This is part of a police statement I made last evening: "Shortly before 5:00 p.m. today, June 19, 2010, I was shopping in Kerrisdale Lumber (6191 West Boulevard, Vancouver, B.C. V6M 3X3, phone, 604.261.4274 www.kerrisdalelumber.com), and I was unable to find a clerk to help me. I walked to a cashier's desk about midway back in the store, where an older clerk (55-65 yrs old?) was behind the counter talking to a male customer (62-70 years old?). I stood by the counter waiting and heard that the clerk and the customer were talking politics (Liberals, past and present members, one female in particular and her track record, party mistakes, policies etc.). Although both the clerk and the customer turned and made eye contact with me, they continued their conversation. I waited a little while longer; they glanced at me again, and went back to talking politics. At this point I said to the older clerk, " I would like to have some help." The clerk hesitated a moment, then said, "Yes," I saw that the older customer was not pleased. A young clerk passed by me, and he looked free, so I said to the first, older clerk, "Oh, I see that the young clerk is free," and I turned and asked that young clerk for help, which he gave me. About 15-20 minutes later, I went to the front cashier to pay my bill, and I thought I saw the older customer there in the front of the store. He seemed to smile at me, but I thought at that time that it was the older clerk. At no time did I exchange any words with the older customer or interact with him in any way. I left the store by the West Blvd. exit and turned immediately to my right (west) onto 45th Ave. and walked to my car, which was parked on 45th Ave about 3-4 car lengths along from the corner and pointed west. I'm not sure if I got in my car or not before I saw out of the corner of my eye the older customer come from the direction of the West Blvd. exit of Kerrisdale Lumber and walk quickly to the car parked on the corner of West Blvd. and 45th Ave., directly on the North-West corner. He started to yell at me the 3-4 car lengths away. One comment was: "Was I a teacher?" I said no, I was just an 80-year-old woman who was very, very tired. He kept yelling at me, how rude I was etc., and I think it was then that I walked back to his car (white or light colour, not foreign make, sedan, medium size) and said, "Maybe you would understand if I told you that my husband has Alzheimer's, and I'm completely stressed out." I think I was trying to appease him, and I thought he was of the age that he might understand. That did stop him, but only for a minute. I went back to my car; he was still yelling insults at me, and as I turned to enter the driver's side, and turned my left hip towards the middle of the road in doing so, I felt his car hit my left thigh. It was not a heavy impact, and there is no sign of bleeding or bruising on the left thigh. However, my right hip began to get sore about 2 hours after the incident: I remember being pushed between the two vehicles as the car hit my left thigh. At that time, the older customer saw me look at his license plate, and he backed up and said through his open window into mine, "So you think you're going to play that game, do you.?" He stayed there until I told him that if he didn't leave, I would go into the store (Kerrisdale Lumber) and phone 911. He backed down to his former parking spot on the NW corner of West Blvd. and 45th Ave. and parked there. He stayed there. I was afraid to drive away. I thought he would follow me home. (I don't have a cell phone.)
(continued): Then I noticed a middle-aged woman standing on the corner of West Blvd. and 45th Ave. She seemed to be talking to the older man through the front passenger window, although she stayed on the street. I called to her and said, "I'm afraid. I'm not going to leave until he goes away." Nothing happened, and in a minute or two, I got out of my car and went to her and said again, "I'm afraid. I'm not leaving here until he's gone." She said to the older man, "She's afraid of you, and you wants you to leave." He, or she, said, that he wanted to be here when I called the police. I told the woman I wouldn't call the police. She said to him, "She says she won't phone the police." She offered her business card to both of us. He took it from her. I said I didn't see how I would need it and didn't take it. She told him again that he needed to leave. He drove away, heading west. He was about medium height, sandy-looking hair or light colour, maybe it was grey, it wasn't white. Broadish face, not a long face, no distinguishing marks, short hair, no beard, nothing about his clothing that stands out, casual, light coloured, maybe tan pants and a sweater or windbreaker. I phoned Kerrisdale Lumber and told them what happened. They know the older clerk, say that he is a recent employee, say that maybe he knows the older man from somewhere else, say they are going to talk to the clerk (they are not happy that the clerk would ignore me and keep up a personal conversation while I stood waiting, say they will phone me around Tuesday. I wrote down the license plate number. My first attempt reads PAH 495. My second try about 5 minutes later, and I was feeling pretty upset by then, reads 495 DPH. I will fax you a signed statement if you wish."
