My husband lost his job almost 4 years ago in his early fifties. We managed to get our kids through college without debt. For the first few years after his diagnosis my income went up considerably, but it still was a major adjustment. Last year my pay was cut and my hours were reduced. We now make less than 50% of our 2006 income.
We live in an affluent area and attend a mega church with over 10,000 members. Our Sunday school class has been very supportive through this difficult time. Every year the congregation is asked to fill out new pledge cards for the next fiscal year. Due to my reduced income I was not able to give anywhere near what I pledged in 2009, so why bother for this year?
Last week one of our ministers called my husband to find out why we did not turn in this years pledge. The phone was disconnected before my husband could answer him. My husband said it must have been GOD hanging up the phone. We have given our testimony to the congregation so it not like they don't know we're living with AD.
I understand our church has been hard hit by the recession, but I was truly taken aback that a minister would call about our pledge card. This phone call made me feel guilty about not being to make a monetary commitment. Don't they realize the emotional and financial destruction this disease brings? And my husband is still able to be home alone, so it's not as bad as it will be down the road....
In the past, I've been chided for being the 'little church lady' in this group. We have had a long and abiding faith and my husband always said that all we have comes from the Lord and we are only giving back (to the church) that what is HIS.
That being said, I ALSO had to reconsider that Bible teaching.
I recognnized that there is the CHURCH Business and the costs of running that business comes from contributions.... and then there is our Faith and love of God, which has nothing to do with the business side of faith. I had no choice when I decided to quit giving the full 10% of our income back to the Operating Funds (!!!!!) of our church because, like you, our income was suddenly reduced and I found I needed more and more money to take care of my husband as our funds dwindled beyond anyone's imagination. - Our priest NEVER said a word to me about it.. I am told he choses not to know who specifically gives what in our church, but some of the other members on the Finance Committe must have known. I could not let that influence me. They did know how sick Foster had become..but they had not they taken time to come see what I was dealing with at home. We don't stand and give testimonies in our particular church, --- but we are a faith filled loving group of people who should know one another well enough to understand one another's challenges and tribulations.. . Trust me, they stayed away in droves when Foster got sick. It made me feel so sad. I am grateful no one called when I did not turn in a pledge card. I may have lost a few stars from my heavenly crown if they had. You know our loving God and Father UNDERSTANDS what you are faced with. That's why He GAVE you the resources you have. Think about that. You made a covenant to your husband and you are keeping it.
trish, God doesn't add up the money you pledge/give. We haven't pledged anything in the last several years - I can't - I don't know. I give what I can, when I can. We go to a small church and I know they are having a rough time financially. Our priest hasn't contacted us about no pledge though. For that I am grateful. Please don't feel guilty about not being able to make a commitment. Do what you can do and don't feel badly about it.
I'm not in this place yet, but I might be tempted to make a pledge of $5 or $10 a month, with a note that that is all we can afford this year because of medical expenses. It would put the church more on the spot--it isn't that you forgot or are drifting away, they are challenged to face what your situation is and that you still consider yourselves members. Not that the response would necessarily be any better, I am afraid.
It's sad your church does such close accounting of members' giving, but apparently not the human issues of members. I don't believe God keeps a financial balance sheet. You have no reason to feel guilty IMHO.
Trish - we have attended many churches over the years due to moving and/or God leading us elsewhere. We only went to one church that had you fill out pledge cards and we never went back. Scripture says "God loves a cheerful giver'. If you are forced to give a certain amount, then how can you be a cheerful giver? Mega churches have a tendency to have big budgets and want to control their parishioners giving so they can reap bigger. When dh went on SSDI, I did a google search to see if it should be included in our tithe. What I found was mixed but mostly the consensus was that you have already paid the tithe on it when you earned it. People will sometimes find what they have paid into SS then wait until that point has been reached to start tithing. Before then it is offering - whatever you feel you can/or want to give.
In Biblical times people did not tithe money as much as they did their crops. Pastors/Preachers/Rabies were not supported by the congregation. They didn't live in big luxurious home nor drive expensive cars. Most of them worked outside jobs or lived on the crops that were tithed. Oh, the 10% tithe is OT, not NT. Many churches still live by this and will 'guilt' their congregation into giving that as a minimum. I will not attend a church that thinks that way. I always give what I feel I can give both financially and responsibly give. Fortunately it is still 10+%, but there have been times I have not. I believe for us who believe He is an 'all knowing God' understands what we can and can't do. He looks at our heart, not our pocketbook.
If the pastor is insistent, I agree with Pam - fill out a card with $5 and if you give more, it is because God is talking to your heart. Don't let him intimidate you or guilt you into giving more than you can.
Trish, I'll go back and read the others views but for what it is worth, I think I would find another church. What give any church finance office the right to question what you give in the first place. By what right do they have to assume you are as well off as once you may have been? The fact that they called at all about this is cold, especially if they know your situation.
We are Catholic. Our pastor asks for the help from the parish or there are special collections, special fund raising events and so on but he would never ever call or have anyone call and say.." why have your donations dwindled?" In our church, there is the Sunday collection and we have envelops. Some donate by the week, some by the month and our church has now even set up a sort of method so we could have our donations go directly on whatever basis we would like( direct deposit to the church). I am not setting up for that..I donate when and what I can, usually once a month.
I like the teaching that all we have is a gift from God. It really is, He has given us the ability or good fortune or both to have what we do. And he has provided for us and will help us find our way. I just said this to a friend of mine at our church whose husband also has AD. WE do what we can and God understands, even if no one else does and HE is the only one who counts.
