My DH with MCI (dx Feb 08) has expressed interest in volunteering to keep busy while I am at work. He comments frequently that he is bored since he was forced to resign Oct 2007. He wants to volunteer at the local library or hospital. While I would love to see him be able to do so, I fear he won’t be able to stay on task, even a simple one. He really doesn’t have any hobbies and basically watches TV, plays with the dog, and sleeps. HE needs something to do. Anyone else experience this and/or have any words of wisdom.
Starling, I had to chuckle at our comment. Then I felt bad, because it's a really sad situation. We are lucky to have this site for support but what do our spouses have? Especially when they are aware of what's going on and have so much time on their hands. It is depressing and often brings me to tears.
This is a common problem among those with MCI or earlier stages of AD. My husband has the same problem. It is compounded by the fact that they no longer have the ability to "self-start" or plan. They need us to organize and plan activities (to which they then complain they're not interested in doing whatever it is we come up with).
If you can find an understanding librarian, I would think a couple of hours for two days a week to try it out might be a good idea. He could sort books or arrange newspapers and magazines in the racks. Anything that didn't involve critical thinking skills. And it would give him something to look forward to, a routine, and a feeling of accomplishment.
I had thought about both of us volunteering at a Day Care or Pre School, mainly to to watch the kids play. My husband so enjoyed watching children. But I never got my plan together and now it would not work. I also saw somewhere, to attend a story hour at the local library, again to enjoy the children. Nancy
It is hard to believe, but this was almost 4 years ago when I helped with getting out the vote for the last Presidental election. By that time, my DH had gone from MCI to Stage 1 I guess. He really wanted to help - but reading a script, dialing the phone, tallying answers was too much for him to do. Since he had a career of supervision I was really surprised. At that time I thought maybe we could help at the Food Bank, but even at that I think we would have had to do it together. I also thought about the animal shelter. Previous to that we took the Hospice training and together we helped two clients, but even that wouldn't have been possible unless we did it as a couple. There is no way around this - that AD is a long, long goodbye...
I'd be concerned about liability for anything to do with supervising children, unless it is done by both of you ... although reading to children at a library would be pretty safe, I'd think, as long as someone else checked up every now and then to make sure things were OK.
Also frand's suggestion of an animal shelter, that could be great. They need people to play with the animals, give them individual love and attention. That seems simple enough for MCI, and you say your husband likes to play with your dog.
I also like the idea of the animal shelter. Especially if he likes to be with other people and can still communicate. Check in your local newspaper and see if they have a volunteer section on Sunday like ours does. You can call the various ones listed and explain your situation and see if they can use him.
When my husband couldn't communicate with others and had to stay at home, we bought him a model ship to put together. He loved it and we ended up with four of them over two months! Now, he can't even do those. So if your husband has ever painted, done model building, or working jigsaw puzzles, you might try those.
All, Thank you for sharing your comments and experiences. My first thought was the library was not a good idea but when I try to voice my concerns, he gets mad. The animal shelter crossed my mind a while back and then I forgot about it. There is one close to our home that might work. I also like the model idea and maybe I can convince him to try that.
Every single person I know who goes to Day Care either "volunteers" there or "works" there. That's how the social workers tell us to get them there - tell them to go and "volunteer" to help out or "worK' there. Once they are at the Day Care, the staff takes over and knows exactly what to do. Important - must be an ALZHEIMER'S DAY CARE. They are specifically trained to handle AD.
This morning I took my wife to a new Adult Day Care facility which has just opened (actually, it won't open officially until next week). She was interested in going because we have been involved with the project for the past year - I on the Board, and she going with me to the meetings since I could not leave her at home. She seemed to accept it as long as I was also there. Then I left for 45 minutes to do some shopping and she got a bit nervous, but the staff was able to help. They asked her to help with the lunch dishes. After I got back a musician came to do a concert of Blues. My wife likes music, but after 1/2 hour she wanted to leave. It will be interesting to see how she makes out next week when I leave her for several hours.