Phranque? where were you when I needed you? I also phoned the store to report the incident and emailed them a summary.
Oh, Mary, I've been stalked and seen a man waiting for me.. a very scary and spooky experience. I'm sure you'll be terrified when you see any car of his make on the street! Good that you did file a police report. Do keep us up to date. And we think Canada is placid.
I think sometimes the sharks smell the blood. I had had a very difficult week with my husband's problems - in looking back, I wonder how I managed - and I was on my last nerve fibre. I size this man up as one who issues commands and to have a little old lady interrupt his pontification on politicians would not be his usual experience. Or maybe he's showing early signs of dementia. Pity his wife.
Mary, what a horrible, terrible, very bad experience. First, the annoying time spent trying to find help in the store. Then the, I think, scary experience with the man. That is downright criminal! Good you filed a report. Should see a doctor just "to be sure" you're really okay.
Mary--get a cell phone! This incident is a perfect example of why everyone needs one. I agree with you that the man is either showing signs of early dementia, or certainly, mental illness of some sort. I hope that the license tag numbers you recorded will help the police locate him. You could have been killed!
Next time either get in your car and leave, if he follows head to the nearest police station or go right back into the store. Definitely get checked out and get a cell phone. You can get a prepaid for minimal money just to carry in case of emergency. Here in the US even if you no longer carry the service, if your phone is charged you can call 911.
Thanks for all your support and good ideas. I've had the cell phone on my list for sometime, so now it's clearly time to get it. Will drop into the medical clinic tomorrow for a checkup.
Mary i am relieved to see you will go get check out at the clinic. what a lunatic! i would be very happy to see that idiot arrested for that crazy stunt. so glad you werent hurt. interupting an employee who is supposed to be attending clients is all well and good i have done it lots of times never with that reaction. please be safe and let us know how you are after the checkup. divvi
Geez, Mary...what an unfortunate character...and wierd. I admire your ability to keep your cool under the circumstances. My mind usually goes numb with adrenalin and aggressiveness (RIGHT BACK AT 'EM!), or I crumble and cry. (please get a cheapo cell phone...even if only one of those that only lets you call 911)
Mary, I am glad you are going to get checked out. I wonder if the clerk in the lumber store knows the man by name and you can have him give it to the police. There is no way this isn't an assault!!!! the man needs to pay for his crime.
I just saw the doctor, and she found areas of tenderness on both my thighs and a large bruise on the right thigh, the result to being hit by the older customer's vehicle and squeezed against my own car. I've asked the owner of Kerrisdale Lumber to have his staff cooperate and identify the customer. He emailed me today and said he would. I will be all right in a few days the doctor thinks, but she says I could have been seriously injured. "This man has a serious anger problem," she says, "and I fear that other people will be injured. He should undergo anger management treatment." Have forwarded all new info. to cops. It would be good if this was followed through and the man identified, charged and treated. I'm still feeling pretty shaky. It doesn't help that major problems have again surfaced at the care facility re. husband's wound care, and I've applied to the Community Health Care Unit case manager for priority transfer out and into the Jewish facility. It looks like it might happen in a couple of days. In the meantime, the (fairly new) Regional Case Manager for the company that owns his present facility is going in today to check out my complaints and draw up a new care plan. But I no longer trust that any improvement she might implement would last. Husband might be upset at moving to a new place, but he is not safe where he is, and I have to do this. May need to hire additional help to come in to do the morning dressings and the evening dressing on Saturday until he's placed. Dread the thought of all the work ahead in the move. Good to have this place of support and understanding. Thank you, everyone.
