Joang,
Trying to ask Bill what he would like to do is useless because he has no idea what he would like to do. He doesn't watch TV anymore. Probably because he can't follow what is going on. He seems to be able to follow kids shows better than anything. Now he just sits and watches me, stares off into space or sleeps. I feel guilty at times because I think I should get him doing things but I don't know what to do. I tried playing simple games with him but he got tired of that. I tried to get him to draw because he always loved to paint but I guess because he can't do it anymore he doesn't want to do that. If we go visit people, he just sits and doesn't say anything. Even if we are visiting his brother, who he is always talking about. Maybe because he doesn't recognize him and doesn't realize it's his brother.
Bill doesn't drive and does go to day care. I took him to DC this morning and told him I would be back later. All he said was OK with no emotion. He use to ask where I was going and when I'd be back and why I had to leave.
I don't know what to do with him to keep him active. Go shopping and he will fall asleep in his wheelchair. I'm at a loss.

My husband also is very handy around the house. Our house has been neglected due to years of him workng 70+ hours a week. DH made a board and hung it on the pantry door. We have listed the projects for him to work on for the week as well as any dr. appointments so he can keep track of them.

My daughter found websites that have crossword puzzles that he can do online. He seems to enjoy those. Since he is alone during the day I feel that it's important that he socialize more. Every Friday he drives our neighbor (who had a stroke) to a mens bible study. They have breakfast afterwards.

Joang- Can you get your husband to take walks? That may be a good way to get some excersise and possibly meet other people.

Dennis can not do anything. He used to work in the yard, I never did that. This year when he wanted to plant some flowers, I thought he would be able to do that. Wrong! I ended up having to plant them myself. To water them I have to go to the garage, unlock the garage because he can not even put a key in the lock, pull out the hose and then give the hose to him. He will then stand and water until I go back to pull the hose back in the garage and lock the garage. Which reminds me, this might help some of you, when Dennis could still drive, he would not know which key to use. I made labels and put on all of his keys so he would know which one to use. We also have a post office box and the postmaster put a red dot on our box to help him pick up the mail each day.
Now when we are home he sleeps most of the day. If we go anywhere he falls asleep in the car. He can no longer walk but just shuffles his feet. Going shopping with him is very confusing for him especially to Wal-mart. When I ask him what he wants to do or eat, 95% of the time he says I don't know. Dennis used to read and study his Bible every day. Now he can not read at all, nor can he write his name. He will say grace at mealtime, but has a hard time getting his words to come out right. I took him to our granddaughter's first soccer game Saturday, he could not see her even when I turned his head in that direction. Now we can even go to see our grandchildren's activities. Even though we still go out to eat, it has to be just the two of us or he gets very confused. He eats really slow and says the food gets cold so he can not finish it. Sorry everyone, I am just a little sad today.

Nancy,

It sounds like Dennis and Bill are at the same stage. Bill does the very same things. When we go to Wal-mart, I use the wheel chair so that really cuts down on what I can buy because he can only hold so much on his lap. I joke with hime and tell him when it gets higher than hi head we will stop. He is either sleeping at home or pacing around wanting to go home or to school or to his mother's. He never knows what he wants to eat and when we go out he will ask me what he would like. When the food comes, I have to cut his meat for him. I have to make sure to order something easy to chew. He always comments on how expensive it is when we go out. I tell him it is my turn to pay and he seems ok.

I guess it's not going to get any easier, Nancy, so I guess we just have to keep going.

I hope you ar feeling better today. It's so easy to let this get us down.

Joyce

Joyce and Nancy, it sounds exactly like your Dennis and Bill and in the same stage as my Jim. Please tell me what stage the Doctors seem to feel your husband is in? I am wondering what stage we are in. If I could place him I would say Jim is in the late stage 6, but then when I ask the Doctor he only says Moderately Severe, whatever that means.

Jane

Nancy, Jane, Barbara it sounds like our husbands are all about the same stage. The doctor has never said but I would place Bill at a deffinate stage 6 with some stage 7. He isn't incontinent all the time, but the "accidents" are happening more and more. I ask him one time if he couldn't make it to the bathroom or if he didn't know he had to go., He said probably the second one.

Barbara, Bill was like Gene is the early stages. I couldn't interest him in anything. After he gave up his painting, he didn't want to do anything but watch tv. He wouldn't try to help with anything , but it was always me that had to be Mr. Fix-it even before he got AD.

