This past weekend was Fathrer's Day and the family came up to celebrate with us. Family consists of daughter, son-in law and 2 grandkids, 4 and 7. The 7 year old spends quite a bit of time with us in the summer because mommy works. She is bright and obedient. Grandpa gets along with her fairly well, but when she was younger dh didn't care much for her, either. He gets jealous of the time spent with the kids and acts like a kid himself. With the grandson (who is a very active little boy), my dh today actually got physical with him as well as spoke very harshly to him. I had to get in between and protect my grandson. Is it time to stop seeing the grandkids? I feel like I'm taking care of 3 children when they're all here.
Funny, I got annoyed at my DH this weekend also. Not as serious as you, but 6 yr old grandson was showing off his baseball trophy, and DH started talking (who knows about what) and put off gradson in a rude manner. I spoke sharply to DH, and whispered to him that the kid was trying to show him something. I guess I got thru to him because he then called him over so he could look at the trophy. and happily, the gradson came back, even though I think his feelings were hurt. Yes, you are taking care of an extra child, who is jealous to any time you spend with the kids.
Yes, the nastiness towards the grandchildren is the worst thing, so far, for me. It's so sad for the kids, for dh and for ME. (AND for my sons and DILS)
My hb has not gotten to the jealous place yet, but I do know 1/2 hour and then he is ready for calmer and quieter surroundings.
I am sorry it happened but you need to help your grandchildren to understand that grandpa/ma is this was because of the disease, not anything to do with them.
Kind of double standard: we teach kids to learn to control their reactions and with this disease we have to teach them grandpa/ma can't control his reactions.
It has been explained to them, and the books read, but when Opa gets mad and starts shouting or barking unreasonable commands at them for no reason they can see -- or yelling at them in Dutch they can't understand -- there is just no way they could understand. The 10-year old does understand a little bit -- he is a very empathetic kid, but the 6 & 7 year olds have a hard time. With the babies it's not yet a problem; he mostly beams at them and they smile back. But already the two-year old has her "terrible" moments and Opa starts to frown -- time for distraction or removal.
this was a very real problem mid stages for us. DH was quite nasty to all the young children who came to the home. he could actually leave them in tears at times. he was never really a bigtime child lover but when he entered latter stages all this changed. he LOVES LOVES little kids. i had 5 over less than 10yrs old for a weekend 2 wks ago and he was thoroughly amused by them and them playing with him. they would get under his hospital bed and lower and raise him and he loved it. so take heart, at some point they may come around to loving the little ones again. in the meantime its imperative to keep distance between them except for small intervals of interaction. less is more during these trying times. children take it really hard and dont understand this disease. divvi
I did explain to my daughter today (actually, these are His children and grandchildren, I got a "package deal" when we married) that her dad is jealous of the little guy and that he probably shouldn't spend much time with us for now. She is very understanding as she has a friend at work whose father has AD and they talk about the trials and tribulations of this disease. I absolutely adore the little guy and will miss him tons, but I don't want him to be afraid of his grandfather and I'm afraid that's already happening.
I have to say that the more I read about this disease, the more depressed I get. I feel trapped for the foreseeable future. I can't do a damn thing about this devastation to my once alpha male, intelligent, loving man. It's so heartbreaking to see him failing; realizing that he is and trying to not let anyone notice. I could go on, but you all have been there or are there now. S#*t! Sorry!
((((((mothert)))))) hugs for you. It is hard now that 1/2 hour is my hb's limit with the kids, but he has not gotten to where he gets angry at them. Hope he doesn't - his dad didn't and maybe that part of the disease he will follow. Just hope he is not a runner like his dad was!!