I have been very down. My husband has had a bad run recently, seemingly losing more and more each day. These bad stretches always follow a period of days when things are going very well, and I hopefully wonder whether maybe this is just stress. Ha! The bad stretch will always kick in and remove all doubt. In this down moment, I realized that if I was anyone else, I would not want to be around me – I see myself as “Debbie Downer.” I feel like it is impossible to be “up” – to smile and pretend I care about someone else’s children’s graduation, etc. – when my DH is wearing his clothes inside out, can no longer count money, and has forgotten the rules to his favorite sport. With each new day, I wonder which of the ugly twins who have moved in with me – fear and sadness – are going to win out on this particular day. I HATE THIS! This is not me; I have always been an optimist, and have always been secure in my faith, even during some very difficult and challenging times. Of course I now know – I never knew difficult.

In the midst of this sadness, something wonderful happened. I have a 15 year old son. I have to nag him each night to give up the cell phone (texting) and get to sleep. Several nights ago, I opened his door, ready for the usual battle, and there he was lying in bed, reading his Bible. He informed me he had already plugged his phone into the charger in my room. This scene has been repeated for the last 4 nights as well. I asked last night if he was reading any particular book and he told me – no – he started at the beginning and was going to read until he got to the end.

I realized that although my DH’s condition is terribly hard on my youngest, it has also had a positive effect. In addition to this revitalized spirituality, my youngest has developed a very close relationship with his father. They go to the gym together 3 times a week, and have begun golfing together every other week. I know with my older two sons, the last thing they would have wanted to do at 15 years old was hang out with either of us.

Yesterday something else wonderful happened. My oldest son, 22, said a month ago, “I would never step foot in that church again,” and expressed his typical disdain for organized religion and our church members in particular. This son has not wanted to discuss his father’s condition, or help in trying to persuade his father to make doctor’s appointments; he prefers to be in adamant denial. Well, for the last 2 weeks he has been working side by side with his father. My DH is training him, with hopes of retiring once our son is able to take over his clients and go it alone. Guess who was at church yesterday? While I cannot know for certain whether my DH’s condition has motivated my son's return; I think it must have.

So, while I know that our situation is bleak, and the worst is yet to come, my faith is not shaken, and I will take joy where I can find it.

“Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. And he that searcheth the hearts knoweth what is the mind of the Spirit, because he maketh intercession for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.”

Thank you for sharing these uplifting experiences.

Mary - your son is reading the Bible one of my favorite ways: as a novel. I love to read it as a novel because it gives me a whole new picture of God and his forgiveness. You are experiencing with your sons an example of all things work for good. We plant seeds and wait to watch them grow.

My SIL's daughter that cares for her has two sons. The oldest is 16 and the other 14. The 14 year old is very protective of his grandmother and is looking forward to when she moves in with them so he can keep a better eye on her and be there to help her more.