Well, I woke up late, got a late start, but I finally wrote and posted my weekend blog. I invite you all to log onto the home page - www.thealzheimerspouse.com - and read it.
Your serious AND lighthearted suggestions are welcomed.
A few evenings ago my wife and I sat for dinner with 2 men who are both professional musicians. By the end of the meal I realized that not once did the subject of Alzheimer's come up. The conversation, which I joined in, was entirely about music, and particularly musical instruments. Did you know that an expert in the field can look at a Stradovarius violin from across the room and tell you when it was made and who owned it? Since I have no musical talent I told them that I am the most important part of any musical performance - the audience.
With out audiences there would be no performers. So we are important. Hope you have a Happy Easter. I am going to miss going to church but it has not been possible to do in awhile.
Marsh, a favorite saying of mine when asked if I play an instrument or paint, as many of the Monhegan visitors do: I have no talent but the talent for appreciation.
I have been realizing that all my conversations are about eoad. I am fearing that people will avoid me, just like those who are constantly bragging about their grandkids. I am such a misfit because I do not watch television (so I cannot discuss tv series, sports, news, etc.) and I have become the really dull person who no one wants to be around. It is sort of like talking to someone who constantly complains about his aches and pains, and will describe every medical treatment and history that he has received. In other words, I am an old BORE> But today, I am changing!!!!! I have decided to talk about the history of Silly Putty, and how it can be used in 1,363 ways. Since it comes in an easter egg shape, I feel that I will be the life of the party, and I will be able to discuss this subject in depth. I have already suggested this topic to Dale Carnegie, and he will now include it in his book "How to make friends and influence people"!!!!! I am on a roll!!!
What about technology? My cousin LOVES his I-phone, and we have discussions about its technology. And ancestry. That is a fascinating topic to me. Has anyone seen the new show about tracing your roots? Marsh's music idea is a good one.
Our lives have become very small since I "retired" due to my own health issues and DH's FTD requiring constant monitoring/care. I do not have time/energy/inclination to search out relevant current issues. Today DH and I met my sister and BIL for Easter dinner - during dinner I instructed DH to cut his meat in small pieces (choking at meals becoming common), sip water, how are you doing?, etc. I am sure it wasn't pleasant for anyone and my sister even said I should "relax, back off, etc". I said okay but if DH choked, he was her responsibility. I do not know how to let go....
For awhile, I had forgotten that whenever I want intelligent, thought provoking conversation, all I have to do is pick up the phone and call my son in California.
As I have mentioned many times, Sid was a workaholic, which meant that Joel and I spent a lot of time together. From about the age of 17, until he moved to SF just before his 23rd birthday, there were many nights when we would sit and talk for hours about socialogical, psychological, philosophical, and more subjects. To this day, he is a well read, independent thinker, and I find our conversations intellectually stimulating. We talked for an hour this afternoon. We don't always agree, but I taught him to think for himself and make up his own mind, which he certainly does. Makes for very good conversation.
ASK QUESTIONS!!! I am an Engineer, so I am naturally inclined to talk about -how things work. I try to find out about my visitors, and usually ask them questions like:
What is your hobby? Where have you lived? Seen any good movies lately? How old are your children? Where do they live? What was your main work? Got any grandkids? Do you have any pets? What vegatables can you grow easily? I like tomatoes!!! Do you like to cook? What is your speciality? Etc.?
I know you can add this to your questions but I do think that people like to be asked about themselvs and it is so good to find a common thread.
I like Joang's answer to howiscaroldoing. (Name of Carol's Blog) I don't think friends really want to know all the tidbits of AD. bill
You reminded me of something I should not have forgotten. I have a cousin who has always been able to put people at ease and carry on a conversation with anyone. I have watched her in action, and she does exactly what you suggested -she asks the questions. She listens to the answers, and she follows up with more questions.
Yes, asking questions is a social technique that my mother taught me. She divides people into caterogires "easy to talk to" and "not very easy to talk to" depending on how readily they reply to questions with enough information to keep the conversation going. When I said that I often didn't feel I knew people well enough to know what to ask them, she taught me to say "Now help me remember: how many grandchildren do you have now?" People are glad to do so.
Another thing I wanted to mention is that the need for conversation is the main reason I continue to read the newspaper and watch talk shows on TV. Actually I am usually doing a puzzle or something and just HEAR the talk. Watching the popular current affairs shows that I know my friends are watching always provides some topics.
I don't like my I Phone. It starts doing things I don't want it to which reminds me of AD. Whoops......there I go...... Today I was adding a phone number into the CONTACTS and it called my step-son. So then I had to find things to talk about. DH was sundowning (whooops.....) so he wouldn't talk. Earlier I was carrying it around and it took a video of my pocket!
Now a gadget I do love I just discovered from the library is a little audio player PLAYAWAY which contains just one unabridged book. Size of an IPod. I'm listening to Bob & Lee's Woodruff's book now about his accident in Iraq. Way cool. Just wish they had more of them at my little library.
Oh, got my first CHIGGER bite of the season the other day. People out here in the Ozarks just LOVE talking about chiggers. I live in a little paradise resort town Eureka Springs which would be heavenly except this is where the tics and chiggers vacation. Anytime you want to talk chiggers just holler!
I've been concerned about this conversation issue for a long time. It had just about gotten to the point where I had absolutely no conversation that didn't involve this terrible disease. Then one day, when I was at the library picking up a book for my husband, for the first time in a long time I got a book for me, too. I never had time to read (I thought), so I never even looked for books for me.
Well, fast forward somewhat, and right now I have 15 books from the library: everything from a biography of Grace Hopper, to a book on designing your own clothes and the patterns to make them, to decorating your home the Mary Engelbreit way, to "Creating Your Best Life". (I recommend both "Creating Your Best Life" and "This is Not the Life I Ordered – 50 Ways to Keep Your Head Above Water When Life Keeps Dragging You Down".) A couple of weeks ago I got a novel, and then found out later that it was actually number one on the best-seller list. I hadn't read a best-selling fiction book in probably a decade. Finally, f-i-n-a-l-l-y, not only can I talk about something else, but the best part is that I actually THINK about something else besides this terrible disease.
Of course, I only get to read in bits and pieces, but it's been amazing what a difference this has made in how I feel. Now, instead of being so lonely and overwhelmed on days when I can't get out and DH is sleeping most of the day, I actually have something I'm interested in, to read about or to do. This is not a magic fix, but it does help. I don't feel so isolated, and the rut I'm in doesn't feel so deep. And now that I have something else to talk about, conversations with other people seem to go easier.
Today is our anniversary. Not our wedding anniversary. Seven years ago today, we first heard the word dementia applied to what was going on in our home. I've had problems with this date ever since, so I'm really glad that this year I have something else to think about besides just this disease.
Isn't it amazing what books can do? All my life I've been a reader, even as a young girl. My mom used to have to yell at me to go outside because all I wanted to do was read. I have grandchildren now, my oldest 16, and from very young I told them "You'll never get bored if you like to read." My grandson carries a book with him wherever he goes. All the other grandchildren are following this advice, too. Conversations about books are a big part of our lives. I just finished a book my grandson recommended!