Thank you all for your outpouring of love and support. I want to share something I experienced with my DH (Mike) that I hope will bring you comfort, courage, and strength. On 9-9-2009, God laid it on my heart to ask Mike if he had seen Jesus, angels, or God. I know that people sometimes have such experiences as they approach death. When I asked Mike if he had seen any of these, his answer to each was "no." After a couple of minutes, he said "I did feel God's presence." I asked him to close his eyes and go back to the time that he felt God's presence. After a couple of minutes, I asked him if he could feel what it felt like to be in God's presence. He said "yes." I asked him to tell me what it felt like and he said "light." I asked him what that felt like and he said "light in a spiritual sense of no negativity." I asked him if he felt anything else. He said "loved ... forgiven and loved." I asked him what that felt like and he said "like God is filling him with His love." After a few moments, I asked him if he felt anything else and he said that he felt "like I don't have any burdens." I then asked him if he felt anything else. He said "accepted ... completely accepted." Awed by his description - especially given the depth and breadth of the damage caused by his dementia - I dared to ask one more time "do you feel anything else?" He said "peace." I again asked him what that felt like and he said "an overcoming peace." I was a bit perplexed by the use of the word "overcoming" because it didn't seem to fit and I thought he meant to say "overwhelming," but I was wrong. When I asked him to explain what he meant by an overcoming peace, this is what he said: "the peace that's in this moment, an overcoming peace that overcomes everything else so it is just peace." I have never heard a more apt description of the peace that passes understanding spoken of in the Bible. In case you are wondering how I could remember it so well, I took notes and then converted it into a kind of guided meditation that I used to help Mike feel God's presence at various times between 9-9-2009 and 1-31-2010 when God called him home.

I share this information with you in the hope that you will know that God is also taking care of your loved ones; that even when we cannot reach the heart and soul of our dearest loves to give them comfort and love, God can AND does. I was so blessed to have had the opportunity to witness and be a witness to Mike's experience of being in God's presence despite the ravages of dementia that had stolen our lives, Mike's memories of our lives together while he remained alive and trapped in his body, and so much more ... the more you each know about. Mike's description of what it felt like to be in God's presence to him here on this Earth in his disease-riddled body is amazing in and of itself. I can only imagine how wonderful, powerful, amazing, awesome, and glorious it must feel like to be in God's presence without the limitations imposed by dementia.

What God did for Mike and, frankly, for me through Mike is what God is doing for you and your loved ones ... even now, even as you read this message and wonder why you haven't had this kind of experience or as you reflect on similar experiences that you have had with your loved ones ... no matter, either way, God is with you AND your loved ones and is giving you all love, compassion, tolerance, mercy, forgiveness, and hope (yes ... hope) to strengthen you both for this time and the time to come.

As in the poem entitled "Footprints in the Sand," we all have had and will have times where we ask God "where were you when I needed you?" My message to you echos the message God gave in the poem, my dear sweet child it is at THIS time that God is carrying you, not only you but also your loved ones.

My prayer for you is for God to make His presence so obvious and so tangible to you and to your loved ones that His presence and His love for you cannot be ignored or written off as a happenstance or coincidence so you can KNOW all the way to your toes that God is with you and will never ever ever ever leave you.

Sharan*, thank you for sharing such a beautiful experience with all of us. I've already shared it with DH, with my sister, and with an aunt facing her own health problems. Thank you for the reminder that although we are going through difficult times, we are not alone, ever.

I am so glad that my post touched your heart. I hope it encouraged you to have the external confirmation that what your DH told you IS real, that God is touching his heart and giving him comfort.

I envy those of you that can maintain such a deep faith in the midst of the living hell we are all going through. Throughout my entire adult life I have been “in and out “ of my faith, but ironically I became deeply faithful about five years before my DW was diagnosed with AD. Since then, as hard as I try, I just find it soooooooo difficult to believe that there is a reason that our spouses ( and us!) are going through this ordeal and that God has not abandoned us.
Dick S

Sharan, I loved your testimony so much! I could not and would not be here if it wasn't for Gord's help. I know this "all the way to my toes". Why we have to travel this road is not for me to understand, but walk it we must, and only with His help. Thank you for sharing.

I reposted your testimony on my churches website giving you the credit, but what surprised me is no one commented.

I feel honored that you were touched enough to post my message. I believe it will reach those who are ready and able to receive the blessing and the promise God gave me through Mike to share. Even though I am sad today, I know that I know that I know that God is here ... even though I can't feel Him right now.

Sharan, I, too, am going to copy your post and pass it on. It was so beautiful ... I cried as I read it. Thank God for faith. I don't think I could go on without it. Thank God for this website and all the good people on it who suffer daily in caring for their LOs. Thank you again for sharing this profound message. I think God has used you as a messenger to give all of us hope and a reminder that he loves us and is always there with us. God Bless.

Today was the 30th anniversary of my first date with my DH (we had known each other and been friends for almost 2 years before our first date). I have been so worried about the day because it was such a big day for us and I was worried how it would feel like. You see, we always celebrated May 25th - just between us. This morning, just as I was waking up, memories from that first date flooded my mind. It was almost like I could see and feel the experience again in that still-not-quite awake blur between being asleep and being awake. I could see us riding in his truck singing to 8 track tapes, stopping at a Dennys on the way from Houston to Galveston, then us eating again at a Waffle House (funny little greasy spoons here in Texas), after which we ran down the Getty to the end - it was a race that he won but it was so much fun, we laughed and caught our breath. We stayed up all night talking and other things and watched the sun come up, then fell asleep in the sun and both got bad sun burns.

