So my husband has been in the assisted living home for two weeks plus a few days. Over the last week the home has admitted 4 new people and one new lady apparently thinks my husband is her husband. Today I went to visit and took my husband for a walk and on getting back I sent him into the bathroom in preparation for his nap. I didn't notice right away that one of the caregivers had the new lady out on the deck where she was crying and sobbing. The caregiver came in to get something and this lady followed her, but when she saw me, she came over and shoved me up against the wall. She grabbed my hands and was crying and calling me bad and I had to go. I kept saying it's okay, it's okay, it will be okay, loudly so someone would come help me. She was squeezing my hands so hard they have bruises. The two gals came running and got her away from me and I then could go get my husband in his room and settled for his nap. This episode scared the you know what out of me and now I don't know if I can leave my husband there if this women doesn't get some adjustment to her medicines or something. Should I get a back-up plan rolling such as searching for a new place?
jules, I think you should give it more time but also talk to the hospital administrator, even to the point of filing an official incident report. I am so sorry you had to endure this violence from her and how terrifying it was for you.
From another viewpoint, we now get a firsthand statement from someone who has experienced a patient out of control. Others have talked of their spouses getting aggressive or violent with other patients or staff (don't remember visitors though). I want to thank you for sharing because now we know what both sides is like - terrifying. And I can only imagine how more terrifying that would be with someone with dementia.
The rules by the state in my husband's ALF, are that if a resident is aggressive with another resident or visitor, they must leave, either to a hospital for medication adjustment or somewhere else. When my husband pushed another resident, he thought was going into his room...which was hers, he could not stay another night & I had to stay in his room with him until the ambulance came to take him to a behavior hospital.
The staff told me that she would be taken to see the doctor today for medication adjustment and I feel bad for her. I don't want her to have to leave as we are all struggling to find the right situation for our loved ones to get help but if she is upsetting to the whole group, it's easier for them to move one person. Unfortunately, her husband is my husbands room mate which has been such a good thing for him. Last night I dreamed that my husband was ranting and raving out of control and I couldn't find any medications for him. I woke up in a sweat, geez, this disease causes distress all around.
My husband has been in placement for almost a year and there has never been a problem with another patient until just these past few days. They have a new lady who is having a hard time adjusting. She screetches constantly about one thing or another. My husband wears skin protectors on his arms and she thinks they are bandages and screams at me to "take care of his arms". When I told her his arms are fine, she told me I was too blankety blank dumb to know what was wrong with him. Another time she screamed for the nurses to come and help him, he was dying and I wouldn't do anything about it (he was dozing in his chair). She is the first one who has really gotten on my nerves but I keep telling myself that she is someone's wife, someone's mother and someone's grandmother and she can not help what she is saying. Of course, physical contact is a different story but the whole situation is very sad.
Good point Kadee. There are no couples in the facility where my husband is, but there have been and they roomed together. The aides tell me about the couple who were in the same room, each assigned to their own bed. They didn't sleep together, but insisted on switching bed. He slept in hers, she slept in his.
I think perhaps in this small home of eight total residents, they have far more women than men and if they put the couple together that still left a bed for a man in my husbands room available. Since they had women that needed to move in, they could have a bed if they put the two men together. At least that is what I think. No one told me this.
The couple just moved in this past week and I believe they were separated from the start. That seems mean to me but perhaps it is how they had it at home. The manager told me today that the couples daughter had been abusive to her and they believe I looked similar or something. Horse s**t, I say. Things better be settled when I go in the next few days or I'm making a change. It would be hard on my husband but he and I both need to see each other and be safe.
It's been a while since I checked in here but wanted to say that things are much better now and I am also adjusting. I still travel 2 hours each way twice a week and sometimes stay overnight to visit two days for short time periods. My husband is happy and content and so much better cared for than the job I was doing. As difficult a decision as it was to make and still is to live with, he is better there and so I am as well. The sweet man I go to see now has made me remember why I love him. The room-mate was moved to the other end of the house with his wife and they both settled down a bit. She doesn't come after me though I'm still on guard around her. The resident that my husband called mom when he first moved in passed away and that was hard. I see several of the residents also going down hill and I wonder how many I will go through the last days with. Still all the preparation in the world won't make it easier when my husbands time comes, I'll just know what to expect. I miss the folks here and hope all are managing as best they can. Cheers
Good to hear from you, Jules. Could I ask what stage your DH is in? I have just reread the stages of AD and am wondering at what stage most AD loved ones are admitted to assisted living or nursing homes. My DH has been in stage 4/5 since being diagnosed almost 3 years ago. I think he may be sliding into stage 6 now. Twice he has put his undershirt on backwards and yesterday when I asked him to tuck his shirt in, he unbuttoned it. Another time his belt was twisted around to the side. He couldn't get his pants down and didn't understand why.
Dazed- I'm not terribly familiar with the stages but I'm guessing he would be in the late stage 6, mostly incontinent but can go himself sometimes. If he poops his pants he doesn't seem to realize it. Most of what he says is nonsense but sometimes makes sense. He never misses a meal or passes up food. Yet he seems to be very healthy. I miss him.