OK, I've read lots about this subject and now I'm faced with this and not exactly which way to go. DH has no problems at night. So far during the day he has been OK except for the morning hours. This morning he insisted he had spilled hot coffee on himself. It was warm pee!! Got him cleaned up, floor mopped, coushion out of his chair, washer loaded. Then about 10 minutes later he informed me "something is coming out!" I had no clue what he meant what that came out of the blue while I'm putting away the breakfast dishes! Well, I found out in short order. Back to the bathroom. Off with the underwear and the rest of his clothes. Into the shower. Clean up poop. I'm sure you are all remembering days that you had the same problem. I feel sure this is just a preview of coming attractions..lol!..but don't know if Depends full time is the way to go. What did you do when your LO first started being incontinent? I want to hold on to the "dignity" of real underwear as long as possible, although it may not bother him at all to do the switch. Thanks for any advice/help.
in all honesty in my opinion the loss of 'dignity' comes with the noticeable wetness poop everywhere in their clothing and not from the idea of using a depend that at least can help them be discreet when it happens. this concocted idea has a misplaced purpose when we deal with Alzheimers or any dementia. there are alot of regular type mens wear briefs that have padding out now that mimic 'real dignified' underwear. depends has a pack of these very new types that look and feel like mens briefs that come in a pack of varying colors. i checked themout just the other day -very nice and about time!. if they are having loss of continence at any point it may be time or you will be washing and cleaning alot more than you like. divvi
I switched out my husband's underwear for Depends (we call them Depends but some use Tena, or Assurance, etc. depends on what fits our spouses best) in his drawer and he accepted it. I was lucky. Some say their spouses didn't want to give up their underwear (though why they would rather have wet pants in public blows my mind). The new ones Divvi discussed would be the answer if your husband objects to depends. Most don't even notice the difference by the time they are having poop accidents. And, as you say, it starts out that it is only sometimes, not all the time that they might need them, but I'm a good Girl Scout - I'm prepared! I don't want my husband embarrassing himself in public because he had his first afternoon or evening accident away from the house.
(It DID happen to my husband at Linens and Things ONCE - and I walked closely in front of him and my daughter closely behind him and we went in tandem to the car! And then straight home for a shower and change!) <grin> That was the LAST time he left the house without one. Please avoid a repetition of what we went through! <grin>
I think the stage you find yourself in right now is the awkward one. I appreciate that you don't want to "rush" into depends and there's the concerns about how he may handle the change. Having been there I can only say that once you get him into the depends and have that extra level of protection things are easier. I was very concerned about hurting my husbands feelings and so I simply suggested that perhaps due to his medication he was having these "accidents." He seemed satisfied with that explanation and we moved into the depends without incident. Early on he had the choice to wear his regular briefs over the depends. From there I just replaced his underwear in the drawer with depends.
I found it easier to know that he was protected from embarrassment early on. This allowed me to also protect the furniture . As it has been said, I would be prepared early. I would safeguard any furniture that I cared about and I would start purchasing protective pads, etc.
Knowing that the situation is as "contained" as possible helps me react calmly.
Agree on all above. By the time he doesn't feel the urge to find a toilet he won't be embarrassed by the depends. Don't buy big packs until you find what size fits best. For my husband the Walmart fit best. Others like the Ten fit better.
