I have started getting a home health worker 3 days a week. I really feel kind of odd. She told me that she can do light house cleaning, but only those things that DW is unable to do. Well I have been doing everything, I am not sure what she is saying. Is it a job requirement that she can only do those things that the wife used to do. I had her go thru my wifes bathroom and reorganize it and throw away the stuff she does not use. I mean there was so much stuff in there and I had not a clue what it was for. If I asked my wife she needs everything. I do not like to get into arugments over small stuff, I save my engery for when it is going to be a blow out and I am sure I've got enough energy to win.
DW was very willing to let a stranger throw out stuff, What is that about?
I am wondering am I suppose to feed the worker too? She is german and has a heavy accent.
This first week has gone pretty good. I only over heard DW telling her to stop bossing her around once.
It will take sometime to get to feel comfortable with someone in the house. I am told this worker will come 5 days a week once I feel the need.
Moorsb. Sounds like you need to ask some questions up front and get some straight answers. You need to be comfortable with anyone in your home. Reminds me of the Lucy episode when she hired a housekeeper after the baby was born. Lucy got peanut butter while the helper got the left over roast and salad. Maybe another person would make you more comfortable. It is like a job interview and you have to have the right fit for you both. After all, you are the employer and paying the bills.
First, you need to decide exactly what it is you want her to do. Make a list for yourself and be specific. Make bed; dust furniture; vacuum; wash toilet, sink, shower, and floor; get wife dressed; whatever it is you want. Then call the agency and tell them this is exactly what you want done by the person they send. Ask them if you are expected to provide lunch or if the person is to go out on a lunch break. Make sure both you and the agency agree on exactly what the person is to do. When the person comes to your house, whether it is the same German lady you have now or someone else, go over the list with them, and make it clear what their duties are.
Also, make sure the agency has a written list of what you agreed upon, in case of disputes.
I would suspect, if she is German, forgive me for stereotyping, but she would like nothing more than to get her hands on the house and CLEAN it very well. The question is do you want her to DO that?!! I agree with everything Joan says, though. If you can, try to straighten up one room really nicely, and then ask her to clean it. If DW used to do it, but you've been doing it, it's in her purview. Many say they don't do windows, or they don't mop floors or get down on their knees. There's a lot they can do in spite of that.
Ask her if there are any cleaning supplies she'd like you to get for her. Play the bumbling incompetent husband and let her deal. She will be very proud and do it well.
That said, I had a Polish woman here who was very overweight, couldn't climb stairs (and my husband was upstairs) and couldn't help lift him. That was no help at all. She was replaced with a dear strong wiry guy from Jamaica who can do all of the above easily.
The agency I had said they did "light housekeeping". She mostly did everything except move furniture, windows and scrub carpets. She kept the bathroom and kitchen spic and span, ran the sweeper and would do laundry if I wanted. I liked to do my own (except Charlie's wet bedding which needed done daily). She could not go out for lunch as I was at work but she brought her own. I always told her to feel free to eat with Charlie if she wanted and sometimes she did. Once you feel comfortable, it will be a great help.
We've had in-home help for DH since 11/2006. A set number of hours each week spread over several days--2-3 each time. He showers DH; changes his bed, runs laundry (I usually folded and put away). Dishes, Cleans Kitchen, Bath; sweeps, mops and dries, and/or vaccuums floors as appropriate; and does the grocery shopping. There are other things too. He's now here 11 hours a week. There are things he is not to do--no ladders, no yard work,for example because of safety issues, and I may not have him do things specifically for me. Basically he is here to do DH's personal care and home care to maintain/improve DH's home environment. No matter, I benefit too. I maintain that no cargiver should be doing household chores if they are able to have in-home help. Anybody can do dishes, run laundry, ec. Only the Caregiver can do the legal, medical, social work, etc. required. Our time belongs on that stuff. A side benefit---having in-home help is a good way to get your LO used to having people coming in and interacting with him/her, before more intensive help is needed. We do no good service for our LO by allowing them to lock on to accepting only our help. All it would take is an injury or illness (either of us) to upset them drastically if we couldn't be the helper.
Carol is so right about in-home help. I've been bringing in help for a year now, and at the beginning, I was unclear as to the definition of "light housekeeping". Her posts helped me see that I had the right to ask for the things she listed. Although the Agency has guidelines, I have come to realize that each aide seems to interpret them a little differently. Our first aide (no longer with us) refused to clean toilets! That made no sense to me--especially working with dementia patients, it seemed like an odd thing to rule out. The same person also didn't want to wash my things; however, since then the others we've had have done anything I've asked them, and more. Regarding food, the Agency I use requires that the aides bring their own, and all but the first one did.
