This morning G told me he felt we should look for a place for him to live..placement. I was in shock, to say the least. We had an overnight guest, so the discussion hasn't progressed, but he seems very sincere and lucid about this. I briefly told him that we weren't ready to do this, and the cost is prohibitive to do it out of the blue. We'll see what happens with this topic later today.
That is amazing. Since he mentioned this, if he is able, maybe this would be the time to engage him in the search and interviewing places for "down the road". For something so out of the blue, I wonder what made him think of this? Any insight would be of immeasurable value.
Very interesting. The husband of one of my friends has FTD, and he is very realistic about the situation. He has told her exactly where he wants to go when he becomes too much for her to care for. Another friend has a husband with AD, and he has told her he doesn't want her to kill herself taking care of him - he has told her which places are acceptable to him.
I agree with Mimi. If he brings it up again, let him be involved in the search for places, and then leave it be. We can't predict how he will react when it really is time for placement.
Mimi, those who have periods of lucidity do think about it and most want to keep their spouse from having to go through what we all are going through...they think it will be better for their spouse if they go to a NH. That's what makes it doubly hard to do....that they are putting you first.
Most ask for promises that they WON'T be put in a home. Several of our group here made that promise to their spouse and kept it!!!!
Some didn't have a choice. Violence makes it a necessity to place them. Also the health of the caregiver.
Each person has to decide based upon their own situation and funds. The money is the main one for me. $4,000 a month for most nursing homes is prohibitive to most of us. A great selling point for long term care policies!
Very good points about checking around now..depressing surely, but valid. I would favor a Foster Care situation if possible, rather than NH. The cost of NH care in Oregon is well over $5000/month. We do have LTC insurance, but a 90 day "deductible" which amounts to $20,000 + before it kicks in...and then will only pay for three years! Crazy, but when he took it out, we were sure we wouldn't need it..right??
Kathy37 - could be with the guest last night he realize how having someone around affects him. Maybe he thought of how much that limits your social life and thus the reason for bringing it up. In some lucid moment he must have realized some things. I would bring it up under a casual conversation. You can say something like: I would like to keep you home for the duration of this disease, but if not do you have any request for where you would like to be? Ask is if he would like to check out some places so you would know what he would be comfortable at and it would take some stress off you by knowing this. With my hb I start off with just a casual conversation to get to the hard topic.
As others said, it is wise to do some planning now instead of waiting until the last moment. My hb would most likely go to a VA facility so they would have a lot to say about it. But my hb has already said he does not want me to 'kill' myself caring for him like his mom did caring for his dad who still 'exist' on.
We had others for dinner last night as well, and he was always the one to clean up the entire kitchen after I'd made some elaborate thing, so I'm sure he was thinking and watching. He also is falling constantly now and destroying things in the process. Yesterday we had to repair a pocket door he had fallen against. It took most of the day to be repaired at some $$$ which definitely got thru to him. These things do add up...we'll see what our next discussion brings. He normally leaves the room when I'm there...no talking generally. Very weird....opposite of past times.
Are all your legal ducks in a row, Kathi? At least you can do THAT while he's still able to sign things like DPOA and will and POA, etc etc. And talk to an elderlaw lawyer - you know the drill.
Yes, all of the above was taken care of some time ago..we are in the wait and see mode now. Too early to try and pick a place as I don't know where I will be, but i predict he will be moved at least once when the time comes. Our kids are planning a move, so I need to see where they will be and that will decide my location. I do want to stay in our home as long as possible..paid for and in good shape for now.