Here is a little history of a change that I completely did not grasp but I now think was an early sign of problems.
Early last year (2009) DH made the remark that his electric razor was not working as well anymore and he needed to get another. In the meantime he went back to his ol faithful Shick and Barbarsol. He finally found a razor much like the one my dad had given him years ago and worked so well..he loved it. Then about June or July, he remarked that his new electric razor was not nearly as good as the one my dad had given him and he went back to the Shick and cream... For Christmas I got him a new razor one that does nearly everything and has a nice stand up charger etc..Just a couple of days ago, he mentioned, as he tried to use it, that it was not very good and he used the Shick and cream.. Here is the rub..this year he has started to look like, well not quite the Unibomber, but let's say scruffy. Not shaving for days.. So today, while cleaning around his sink I thought I am going to take a look at what is going on with the razor after all it cost a pretty penny. It was chuck full of beard clippings from who knows how long!! So I hunted up the other one he got himself last year...same thing...then I went and got my dad's and it was full to the brim. It took quite a while to clean the 3 of them.... I wonder how I missed this..he used to clean his razor every use.....I was not watching and at the time, a year ago, and before I went to Iceland twice, I didn't see the signals other than he used the words " Of Course" to cover something he had not recalled..be it a name, an appointment etc. So ladies, anyone who has a hubby who uses an electric razor and now, when nothing else seems out of the ordinary, but he complains about it not working...check the blades...if it has not been cleaned in a LONG time, it may be a clue to other things going on.
DH had two razor episodes. He thought his razor was not being charged. He put it in the charger and turned it on. I tried to explain to him that it would not charge as long as it was running. He began angry and said he knew what he was doing, he had been shaving for years. I had to set and listen to that razor run while charging for 2 hours. Thank goodness it still works. After I started shaving him he would claim I had missed places. I let him shave over these spots. Next thing I know he was running the razor up the back of his head. He wouldn't stop and I couldn't pry the razor from his hands. So there he sat with his hair shaved up one side around his ear. I was in shock that he would do something like this. I'm not as easily shocked anymore.
Razors, yes. Jeff is not "allowed" to use a blade razor anymore, because he nicks his face all up. The electric is all that's available to him. However, it must be recharged by plugging in, AND it will not operate while plugged in. So, it's a regular event around here that he can't get the shaver to work. I come along, unplug it, and voila.
My DH keeps misplacing his razor. I have bought him three in 3 years. Where do they go?
Also, I discovered that he did not know how to clean it any more.
Now I try to take the razor from him when he finishes; and I basically hide it (and clean it).
Except ten days ago I gave up, especially after so much loss of sleep, and moved him to the nursing home which is part of this retirement place. I wonder how they and his razor will do now. I visit him every day, and clean his razor for him.
I hide the conditioner. I use both shampoo and conditioner. He intends to only use shampoo, but if the conditioner is present, may use that instead, thus giving himself strangely slick hair for the day.
What a relief to see this topic! We now have 2 working electric razors because he took the first apart, then threw it away. Fortunately, I found it when I was replacing trash bags. I'd "saved" the parts I'd found. Well, I found these pieces and kept them AFTER I'd purchased a new, identical razor. Then it "wouldn't work." HA. Probably he was trying to clean them. Now I am the keeper of razors and am resident shaver (what's that old word for such occupation? toncil????_ Comforting to know here's yet another experience that's not new to us. Guess it's Biblical: there's nothing new under the sun or, there's nothing new with dementias.
DH has an electric razor, which he uses; and also a Gillette Fusion. He loves both of them and will use one for a day or two, then switch to the other. But, thanks for reminding me, I probably should check the electric one to see if it needs cleaning. :))
My DH used an electric razor for a while until he "lost"it. I found it missing the shaving head. When I asked him what happened he said that he didn't know. It was a cheap one so I didn't care. Now he uses disposable ones, bur he keeps losing them also. when he does shave he does it walking around the house. He had a nice moustache, but unfortunately it is now just a shadow of what it used to be. Also he uses almost a quarter of a bottle of shampoo when he uses shampoo. I buy the cheapest kind I can (.79 a bottle) I keep my shampoo to myself. I didn't realize how many of these things go along with the disease. By the way he also likes to rip up the newspaper.