Darlene, I find that a walk helps Bill the most. Not only does it get him out but it also tires him out so he will sit down when we get back. Our walks use to be four miles now they are maybe two-tenths of a mile. We don't even turn the tv on any more. I always order for him in the restaurant. He doesn't know if he is hungry or not so I can't ask him if he's hungry. Many times we will get up from the table and walk into the other room ;and he will ask if we are going to get anything to eat. Something I have noticed is that everytime we sit down to eat, about half way through he will have to go to the bathroom. This isn't just sometimes it every time. There have been times that he forgot he was eating when he comes back. I have to convince him that that is his plate sitting there.
He is always hidding his wallet so no one will steal it and it is almost a morning ritual trying to find it. He use to carry $20 but after losing that several times we went down to 10. Now he feels richer if he has maybe a 5 and several singles. He never pays for things, but I do ask him if I can borrow a dollar sometimes.

AD patients are all different, but in ways they are the same.

Joyce

I miss my Honeydo, too

Joan
Regarding Sid's foot neuropathy, how does it effect him. My husband has complained of it feeling like he is walking on
marbles and he has to have soft soled shoes and walk carefully. With his spinal stenosis he can't walk much anyway. The
Doctors are giving him Neurotin for his back and his feet. lmohr

I can relate to most of the above comments. My wife used to be very active around the house, gardening, crossword puzzles, etc. Now she just sits in her chair watching me. I can't even get her to watch TV unless I am also watching. When we eat out, I order for her. She never knows what she wants, but usually will take whatever I order for myself. She has also taken to eating some things with her fingers. I find it interesting that while she uses her fingers for things like vegetables, pieces of meat, etc., when she gets a lobster roll she will use a fork to scoop the lobster out of the roll, maybe eating the roll after, or maybe not. Fortunately she is willing to go to a Day Care center. This gives her some stimulation, and me some time to do things for myself - like exercise, get haircut, etc.

Today, for the second time, she was incontinent of feces. I think she was having diarrhea, because she had just had a BM in the toilet. We were visiting friends and as we were leaving she vomited twice (unheard of for her). When we got home I smelled the feces in her Depends. I hope it was all due to the fact that our friend kept filling her wine glass. I'll have to watch that more closely.

We saw her doctor today and he put her at stage 6c, about what he said 3 months ago.

We went to our usual Mc for breakfast and he get out long enough to do that and then I needed to pick up a few things at WallMart. I talked him into
coming in with me and using their electric cart. He has did this before but keeps me busy keeping track of him. (Like a child with a electric car)

Today may be the last time. He started by following me through the groceries and then told me he would stay in the grocery section. First think I knew he was out of sight, then when I was with him again he used his scooter to push my cart out of his way and when I asked him what he was doing he said "I told
you I didn't want to come in here". I stared at him in amazement as he zipped around the corner. Decided to not go to the drug store area and caught him headed for the sporting goods. Told him I was ready to go and pointed to the entrance for him to wait while I checked out. (Doesn't this sound just like a young child?) Last time for this.

My comments will apply to only the later stages. If you can get spouses to do things, more power to you. No one should sit around when there are things they could do if only someone would just help them get the materials or suggest it. I think stimulation for everyone at every level is vitally important.

That being said...

Please remember that we are going BACKWARDS. Are you trying to get an AD patient to "do things" for YOUR self of satisfaction, or theirs? You would never expect a baby to do the same things as a preschooler, even in the name of stimulation. Mental stimulation is different for every brain level.

Example: Andrea adored reading and stamping. As she became less able to do activities on her own, we would sit her down with her stamps and expect her to create. She kept saying she didn't want to. We were very surprised and a little annoyed...how can someone not want to sit and do their favorite activity? Finally she has all the time in the world to do her favorite pasttime, and it's not that hard, and she won't do it.

I guess it wasn't until much later that I realized that we had been asking her to do something that to her now was very difficult. They lose their ability to do the creative things, because it involves so much brain activity in an area that no longer has the power. Again, we are going backwards in the timeline of life. What she enjoyed only a few months ago became a torturous activity because it didn't make any sense. Think about a toddler who enjoys a simple puzzle at age 3. Would they have enjoyed it at age 1? Probably not.

Andrea enjoyed TV sitcoms. It was probably the one activity she didn't have to "follow". You don't have to try to produce a result, you don't really have to know the storyline, and it was movement and talking. Think of toddlers you know that watch TV. It's mesmerizing, and requires not too much effort on their part. And for the AD patient, no one has to worry about whether or not it's ruining their brain cells. LOL

My two cents...let them watch. They deserve to be happy, and if they are happy watching, let it be. What is quality of life but doing that which we enjoy?

I wish G would watch TV. He hates it most of the time, except for certain series, so no daytime watching. His huge hobby was R/C airplanes, and when it was obvious he could no longer build or fly, I suggested just going to the field to be with the other club members. He got a friend over and gave ALL of his stuff to him right after that. I realized this was his way of dealing with his inability to practice his beloved hobby...no planes or kits, no need to try and converse with old friends. Fairly effective...if sad.