The definition of light house keeping needs to be defined. I guess because we live in a very small town, there are not a lot of options. I feel lucky to find a home health care agency. We live 12 miles from town too. She has offered to take the wife to the grocery store. DW can not really shop, she just follows me around the store as I get what we need. At this point my wife needs someone who can operate the TV remote and answer the same question about 50 times a day.
moorsb--our in-home helper takes DH with him to the store. DH gets coffee and sits waching the people coming and going. A couple workers will stop and talk to him when they're on break. The helper does the shopping and then they come home. Helper also takes him to the Pantry twice a month. I call ahead so they know the guys are coming. They pull a selection for me and our helper helps DH chose his selectons--he's likely to skip a lot unless he recognizes exactly what i is--or--it's something he likes--FOR HIM.
I have help twice weekly for 4 hours each time. This is more for me than anything else although it has been good for DH to be with this young lady. She is extremely good with him, gets him out for a walk, helps him feed his birds, talks with him and listens to music with him. In other words, he is her main concern. We are able to have her do light housework but I chose not to do that since I think what she is doing is much more important. As this progresses, hours and duties may change but for right now this has been great for us.
Good information from all of you, but, I wish I had followed Joan's advice before having the in home service. The agreement also called for 'light house keeping' but I didn't define it ahead of time. All she wanted to do was watch my wife and television then complain when she got back to the office that I wanted her to run the vacuum cleaner and do the dishes. This was at the time when I was using this service so I could get away from the house, but, it didn't work for me at all.
I think the issue is, as a guy I really do not understand where the line is on "Light" house cleaning. The aid was very clear to say that she would assist DW in doing the house work. I told her that I do it all, and that she watches TV all day and goes to bed at 8:00pm. I am not sure if this is some legal dance, If I am paying why does it matter? I must pay 60 days out of pocket before my Long Term Care Policy will kick in. Once the Insurance picks up, I guess it might be an issue with what the insurance company will pay. If the aid is going to be there she should be doing something. I have given her the task of keeping my wifes bath room clean and organizing her clothes in her closet and dresser. I wonder if I could get her to make the bed? Maybe just the side DW sleeps in?
My husband's care giver took care of him. He got a shower every time she came because he would not let me help him with that and she took him for a walk during the first few weeks as well. As he got sicker, that stopped.
In addition she did light housekeeping. As a prep for getting my husband to accept in house help, I'd arranged for heavy cleaning to be done every two weeks by someone else. The aide did both bathrooms and dusted everything in the house. I've never seen anyone dust so intensively. The place was spotless. If I didn't have the heavy cleaning done by someone else I would have expected vacuuming and a clean kitchen as well.
My aide wanted to do laundry and bed making as well. For a bunch of reasons that would not have worked for me, but moorsb, I'd expect that even if the aide is only allowed to do stuff your wife used to do that changing the bed linens is a given.
Call the agency with a list of what you would like done and get them to tell you which tasks are reasonable and which are not.
The aides we had over the years were told..."only do housekeeping on what is directly affecting the client". So..they scrubbed bathrooms, gave him showers and shaved him, made meals ( many they made sure had leftovers for me), swept and mopped all floors, did all his laundry (not mine), changed all the bed linens and washed them. Cleaned out the fridge now and then, did all dishes. I would walk into a completely clean house every day. They did NOT move big furniture, or do outdoor chores.
They did make sure his dogs went outside when needed, but did not feed them. They were ANGELS!
Except the one that systematically stole everything not screwed to the floor. Yup..another thing to keep in mind when bringing in outside help. This was an ugly ugly situation that involved APS, the cops etc. Keep your radar up for someone who MAY be willing to take advantage of you or your loved one.
My dh, now placed in an ALF is really confused and hurt that his "friend" Mary has not called or checked in on him. If I weren't so broke, I would be tempted to offer her 20.00 to visit him once a week...he really loved her.
I have a woman I use occasionally to take care of DW while I go to a meeting. Each time she asks if there is anything she can do. Most of the time I can't think of anything, but on a couple of occasions she has taken the laundry out of the drier and folded it. She would do the dishes, etc. if needed. I found her through a friend, and she is not with an agency, and is not a certified aide, so she can do anything I ask if she is capable. So far she hasn't had to clean a messy Depend, but I am sure she would. She did clean the bathroom one time when I got actively sick. My only concern is that she said she has to find a full-time job so she will get the benefits, so she won't be available during the day.
