My DH is still very functional but his memory is bad if non existent! Half the time I don't know what he is trying to say and the other half I am irritated/annoyed with him. He can still shower, shave and toilet, he can make himself a cup of tea or coffee and a sandwich. He sleeps a LOT and I sometimes think I might as well be alone for all the company he is.
I on the other hand am tired, tired, tired. I have no energy or ambition to do any of the things I should be doing and some things I should have done weeks if not months ago. I tell myself I will do such and such tomorrow and end up doing nothing. Anyone know of something that can give me some energy?
I know I should be thankful that DH isn't as bad as other LO's here but it is hard when you are so fed up and having a hard time even caring. I have never cried and I don't feel like I want to even now. Okay, I have vented maybe I will feel better in a while.
I found that the stage you describe was hardest for me, too, and I don't know why. I was so aware of the difference in him, the unpredictability, and the added burdens I had to carry, that I was thrown for a loop. Here are things that I did that helped: I went to doctor and told him, then followed his advice (which was to go on more medication for the chronic pain I have from ankylosing spondilitis); I exercised (sometimes swam) three times a week; went to church once a week; met with a friend or have a social outing whenever they come up, even if it meant leaving something undone; took a course at the university on my way to a degree. The days when I have nothing to look forward to but dealing with A-Z are the days I can hardly get out of bed. You're so bright, Jean 21, that I think you need to make some room for yourself to shine
Thanks for your reply mary75. Unfortunately I really HATE exercise.lol. I don't have chronic pain and do go to church once a week and also ladies circle once a month. I don't think I have the energy to shine...I don't think I could even flicker. On Monday I go to our PCP to get the results of my blood test so I can get my prescriptions renewed. After that I have decide to go to Home Depot to check on a new micro wave and fridge. Maybe that will perk me up some.
That would be good Mary if I could find clothes suitable for a 70 year old not to mention a petite size. I THINK it would be a 4 now because I lost weight and I'm working on getting some of it back. Some days it just doesn't pay to get out of bed!
Jean, have you talked to your physician about depression? Or, are you on an anti-depressant..? If so, you may need a med change. From what I understand, depression can really sap the life out of you....
I wish I had some better advice......I hope you feel better soon....
Jean21, Have you tried Coldwater Creek for clothing? They have great looks for someone your age and size. The petite clothing is even nicer than the regular sizes. My sister, who is rather plump, and I ('plumper' than I used to be!) and I go together and make a few hours of fun out of it, when I can get out to do it.
Sandi, I have 2 kinds of pills here that our PCP gave me some time ago. One is Xanax and they made me sleep the other is Cymbalta that I am supposed to take "as needed". If I remember correctly they didn't do a thing for me but I think I will try again.
Bev, I checked Coldwater online. The problem with all petites is the lengths. They all seem to be for people 5ft.2ins which is fine if you are that tall. I am not even 5 feet! I have a couple of pair of pants and blouses in my closet that need shortened and I don't have the ambition to do them. Can you believe I used to make my own clothes and if I could just motivate myself I have a stash of fabric just laying there.
Susan L* I take Centrum Silver and 1,000mcg of B12. I think what I need is SOMETHING, ANYTHING to get me moving.
I am going to have something to eat and a hot cup of tea and take the Cymbalta and see how the day goes. I thank everyone for their input/advice.
Jean 21, I can relate to your situation, except I am not a size 4. Last evening we went out with some friends. I was talking to someone I had not seen for a while and she asked me what I was doing now. I told her we mostly go to doctors and dentists. My DH can shower and dress himself( with some help from me). He can fix coffee and toast a muffin. I take care of his medications, make sure he showers, take him to countless dental appointments. As he was getting a new crown last week, DH told the dentist he thought he was getting a new tooth. It turns out he has an abscess in another tooth and needs a root canal. He is in the open label BAP study, so we go there every six weeks. He has also had some minor dermatology issues. Whenever he goes to a medical/dental appointment, I must be in the room with him, even when he gets an MRI. Last night, I had to floss his teeth, because he thought something had broken. Whatever it was the floss fixed it. Meanwhile, I am 72, have a bad knee and a bad back. I have to do everything. the other day DH said 'someone should get rid of things in the garage'. I guess I am that someone. Maybe I need an anti-depressive drug. It is so hard and he is so unaware of all I do.
I don't understand why you were told to take cymbalta as needed. My husband is on cymbalta (he has been on an antidepressant for years before FTD) and as it is an antidepressant it needs to be taken daily to keep the medication levels level in your bloodstream. Antidepressants can take 4-6 weeks to be at their full strength or before you will see a difference. Xanax is usually good for an as needed medication. If a whole pill makes you too sleepy, try cutting one in half. That is what I have had to do when I needed one to lower my anxiety level but not make me dopey.
Deb, I made a mistake it is the Xanax I was to take "as needed". I will try half a pill tomorrow because I have already taken a Cymbalta.
