heads and scurry for home!
marsh, I think I will be in the same situation as you are in. My DH makes under 8+G a month combining his SS, Military retired pay and VA disability..Our house is paid for. I am nearly 20 years his junior. He just turned 80, had cardiac issues, diabetes, hypertension under control and has had a lacunar stroke ( tiny) in 2007. I inherited some $$$ from my parents and an aunt and uncle and through frugal means have managed to have it grow... I have yet to hear from the elder care lawyer ( was to hear today but the day ain't over yet but it is getting close) who called last week to say our trust situation is more complex than originally thought..which sounds to me like she is having a hard time putting together any kind of idea for long term care should he need it that would not either have me divorcing him or ending up in the poor house or under a bridge dining on road kill. This should NOT be. And any place that is that costly and yet a LO has to come feed the patient 3 times a day is an outrage. I think I'll be doing the in home long term thing too and I have yet to figure that part out. It is still early but I am looking into all of it.
As most of you know, I'm going the in-home care route, for the same reason as the rest of you- it's just too expensive to put him in a nursing home.. we couldn't get long term care bec. he has a bad leg, chronic phlebitis.. And he's not a wanderer or violent. AND we have Andrew, the super CNA. I just ran up to Maine (from RI) for an overnight trip and Andrew was fine with him. They have a great time together and I don't begrudge one minute of it! I agree, if you can find a decent caregiver other than yourself, it isn't too hard. As with Mary's husband, mine sleeps a lot of the time although he still enjoys a lot of TV (never having watched in his "previous" life). Once I decided, all the agony of trying to deal with apportioning things right as per suggested by the eldercare lawyer, all the questions of how I would cope with having to go to the nursing home all the time to make sure he was okay, everything just fell away. He's here, at home, and he will stay here. This is CERTAINLY not the decision for everyone, but I'm happy with it. Relieved, to be honest.
I would love to have my husband home, however, due to his violent behavior at times it is not safe. I am lucky....I guess, and thankful that the ALF has worked with me on cost. I also, will probably be living who knows where, when this terrible journey is over. Too many assets for Medicaid, but not enough to go on for years.