Sunday is Father's Day - I invite you to log onto the home page - www.thealzheimerspouse.com- and read my annual Father's Day Blog - updated with this year's latest Father information from my house. Please post all Father's Day comments here.
Hope all you guys out there have a great day tomorrow!
Even with all that my son is going through with the transplants, DH got a Father's Day card from him today (his step-son). It was such a lovely card and he was so delighted and cried and cried. I promised him we'd call later today.
Like mother's day, father's day is just another day. My hb never bonded with the kids when we adopted them (they were 1 & 2) even though the day we met them our son ran by me, looked up at hb, yelled dada and gave his legs a big hug. HB stood looking like he was in shock and things never really changed. I believe there is a bond of sorts somewhere but he has never shown it. He did coach soccer for our son but that was about the extent of doing much with the kids. In the teen years when a daughter needs a father I was too worried about protecting her. Since his affair with the teenager I wanted to make sure she was not his next victim so I was overprotective. By 16 she was out searching for 'the parents she never had' as she put it. He set a good example of how to support your family, be a responsible man in that area, but he was not a good father. He was the type of father his was: distant and detached, not rally involved. That is why at his dad's funeral it shocked me he was so distraught over his death.
As a positive for this disease, he plays with the two youngest grandkids, especially grandson who turns 2 next week, like I always wanted for my kids. They are best buds as he puts it.
Blessings on you for protecting your daughter, Charolotte.
I gave my husband a couple of father's day presents before he left on his trip, which he left on the table. Should I be pushing my kids to do more? They are 17 and 20 and I tend to figure at that age they should focus on themselves anyway and I want to spare them as much burden as I can.
DH has traveled alone as recently as May, according to his reports without any problems (I might have heard from the friend he stayed with if there were problems, but the friend is pretty well in denial). We are taking turns traveling this summer so as not to leave our son (who is doing summer school all summer) alone for too long. So when DH really wanted to spend time in Chicago, where his mother grew up, I suggested he go with our daughter when she started her three week summer program there and I would pick her up. I shouldn't have let him make the travel plans for her and him, but he got focused on doing it when I was trying to get out of town on an earlier trip myself.
They set out for the airport about half an hour late, and apparently he had to make two bathroom stops with the result that they got to the airport barely in time for my daughter to check in, and he was too late after he parked the car. Which was a good thing because he had forgotten his backpack with his meds--I drove two hours to take it to him at the airport. He was able to get on the next later flight. Meanwhile, our daughter got to the hotel in Chicago and the power promptly went out. She was none too pleased that DH had reserved a supposed suite but it was one room with one bed so she had to sleep on an uncomfortable sofa bed. On our daughter's urging, I did talk him into cancelling the shuttle reservation he had made to get to the city today and agree to take a taxi instead. He had for some reason given the shuttle our daughter's phone number so they called her at 6:30 am to check the cancellation, since the phone numbers didn't match.
I should have both taken and picked up our daughter, and suggested he visit in the middle of her three weeks. Maybe I'm crazy to let him travel alone, but he is so convinced he can do it and I hate traveling with him. He already thinks I'm seeing him as much further along in his illness than he believes himself to be and complains I am too controlling. He has always made a lot of mistakes because of attention deficit issues and so he doesn't think these kinds of mistakes are a big deal. He will admit to being more forgetful and getting confused sometimes, but doesn't seem to him to be something new. Which is true.
My adult children are having a rough time with Fathers' Day. It will be the first one since Bill's passing on May 5th. They weren't very close so I am surprised at how much they are hurting. I suppose a parent is a parent-no matter what. I remember when my second parent died I felt like an orphan even though I was in my 40s.
happy fathers day to all our guys here. even ifyou have no children caring for an invalid wife warrants the same annotations. have a great day@ DH was invited to go to lunch with his kids but they dont 'getit' that he is unable to get out at this point. i told them if they want to see him they will need to stop by. we wont hold our breath.
Happy Father's Day to all! My youngest visited last week end with her new baby girl, the middle daughter is coming tomorrow and the oldest daughter will be attending the Father's Day Dinner at the nursing home on Monday evening. Now mind you, these daughters are Charlie's step-daughters. They were pretty well grown up when Charlie and I were married and he wasn't so much a father as a friend. There was mutual love and respect between them. Meanwhile, his son, fine up-standing Christian man that he is will be spend the day at the special doings at his church rather than drive a couple of hours to see his father. I love my step-son, I really do, but he simply can't cope with his father' s illness. He is not in denial, he just hurts so badly seeing him this way. I get it, I do, but...................I would rather he just be honest and say he doesn't want to see him this way rather than make excuses that it will upset the kids or his wife, or he can't miss church. I think the Lord would excuse him for one day to visit his father.
Nora - I had a hate relationship with my dad. When he died I went to his funeral and cried but didn't know why. It was in counseling that I figured out why: the tears were because I could have been a good daughter if he would have just let me. He hated me from the day I was conceived - he didn't want anymore after my brother the year before. (Course he was 51 then - who wants more babies. And there were two more 8 and 10 years later whom he always denied were his but his vasectomy had failed.)
They could be feeling similar things. A child will love even the most abusive parent.