Please can someone comment about the drastic change that has taken place when we moved two weeks ago to be closer to the kids. The move was only 30 miles but my DH has taken a drastic slide downward. His memory has worsened. He is having terrible mood swings. He is like a different person. Is this the way it is going to be from now on or will things go back to where we were???
it is very commom for a big downslide to occur when moving. all the confusion and change causes it. i'm on cell phone now - can,t look up my moving blogs, but you can find them in previous blog section on home page. summer 2009. sid eventually settled down.
I am home now, and I looked up the blogs. Most of them from last summer are about getting ready to move, but this one is about what happened to Sid when we did move. I think you will find it very helpful.
JudithKB, I don't remember which discussion it was in, nor when, after almost three years here and thousands of discussions, it is difficult to keep everything straight. However, the gist of it from those who had moved was that it really upset the applecart, big time.
Alzheimer's Disease creates its own anxiety (which, in turn, leads to Shadowing, Sundowning, Nail biting, rages, crying bouts, and walking away trying to get "home" - to name a few). Adding a move to the mixture, they suggested have familiar objects in each room so that it will seem the same, watch the same TV shows, try to keep to the schedule he had prior to the move, etc. - in other words, try to keep the "changes" to a minimum. If he doesn't wear a cell phone with a GPS, I would get one and put it on his belt if he can still walk - that way you can find him if he decides to "go home" when you turn around for a split second - especially if you take him to a store with you.
After a couple of weeks, he should settle back down, but the anxiety (especially if he doesn't want you out of his sight - for fear you are leaving him) will take a while to diminish. The "mood swings" are his way of dealing with his anxiety.
Note....this is from what I remember of our prior discussions on this topic.....I haven't experienced it myself.....
Judith, my dh was has sometimes been very confused after spending a week away from home, but gradually recovers to the state before the travel. Hopefully the same will be true for you after your move.
Thanks for all the replies. Joang...you described to a "T" the reaction my DH is having to the move. It is frightening...but, I am trying to remain calm and take it just one day at a time.
My children have been after me to buy a cottage at a retirement village, after reading these comments I think I've made the right decision to stay put,maybe a couple years ago my husband could have adjusted but it is too late now.We would have to give up the dog and that would be too upsetting for him,he lives for that dog.Also.he is not a people person.Have I made the right decision or will I regret it later on
Today is really bad. He totally screwed up his computer. I have limited knowledge about the computer and I can't figure out what he did. This is a man who in his previous job taught computers to fellow co-workers. He seems to be going down hill daily and looks so bad. I am getting frightened. He refuses for me to take him to a doctor and honestly, don't know what a doctor could do for him.
If the moving had this same affect on others....please tell me if they improved or if this is the "new" dh and I have to learn to live with it.
As you said about the blog- my husband's experience with moving was the same as yours. He DID settle down once everything was unpacked, and he got into a new routine. He continues to decline slowly, but we haven't experienced the complete breakdown that occurred during the move.
Judith--the move sounds like it has put your husband in a state of high stress. From what I have read, if a move is made it is best to do it very early or very late in the disease. Remember, our LO's are struggling to cope even under the best of circumstances. I agree, I don't know what a doctor would do for him. Hang in there, as time goes by I think he'll adjust and bounce back.
Judith, I made a move - about a mile to a new house - in later stage - wouldn't have made any difference if it was 30 miles. He and my 90 year old Mother both had difficulties with the move but after about 3 weeks we all made it through. What I did was - I completely put myself at their "beck and call". Just sat with them and tried to smooth out things when they couldn't find something, cooked things they liked to eat and sympathized with their complaints. They would both come out of a room and forget which way to go. I did not try to rearrange the house any more than it was initially. They would ask my "why did you do this?"
You had a good reason to move and don't beat yourself up about it. Being nearer to your family will make it easier for all in the long run. It was definitely a good choice for us to make. Things will get better. Hang in there.
On the computer.....go back and "restore" on a date a few days before he messed it up. My husband kept messing up our computer to the point that I got a laptop for protection! But I was able to keep "fixing" the desktop until he stopped using it.