My DH can't use his computer any more. He tries and then tells me someone is upgrading it, or it isn't working . When I get on get his mail it is working. He had a personal computer 30 years ago, when no one else did. He worked in that industry for 34 years. It is so sad, he has forgotten how to use it. He can't use the remote on the TV either. He usually ends up watching c-span
Any "machine" or "technology" becomes a problem. Early on, DH told me his Palm Pilot, laptop, digital camera--all broken. Couldn't work the ATM. Got shut out of the online banking SIX TIMES!!! See a pattern here? Because daily life now requires managing sophisticated gadgets, the illness makes them less and less able to function sooner than in prior generations, when life was simpler, I would think.
We just bought an electric shaver...I have visions of it hitting the shower floor..he hasn't used one in centuries as he has had a beard and mustache forever..he had a barber shave everything off.GRRRRRRR...now we are growing it out again, but it is difficult understanding how to do it. I surely don't want to do it, but see facial hairs in my future :(
Heeeeey......I went through the very same thing with John!! How many electric razors DID I buy??? Lots of $$$ is all I know and never COULD figure it out until much later.....that he simply wasn't cleaning them out anymore! WOW! NOT a simple coincidence, I guess.
Sid graduated from a technical school. Way back in those days, it was called RI Radio and Electronics. Today it has some high tech name. He could take apart and put together any type of electronic equipment from "tube" TV's in the 1960's to DVD's in the 1990's. He was a Radio Shack manager for some of their biggest stores for 20+ years, so we had the "first" of everything, including computers. Radio Shack switched to computers for all record keeping sometime in the early 90's, I think, and every time Compaq (that's what RS sold) came out with a new computer, I got it for home. Sid NEVER caught on. He had trouble with the computer at work from the get go. It was always - they keep switching programs on me; the programs don't work; I was on the phone with the Help desk for hours. Every year, they upgraded the system, and he would learn certain steps, but never really learned how to navigate on his own. Home was the same. By the early 2000's, he had a laptop for e-mail, and every single night, every single night, he would ask me how he could get into his e-mail. I never understood how someone with his technical knowledge (granted, it was "old", but he was still technologically savvy), could not pick up computer knowledge. Guess that was the beginnings of AD, and who knew?
He can still work his electric razor, but before we moved to a Comcast area, we had a cable company that did not have DVR. We had FOUR old VCR's. He tried hooking up each and every one, but "none of them worked". Imagine that. Not one.
Oh, Emily, THE WATCH PHASE!!!!!!!!!!!! Am I glad that's over. DH was constantly losing watches, or setting the alarm on the darn thing to go off at 3 a.m. The digital watches (Cascio) were so complicated, I couldn't figure out how to work the alarm, so I would hide it at night in another part of the house. Finally, I realized I could take them to a watchmaker and ask him to disable the alarm. That was the only way to get a night's sleep.
dick uses a Fusion, and they are also not cheap. we switched to that when the little disposables didn't work anymore. why? because a week's growth just clogs up the blades. I tried an electric. i works well for trimming getting the excess off, but for shaving, he used a regular razor, the fusion. Now that he goes to day care (he thinks he goes to work, and I told him we're being paie) he shaves on day care days, that's 3 times a week. monday morning is an extra day's growth but not as bad as a week'sworth of beard. what amazes me, is that this was a man, very vain about his appearance... hair, clothes, hygiene, now..... just doesn't care. Everything is too much trouble.
Wow I had no idea my question in this post would have so many with the same experiences. And now I am forewarned about more to come. Thinking back to about 2000, when we got our first computer, a real whizbang machine of 750M Mhz..whoowhee... my nephew who built it gave us instructions on how to get started inasmuch as neither of us had much experience with one. It was a teach myself effort but once I mastered the art of email I could get my nephew to answer questions..DH however never got the hang of it. He would say, " I need to get on that thing". I printed out directions at least 3 times for him..he never "got it". Same when we got the second one...his excuse was that if he got onto it he would waste too much time and not do other things...At the same time as he had this experience, he could never figure out how to reset the TV cable after the power would go out. I always had to do it and then "show me so I can do it next time"....The DVD player...same thing and I used to muse out loud..you used to fly jets...how come this is beyond you...so maybe these were symptoms..mild at best as he could do so many other things then. This week I discover the shaver which I think actually began to be a problem 2 years ago..he couldn't get it to work so he went on to the Bic blades..I meanwhile suspect nothing...but it was more than a year ago that my dad's razor that he loved " didn't work"..bet it does now since I cleaned it! So I suppose if I were to calculate how long this disease has been in the house it would go back to 2000 when it all started bit by bit..maybe this has been going on for 10 years rather than just since his heart surgery 5 years ago.
