I invite you to log onto the home page - www.thealzheimerspouse.com - and read the weekend blog. Have any of you had the experience I am about to encounter? How did it go? Any advice for me?
The last new car I bought was my current '06 Subaru Forester. Jeff was rarely driving by then, and only drove it about once, when he was doing an errand with my bro-in-law. The trickiest part of buying it, as I recall, was that we were trading in our Honda Pilot and we both had to sign in the tiny box on the title paperwork. With his vision-impairing posterior cortical atrophy this was extremely difficult for Jeff, and I made several attempts to direct his pen to the proper spot, whereupon it would alight in an entirely wrong spot. The salesman (who is a great guy from whom I've bought 2 other used Soobies which the girls drive) finally had to place cards on the title, blocking off all the wrong places to sign until Jeff could hit the right spot.
I am on the verge of buying (I think) a new Subaru Outback. 2 of the girls have graduated--one from undergrad, one from her Masters program--just this Spring, and with all three of them working, I think it's time to say "here...this is your car, and this is your car," and maybe get the 2 older Soobs off my policy. Then the '06 will be pressed into service as a kid car and I will perhaps get a new one. I don't really want a new one, and I don't especially care for spending money, but I also don't want to drive my daughters to work.
Of all the crap that AD can dish out, I am grateful that Jeff's nature has remained (mostly) placid, and he accepts that I will buy whatever car I want. In fact, he pays very little attention to the process. My one new desire is that the upholstery be brownish, to better hide the coffee that he will continue to spill on the seat.
Joan--- This doesn't fit us at all, but it occurred to me that maybe one thing to boost Sid's take on this might be that he has to test for how he, your dad, and the other gents would be able to manage getting in and out, noting leg room, grab thingies, and ease of seatbelt access. Also, maybe you could narrow down choices to what fits you. Then have him help in the chosing as to best performance, etc.
Frankly, m'dear, knowing what you've written before, I'd dig a hole, crawl in w/a giant chocolate sundae, cover up & dream of your favorite matinee idol--after which, I suppose, you'd have to face reality. Maybe I'd tell Sid that all decisions are based on the needs of your father--which would have a ring of truth anyway. You know we have to use whatever subterfuge works.
With new cars now-a-days the problem is the back door. Some are very hard for people to get into without twisting or turning. That will be the first big challenge - finding a car where it is easy to get into the back seat. Maybe when Sid is busy with one of his activities you can scope out the situation, find a handful that might work then take the guys back with you.
I think your number one priorities with buying a new car is going to be as Charlotte and some others suggest. Shop youself before you ever take Sid near the auto store. Talk with a friend familiar with cars about your best options to look for. I just today bought a new Subaru Forrester for myself. Prior to looking I talked with a personal friend who has been in the used car business forever and he recomended the Forrester for me because I wanted all-wheel drive, high visibility, ease of getting in and out of, safety features, heated leather seats. He could not find a used one with the leather seats. So, I went new. It is one of the smaller cars with similarities to the SUV but with better visibilities. It is also more than $20,000 if you are going new.
Others here have recommend quite a few other models. I have not personally tried any of them except a year ago I did try the Camry and Prius. Paul could not get his feet in the front seat of the Prius even with the seat pushed all the way back. He could get into the front seat of the Camry. He could not get into the back seat of our Buick LeSabre without a lot of difficulty with his feet. Front seat was good. You are going to have to put someone in the back seat. Sooner or later that might be Sid. Paul was also 5'11" with size 12 shoes.
I would probally tell Paul there was some kind of major mechanical problem with the car you now have and it would cost too much to fix it. Do not take him to more than 2 car lots if you can help it and only AFTER you have decided on the car you want.
I just bought a car while DH was at day care. His brother came along to help me with the technical details and also because he knows the owner of the Toyota dealership (and was able to negotiate some extra discount because of the Prius they recently bought from me for less than he thought I should have got). I am telling Siem about the car but not dwelling on it too much; we won't get it till September. Every time I mention it I'm going to be emphasizing MY new car. I don't think he will expect to drive it, but who knows?
I still have not dared to rent a car while travelling because those cars were always HIS cars. He has not driven since last August.
I got a new (well, dealer's model) Outback in 2000; it now has something like 85,000 miles on it and has been a very good car. I have always adored it and am not anxious to trade it in. L. can get in and out, by himself, still, with a lot of moaning (his left leg just doesn't bend much at all). The elder care lawyer told me that if we were to apply for medicaid for a n.h., our joint assets would be split in half but that I could buy a car out of his half as part of "spending down." SO I'm expecting to hang onto the Outback for awhile longer. I don't mind! I love being able to load in transport chair, walker, kitty litter etc etc.
I have a Saab 95, a 1997 with 122,000 miles on it. I have been putting off getting a new car because i don't want to have to deal with the obvious... Dick thinks he still drives, but he lets me drive all the time to get experience. all righty then.... problem with the car (besides 122,000 miles) is the only A/C vent that works is the one that blows on the passenger, and in this case, the passenger gets cold. It's beginning to get warm again, and I don't know how I'll get thru the summer with the a/c on the fritz, but it would cost 3,000 to fix it. EXCISE ME, the cars not worth $3,000. I've been thinking about a honda crv (with 4wd ) or a suburu forester. Many of you seem to be happy with the suubs, so I'll think about that, but first i need to see how Joan makes out. then I'll decide.
I don't know where your DH is exactly right now, but I did go to a parking lot after I bought the car and let my DH drive it around for a little while (it was at night and no one was around so it was safe). It made him so happy to be able to drive it around in circles. When he was done (I didn't rush him), he thanked me. I will never forget that night and his response.
