I have been reading here for a long time. My husband is 26 yrs older than me and he is 86. I am 60. He has been diagnosed with ALZ and vascular dementia for about 6 years. The doctor told me last year he was in the moderate stage at that time. He has, in the last year, started shuffling gate, problems getting up and down from sitting position and getting to the bathroom in time. Sometimes I have to put him in bed several times a night because he can't get in and has fallen out several times. He remembers none of this the next day. I also have problems with severe shadowing. He is on namenda and aricept . I don't know what to do at this point. Do you place them at this point? Bring in Day Care? I don't know how to proceed from this point. Help!
Sandra, welcome! Have you read the Caregiving Tips discussion? Quite a few of your questions are answered there.
I am going to assume that he is getting up several times during the night. If so, ask his doctor for some Ambien that will help him (and you) sleep through the night. 5 mg wasn't enough for my husband when this started and the doctor prescribed 10 mg, and now we both sleep.
The shadowing is a fact of life with most AD patients, and it can last for years or in some cases, just months, then go away for a while only to return. It is their brain sending out anxiety signals. They are afraid of losing you. You are their lifeline. You need to be flexible with your attitudes, understanding that he can't help it, and this will someday pass.
If you don't have day care, by all means find some!!! We all need to get out for at LEAST 4 hours once a week! Call your local Alzheimer's Association and they will furnish you with a list of places in your city that has day care for AD patients, as well as in-home care services.
Call them, check them out, and then set up the first appointment. You can tell your husband that HE is volunteering to help the others, if need be to get him to go there.
There are a number of discussions on placement on this board - you can copy and paste this -http://thealzheimerspouse.com/vanillaforum/search.php?PostBackAction=Search&Keywords=placement&Type=Topics, or just go to the top of the page, type in "placement", and they will all come up.
Everyone has their own tolerance level, both mental and physical. Generally, by the time someone is asking if it is time for placement, it is past time. However, if you have not tried Day Care to give yourself a break, you may want to look into it.
Sandra: I cannot tell you when time for placement is right for you, but, I will tell you honestly that I waited longer than I should have. Looking back, I don't know how I took care of my wife for at least the last six months. Don't do like I did.
Sometime, it just HAPPENS. One of our members found out about that this week..it happened "overnight". I think the lesson we learned from her was to visit memory care centers now rather than when you have to select one (as she was required to do) the next afternoon. OMG - can you imagine? I guess this goes right along with making funeral plans before you're thrust into tending to those details in the midst of unimaginable grief.
Sandra, welcome to the site. It is the best place to come to for information and support. Read, read, read (if you haven't already). For most of us, being here has made a huge difference in our ability to cope.
Yes, get some help. Day care is wonderful if it will work for you. Sounds to me as if your dh is stage 5-6. Mine too, and he is going to day care three days a week. If I didn't have those three days, I think I would be looking to place him by now. As it is, I can cope.
Sandra--I believe Mary said to try to get at least 4 hrs of respite per week. I shoot for 4 hrs of respite per day! My husband has been attending daycare for almost 4 years now, and I also use an in-home aide some days. I know that these things are helping me to keep him home longer, and that I would have been burnt out as a caregiver by now without them. You ask if it is time for placement--only you can answer that question. Perhaps by trying an aide or daycare, you can continue to keep him at home at this point, it will certainly make the workload more manageable.
Welcome Sandra. Hindsight is always foresight and I believe I waited too long to place my husband as well. No one can make that decision for you but you. I can say if you are thinking about it, you may be close.
Do day care very early. I didn't, but I've noticed that when it works it is because the caregiver tried it well before they were ready for day care.
What did work for me for a couple of months before this week was in-house help. I had the best aide in the world. She was amazing. I should have been doing that at least 6 months before I was.
If you've reached the point where you aren't getting enough sleep, it is probably time for placement. My husband is the one with the emergency placement. He literally went from very easy to care for to totally impossible to care for over a month, most of it during the last two weeks. He is back to being the sweet little boy he used to be for the people at the nursing home - Mr. Charming himself. But they also have a wanderer's bracelet on him, and they are keeping him at the nurses station unless he is with the therapists or at some activity. That will change when they move him from the rehab floor where he is being actively assessed to the dementia floor.
And do what I say and not what I did. Visit nursing homes early. I didn't even visit some of my choices. I did visit both of my first choices and one other that I would have been comfortable with and he ended up in a very good place.