Many times when DH first wakes, he acts more "normal" than at any other time. This happens at night as well as naps. Sometimes when I pull his blanket a litte closer around him he wakes briefly, smiles and talks the way he once did. Has anyone else had this happen? It is so weird, but so welcome. Its his old smile, his old voice, his old words. Sometimes I want to cry because I know that when he is fully awake those moments will be gone. But then I sometimes call our phone from the cell phone just to here his voice on the recorder. His "other lifetime" voice. I miss him. You can probably tell...this has not been one of my better days...
My dh is at his best in the mornings also. He will greet me with a "hey beautiful or hi sweetie". I too miss my dh "other lifetime voice". I miss the way he used to run into the house after work, as if he couldn't wait to see all of us. I really miss the sparkle in his eye and the certain way he used to look at me. Now days when he is overly tired or the "fog" is heavy he thinks I'm trying to kill him and his newest statement is that I'm beating him! Deep down I know this is not him; he has already forgotten what he said 2 seconds later. I am the memory keeper now-
I truly believe that is the worst thing about this dementia thing...we don't lose our spouse once like if they had a heart attack or cancer.....we lose them over and over again.....
My DW is at her worst in the morning. She takes sleeping pills and is always very slow in the morning. She is probalbly at her best late morning. The late afternoon she tires and goes to bed by 8:00 pm She really only has a few hours per day that she is really at her best.
Those few moments..or more, are so sweet but overshadowed by what we know will come later. Thank God for those here that understand when I share these thoughts.
its almost like a ray of sunshine that appears during a rain storm. there for a fleeting minute then gone and gray again,? these moments STILL occur even in last stages for us too. a phrase or spoken word that lets you know they are 'back' for an instant. i think the brain is fresh and not overly stimulated early upon awakening and has time to regenerate and oxygenate during sleep. maybe so. at any rate whenever it happens be glad and enjoy these special moments!. good phrase, memory keeper divvi
My DH is not good in the morning. If I happen to sleep a little longer than he does, he gets very confused and eats lunch instead of breakfast, doesn't take his meds. So, If I have had a bad night, trouble sleeping, I try to be the first one up. As for when he is good, it is when he is with others like old friends or our kids.
My DH is very good mornings. Most days, you'd never know there is anything wrong. So, all of our activities are planned for mornings only. After lunch, things start to go downhill - although not really bad, but the repetitive questions, etc. Then he plays his games on the laptop most of the afternoon - rarely, if ever, naps. At 5:30 we have a glass of wine and I start preparing dinner. Sometimes, he wants to help me, but can't quite get it together. After dinner he will take the dog for short walk, then go up to get in the bed - around 7:30. He may watch a little tv, but goes to sleep fairly early and sleeps most nights fine. Then the next day, we start all over! So, long story short, I mostly have my old husband in the mornings - but then he changes into someone else later in the day. I hate this disease!
I know what you mean about his "other lifetime" voice. I used to call home to hear DH's voice on the answering machine. I cried when I somehow erased it and knew it was gone forever. I tried to hard to bring it back! I knew I'd never hear it again.
At the NH, he'll sometimes be lucid enough to say "I love you" back, or "Hi, how are ya?", sort of like an automatic response. But mostly, his language is garbled, incoherent. Still, I do cling to brief moments of the "old him" showing through.