Sheltifan, This is the very reason I still refuse outsiders in my house. We had an agency that was to provide 24 hours care for my parents..mom had AD and dad had some health issues as well. Things started out fine..but went from good to bad to impossible. I came to be with mom several times from CA. One day when she was chilly I decided to get her fur hat..she loved that hat. It was one I can recall from my preteen days and was such a classic it would be in fashion today. Well it was gone..then I checked her closets..I had all her good things cleaned and moved to a guest room..I discovered that the "help" had helped themselves to her clothes..tried them all on and some of these ladies were rather large and they stretched my mom's knits all out of shape..add to that towels were taken, food, meds, yard blower, you name it..and my brother lived in town but did not check those things..so I complained.. Oh and one even made 900 calls on our phone and what a bill but because it was a bill it was tracked to the aid that did that. No you cannot be too careful.If you don't have a safe, get one or a safe deposit box and lock up important papers ( yes they will look through desks and drawers), jewelry, anything private or important or valuable..and if there are rooms you do not want them to enter lock them. I ended up putting deadbolts on doors to keep people out. Take photos of where things are located in your house...your china, silver, etc..things that are out...things easily swiped..think like a thief and then protect your house. Not all aids are evil but don't allow temptations to be unaddressed. Oh and don't forget the garage.. I found an old bedspread on the far side of the garage on the other side of Mom's car and you'll never guess what was inside of it.....more of the household things..
marsh, One thing about a private hire..make sure you have workman's comp and posted. We had to do that with the aids we had after we dismissed the agency. If they get hurt on the job...they can come after you for medical bills.
Mimi--to add to your post--you have brought up valid points about bringing in help. I found that once the preparation was done (safe, locking desk and file drawers, locking up jewelry, china, crystal, silver, etc.) it's not too daunting on a daily basis. I will add--don't forget about identity theft. Get a shredder (we all should have those anyway); don't leave bills or mail lying around with credit card account numbers or social security numbers. Use a password on your computer. If you weren't a neat person before, this will force you to be one.
The 900 number calls are a new one on me! My question is--since help from an agency is supposed to be bonded, did your family get reimbursed for the calls or anything else? Even with the best preparation in the world, if someone is in your home and wants to steal something, they will. It would be interesting to hear from someone who was in this position and was/wasn't reimbursed by the agency.
P. S. For those of you who haven't been here too long, there are some old threads that discuss bringing in help in great detail and the ins and outs of using an agency vs. private hire, getting the proper insurance, etc. I think we also discussed the use of "nannycams", i.e. surveillance equipment, to check out what's going on at home if you are in another location during the day, such as a job.
Count me in as one that DID NOT get reimbursed by the agency for stolen items. Totaled close to 3K, not including credit cards that I did get re-imbursed for.
I was pulled aside by a few kind souls, such as APS, that told me this same person was convicted in neighboring county for same type theft. I was also told agency is not REQUIRED to reimburse, but everyone she has worked with..did reimburse. Except mine.
They didn't so much as pass a hat in the office to help me defray costs. I switched agencies when during a hearing, they proudly admitted that during a background check prior to hiring this individual, no other agencies returned their call, so she must have been ok to hire.
That was really the beginning of my financial spiral down..but probably would have happened sooner or later.
Yes for the phone numbers we were to the tune of 500.00 bucks but not for mom's mink hat or other things.." can't prove which cna did the deeds" : ( so we got nothing for it and i was majorly ticked off....
After reading about the Home Helpers who help themselves to other peoples valuables I am thinking a facility might be a better choice if you can afford it. At least the valuables will be safe.
Jean and others who face the facility issues soon...be sure to take your LOs wedding ring and keep it at home. My aunt was just sure my uncle could not get it off his large hands..well he did within the first week he was at the NH. I saw it right away but did not tell my aunt. Finally about a month or so later she noticed it was gone....
Nora, I'm so sorry about your husband's wedding band. They told me right away at the nursing home to bring his two rings home. I gave one ring to his son and I kept his wedding band. I have it in a little mahogany container we bought on our last cruise. I keep it on my dresser. Once in awhile, he will remember his rings and ask about them. I always tell him that I have them at home for safe keeping.
things are going good. The lady lives not far from us at least in country terms. She has worked in nursing home caring for AD and has seen one as young as 45 die from it. She has told DW that she will help her, and they seem to get along great. She has not refused to do anything I have asked of her and she knows that this is going to turn into a fulltime job for her. She is really very patient with her, much more so than I. I think I have just lost it too many times recently and I really need this more for me than for DW. I the end she gets more loving care than I can give and it is good.
I agree to tuck things away. Last Thanksgiving I went to set the tBle and found my silver missing. I was very upset it had been my mothers. At first I feared Andrew had taken it but later realized I hadn't used it or looked for it since the previous Christmas holidays. And he hadn't come to work until late May.