i have been known to take DH into the ladies room into a handicap stall and clean him up if he was cooperative. if not you finish your business and get home asap... haha. and yes the drive home will be not so nice. i learned in my time that putting the plastic overlay pants over the depends while out and about helped curb any odors better than not, and also helped contain much better if the depends dont fit as well around the legs for either fecal/ or urine. those plastic pants hold it in til you get home- unfortunately some of us me included have had a trail come out of a pants leg while in public. believe me you dont want this to happen. and its a good idea to carry disposable wipes/depend at all times. just in case. divvi
Oh divvi, I had almost the same thing happen with my Dad before he passed away. We were in Wal-Mart. He went to the bathroom, had messed all over himself and was trying to clean himself up. Just made matters worse. He came out with it all over his pants and yes, the drive home was awful. Not looking forward to going through this with DH. Was it bluedaze who gave the "frog in hot water illustration?" :-)
dazed that has to be the worse part of incontinence having something like that happen in public. if anyone doubts the loss of dignity during a happening of this sorts they would gladly put their spouse in depends before it happens. we can only tell our stories and hope someone has a better time of it from our novice experiences. i believe it was bluedaze who said it! divvi
Thanks for all the help. Actually, we went to Wal-Mart this morning and bought some new "jockey shorts" for him. He seemed OK with the idea. He is sleeping in them as I sit here and there was no problem or question when he put them on after his shower. I knew it had to be done and better sooner than to late. Where is the best place to buy "Depends" or the alternatives? I bought a small pack at W-M because I wasn't sure of the fit...they seem to fit pretty good. Thanks to all! This is "hands on advice from the been there, done that group! "
walmarts prices seem to be pretty low in comparison to some places. your local cvs, walgreens or grocery stores sometimes have coupons you can use too. and you can google by brand names and try to find what product you like and buy by the case online. usually they offer free shipping if youbuy by the case too. i am with you that getting them used to the throw aways sooner than later is easier on us. once the mess begins in regular underwear many of us have thrown out underwear and clothing rather than try to cleanup. it gets expensive over time.
faybaye i would save that size as they tend to yoyo in weight loss/gain. he may be able to use them again at some point. good luck. divvi
Glad it went smoothly for you, Audrey. Some of us have had royal battles with our loved ones over this issue, me included. Best advice Divvi ever gave me was to get rid of all the regular underwear -- then they can't go back to them.
I was reading this thread and it hit me: why are men so complaining about wearing diapers late in life? Us women have had 'diapers' between our legs most of our lives!!
That's kinda how I've felt about all kinds of mess: our periods prepare us for sex, and babies' messes, etc etc. I think that's why I just regard it as standard operating procedure.
In the mornings, I get DH on the commode and then into the shower. After a good dry, I put on his cotton underwear using a guard inside. That way he is fairly comfortable and air can circulate. My DH has to pee about every two hrs. so I take him to the bathroom every two hrs. Sometimes we use the kind of pads that have the elastic sides and they work pretty well (daytime only). He pees a lot because of his prostate issue and because I have to give him lots of liquids so he does not get dehydrated.
Nighttimes have been the worst and have tried many different types. I do not like the diapers as they are too difficult to put on (for me anyway) although they are supposed to hold more. Even adding lots of other pads, DH would leak and everything wet in the am. I just bought some Moliforms to try and used one last night for the first time. It holds up to 60 oz of liquid (I took one and tried filling it with water to see if it was really true and was. Really heavy!) These do not have the plastic back or any sides so you must put them inside of either underwear or a cheap pull up (I prefer WalMart brand to Depends as they are softer as well as cheaper) but make sure the pull up is large enough to hold the moliform. This morning the disposable pad was a little wet but his t-shirt and other bedding were dry! Will keep using them and let you know if this was a fluke. I have also tried using Tranquility and found they still did not keep him dry. Why pay extra if you have a wet bed anyway?
Good idea to take wipes and extra clothing in the car when you go somewhere. Sometimes you can find a family bathroom (you may want to check first to see where they are located).
Good luck.
PS I figure getting DH up out of the chair every two hrs has a side benefit - it keeps the circulation going and gets him moving if only for a short time.
My husband arrived at the nursing home in the very early part of these stages. Occasional weirdness with urine, nothing at all with solid waste.
The nursing home put him into pull ups full time. They suggest the bathroom to him several times a day. He goes there on his own several times a day. But the pull ups are there just in case.
I would suggest that you do what the nursing home is doing. Suggest regular trips to the bathroom, and use pull ups.
briegull, after I get my DH all bundled up and ready for bed he cannot get his equipment UP. He does good just to waddle to bed. I use the flat depends with 2 Tena pads and another long pad across the top and then a pull-up to keep every thing in place. I have found a strip of waterproof tape on each end of the pads keep them from slipping. Unless he is extremely restless his pjs and bed will be dry. I have discovered another tip for those who need a bib when eating...I take a heavy kitchen towel and tie a strip of fabric ( ties I had cut off the drawstring pants he wears) to two corners and tie around his neck. No more stained tee shirts.