Bless your for your generous donations to your church in the past.
Our Pastor (Methodist) doesn't check to see who is giving what. I only ever remember one Pastor talking about checking what someone was giving, it was a man who was a chronic complainer, and after the Pastor knew what he was giving he never checked anyone again. Every Pastor I have had always says what you give is between you and God.
Our circumstances have always been such that we could not tithe, but we always have given as we could and partiipated otherwise whenever able. There is an Appeal each year, handled by means of pledge cards. I fill in the card with a 1 time pledge of whatever we can spare, and enclose it. A couple different times I held back the card a month or 2 before sending it (my convenience). I remember on one occasion due to holding back on returning the card, that I received a call. The purpose was clearly stated that it was just a reminder call and no questions were ask,nor statements made regarding the actual pledge.
I was treasurer of our church for four years. We did ask for pledges, only because it helped us budget. However, no one other than me as treasurer ever knew what anyone pledged or gave. That has been the case in every church I have been involved with. If someone was unable to fulfill a pledge or had to reduce their giving no one other than the treasurer knew that either, and the treasurer didn't speak to them about it unless they brought it up. That's how it should be, in my opinion.
Question: "What does the Bible say about Christian tithing?"
Answer: Many Christians struggle with the issue of tithing. In some churches tithing is over-emphasized. At the same time, many Christians refuse to submit to the biblical exhortations about making offerings to the Lord. Tithing/giving is intended to be a joy and a blessing. Sadly, that is sometimes not the case in the church today.
Tithing is an Old Testament concept. The tithe was a requirement of the law in which all Israelites were to give 10 percent of everything they earned and grew to the Tabernacle/Temple (Leviticus 27:30; Numbers 18:26; Deuteronomy 14:24; 2 Chronicles 31:5). In fact, the Old Testament Law required multiple tithes which would have pushed the total to around 23.3 percent, not the 10 percent which is generally considered the tithe amount today. Some understand the Old Testament tithe as a method of taxation to provide for the needs of the priests and Levites in the sacrificial system. The New Testament nowhere commands, or even recommends, that Christians submit to a legalistic tithe system. Paul states that believers should set aside a portion of their income in order to support the church (1 Corinthians 16:1-2). "Now about the collection for God’s people: Do what I told the Galatian churches to do. On the first day of every week, each one of you should set aside a sum of money in keeping with his income, saving it up, so that when I come no collections will have to be made. "
The New Testament nowhere designates a percentage of income a person should set aside, but only says it is to be “in keeping with income.” Some in the Christian church have taken the 10 percent figure from the Old Testament tithe and applied it as a “recommended minimum” for Christians in their giving. The New Testament talks about the importance and benefits of giving. We are to give as we are able. Sometimes that means giving more than 10 percent; sometimes that may mean giving less. It all depends on the ability of the Christian and the needs of the church. Every Christian should diligently pray and seek God’s wisdom in the matter of participating in tithing and/or how much to give (James 1:5). Above all, all tithes and offerings should be given with pure motives and an attitude of worship to God and service to the body of Christ. “Each man should give what he has decided in his heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver” (2 Corinthians 9:7).
---Personally, I would find a new church. Decades ago, we were members of a church that started soliciting pledges with a saddle bag that went from house to house, with each member adding their pledge and then bringing the bag to the next person on the list. I don't know what their thinking was behind it, but I found it so offensive we left the church. There are many wonderful small bible believing churches out there - give one a try. Couldn't hurt.
I am very thankful for your comments about church and giving. This board has been a Godsend to me.
Mary/Charlotte thanks for shedding light on the history of tithing. It made me feel better and puts tithing in perspective.
Janet- I agree that Churches need pledges for budgets but I did not realize only the treasure knew who gave what. I'm not sure if the minister knew what I gave in the past - he was just trying to get me to fill out a pledge for the upcoming year.
Mimi/Mary- Your suggestion about finding a new church is being considered. We have been visiting another church on Saturday nights, with an acoustical band. My husband really enjoys this service because it's not loud and he can follow the sermons better. If we switch churches we can still be members of our SS class where we get the most support.
Just to add a little something to the discussion... Many who do not tithe, for whatever reason, and even those who do, try to give something of thier time. Pledging is for TIME AND TREASURE, and in many cases the time is more important. i just did a silent auction in my church. I spearheaded it, meetings were held at my home, the only thing I went out for was the Auction itself, My daughter babysat. We raised $4500 at the auction. that was my contribution. In my church, only the treasurer knows how much each parishioner donates, whether they keep up with their pledge, etc. It's noone else's business, and that includes the priest or minister.
I would seriously consider changing churches when more than the Treasurer knows how much you are giving. Tithing is supposed to be given out of love and of what we can afford. The "widow's mite" was far more acceptable than the Pharisee's money because of the condition of her heart. Give what you can - be it money, time or talent. But don't do it because you feel forced. Check with people in your church who are "in the know" about the financial accountability in your church. You may be surprised. If your SS class is a real support to you don't give them up.
Like Janet, I was the treasurer of our small church. This not only taught me how hard it is for churches to make it financially, but, also the importance of confidentiality. I was the only one who knew how much each member gave, but, I did keep a record on the computer in case something happened to me and for year end tax reporting purposes. I have always beleived, and practiced, tithing but I now find myself having to pay so much for my DW's nursing home expense and medications (we just hit the donut hole for this year) that I am having to cut way back. I am still going to give as much as I can and hope that someday I will be able to resume my beleifs and practice my faith.
Beleive you me, that the electric company wants to be paid by the church just as much as they want to be paid by us.