The wonder for me is that the memory came back so clear and was so filled with the emotions that day held. Today turned out to be a good day because I did my best to hold onto that memory and the joy it still holds for me. Of course, I did cry today and it wasn't an easy day, but it was not nearly as bad as I thought it would be.

I hope my experience will encourage you to remember the good times (even in unhappy marriages there were good times at some time). I also hope my experience encourages those in the "AFTER" to know the big days don't have to be big bad days. <<<HUGS TO EVERYONE>>>

buzzelena, this weekend is the 50th anniversary of the day I met my husband. I'm not sure what the date was for that particular Saturday that was just before Memorial Day. Since this year Memorial Day is actually on May 31st, I think it is likely that Saturday is the exact date of the anniversary.

I'm due for an entire year of these special days. Met him Memorial Day weekend. Got engaged the middle of August. Got married February 1961. I seem to be handling it pretty well over all.

Well I looked it up. Memorial Day 1960 was on a Monday, so TODAY is the 50th anniversary of meeting my husband. We met "cute". I went on a blind date with someone else. We went out on a triple date and my husband was out with a friend of mine. They weren't boyfriend and girlfriend. Just friends who had nothing to do that Saturday night and decided to go to the movies downtown in Manhattan. Better than staying home. She gave him my phone number.

Oh my. I'm in a wave of sadness right now. What should have been a year of celebration is going to be rather lonely instead.

Congratulations! Last Tuesday was the 30th anniversary of my first date with Mike. I tried to focus on the memory of our first meeting and not on the fact he couldn't remember it last year or really the year or 2 before that (we had always celebrated May 25th as a special day). Our first date was the day I graduated from high school. I had invited Mike as a friend and we were going to drive from Houston to Galveston in the middle of the night for the fun of it. Mike showed up in a 3 piece blue jean suit! So 1980! That was the first time I had ever seen him dressed up (he wore grunge before grunge was cool). My philosophical, kind, understanding, loving, wise friend was actually handsome! I had no idea! <hehe> We changed into more comfortable clothes after a brief "celebration" with my family and friends and hopped in his old Chevy pickup truck. His truck had a camper, his camper hid a full size bed, 2 tiny night stands, and a small chest of drawers. I had no idea so much could fit in the back of a pickup. I remember driving down to Galveston singing along with 8 track tapes of Bob Dylan, Janice Joplin, Kris Kristoferson (sp), and many others. We ate at an all night diner (a Waffle House) that was across from one of the getties in Galveston (think pier, but large blocks of cement piled up and extending out into the Gulf of Mexico with lights sprinkled along the path). We walked out on the getty, saw a man fishing (he had caught a few), and then raced to the end of the getty. Mike won, but that was ok. We were laughing out loud and enjoying the beauty of the stars unmarred by the city lights. We talked for hours and watched the sun come up, walking on the beach. We left Houston friends and fell in love along the way (or realized we were in love, depending on your point of view).

Remembering that first date helped me make it through the day and is still encouraging me and lifting me up. The love that blossomed on that day transformed my life forever and will always be there for me. It helps me to remember the essence of the love, its feel and texture, to re-experience the joy and the feeling of the love we share and that continues to live in me. I believe my Mike is now bathed and clothed in not only our love in its purest form, but also in God's love. I don't know what we do after, but I do believe that the love and connections we make in this lifetime continue in the next - transformed, no longer physical, but nevertheless just as real as the air we breathe and the furniture we are sitting on.

I hope this encourages us all during the dark hours, days, weeks, months, and years of caring for our loved ones, watching them move from this life to the next, and discovering the new person that we are that emerges from the darkness into a new life. We all had different plans, different ideas of how things would go, but life rarely (if ever) goes the way we think it should. The key, to me, is to find a way to let go of what I had planned so I can let go of the loss of "what should have been" or "what I wanted" or "what we had planned" so I can discover who I am and what is here in this life for me. Mike has moved on, he was no longer needed here or God had finished with the work He was doing in Mike here or needed Mike for something else (I don't know), but I do know God isn't done with me yet here in this life. I have no idea what is next, but I am opening to the possibilities of life, love, joy, and peace. I don't have them yet, but I invite them into my life and into my being and will welcome their presence. I hope you can too.

<<<HUGS>>>

Thank you Sharan* for bringing this up again. I had never seen this & I so appreciate your testimony. My husband & I are both people of faith, but he has not talked about it for a few years now. I know it's still in there somewhere. The other day, we came SO close to being broadsided in the car (through no fault of mine, thank goodness), but at the very last moment the other driver regained control (going waaay too fast!) & missed us. Dan said "thank you, Lord"......
Maybe some day I'll be able to ask him the same questions you asked of your hubby.
Again, thanks!

Sharan,

Thank you for sharing such a beautiful story.
I hope you have found peace and happiness.

I, too, thank you, Sharon, for your most beautiful post. A couple years ago I asked my dh if he knew Jesus and he said that he did. I continued on to ask him about his salvation and I am quite sure that he accepted Jesus as his personal Savior that day - this makes me very happy.

I am so glad to see the huge response to your wonderful posting here. It has evoked many wonderful, albeit sad, memories for many. For me, it reminded me that the best is truly yet to come for all of us, not just our loved ones. I've always said that dying is hardest on the living. I know that when my beloved dh passes into the hands of the Lord, he will be free and accepted and have true peace. It will take me a bit longer to recover from his loss than him to adjust to heaven