After Dh came home from day care twice in a row wearing Depends and borrowed pants I decided it was time to switch. Like others here, I simply "disappeared" his regular underwear. He complained about the Depnds (actually Tena pull-ups, no Walmart here) a little at first but has adjusted quickly and they are often wet or damp at bedtime because he tends to leak a little all day, I think. Also I think I am not as diligent as before about making him go to the restroom when we are out.
Now he seems quite fond of them and I often have a hard time convincing him that he needs to take them off before stepping into the bathtub. The other night I ripped them down the side thinking it would be easier, but that made him angry (a rare occurrence nowadays).
I just can't make those flat Depends work. He tries to Help, by grabbing my hands! Yes, i use double-sided tape on the ends of the booster pads, and Andrew cuts the underside of them so they pass moisture through.
briegull, he helps me by holding the front in place while I fasten the sides. I tell him I can't do it by myself so he feels useful. The funny thing is once in awhile he will say...tell me again why I am wearing this??? He is continent during the day but he often ask where he is supposed to go. Thank Goodness he sits down to use the commode. He will always tell you when he needs to go. Just discovered the tape idea. I had a roll of 1" waterproof tape and tried it and since the top side is a fabric like material it works great.
Divvi...Hey, sometimes he leaks but not often and I am glad I make you smile. No poop yet but a lot of wiping going on. Couldn't do with out baby wipes. How did I become a mother again in my old age?
bama i know exactly how you feel about the wipes. here too i can go thru 2 boxes in a day. well look at the bright side - rather be a toddlers mom in my older yrs than the golden years!!! haha..
Divvi mentioned at the top of this thread the new men's disposable briefs that Depends put out. Since there was a coupon in our paper, I bought some at Walmart. They had a 6-pack that I thought would be good for a trial run--priced around $5.99 for the pack. Is about a dollar apiece the going rate for this type of product? (Haven't tried them out, bought them for future needs.) They are clearly designed to look like regular briefs, in different colors and patterns.
Someone mentioned telling DH that the incontinence is due to medication. I hesitate to do that--don't want any hassles with taking pills. If asked, I'm going to say it's due to his prostate, and his doc has given him a pill to correct it in a few weeks (he will forget that).
marilyn remember with those new briefs you are paying a bit more for the novelty and look of 'real briefs' so if a spouse has issues with wearing a diaper looking one then it would be of benefit to use these til they are further along. if they had been available when i needed them i surely would have loved them! i put DH into depends earlier than needed and he adjusted well and i was happy no issues later.
regular diaper type looking depends are cheaper but not as 'chic' looking.
The different styles to look like real underwear reminds of the diapers my DIL is buy for her 2 year old. They have diapers out that now look like denim and other things. She likes them cause it looks like he has shorts on over his diaper. Who cares but she is into 'keeping up with the Jones' on a paupers budget.
Divvi--you gave me a laugh with the "chic" diapers! Well, DH was always a clotheshorse, he sold clothing in a men's department store and modeled them while in college. So I guess it may be worth the extra cost to start him off in "chic" diapers. Seriously, if they do look more like real underwear and he gives me less grief, I will gladly pay double in the beginning to ease the transition. Don't know when that will be, but I'll post about it when it happens.
Briegull--I have some of the Walmart brand in my stockpile as well. Also, I sent for the free Tena samples online. I'll have a nice variety to try out when the time comes.
This may sound like a stupid question....but, I would like to know. How many years after dx did your spouse become incontinent? Does this happen to most all AD people or just some? Did you talk to your spouse about this before it happened? I want to be prepared but not frighten my DH either or have him be depressed about something that hasn't happened.
Judith, it is not a stupid question at all...the simple answer is that if the affected lives long enough, incontinence is most likely going to occur. Some experience this much earlier in the process...some of us see it later in the disease. In our case, my husband was basically continent until he became unable to walk.
I don't know that talking about it would do anyone any harm, but why bring up something that could likely cause upset?