Joan--I am exactly where you are--on the verge of buying my "first" car. Tuesday I went to a dealer and test drove a couple of models; going to another dealer to drive a different make next week. It's kind of fun--I had no interest in car selection before--always left it to DH.
I've always bought my own cars since my first. I've been a car buff forever; raced a little. DH wasn't into cars much and was delighted I knew so much about them and always deferred to me about buying them. EXCEPT this last one we bought. Would not have been my first choice, but he fell in love with this Cadillac and I thought it would probably be his last car, so I bought it. Now I absolutely love it!
I think this is great. So many of us buying our "first" car. It seemed lonely at first. Not having anyone to share the experience with. Then here we are sharing our experience with our family here. Not so lonely any more. I'm glad Joang started this thread.
It wasn't my first car. I did that when I was selling insurance. Outside of that car, however, I got the "old" car almost always.
It is too bad that they aren't making PT Cruisers anymore because they are the easiest car for someone with a mild physical disability to get into and out of, and that includes the back seats. When we bought the first one I was using a walker and I drove that one while I was using a cane for several years.
I'm going to suggest that Joan have her husband try out both the front and back seats of whatever she buys, based on his trying them out for her father. I'm going to second that she do most of the shopping alone, without him as well.
We bought my current car while my husband was still driving. He lost his license a couple of months later. But because the trade in was in my name only, it was easy enough to put the new car in only my name as well.
Since only one of us is driving we had no need for 2 vehicles. Sold both the Mini-van and the Prius to friends to buy a mid size vehicle. Ended up with a Toyota Rav4. My DH is 6'2" and has no trouble getting in and out and there is plenty of cargo room. We loved the Prius but since it lacked the storage we needed for trips we had to get rid of it. Signing the papers was also difficult for my DH both physically and emotionally.
Thank you to everyone who e-mailed and posted giving me suggestions about the type of car to buy. I will not be able to answer the e-mails, as I am up to my ears in phone calls back and forth from the ALF here and the nursing home in RI, trying to get all the papers signed and properly filled out in time for my father's arrival tomorrow.
The car plan is for me to look on my own - Sid will drive me crazy about trying out every expensive, innappropriate car on every dealer lot if I bring him. I'll pick out a few that are comfortable for me, and THEN I'll bring him to see them and try them on for his size.
Surprisingly, he hasn't gone into the depression mode over buying a car he will never drive. He's his usual car crazed self, watching TV ads for every type of car that could possibly suit my short body and mundane taste and his long legs and extravegant taste.
I just bought my son a used car, and it was one of those rare times when I feel I handled the negotiation just right and shared an understanding with the person I was negotiating with. The car broker said his starting price was $5500 and he could maybe take $200 off for needed repairs but not $600. After it was checked out (as needing $200 in repairs and $400 for a new timing belt) I asked him what price he would give me if I wrote him a check on the spot. He did some calculations and said $5087. I said "That's a deal!"
My husband and I used to enjoy negotiating on cars--he would play good cop and I would play bad cop. We had one young salesman who remembered me (apparently positively) six years after I told him that the price he was giving us included rebates and incentives from the manufacturer but no discount from the dealer and that was not acceptable and we were going to leave. He sold us both that car and a used car 6 years later when he was manager of the used car operation of the same dealership.
I told Dh I had bought a new car but didn't want to harp on it too much since I won't get it till September. But people we meet have been talking about it, so it has come up several times when he was there. He has not said anything about it. But coming home today (still in the old car, of course) he made an unusual comment: "We don't have any male drivers anymore, do we?"
If this was an invitation to discuss the driving issue, I chickened out. I just said "No, we don't" and that seemed to be that.
Jubby wants to get a new vehicle before ours need major work (it has lots of km on it). In the past, he's usually done the research on different types of cars and checked vehicles out etc and narrowed it down to a few and then we'd choose togeher. He told me a few months ago that we needed to get a new (well, almost new . . . new to us but used a bit) vehicle. But done little about it until last couple of weeks when I made noises that I was getting more serious about buying something.
I had checked out a few cars and mentioned them to him but he had no interest whatsoever in going to see them. Anyhow, now he's "looking into" cars ie checking out consumer reports. But he is so indecisive that I doubt he'll do much more than that. It's a fine line letting him do what he can and not taking over on a responsibility he used to be good at when he still wants to do it but isn't as capable about doing it. Sigh. I think it will be sometime before our car is replaced.
I just bought a brand new Toyota Auris hybrid. I understand this car is not sold in the States. It is similar to the Prius but smaller and with some improvements. Only had it two days but I love it. Fortunately Dh has made no attempt to sit in the driver's seat. I impressed upon him how much nicer HIS seat in the new car was, compared to his seat in my little old Starlet. Also we have music, navigation and airco which mine did not have. Loveit, so far. Still driving very gingerly.
I just bought a new Prius last week and already love it. This coincided with DH giving up driving forever and he thinks of this as MY car and knows he's a passenger. But the other day he was asked where HIS car was, a huge Town Car, and I explained, once again, that we traded it in. Not sure he quite understands the whole thing.
I bought a Toyota RAV4 SUV. I absolutely love it. The problem I have had with cars is that I am barely 5 feet tall. The Toyota Solara that Sid had, and I was driving, had a long nose in the front, a long back, and I couldn't see a thing. I couldn't park it, see out of the back of it, or judge distance around it. I HATED IT. And it had 2 doors, which meant no one could maneuver in and out of the back seat. The RAV 4 has a short front and back. The first time I sat in it, I shrieked, "OMG - I can see the road!!!!" I can park it, back it up, see around it, and the back door opens like a regular door, so I don't have to stretch up to close it. The back holds the wheelchairs and walkers.
I have a friend who has been driving SUV's forever, and I could never understand why. She kept telling me that it was because she was sitting up high and could see everything. Now I understand.