geez mary, i hope you get cooperation from the authorities to pursue this maniac. i hope you are ok soon and the mental anguish quickly dissapates - wishing you the best of luck in all the transfers, i think are long overdue and glad its coming to a head! let us know how its going. hugs for you - divvi
Mary I am so upset this has happened to you and to your DH, no one should go through what you had to, and your DH needs a safe place to be taken care of. Take care and keep us posted. Gail
Divvi and Bluedaze, you've both been in the back of my mind about this decision about transfer. Divvi, because you sized the situation up accurately some time ago, and Bluedaze, because I think you've been through this same experience of transfer. Yes, I can't trust the staff here. And, bottom line, no matter what kind of stink the step kids put up, my husband is not safe there. By the way, the new place will be far cheaper. The food isn't as good, people say, but the caring attitude is there. I'm sure there would be problems wherever he goes, but this present care facility has a high rate of transfers out, and the complaint has always been about the nursing care. For my husband, nursing care has to be the priority. Have a feeling I'm repeating myself: this has been going on a long time, in spite of all efforts. I'm going over now to visit him, with the resolve to keep my eyes open,and my mouth shut as much, as I can manage. That's all the energy I can spare them.
your're quite right nursing care has to be number one priority and especially as things progress in DH care. food? thats easy bring some with you from his fav places you are always visiting anyway! AND you are saving some money for it! you will more than likely be happier with the new facility. good luck divvi
Thanks for the good idea about snack food, Divvi. The dietician at the present facility stopped to talk to me today and said that Eric had dropped about 12 lbs. this past 2 months. I had noticed that he was only eating about 1/3 of his usual amount at meals, and I've noticed when I've been there that sometimes the staff forget to cut up his food. He loves fish and chips and ketchup, and we could go out in the garden to eat that - it will be like having a picnic. Hamburgers, too. Shrimp. Vanilla milkshakes. Shortbread from Scotland. Sherry. Oh, Gee, I'm getting all teary-eyed thinking about our past life. What a bummer this disease is! I guess it's good to get it all out in a good cry. So tired of stiff upper lip. Besides tears are good for the sinuses, they say. I'll be on the lookout for nutritious snack foods, too. Will do a search on this site: I know I've read about it many times here, but it wasn't a top priority interest for me at the time. He will drink Ensure, and I have asked the nutritionist to offer that mid-afternoon, instead of tea. Oh, yes, we have all these perks at C.: afternoon tea and fancy cookies, oil paintings, rugs, patios, and it sells at the time, because you know you're paying big time for nursing care; there it is on the contract. I feel very much better now about the decision: I think I've just been kidding myself that it would upset him. The realty is that he isn't noticing anything much at all these days.
One of the spouses of a resident just found out that his wife now has a thing for Cheetos. She never did before AD but now, she is looking for the Cheetos every day. It is pretty funny. She is a very ladylike, well-dressed woman. Her husband is doing a fabulous job of keeping her maintained. She really likes those Cheetos though.
I would be pursuing a law suit...not like me in the past...Then, at least some settlement could be made, if only it is to force him into psychological evaluation and therapy of some kind....and payment for your medical care. Just sayin'.
Vickie, I appreciate your input - it shows more knowledge than I have about how things work. At the moment, I have my hands full with my husband's unsafe care in the present facility and my attempts to get him transferred out as soon as possible. What I will do, based on your comments, is let the doctor know about the police's email. She was angry enough yesterday and concerned enough about public safety, that she might follow through on this, and with more authority than I can muster at this time. My take on the matter is that I would have to go to a lawyer and open a civil suit against this man and prove that it was a deliberate act on his part. (Having been forced to deal with the law and my stepkids' actions against me since 1979, I know that this can be a time-consuming and expensive process.) I've let the store owner know that the man has been identified and that I won't be back as the man seemed to be a friend of the older clerk, and I wouldn't put myself in that position again. I'm going to let it sit at that for now, at least until I can regroup. I know it's not right, as Mary says, but I'm at the point having to pick my battles. I'm not seriously hurt, that I know of, not even seething with anger. My eye is on getting Eric where it's safe, and then I'll refocus. Want to tell everyone how much I appreciate having your support. That is the one of the worst things of Alzheimer's, that for whatever reasons, I feel truly alone except for all of you.