Mary, I know exactly what you by "someone" cleaning the garage. Even before Alz my DH always said "we" which meant ME. I think I could handle things better when I was younger and always did take care of everything. Right now I am just tired of it all. I have been paying some bills on line for my SIL in an ALF in Ohio...she has ALZ also. I am sick of her paperwork that the ALF sends to me to take care of. Yesterday I e-mailed her lawyer and asked him if he can get a guardian for her. If I can get rid of that it would be one less thing to worry about.
You definitely sound depressed. I was like that - didn't even want to get out of bed in the morning. You'll need to take the Cymbalta every day as directed for about a month. If there is no improvement in your listlessness, call the doctor and tell him. He can either adjust the dose or change the medication. Anti-depressants are like any other medication - some work for some people, but not others.
I've been on Zoloft for about 2 years (maybe less, not sure), and it has definitely helped. If I'm having a very stressful day, I will take a Xanaax as needed.
Oh, and if you need some more weight, I have plenty I can give you. I am also less than five feet, but haven't seen a size 4 in 40 years. Try finding clothes in jumbo petite. Not fun. However, I do buy capri's and wear them as slacks. That's a good trick for short women.
Jean 21, maybe your blood work results - will you have them tomorrow? - will shed some light. Fatigue goes along with hypothyroidism, and a thyroid supplement could make a big difference in a few weeks. Also this condition is more common as we get older. Really like the idea of you unloading the responsibility of SIL bookkeeping. You don't need that.
I tried Cymbalta for awhile. It is supposed to help chronic pains. The problem was that I couldn't sleep at night. I tried taking it at different times of the day with no luck. It also contributes to weight gain. I take a zanax before bedtime as it relaxes me and helps me sleep. As long as I can see the glass half full I will skip the antidepressants.
I take an antidepressant for fibromyalgia and an antianxiety drug, which helps some. But, some days nothing works and we just have to get through them as best we can, even if it means taking a day off and doing nothing around the house. That's what I'm doing today. It's raining out. I don't know if that's why my DH is acting badly or not, but when he's this way, I just get out of his way and spend the day reading or watching TV. The housework will wait until tomorrow or the next day, after we make 2 dr. appts. for him tomorrow, one two hours after the first, and the dentist the next day.
By the way, Jean 21, I bought some fabric at the beginning of last spring to make some skirts for myself'; it's still sitting on the top shelf of the closet. Don't know when I'll get around to it.
Went for the results of my bloodwork this morning and everything is fine. Spoke to the doctor about the Xanax and he said it wouldn't motivate me to do anything so I am having second thoughts about taking it. I need something to get me moving not something to make me slower than I am now. He didn't offer any alternative so I guess I will just have to push myself to get things done.
BTW, DH said a man called while I was gone wanting information about Jean (me). I don't know if it was SIL's lawyer. DH said he couldn't understand the man and the man couldn't understand him so who knows who it was. Whoever it was I hope he calls back.
Janet 21, I'm glad everything is okay with the blood tests. Maybe your inertia is due to grief. I say that because it was a stage I had to go through. My body sort of shut down in order to deal with the reality of what was happening: I was losing my husband before my very eyes (a death), and I couldn't do anything to stop it. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross says we cope with death in 5 stages: denial, anger, bargaining, grief, and finally acceptance. (Maybe someone will be along to straighten me out on her theory, but that's the way I interpret it.) Anyway, the only way through grief is through it.
mary75, I never thought about it that way, but that's a good way to put it. Grief... That's what we're feeling. I didn't feel it when we got the diagnosis, unless I was in schock at the time, but I may be feeling it now, especially when we have some good days and then all of a sudden things change and we're faced with a different person again. Where did the other spouse go? Over and over we feel this. How can it not be grief? Thank you for giving me something to think about. even though I don't think there's anything special I can do about it.
I understand how you are feeling Janet 21. My dh was diagnosed Jan. 2009. Even tho I don't always deal with the problems correctly, I thought I was doing pretty good most of the time. Well guess what? I don't think I am doing so good. My dh does not look like anything is wrong with him. He has a beautiful smile, laughing eyes and a great personality. Until he starts to talk. If there was a job that you had to guess EVERYTHING that was being said, I could get it and get rich. Poor man forgets things as soon as the finally get out of his mouth. More times than not he has to ask what the subject was because while he was trying to figure out what to say, he forgot what he was trying to talk about. I try so hard to be calm and understanding but everyday I see so much more decline in the memory department. If my dh could think as good as he could get around it would be great. He knows things he should do like his morning toiletries, but does not know where they are even when they are in open view for him. Once I get them for him he does what he needs to do. His ability to find anything is almost completely gone.
I take my little blue chill pill once a day (Zoloft) and fill that I need more of it. Yesterday I found myself getting very depressed over the smallest things. I can so relate to your feelings of not knowing who you are and where you are in this disease.
