The other day I was driving down the road and we got into a traffic jam. Thankfully I wasn't going very fast because of the traffic jam but my DH got very agitated and wanted out of the car like ASAP and while I was still crawling opened the door and got out. I couldn't talk him out of it and I couldn't do anything because I had to watch the traffic. He opened the door and got out, someone who was watching it happen that knows us said that he was not very happy at all. He looked very upset,my DH,that is. What should I do? My first inclination is to not have him in the car with me anymore but that is not practical. Sometimes he has to be in the car with me or we won't go anywhere. The other thing is to have him ride in the back because the doors lock automatically. That won't work either because so far he knows how to unlock the door anyway and if he is in the back it would be even harder to control what he does. The last thing I thought of was whenever the two of us are in the car together have someone else entirely drive us wherever we need to go. What ideas can ya'll come up with that I haven't thought of?
What a scary thing to have happened. Do you have the child safety lock on the back doors engaged? Then he would not be able to unlock the door while in the backseat. I know mine are engaged on the car because whenever I have someone riding in the backseat and the doors were locked, I have to open the door from the outside for them. Also do not let him sit directly behind you in the car. It is to easy for him to grab your arm, etc. which would be dangerous also.
From Wikipedia:
Child safety locks are built into the rear doors of most cars to prevent rear seat passengers from opening the doors both during transit and while the vehicle is stationary; vehicles have been built with this feature since the early 1980s. The lock is typically engaged via a small switch on the edge of the door that is only accessible when the door is open. Some cars implement the locking mechanism as a rotary device which must be turned with the vehicle key, this design prevents "sticky fingered" passengers from disabling the lock as they enter the vehicle. In both designs the lock is completely inaccessible, especially to the passenger, when the door is closed. When the child lock is engaged, the interior handle is rendered useless, usually by disconnecting the handle from the latch mechanism, this allows full movement of the handle but denies door release. In this state the passenger cannot open the door from the inside and is effectively "locked in", the passenger can only be released by someone lifting the outside handle. Some vehicles implement window-locking mechanisms as well.
We can buy taxi vouchers here in Vancouver, Canada, and they are economical (we're being urged, as seniors, not to drive). We also have Handydart - I've never used it but my friends have and say it's good. I found, like you, that I could not drive and watch my husband, too. Your doctor's office can steer you in the right direction to get these perks.
Thank you so much for the info about the lock deb112958, now all I have to find out is if it can be installed in a 1982 car. It was scary to have to drive and watch what my DH does and now when he is in the car I have no idea what he is going to do. When I tell his dr. what happened I hope he can give me some ideas on what to do. mary75, I think Canada has the right idea about seniors not driving, of course there would be a lot of complaining about that here. I have never met anyone that gave up driving without a fight. I really need to get child safety locks. Our doors automatically lock when the car is going but anyone can just lift up the lock and get out whenever they want to. That is not very safe. Up until now he has been reasonably able to handle but I am not able to reason with him anymore so I am learning new ways of handling old problems. All I can say is that I am glad that you are all here to talk to and bounce ideas off of.
How scary,my AH hasn't tried that yet but I will be on the alert because he coes get agitated with slow traffic.we do have safety locks on the car but not the pickup.Also,we don't live in a high traffic area unless you count the horse and buggies which can slow up traffic especially if you get behind one on a hill.
Here in CA seniors can also get taxi chits. My sister has used them, she gets them at the senior center. Both she, now 88, and my DH husband gave up driving w/out a fuss. My DH was still aware enough to tell me that if he got in an accident, even if not his fault, we'd be wiped out when they saw his medical records. From the stories I've heard, I'll be forever grateful. Sorry, Joan, I think Sid's attitude is more common, & DH was into race cars, etc, always drove from time he was 12. There are also govt run jitney buses/vans, I used them to get DH back & forth to day care. It was very cheap, less than $2 I think, but can't remember, prices change anyway. I've forgotten the program name, but it was supposed to be in most communities. DH would also try to get out of the car while I was driving--just scarey--really scarey. I always kept the doors locked, I don't think he remembered how to pull up the lock, but he'd grab at the handle. Usually wanted to talk w/another driver--whatever. I'd be afraid w/some to have them behind me while driving. There were times when I asked someone to ride with us.