We don't do wrist watches anymore. Had bought a cheap one, but it "broke," he says; and he doesn't want another one. No reason to have one as he can't tell time. Not sure he can read the digital clock on kitchen appliances. I don't ask; so he won't have to "not tell." Very frustrated if I ask questions he can't answer. I'm the keeper of the electric razors, and bring one out when needed. Otherwise, he uses "manual" razor--or more often now, if I want to see him clean shaven, I offer to shave him. Unrealistically, it still amazes me, as another spouse has said, that a man who was fastidious in grooming and dress has a "so what" attitude now.
Shavers! I've been going through this for 2 years, would never have believed that his disease could be causing this. He insisted he could fix the razor when he took it apart and said I should buy new heads for it - that's all it would need, he said. I bought the new heads, spending about $35.00 for them. Needless to say, he couldn't fix it. I then bought a new one. The same thing happened! He is now on his fourth shaver in 2 years. Glad to know we're not alone, but very surprised that others are going through the same thing.
One of the first weird symptoms for mine was the inability to accept the early daylight savings that got started a few years back. When I adjusted the clocks sometimes they'd be off by a few seconds. He couldn't tolerate that they'd be showing different times. I must say that obsession was one I was glad to see go! Even now I'll say I'll be back in a minute and he'll say a minute? Like I'm lying. That I can't possibly go down and make his lunch and bring it to him in a minute!
Or how about telling him I am going to make your lunch and I'll be in the kitchen for several minutes. If you need something just sing out.
My mom used to get really upset when I would leave the room to get something to eat for her or fold the clothes etc..I would walk past her room so she could see me even though I was not sitting in there with her and I would make some noise so she could hear me..it seemed to help her. Might not work for everyone but something about them Knowing you are there even if they can't see you helps with the insecurity problems.
Well I've just joined this forum a few minutes ago and it certainly didn't take long to learn something.
Shaving works both ways and as a result of this discussion I've just gone downstairs to check on my wife's legs. Time to pull out the Venus shaver I guess and shave her legs. We're about four years in and two diagnosed and even though I thought I was covering pretty much everything at this point, I can see now I've missed this.
The hairs are so light I hadn't noticed them. I suspect she stopped doing this herself within the last year or so.
We're up in Canada outside of Toronto. We have fairly early onset Alzheimer's. My wife was 55 when it started becoming noticeable about four years ago. Thank you for letting us join your community.
welcome wolf! we have several Canadian members - feel free to post under any topic. nothing is taboo here as you can see if you read enough of these posts. we are in the trenches down and dirty and theres lots of gents caring for their wives here as well. lots of good info and shoulders and hands to hold if the need arises. divvi
Welcome Wolf. When you see some of us with a * after our names it means for us the battle is over. We stay on the site to help others who follow in our path.
Wolf: Welcome! But unless it bothers you, you don't have to shave your wife's legs. Plenty of us don't shave, and if you haven't noticed no one else will.
Thank you everyone for the welcome. Just put a coffee on and my wife is doing the one chore she still can. Washing the pots and pans.
I hope to help out here too and I hope to go a long way down the road. I'm still figuring out how this site works. I should get the hang of it in a bit.
My wife was originally diagnosed with depression after retiring at 55 and it's been a tough couple of years since the diagnosis was changed to Alzheimer's. I guess we all go through it and most of the shock and reaction to seeing her decline seems to be matured. I don't mean to hijack the electric razor topic - just a few comments perhaps.
I saw the Admin person in the rules say some like to just read and some like to talk. I'm definitely a talker and am open to both questions and feedback.
I realized after my first comment I'll also have to peek under the arms. I haven't noticed anything and we go swimming in the local lake so I think I'm going to just watch and take pamsc's advice. If it starts bothering her I can always learn to shave her then.
Welcome Wolf. Pamsc took the words out of my mouth. something strange happens to women as we age. We have less hair where we used to and suddenly have hair where we never did (lol) don't worry about the legs, and underarms might not need shaving either. One thing about underarms, If you do decide she needs the hair removed, don't used deoderant on her right after. it burns.
Please. Can we talk? I have my hands full with my own ears which look like chia pets out of control. My friend asked, "What? Are you making a rug?" Who looks at the side of their head? No, thanks for the offers but I already like the plan. Don't worry about it.
