I just got back from a short, 4 day trip to visit a friend in Phoenix. It was much needed. I was stressed beyond belief, and getting away was wonderful. I made sure that DH had all the care he needed, and I wasn't worried about him at all. Until I starting phoning him to check on him. The first few times, he was rather distant and distracted. On the third day he started calling me "Mom". I didn't know if he was kidding or not, so I let it go. He seemed to be having a hard time keeping up with the conversation, but that happens when I'm home. The thing that freaked me out was he continued to call me Mom. When I got home last night, he greeted me at the door, but looked as if he didn't know me. I tried to give him a hug, and he backed away. He gave me a tentative hug, and after about an hour, he seemed to come around as to who I was, but still seemed confused. Has anyone else experienced this? Is it a sort of "out of sight, I forget you" kind of thing? I'm really concerned about this. Any thoughts or experiences would be appreciated! Thanks for being there!
My husband told me one time when he was in stage 4/maybe early stage 5 that if he didn't see someone for a long time, he didn't know who they were. I saw evidence of that so I do think he was right on with the comment. So, yes, this can happen.
Diane V, every time you go away, when you return they will be different. You notice it more because you are not seeing the everyday changes. PLUS, do you have pets who either great you gladly on your return or sulk and "make you suffer for leaving them" for a day or two? You get both with your spouse. I get my husband a chocolate malt (his favorite) as a "prize" when I come home, and he doesn't stay distant for more than a day. After two or three days, our routine picks back up. (A child and pet both want you to know that they didn't like you leaving them - and so it is with your AD spouse!) <grin>
WHETHER YOU GO OR STAY, THEY ARE GOING TO GET WORSE. SO GO!!!! We have to have respite! We must get relief from our stress to be better caregivers. DO NOT LET HIM (OR HER) PUT A GUILT TRIP ON YOU FOR TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF SO THAT YOU CAN TAKE CARE OF THEM.
I hope you had a great time....and one more piece of advice: DON'T CALL WHILE GONE! You need to stop THINKING about caregiving when you are away. Relax! You have left him in competent hands, and if something does go wrong, they will call you.
Remember, flexibility is our new name..........I'm not trying to be hard on you or anyone...just trying to give you the benefit of my experience and save you from some of the pitfalls along the way.....
I really have no experience with this, but this is rather comical - and I was due for a chuckle today - and sad too. I can leave my DH for an hour or two - no problems. Today, I went for a hair cut/style. I was gone 1-1/2 hours. I called him when I left the salon to tell him I was on my way home. He said, "Oh, I'm so happy to hear that! I didn't know if you were coming back today." When I got home, he got up and hugged me like he hadn't seen me forever. He told me how happy he was I was FINALLY home and he hoped I was going to stay there. It was funny - but I guess it might be nearing the time that I may not be able to leave him a couple of hours. We'll see how it goes. But now, he's in the best mood in awhile!
When I went to TX to get the house ready for my parents when they returned from their summer in Iowa, my mom got out of the car, looked at me, put her hands on my face and said " Oh my beautiful baby boy". That was a real blow as my brother was always her favorite. I did the grunt work. I dread the day my DH does not know me.