deb42657- I have had that problem with my dw for several years now. When she gets agitated, she will start screaming, hitting, bang the dash with her feet,try to rip out anything that she can grab , and then tries to open the door. She has actually broken the door handle once and It is beyond scary, and you have to learn how to not let it distract you from driving. I have all the safety locks in the car, but somehow she manages to unlock the door and open it. Occasionally she can't, but will lower the window and try to climb out. It is impossible to concentrate on traffic, and the wisest thing is to pull over as quickly as possiblle. My dw usually will jump out of the car and start running, oblivious to traffic, and any danger. Many times, she has done that in a city where I am not familiar with the neighborhoods, and I will park and follow where she goes. When she sees me, she starts running carelessly, so I have learned to watch from a distance and keep her in sight. I previously would try to follow her with the car, but when she runs across a 4 lane highway, it is impossible to react quick enough to prevent it, and sometimes it is impossible to make a u-turn and chase after her. A few times it happened in a questionable neighborhood, and I was so scared for both of us. Sometimes she was so agitated that she would run towards a car, bang on their door, and ask for a ride... My advice is this: pull over immediately, as safely as you can. The danger of an accident at 70 mph is far greater than the danger at 2mph. MY dw has actually grabbed the steering wheel at 70mph, and her grip was so strong that it took all ALL my strength to keep the car on the road... She would not let go, and I somehow managed to stay in a straight line and stop the car. She has no fear and no understanding of safety,l but again my advice is to keep yourself and others safe. Try to ignore what is happening, and stop the car as carefully as you can, and protect your safety first. Then you worry about their safety. I hate so sound fatalistic, but your safety has to come first. I keep reminding myself "What is the worse thing that can happen? that she has a serious accident?? She has a progressive terminal fatal disease, and she might die before she gets a chance to enjoy stage 7 of alzheimer's? You have to become selfish and think of you first. After all, you are the caregiver and You are the most indespensible thing to your spouse. Any injury to you will affect your spouse, so Deb stay safe first. Protect yourself. What happens to your spouse is secondary. And do not drive when your spouse is agitated. I have occasionally sat on the side of the road for long periods, refusing to drive until the episode finished. Try to think of your passenger as a child in the back seat who has just lit a stick of dynamite....your natural reaction would be to stop the car...Think like a truck driver with a load of gasoline...he is litterally driving a bomb, and his primary thought is avoiding an accident. I truly hope this helps, and I know it is difficult. Been there done that many times, and I understand how you feel..Scared out of your mind!!! A suggestion for you..I mostly drive in the right lane now, and am always looking for a safe spot to pull over. I fear large intersections because those are the worse if she manages to jump out. Be Prepared, and constantly try to locate a safe zone......and of course, you will have to limit your trips and excursions. Deb, I am so sorry you have to go through this....I know how you feel...like a train wreck....
if you dont have backseat child safety locks that cant be opened and a good seat belt its going to be very hard to keep them contained.
as far as allowing them to get out of the car and observe what happens there is the question of if they cause an accident and OTHERS are injured due to her/your negligence. there are medications that can definately help with this type of aggitation and out of control behaviour. its for your safety and theirs and as a caregiver- responsiblity falls on our shoulders to make sure everyone is safe . divvi
This was a huge problem with my husband almost from the beginning of his illness. The first time it happened a nice cop came along as I was crying and begging him to get back into the car. He must of still recognized what a cop was because he got back in the car. I have done as Frank has done too. After the first time he got out, I could read the signs and when he started hitting the dash and waving his arms, I would pull over into a safe place and let him out to walk. One time while traveling with his family we had to pull into a truck stop and spent over an hour following him around in a pouring rain. Finally, the last months he was at home, I did not take him unless I had to and then I put him in the back seat on the passenger side, in his seat belt (he couldn't unfasten the belt) and engaged the child locks on the doors. The funny thing is that I never asked for advice on this matter here. I never dreamed that others had the same problem and could offer advice. Why is it that so many of us feel that our spouses do things that others do not.