God bless you, Mary75! Yes, you do have something more important to focus on at the moment. I'd probably drop it for now also. Just be on the lookout for him and his car in the future! Hope you can get Eric safe very, very soon.
What I remember of the conversation with the police when they came to my home to get my statement was that I would have to prove it was a deliberate action and do this through a civil suit. And they said that they wanted to get everything they could from me for documentation so that if anything else happened in the future by this man to any other person, they could show there was a pattern. Strange how things drift back into my memory now that the initial shock is wearing off: he did pull aside of me to continue shouting, then he backed down the street and came once again at me and hit me. So I think it was by then a deliberate act. The doctor summed him up yesterday as someone probably recently retired, at loose ends, goes down to the local hardware store, gets all steamed up with his buddy the clerk about politics, and then this little old lady would dare interrupt his conversation. Probably used to being in command. Knew the type. Hoped he didn't come around her office.... Still waiting to hear from Louis Brier.
Still no excuse. I would like to read the guys side of the story and if there are circumstances that would mean taking his license away. Once your hb is settled I would ask for a copy of the police report - maybe just reply to their email asking for a copy of the complete report be sent to you.
I like the idea of asking for the police report and will do so when I've caught up to myself. The owner of the lumber store just phoned and said the older clerk could not identify the man, (the clerk had only been working for them for about 3 months and was from the Fraser Valley outside of Vancouver). I told him the police had done so - guess with the second license plate number I gave them. The owner said that the police had been into the store on Sunday, the next day, to question the staff. As for the transfer for husband, it looks like I'm going to have to wait. There are no no empty beds available. The case manager is pretty good, and I think she is doing her best, and will continue to do so, until a bed comes up. My other option is to hire someone from an agency to go in and change the dressings. From past experience, I know that I will still have to be vigilant. The problem, as I see it, is that there is no one who supervises, so each nurse does her own thing. Most are from another country (sorry if I sound prejudiced) and their understanding and standards are different than ours. I have been in touch with the wound care nurse at the Community Health Care Centre, and we have discussed this at length. If necessary, I will appeal for her intervention until the transfer. I can change the dressings in the evenings 6/7; that leaves the mornings and one evening dressing to be done by someone else, and whatever else comes up in the meantime. As I'm writing this, I remember a young woman who is a friend of my son's who could do this, once shown, and I know she's trustworthy. I'll see what happens today when I go in. The facility was supposed to have had a visit from their regional nursing manager yesterday and this problem was to be discussed. Thanks, everyone.
Things more under control at Care Facility. The regional nursing manager has certainly come through. Now we'll see if the staff complies. Don't think it will last long - don't trust them anymore. Coming up for air and not feeling so shaky. Have emailed my lawyer re. police closing the file and have asked for her advise. I think we need to get this guy to prevent any further instances. Will keep you posted.
Louis Brier's social worker phoned, says I can have the bed after all; she had given it to someone who had lower priority. Will see them tomorrow about transfer date etc. A personal injuries lawyer will be contacting me though the law firm that acts for me as Co-committee for husband (I'll pay out of my pocket). Someone is shining down on me.
Yes, indeed, shining brightly. Hope the transfer goes well whenever that happens and that the mouthy "reckless driver" can be taken off the streets. He obviously has serious problems; hope he gets help. Wonder how he deals with family members.
Mary, thank you for following through on the gentleman that hit you with his car. Hopefully, whatever his problem is gets dealt with so at least one person is safer.
Have been to see the stress counsellor I've been seeing since last July, and she advises not to go ahead with legal action at this time. "Too much on your plate already, stressed out enough, don't take on anything else." Huge sigh of relief.
The psychologist said he thought that this man was already looking for fight before I even walked into the lumber store. He spotted me as someone vulnerable, confirmed it when I tried to appease him. Just another one of the results of caring for an Alzheimer's husband: you get so worn out, you look ready pickings for a bully. I should have pushed with the system to get him another bed sooner.