Well, it is all I can do to manage my highs and lows this week. My DH is going downhill this week in what he can remember to do (I know it may seem small, but one of the several things is that he couldn't remember to wear his seat belt or how to fasten it; another is to shut the door completely so that it doesn't reopen on its own) and he seems confused more - but I'm still going to try to let him keep his independence a little longer. A close friend and classmate of my husband that we had grown up with passed away and his funeral is this morning. A classmate of mine also passed away and his funeral is tomorrow. So help me, I can't attend either service - my emotions could not handle it.
On top of all of that he insisted on voting yesterday, and even though I took him to vote, and they have a sheet to sign for assistance in voting so that I could go to the booth with him, I don't think he fully understood any more. I'll try to make certain that he doesn't have the television on next election day! Then I won't have to refuse to take him. I don't even think he should vote absentee - by November I doubt that he will be able to do so.
I am afraid that our trip this weekend (a 5 hour drive to our best friends) will be our swan song on going there, and our one hour flight to Houston to see our children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren will be his last flight. Maybe I'm just down right now. If I talk, I'm afraid I'll cry.
I just needed to express myself here at JP's....and maybe when I read back over this after it is posted, my life won't seem as bad as it feels right now.
Mary i hope your trip goes well for you both. my husband just loves to travel in the car and look at all the activity outside. Hope yours does well too. we took a 11hr drive from tx to kansas city a couple of yrs ago and he just loved it and was my copilot the whole way and my mom who went was amazed how well he did driving there and at the wedding. so stay positive, the anxiety of it all may be worse than the bite so to speak, hope you have a great time and remember to request that wheelchair at the airport when you travel like wa s mentioned it can save lots of time and effort for the AD loved one and you when you have to pass thru security. my best to you, Divvi
Mary, I was in tears last week because my husband was quite a bit more confused than usual. This week, he's doing better again. Hopefully, your husband's current problems are one of the lows, and he'll be back up higher soon.
I was miserable and didn't have two funerals to deal with. Poor lady. No wonder you're so blue.
Despite his confusion, my husband does surprisingly well on travel (better than I do, especially on air travel) and like divvi's he seems very happy riding along in a car no matter where we're going and is a great copilot ... so maybe your husband will be like mine and like divvi's, and you'll be able to travel for quite some time to come.
Remember to take that letter along, explaining your husband's AD. Tuck it in your purse right now.
We'll all have our fingers crossed, and look forward to your stories about how good the trips were and how glad you were you went.
This is probably not the right topic. Everyone , the doctors, friends, support services say that you must look after yourself first. Tell me, how does one do that when you have no family, friends are scarce, and it is a 24/7/365 job. I was so excited when Veterans Affairs agreed to provide some support and our social services and volunteers had suppport to offer. Today I was shattered as no one wants to provide services where there is the possibility of anger and abuse. I told them that the anger was only directed at me, but that didn't change the situation. DH would never go to a residence. So it's just me to look after us as best we can.I take an hour every morning to shower, put on make up, fix my hair as I can't lose everything and become a slob.I'm close to burn out. Well I know there's no help. Thanks for listening.
Is there not medication that he can take that will control his behaviour? I know when we have a client that is aggressive we have an order for medication to give him to calm him down.
Hes on prozac and that helps a bit. He also takes medication for cholosterol, high BP, heart disease and other medications may interfere with those. THe anger is not there all the time.Just a week away form it all would be heaven.
You may need to consult with a neurologist or alz specialist to determine which drug may be a good choice for the outbursts of anger your husband is having. when my DH went thru that phase i also had no choice but to subdue him or intern him so we put him on zyprexa for a few months til it passed. he was easier to manage and slept more then.luckily he moved into a more docile stage. you shouldnt have to be denied help due to his behaviour and need to express this to his physician that you are at burnout stage and need relief asap. there are other AD patients with cardiac issues that are under control out there so i cant believe there is no med out there that could help you. you may not have to use it for long anyway but mellow him out some so you can get the needed services. if you burnout then will he be in a Nursing facility anyway - good luck to you, Divvi
We just came back from our trip back up to New York. It was very good to see everyone and my husband's sons finally spent some time with him and see where he is, but it became very tough on my husband. He didn't know me when we got there and that continued for 2 days. And now that we're back, he's "looking" for me again. I'm hoping that will wear off. He peed in the bed again last night---I am really going to try the depends tonight. I need to get a full night's sleep without getting up and trying to help him go to the bathroom. He's becoming combative when I try to get him to sit on the toilet at night, anyway. Right now, if I try to get him to sit, he becomes very short with me and tells me that he can do what he wants. He just keeps walking around, moving things, and muttering. It's a little scary now that he's not just sitting and dozing off, especially since he seems to be losing his good nature. If this continues, I'm going to insist that our neurologist give me something to calm him down. We go back to see him in 2 weeks and he says he doesn't want to give him anything if he can avoid it. But he can come and follow him around the house and take the nasty comments then!
Anna, when I called the Alzheimer's Association hotline, and again when I talked to the two social workers (regional and local), all three of them made a point of making sure that I understood that if things got violent that I was to dial 911.
I don't really have to deal with much in the way of anger issues. The "fight" over the car keys a couple of days ago was the first time he has even raised his voice, but I'm very sensitive to even that much "violence." Still, if I got scared, at all, I'd dial 911.
Have you called the Alzheimer's Association hotline? Explain that you are almost at the end of your rope and need help. Maybe your local chapter has some answers for you. And if nothing else, it is someone to talk to who understands when you really need someone to TALK to.
Yes, I know about calling 911.I have not had to do that. Last fall I sat in the car until the rage passed. Thats when he was put on prozac.I called our local Alzheimer Society and they advised me to call 911. There are days when he is very quiet and calm. Also I don't think he would be angry with anyone else. However, if its "on the file" I can understand that one has to be careful.I'm still hoping some daycare program will take him . I have just sold the house, closing date end of July.I don't know if "we" will move into the city , into assisted living of some sort or DH will go to live with his daughter across the country.I know I can't continue to be the sole caregiver. I have difficult decisions to make.
Anna, they all are hard decisions. Take care of yourself. It was interesting that half of the material in the first packet of stuff I've gotten from the Alzheimer's Association was about taking care of the caregivers.
I feel for you...I know that my husband don't like any change of his routine...it just set him off...you got to keep the same routine keep it quiet be loving and talk soft to him..poor guy must be very confused... Some how you have got to get some life of your own.l.that is a must..I am going to visit a support group on Thursday not to far from where I live..hope I can get some advise and support myself..a friend is going with me...hope my son will be around to stay with his dad while I go..we are working with that... Look on line where there are support groups in your area...JOY
Oh yeah, my husband needs his routine. Unfortunately his routine used to include his going out for newspapers (4 in addition to the one I have delivered) BEFORE breakfast. I've managed to make it AFTER his breakfast, which is good since I am now the person driving and my eyes aren't open for at least half an hour after I get up.
But I've noticed that as long as we do most things at the same time every day, things work out well.
I haven't tried an in-person support group yet. I know that would be a good thing, but the nearest one meets right at our supper time, and that would not be a good thing to disrupt. AND in the winter it would mean driving at night. I stopped doing that years ago, almost certainly because of cataracts. (I had surgery in both eyes last year, but had to have had them for a decade from everything I've ever read. I was never told while we lived in California because the insurance company wouldn't have let me have the surgery there.)