Hello everyone, My husband hasn't been diagnosed yet, but all the signs are there. I am 48 and he is 82. We've been together for 10 years (1st marriage for me; 2nd for him). He was my first love and I still love him very much, but he is starting to change. He doesn't always remember that we are married, or where we live (he thinks we are just visiting the home we live in), he asks the same questions 3 or 4 times in a few minutes time, and lately he has begun explaining things to himself with long drawn out scenarios about things that aren't true at all. Does that make sense? It breaks my heart when he tells me it is nice that I have been visiting him but I should really go out and find a nice young man and settle down.
The fact is, I have found a man who has become my best friend, but I have to hide our friendship from my husband because he would be hurt and jealous. But I need to keep this man in my life, someone who can remember what I told him five minutes ago. I especially need him now because I am in the midst of breast cancer treatment. I have to make decisions about surgeries and chemo and radiation, and I can't discuss them with my husband because he forgets that I have cancer and I have to tell him "for the first time" over and over again. I hate keeping secrets from him.
I have spoken to his doctor about his condition and asked about medications, but he always dismisses the idea, saying that the side effects are bad and the benefits are minimal. He has never said anything about a neurological workup, and I don't know if I should press the issue, because why put him through it if there is nothing that can be done.
I'm sorry for going on and on. This is just really new to me and with the cancer I just feel a bit overwhelmed.
You need to ask the doctor to do appropriate tests on your husband to be sure what type of dementia he has, and how severe. Some types of dementia can be treated. With regard to the medications, not everyone gets bad side effects, and some get good responses. My wife had a bad reaction to Aricept (vomiting and diarrhea), but tolerated Razadyne well, and is now on the Exelon patch with no problem. You also need to ask him/her for help for yourself, at least referral to some local source of support such as the Alzheimer's Association. I assume your doctor is different from his. In this case, be sure your doctor knows what is going on so he/she can help you. You don't want to be another victim of AD.
You are in my thoughts and prayers. Alzheimer's is a horrible disease and the caregiver needs all the help he/she can get.
Welcome to my website. Your concerns about the ways in which your husband is changing are those we have all experienced. When you get a chance, click on the "previous blog" section on the left side of the website, and read the topics that you feel you will relate to most closely.
I am with Marsh. You absolutely must get a proper diagnosis for your husband. Any doctor that "dismisses" the idea of evaluation and medications is a doctor who needs to be replaced. I say that from a miserable experience that cost us 2 years of wrong diagnosis and wrong treatment. As soon as we found the right doctor, and Sid was put on Aricept, his symptoms stabilized. As soon as we joined an Alzheimer Support Group, his fear and anxiety over what was happening to him subsided. Copy and past this link to find a comprehensive memory disorder clinic in your area - http://www.nia.nih.gov/Alzheimers/ResearchInformation/ResearchCenters/#what
Or go to the home page of the website, scroll down to the Wed./Thur Blog and click the direct link that is listed in the Blog.
It is heartbreaking to be unable to discuss and make decisions together about simple things, but when it is such a monumental life decision as cancer treatment, I can imagine how lonely and difficult that must be.
We all understand what you are going through as only another spouse can. I hope you will return often for the support and information you need.
Glad you are here but for all the wrong reasons, i too believe if your dr has not wanted to do a few tests to find out whats going on or give him a try on the alz meds then time to find a new physician preferably a geriatric or neurologist for the AD issues. i think at 82 most drs just think its normal for them to have dementia at that point but there are ways to help him stabilize some as he declines. glad you have some companionship its so necessary during this disease, my best to you -divvi
My husband was put on namenda, his symptoms improved a lot, and as far as I can tell, he hasn't had any side effects at all.
You definitely need a qualified, experienced, and understanding doctor. As time goes on, it will be more and more important for you to have a doctor with whom you can talk. I wouldn't press the current doctor (he's an idiot), I'd find another one, the right one for you and your husband.
Many doctors don't like to work with AD patients, I suppose because AD can't be cured and they don't find it rewarding, so they won't spend the time and effort that is needed. Well, no, AD patients CAN'T be cured, but they can be helped. And their caregivers / spouses can be helped, too.
See if you can find a Memory Clinic or an Alzheimer's Disease Research Center near you. (ADRCs work with all types of dementias, despite the name.) Those are the most likely places to locate doctors who want to work with AD patients, know the value of properly diagnosing the problem, are up-to-date on the medicines most likely to help, and can give you the information you need, about the disease itself, and about all the resources that are out there to help you.
If you're comfortable telling us the city where you live, one of us may know a good place for you to go, or even have a doctor to recommend. You could also ask for recommendations at the Alzheimers Assoc website caregivers forum:
http://alzheimers.infopop.cc/eve
I can't begin to imagine the stress you're under, facing cancer and without your husband able to comfort and guide you. Let us know what we can do to help.
Mattie, it is so overwhelming just to think about breast cancer and a husband with potential dementia? I agree with the above on finding the right doctor. Many of us here on the site have had various difficulties with the medical profession and their ignorance of how to handle dementia. When I need information or want to find someone who is going through the same thing I am or has gone through it, I look at this site or the Alzheimer's Organization Caregiver's website. There are all kinds of ideas and suggestions on how to handle various behaviors. My husband is 9 years younger than yours and unfortunately looks a lot younger than that (we are also a May December marriage with 23 years between us) so many people in the medical profession don't seem to understand that he has Alzheimer's and what that means.
Good luck finding the right medical care for the two of you. It truly is a disease where the two of you need to be treated - you the caregiver and him the person with the disease.