My dw has stated many times that walking helps her with her confusion and agitation, so I let her walk, run, crawl, scream until she is calmed down. I occasionally will take out my 697 caliber tranquilizer gun, loaded with enough tranquilzer meds to sedate a herd of elephants, and that works well..lol My sense of humor helps me greatly.....most people take alzheimers much too seriously....yes it is terminal, fatal sad, heartbreaking, phrustrating, nerve racking, but I find that if I laugh at it, everything else becomes trivial, and I maintain my strength to cope with it....and sometimes, the laughter is enough to end the agitation or to change the subject....
I have to agree with Phranque ,if I make a humorus thing out of AH mistkes he doesn't get so frustrated and neither do I. He laughs a lot more than he did when the disease hit him.Laughing helps both of us copeand my irish and bartending background has given me a great sense of humor
I haven't had the misfortune of my DH trying to escape from the car, but we do have the door locks and I don't think he can unlock them. I agree with Carolyn, Phranque. I don't know how you do it. I wish I had the sense of humor you have. My sister does. She has had a difficult life and sometimes she'll laugh when she should be crying. She says the same thing Phranque does. She says if she doesn't laugh, she will cry, and she'd rather laugh... She is so strong...
If I only made 1 person laugh besides myself each day, then it is a great day...I find humor (and stupidity) in every situation, and I have the bad taste of laughing during funerals....... Years ago, when pepsi cola had a slogan that said "Come Alive", I made the mistake of forgetting to remove the pin on button on my jacket...It was the most talked about event at the funeral....and everyone smiled like crazy....My dad worked for Pepsi Cola for 25 years and had given me that pin when I was a teen I think....I always had it on my suit, and forgot to remove it....But it seemed to be appreciated by all, and the reverend even made reference to it during his eulogy....Go figure,...and I did NOT do it on purpose..... And Now I cannot stand Pepsi, and prefer coke...(and not the kind you snort)
You might try a heavy duty shock cord and after your LO is in the car, hook one end to the door handle (assuming it is a loop type) and the other end to the back door handle. True, they might lower the window and unhook their end, but with power windows, you can disable his window switch with the 'lock' or 'disable' switch on your side. And if they can open the door enough to unhook the cord, at least it would give you time to move over to the shoulder and stop the car. If the cord is strong enough and very tight, I doubt the door could be opened enough for him to get his arm out to reach the handle.
Oh, TJ! When you said shock cord, I was thinking of the leash I used to use on my big unruly dog - the shock collar! I was thinking, well, I guess that would WORK...!!
deb42657 you mentioned pulling up the lock. If you have that type, there is the possibility you can unscrew the lock cap just leaving the screw there. Depending on how much is left, they can be hard for big, adult hands to grasp. If the door is locked there is very little screw sticking up to grasp. You can still lock/unlock the door with the key. If this is possible it would at least slow him down giving you time to pull over.
I use my heavy duty quad power taser set on maximum.....Do not waste your money...it does not work! and with my dw, I let her roll down the window because it is better than watching her hitting it and trying to break it....also, when the window starts coming down, you have about 5 seconds warning to pull over...
Wow, when I first encountered this problem I didn't think that it would be such a widespread problem with our LO's! I didn't even consider that it could happen at all until it happened. It is almost like for that period of time he doesn't realize that he is in the car, he just knows that where he is he doesn't want to be and he doesn't understand why he couldn't just leave whenever he wants to. Frank, thank you for all your good ideas, they will help a lot I am sure. Charlotte, the knobs can be taken off but that would only work if he sits in the back seat on the passanger side, which sounds like a good idea as long as it doesn't agitate him more. But he couldn't grab the steering wheel or make it hard for me to safely pull over to the side and let him out. You all have given me a lot of different things to try that helps with my fear. I also agree that my safety should come first, even though I would like to keep us both safe and I would always try to do that first. I agree that sometimes it will be harder to do than others.
My DH was a very aggressive driver, which of course, I am not. going over the triborough bridge from Queens to Bronx, NYC one day (kids live in queens, we're 50 miles north), he got angry at the traffic and the cutting in and out, leaned over and started honking the horn.... I was driving. Scared me to death. he hasn't done it again, but I can only imagine what you are going thru.
In retrospect......I remember about 15 years ago. John was angry with me and he reached over (he was driving) and opened my door (front passenger side!) and opened it.....told me to get out! In 60+mph traffic! Ya think something was wrong THEN????? Ya THINK?