Welcome, Wolf, good to have you join the club. You've come to the right place. I haven't shaved my legs or underarms for years; why do it if it doesn't bother her and no one notices? Unless you and she enjoy the shaving. My husband does, when I shave him -- just his face. It's a rather intimate moment. They are becoming fewer.
Welcome, Wolf. Good to have another man on board, but sorry about the reason. I have not needed to shave my wife at all. As Chris r says, she has lost hair where she previously had it (except on the head, where I am losing mine) but, fortunately, has not developed any facial hair. Another issue that came up for me a couple of years ago involved panty hose. After fighting with my wife trying to get them on, I got some very helpful comments from the ladies on this site. She now wears "knee-highs".
Wolf...welcome..I am always glad to see another man on board, because we do face some unusual problems that the ladies do not have...Makeup is a challenge, and shaving legs and underarms can get complicated....but fortunately we have the great ladies here to guide us and provide us with the feminine advice we need...Nothing can be as challenging as applying makeup because it is an individual preference, and there are No rules to follow...
Welcome to my website. Sorry for the late welcome, but I've been sick and was in bed almost all day yesterday. My trusty message board monitor alerted me to a new poster.
You have come to a place of comfort for spouses/partners who are trying to cope with the Alzheimer's/dementia of their husband/wife/partner. The issues we face in dealing with a spouse/partner with this disease are so different from the issues faced by children and grandchildren caregivers. We discuss all of those issues here - loss of intimacy; social contact; conversation; anger; resentment; stress; and pain of living with the stranger that Alzheimer's Disease has put in place of our beloved spouse/partner.
The message boards are only part of this website. Please be sure to log onto the home page - www.thealzheimerspouse.com - and read all of the resources on the left side. I recommend starting with "Newly Diagnosed/New Member" and "Understanding the Dementia Experience". There are 4 sections for EOAD members - two of which focus on the young teens whose parents have EOAD (early onset AD). There is a great section on informative videos, and another excellent resource - Early Onset Dementia - A Practical Guide. You can go to the top of this page, click on "search", and type in EOAD, making sure the "topic" circle is filled in. All of the EOAD discussions will come up - there are about a dozen of them. Since you are one of our male members swimming in the unfamiliar waters of "female care", I suggest you click on the resource on the left side of the home page -"Help for Male Caregivers". There is a lot of information there that I'll bet you never even thought about concerning female maintenance.
Do not miss the "previous blog" section. It is there you will find a huge array of topics with which you can relate. There is a "search" feature on the home page that allows you to look up different topics that may have been explored in a previous blog. Log onto the home page daily for new blogs; news updates; important information.
Welcome, Wolf, to an excellent source of first-hand experiences and knowledge that we all would prefer not to have. 'pears like you might join Phranque in the "humour" club. I believe the guys have more of a challenge than the gals as we've usually been caregivers to kids while cooking, cleaning, etc., etc. Grooming the gander is less involved than grooming the goose, too. Handyman stuff isn't my forte.
That's true Zibby. Although I don't mind talking about how much it hurts or how hard it is. We all deal with life in our own way I suppose and for me humour is both an outlet and a passion. On feminine things or other stuff I'm not squeamish. My mother was very open and direct about everything and when I married I actually embarrassed my wife about how openly I talked about those kind of things. Having said that I didn't even realize I should be looking after shaving my wife's legs.
There is one big advantage I suspect the male caregivers have and that is the weight ratios. It's a lot easier handling my wife who is in the 140 pound range now (my cooking has added 12 pounds in two years) when I weigh a lot more. It can't be easy handling someone who is a lot bigger and heavier than we are. I also agree the women have more experience in caregiving from raising the kids more intimately although personally I've usually found women more nuturing by nature. I've found it difficult at times to accept that if the bathrooms need cleaning, I do it. And the laundry. And the shopping and cooking. And so on. It's occurred to me I need to get more in touch with my feminine side and try and learn to like keeping the place clean. That's not working out yet.
I haven't thought about makeup either. My wife still does a bit although I took the blush away when I saw her smearing it on her lips.
Welcome Wolf. You have joined the best group on the Internet and will get lots of help here. I never had children so I never had caregiving. Thankfully my DH can take care of himself quite well so I don't have to take care of shaving etc. YET! It's his memory, paranoia and hallucinations that get me. He is doing better with the latter two but now and then they will still come up and I am not good at deflecting him from them. Patience is not part of my personality!!!