Faye Bay....beautiful....do not forget that this is why there are only two foot prints in the sand...The GREAT ONE is carrying us through this terrible ordeal now and as we go forth...you do not cry alone..
your not alone,I did the same I cried for the memories we made for the memories we'll never make but most of all I cried for her three sons that didn't have the time for their mother when she needed them the most,life isn't fair but we have to make the most out of what we have left,when I placed wife a few weeks ago I thought the sun would never shine again but thanks to folks here I know she's in a better place,a safe place,and ever tho I visit twice aweek(135 miles roundtrip) I will get on with my life because life with the one I married is over,hang in there I know its hard but it will get better
I'm with you Faye Bay. I cry for each and every loss DH suffers. And I cry for each and every one of us going through this terrible journey. But, no, we do not cry alone as JudithKB said.
Faybay - wonderfully expressed. I cried all the way through it. I cry and cry. Sometimes for him, sometimes for me but most of the time for both of us.
FayeBay, thank you for those beautiful words. Just recently I've cried. I held it in before, but this time it lasted on & off for 2 days & unfortunately I don't think that's the end of it.
This is what has happened to me. I haven't cried for a year. But for some reason and at the oddest times I feel the need. Coming home today I cried all the way home. Something kept telling me to go to the forum and tell my family about it. So you see what I wrote was from my heart to yours.
Thank you FayeBay. That was beautiful and it came at a time when I had cried today. I found the last book my DH was reading with the bookmark that I gave him in it. The bookmark has this printed on it: "I love you more today that yesterday, but less than I will tomorrow." On the back he had written in his beautiful handwriting "the love of my life..forever," and the date I gave it to him. Today, he can no longer read due to his eyesight. This must be a weepy day for me. Now I'm crying again!
i agree tears surely come at odd moments. never try to hold in the tears they are therapeutic and the bodies way of cleansing our body and soul. dont we usually feel better after a good cry? i know i do. like others it comes at random but when it hits its rampant and major flooding. audrey that is so sweet. several of us have posted about keeping those love letters in a safe place to read later as a reminder howmuch they cared. my DH was an atty and in mid stages he wrote me a letter that started out as ' being of sound mind and body i hearby state that i love my wife (name) with all my heart and soul.." he had crossed out words and replaced with others just as he did during his 40yrs as an attorney. whatever he intended it was my 'brief' and love letter, i saved it and have that letter framed so it wont get lost. its one of my pride and treasures forever. and its a sure way of a smile every time i read it. divvi
I've read that there is a certain chemical (or hormone?) that is released in tears when they are tears of 'sorrow'. Not so in other tears. Don't know why, but it MUST have some therapeutic value to our bodies as, yes, we usually DO feel better after a good cry. Didn't think I'd cry so much after John passed this week. Thought that I wasn't really able to FEEL anymore. I was overwhelmed. I really believe my tears may have been selfish ones....I cried because I don't understand why this all happened. ALZ destroyed my love and our life. Little, absolutely NOTHING did I know that ALZ was creeping up on him for so many years before. And, I cried for his children who hadn't really been steeled for their dad's passing. One said he hadn't believed dad was that sick and hasn't seen him for many years. Jen
I cry for him often - the life he is living is not his definition of life and not what he would want and yet he continues to live. I cry for the lost opportunites for him and his children due to this disease. He will never dance at his granddaughter's wedding - he does not even know who they are anymore. He will never go golfing with his grandson. He will never have another conversation with his sons and be able to tell them how proud he is of them and how much he loves them. Any unresolved issues that his sons have with him, the opportunity to change that is gone.
His sons tried to sieze control of him from me. They tried to get me to do things their way. I followed my husband's wishes and have lost part of my family. I cry for that loss in that I can never share with his grandchildren the wonderful man I knew.
I cry for me for the price I have paid by walking this journey beside him. It has been very high and yet we had a lot of very happy years together and if this is the price I have to pay for them, it is worth it. I don't regret walking beside him and being his caregiver and advocate.
Jen, I am glad that you were able to cry. Despite how horrible he had been to you at times, there was still history and some of it good. Tears like funerals are always for us, not the one that died. I think everyone here can attest to times our children and family did not believe, or never believed. When I recently sent my daughter what the future holds for her dad she told me I was lying. She never saw her grandfather except in the early stages where he 'seemed' normal. I am happy to hear they are being a little kinder to you.
Sheltifan had it right. Thanks to all of you for your views and expressions on this subject. I have the same feelings for the same reasons that you describe and I feel (I think I do) the tears and feel like cryings, but, I can't. Never have and wish that wasn't the case. I think I would feel better if I could like you. If you have any suggestions, please feel free to offer them.
Fayebay: Your comments above are absolutely perfect. You've written a poem I will copy and keep, if that's all right. Thank you.
To the rest of you who have written so well here, I thank you as well. You're able to write so beautifully what I feel but cannot explain as well as you do.
To Jen: I wish you a more peaceful life than the one you've been leading. So sorry about your husband.
very well said, Fayebay.....I cry everyday for him, for me, for us. It devistates me to watch what this disease is doing to him. Sometimes I just put my arms around him and hold him....and cry. This disease sucks! :(