The only thing I can suggest is pray. I know it sounds silly but that is all that gets me thru this. My chill pill and my faith. Yes I am tired a lot of the time but I try not to think about it too much. When I do I know I am getting in a depressed mood. I then try to find any thing positive in our lives. I hope things get better for you and your dh but as for me and mine, our best time will come when this journey is over. Not trying to be morbid but that is how I feel. I will make the best of it for both of us, but in the mourning stage that I think I am in, this is the best I can do. May God Bless you with peace and strength.........
Move over and make room for me.... These last two days have been nothing short of strange. Right now we are sitting in the tv room..That awful movie First Blood ( Rambo) is on again..it was on last night..DH just went to get a diet soda...with whisky in it..he said it is his first and only one today. Not true. When I came home from the grocery store he had only a little left and tonight when I took the recycles out there was the empty bottle. He used to have a little before dinner drink which was ok even tho the docs said " as a treat". But now he is not remembering just how much he is drinking. And last night at nearly 9 he had a beer. I see this is making him a bit bossy. Got an email on this facebook thing and the news of a grand daughter who is getting married....strange wording so who knows the date..he starts to give orders on how to find out...call her...blah blah blah. Now he is asking who I am writing to..never cared before..just told him answring email and when he asked who I just said you don't know my email pals anyway..which he doesn't. I dont email that many since I don't have time and don't like the junk that is forwarded so when I never respond to that they finally dwindle off. Suits me. If you don't really have news to share what it the point of that silly crap. Anyway, I digress, these last few days there is no point in even trying to have a conversation. I feel ignored. Yeah I know this is part of the disease. The fact is there is no one in the house to converse with. He interacts more with the cat. It is a good thing his behaviour has a dx or I would be thinking of leaving.
DH likes to watch Cold Case so yesterday afternoon I turned on the TV and set it to the station. I went in the kitchen to chop some veg for dinner and after a while I paid attention to the TV and thought the speech sounded Spanish and not English. DH got up and stood in front of the TV and said something about the language so I went in and it was Spanish. Keep in mind he had been watching for at least 15 minutes!!!!! Checked the menu and the audio was on English but still couldn't get it on the staion. Lastnight I called the cable company because the station with the basket ball game was in Spanish also! Found out what to check because the woman told me that the problem was in the TV and not the cable and if they sent out a technician it would cost over $50.00. Explained this to DH and when I finished he asked if I have to pay $50.00. I told him "No, no one is coming out". Sometimes I wonder why I try to speak to him.
My husband and I have never drunk much in the way of whiskey or had it in the house, but we do drink wine, including sherry, every night at dinner. I have been getting the boxed wine, filling small carafes about halfway up with the wine and topping it off with water. The taste isn't great (to be polite) but he doesn't notice the difference. You might try that.
I know it's not funny when you're living with it, but between Mimi's cat, Janet 21's Spanish-speaking TV, and Charlotte and Briegull running around tampering with the booze, I got my first big laugh of the day.
If you want that tea to kick in, you can come to my house and get some of that booze and put a splash in the tea and see what can happen. It might be fun since we are starting out this morning with such a wizbang. Oh the cat is still asleep. Guess DH conversations with her wore her out, poor Ebonie...
My DH used to really love his Jack Daniels and cold beer. Over 25 years ago he stopped drinking because the doctor put him on antidepressants. He still liked a cold beer but it has been years since he drank one. A friend gave me a few bottles so I ask him if he wanted one. He took one sip and make the funniest face you have ever seen. One more sip and he said the taste was awful and did not take another sip. Alrighty then...
My DH was always the Scotch and water guy - loved his scotch. After DX and the medications he was taking, he decided on his own not to drink that, but that he would try to drink wine. Never was big on wine (I always was). I kept trying different wines - he didn't like them, finally tried Cream Sherry - bingo! He loves it - guess it's the sweetness. So, every afternoon we have our wine (he only drinks one small tumbler, with ice in it. I still love my Merlot! LOL
mimi, My DH likes a glass of brandy at night,but sometimes he forgets he has had one and has two or three. So, I take the brandy and dilute it with water. He has not noticed. He gets upset if I call him on having too many. We do what we have to do.
My husband hasn't had a alcoholic drink in over 27 years, but I like a glass of wine a couple of times a week. A few weeks ago I walked into the kitchen and found him drinking out of an open wine bottle he had found in the refrigerator. I was like OMG what are you doing? He said he was just thirsty. Now I have to make sure he doesn't see any open bottles. This is a man who when he did drink NEVER drank wine or beer.
My grandmother died of Alz many years ago. Early on she went through a stage where she had her first drink of the evening over and over again every evening. My mother solved that problem by buying my grandmother non-alcohololic wine. What I heard was that she never noticed the difference. I've never heard of non-alcoholic whiskey, though they do sell beer. Buy you could water the whiskey.
I had the drinking problem with dh where he was drinking much more than was good for him -- mostly wine. Now however he has forgotten. He doesn't drink anything unless we have visitors or are out for a meal and then he likes a glass of red wine. But the drinking problem solved itself; he has simply forgotten that he liked to drink every evening.