I talked to the agency people. They're bonded but would only pay if the police charged someone. I had no idea who they might charge. However my house insurance covered it with no hassle.
briegull, the price paid by the ins cannot substitute for the sentimental value of something that was your mother's and should be a family heirloom. I understand how you must feel having had things of my mom stolen too..such an invasion..all I can say about that person who stole those sentimental things, and things not sentimental, what goes around will come around to them one day. And my evil twin says I hope that they hurt as much as we do about the loss. Some of us don't have many things that belonged to our parents and to lose something to a thief who was there to help is an outrage.
So bonding means virtually nothing unless it can be proven that the person has stolen the items?
I was told a few weeks ago by a staff member at the insurance agency we deal with that insurance companies have tightened up and that a single claim can now cause your homeowner's premiums to go up. So depending on the size of a loss, it might not be worth it to go that route.
Sadly..to keep my expenses down, my homeowners coverage has a 1000.00 deductible. We filed charges with police and a claim, but only received enough to replace his digital Nikon camera. When I got the new camera for him, he said he wanted the old one back. He had forgotten how to use it. Even when I told him it WAS the old camera. The time away from it had robbed his skills of using it.
That said..we had 2 wonderful women since then that worked here for my DH. Needless to say, I no longer had anything much left to steal, but both were as honest as the day is long.
My advice is to take the home help, but lock up the valuables and don't put yourself in a vulnerable position.
What's with stealing the leaf blowers? I saw someone else had one taken..me too.
A friend of mine who hired in home help for his parents kept finding food missing from the pantry and freezer. He quit the agency, said nothing and hired a trusted friend. Another friend hired someone to stay with his sister and they stole some blank checks and cleaned out her checking account. Right now, I don't think I could ever feel ok leaving the house for a day with some stranger here in charge of my home. May change my mind as this disease progresses.
Andrew's had some things stolen from him by friends (back a few years) and he is very sensitive not to touch anything I leave lying out, though I am sure he's rooted through drawers downstairs looking for tools, etc. That said, the silver was about the only thing worth stealing (computers just aren't any more, and are too obvious), and I had a $500 deductible, but the insurance paid me $2500 anyhow. Sterling, heritage.. the sad thing is that silver is melted down.
I must say things are going great. She is doing everything I have asked of her and she and Sandra get along great. The aid has worked in NH where they did nothing but AD and she is very caring and patient with Sandra much more so than I was being. I am now free to go find a job, or start a home business. I am leaning toward the home business being that the phone is not ringing off the wall with job offers.
With trepidation we began having a Home Health Aid come in 3 days a week starting this week. Our children and I were sure there would be hell to pay for doing this and that my DH would fight it all the way. Well, as usual, he totally surprised us all and looks forward to her coming! He follows me around like a puppy so we thought this may never work but I needed to have some physical therapy and thought this would be a good excuse to get started. Everyday he asks if "someone" is coming and has behaved like a saint while she is here. Who would have thunk it!!!! Hope the honeymoon continues. To avoid problems we hired her through the Visiting Nurses Association. They pay all the insurance, taxes etc.... and come in and check every few weeks to make sure all is going well. This woman has been with them for over 10 years and has worked with a lot of ALZ patients. They were the only place that would send the same aid each time. I still have to get used to having her here and leaving something for her to do besides follow DH around.
I just found out my dh can have free home health care 2 days a week because he has 70% disability caused from agent orange while serving in Nam. Also if and when he might have to go to a NH it would be no cost to us. I also can have 30 days of respite care free each year. I am going to have a meeting this next week with a VA social worker.
Wow! Christmas in January. That's wonderful. I am so glad that our government IS stepping up and taking care/responsibility for our veternas. I will anxiously await reports on your "respite" trips.
phil 4:13 - I can do everything through Him who gives me strength. Good to know we have an advocate. Btw, I love your story above. It gives me hope as our attorney is trying to persuade me to sell our house and move us into a CCRC. I'm only 58 and I don't want to leave my home, community, etc. to go to a sea of white hair just yet. I can see all kinds of benefits in doing this, but the cost is too high for me at this moment. So, with all that in mind, your story above fills me with hope as that is the way I will most likely choose to go. Thank you!
We are in the wrong income level to afford a nursing home. Have too much to qualify for Medicaid and not enough to be able to afford the $7600 a month it costs for care. He will be home for the duration.
mothert, My family wanted us to move to a retirement center but, like you, I was not ready for that. I just turned 65 this month and couldn't see me living there the rest of MY life.
phil4:13 Have you actually been evaluated by the an elder care attorney and/or the medicaid people? There are many ways to become qualified that you may not be aware of.
I think we "younger" people may have more in retirement accounts than other places and if so, you take a hit tax-wise if you try to spend down to qualify.