I'm so much trying to figure out how to ease my DH transition. Sometimes I get so sad when I see how things are taken away from him. Before placement he dressed himself. He mostly wore long-sleeve shirts and loved picking a certain color. He was a clothes horse. Now they dress him in t-shirts and want me to get pull-up pants. I gues he keeps having accidents when he goes to the bathroom. Somehow he gets wet and then has change his underwear and pants. Now he is wearing only depends. He is trying to figure out how to go to the bathroom wearing depends since they don't have a fly. I don't even know if he is brushing his teeth. He looks so relieved when I come to visit and resigned and upset when I have to go. He has been there for one week. We used to walk 3 miles almost every day. Now he hasn't had any exercise since placement, only wandering around the halls. He is still high-functioning and aware, of his environment and people. He just can't express himself as well as before and gets easily confused and distracted. We tried an experiment and took him out to Pete's Coffee yesterday. I went with a caregiver he knew from before. He bonds very nicely with her and I just came along, like another good friend. He enjoyed Pete's and chatted with a girl next to him. We then tried a bookstore, he didn't like that. We walked and it was hot outside and he was getting a bit agitated after an hour of being out. After we went back the caregiver was able to distract him. He loves art books. I left before the caregiver, with made it easier for me to just go. In the late afternoon, early evening he got agitated and wanted to leave and got a bit aggressive. They gave him an Ativan.
In the beginning the said that I can visit him for 1 - 2 hours a day. They also suggested getting one-on-one people, in to ease the transition. I re-hired his former caregivers and they hang out with him, helping him integrate with activities and other people. Also, many of his friends have come to visit. I do know enough to make sure he bonds to other people and that I step back a bit, without him feeling abandoned. It is so hard and I do want to have some more quality time with him. I'm trying to get a single room. The shared room has no real space for anything.
He does get a chance to play the piano and does so beautifully. Residents and visitors love his playing. He also has been talking to people there and is starting to make some connections. He is only 68 and most people there are in there 80's 90's and older. He still loves to listen to classical music, which is really never played there. However, he does start liking the other music programs where he can sing and even dance.
I was hoping he could be able to get out a bit, he wants to, but then gets more agitated. Can people just share how they helped their Spouse to adjust; what they were able to do and not do? How to best communicate with staff? Anything tha might help a wife who is trying to still have some quality time with her husband. Yet, on the otherhand, not to make a nuisance of myself.