The subject scares the beejeebers out of most of us.....I was one who thought I would never be able to change the messy diaper of a grown man...well, it is just like most everything else....you just go with the flow. (No pun intended...LOL)
in my opinion i would not discuss that with DH. i see no purpose of making him depressed over being in diapers at some point and knowing someone will have to take care of his needs. my DH started having slipups like many discuss here usually starting with losing ability to clean themselves properly after toilet and or then alot of dribbling inside underwear. its usually progressive it think and not overnite.
Incontinence is generally the first of the late stage physical symptoms. Not being able to adjust water temperature actually comes first, but generally with some help they can continue to bath themselves even after they need diapers because they are right at the edge of incontinence. Therapy brought my husband's ability to walk safely back. It brought back his ability to take a bath with some prompting. It brought back his attempts to find the bathroom most of the time, but not always, which is why he is now in pull ups.
Thanks so much. I have noticed his shorts are beginning to have urine stains that were not there a year or so ago...also one day last week I caught him running to the bathroom which was something new. Since we plan on going on a cruise the end of Oct. maybe I should get depends and take them just in case.
I agree with Bama too. If they have pull down pants (find discussions here on that) they just pull everything down a little or a lot, instead of using the fly. Mostly they don't mind much. (Driving is a much harder problem.) I went to an in-person support group today and there was a woman there who said, what does your husband do when he needs to go the bathroom, if he can't get out of bed? She's new! obviously. I said, well he has his Depends on... Her eyes got wide as saucers.
I used to think that incontinence would mean "time for placement" for me, but it comes on so gradually that there's not a break-off point. I think that the earliest stage of incontinence was the hardest, when he was having accidents about once a week, usually when we were out. After I got him into Depends it has been much easier to deal with, and finding a restroom on time on the spur of the moment is not usually an issue anymore. Also there are no more embarrassing moments when I suddenly see him heading for the nearest tree (like a puppy dog) and had to try to restrain him. So far it is urine only and he stays dry at night. Mostly leakage and dribbling during the day but once in a while (when we've been out) a full diaper. He doesn't like to change the pull-up except at evening bath time, so it may get harder to deal with if he starts needing a change during the day.
Well, I bit the bullet and had DH put on a Depends today, for the first time. He has been dampening his underwear in the a.m. for a while now, then last week it progressed to the p.m. as well. I have a supply of various products in the house, so today I first tried a guard inside his regular undershorts. Nothing doing! He immediately pulled it out, so then I had him change into one of the new Depends that comes in colors and looks like men's underwear. He didn't reject it, but the aide told me that the whole time I was away this morning he fiddled with it and wanted to take it off. So I then explained that his doctor had recommended it, it was for leakage due to prostate issues, and that when the meds kick in he won't need it (fiblet, fiblet, fiblet). He seemed ok then. One thing, they are SUPER absorbent and he doesn't need that right now, I also bought some of the Target Assurance brand pullups that seem a little softer and are EXTRA absorbency, they seem a little less bulky. I'm thinking that it would be good to find another product with even lesser absorbancy to start out with, maybe they'll be more like his regular underwear? Opinions from any of you veterans on this?
marilyn maybe these would work for your DH? DRIBRIEFS 2/pk about 24dol.. i think they look neat and are cotton like reg underwear only have some absorbency.
also SALK makes a brand of 'incontinence briefs'.. google and you can see other brands but these at amazon looked like reg briefs
I frankly don't think my husband noticed whether or not they were soft. He couldn't bear the inserts either - and they ARE stupid. The only ones that work (inside the disposable briefs) are the long nighttime Tenas (none of this curve-to-fit nonsense) and those are for bedtime problems. We were recently given some Depends - passed along - and I didn't even finish the bag; the Assurance were so much better.
My dh goes to the bathroom every 2 hrs to keep dry (but I have to let him know this). I have to get into the shower each morning to bathe him as well. I have been using the Moliform pads that hold a lot of urine. I still find some wet on the disposable bed pads and I think that is why his t-shirt gets wet. I also put the Moliforms in backwards as that is the largest part and it works better (I did this by mistake the other night). I bought the Depends pull ups with tabs on the sides and they work nicely. What disposable bed pads do you find work best? That's my next project to see if dh will stay drier. I have dh in Attends during the day and only use the Moliform at night.