Trisinger, thank you for your comments. They are so true! My husband can't "keep up" with a new TV show, but can watch DVD movies over and over again, because he forgets that he recently saw them, yet remembers them from years ago, so that his cognitive ability can understand the movie. AND, he loves watching the Disney cartoon movies (we had bought them as they came out for our grandchildren and have the full set, adding the DVDs as they have come out). The simpler the story, the more he seems to like to watch it. He loves "Secondhand Lions," "Hildago," "Last Holiday" (with Queen Latifa), "Major League," my musicals (which he NEVER watched before AD!), and all of his John Wayne collection!

He starts with a movie when I leave for work, then he makes the bed and picks up lint off the carpet, then watches another movie, eats lunch, watches another movie, goes for a walk with my grandson for an hour, rests for 30 minutes, then goes out in the back yard to sit in the flower bed and pull weeds for two hours, then sits back down for another movie, which is playing when I get home. So, he's getting his exercise, he's spending time outdoors, and is watching something he can understand and gain pleasure from. He will still play one game on the computer, usually when he first gets up or before he goes to bed. He's lost the ability to play the others. I figure that as long as he's doing what makes him happy, let him do it. And he LOVES the new TV! That was the best birthday/anniversary present for both of us I've ever gotten!

We had the phase a year ago where he spent most of the day working on putting together model sailing ships - he did four of them before he lost the ability to do them. But they kept him busy and enjoying himself for about 5 or 6 weeks!

All you can do is introduce them to something and see if they are interested. If not, go on to something else. There is nothing wrong with watching TV, as long as they can comprehend what they are seeing and it brings them pleasure. New shows have people talking too fast for them to know what is being said. I guess that is why he loves "Walker, Texas Ranger" so much! <grin> Don't ever feel guilty if someone tells you that they are watching too much TV!! They are doing what they want and that is important too.

Thank you all for this thread. I have been struggling with this and not knowing what to do about it.

Glen loves to watch TV...always has. He watches a lot of Game Show Network and he "actively" watches it, participating in answering questions and yelling at the "stupid" people on the show. He likes the "more intelligent" sitcoms (as he puts it). Of course, I tell him there is no such thing...intelligent sitcom is an oxymoron (giggle). I have noticed in the last few months he is having more difficulty following the plotlines of the dramatic shows we like. I first noticed this last year with that new series on TNT "Damages" with Glenn Close. This is the exactly the type of dramatic show he loved. Before the second episode was done, he was asking me question about "who was that?" and couldn't keep the characters and plot straight. At the time, I attributed this to that show's format being so disjointed with the use of flashbacks. Now he is doing the same thing with "Law & Order". After his stroke, he watched a lot of Game Show Network and I think because he is interacting with contestants, it is stimulating and I encourage him; however, in the last year he has begun to watch the same couple of movies over and over and over again. If I hear/see Ocean's 11 one more time I may implode (lol). I notice a difference in his level of functioning when he watches game shows vs. movies. At the end of a movie marathon, he is tired, depressed and apathetic.

Like the rest of you, I have tried to get him involved in other hobby interests, but he never had any before AD, except performing in live theatre, which he can't do anymore. He used to be a voracious reader. It is rare that he reads anything these days. I believe he can still read and comprehend most things, but he just doesn't have the interest. It is almost like it takes too much physical effort. He does do some internet reading, mostly at his job at the Library, but nowhere on the level he once did. Before his AD, he used to read so much and buy so many books/magazines, I used to joke that one day I would come home from work and find that our house sunk into the earth from the weight of all the books and magazines. Until I began limiting his access to our accounts, he still bought the same amount of books/magazines, he just didn't read them anymore. They were just stacking up everywhere. I also had to cancel magazines that he was subscribing to and not reading. Everytime I turned around we were receiving bills for new magazine subscriptions or having "3 Free Issues and we'll bill you unless you cancel by..." He may not have a credit card, but he could check that box that says "bill me later"...(lol).

We were also big game players. The last few times we have played games, he only wants to play Yahtzee and is only good for one, maybe two games and becomes too tired. I think some of the more complicated games we used to play either take too long or he can't strategize any longer.

The weekend of his diagnosis he insisted he wanted to crossword puzzles and it had to the NY Times book, so we bought the big softcover in large print...he's done maybe a dozen puzzles in the last 19 months. He frequently complains he can't see well enought to read to do the puzzles because he needs new glasses. Even after we got new glasses for him, he still complained. Maybe he just finds it too frustrating. I tried to get him to try simpler puzzles, but he just won't try. He thinks they are beneath him.

So, in the vein of picking my battles wisely, I just let him watch TV and encourage him to do other things, but like so many of you stated...most of the time he shrugs off any alternative suggestions without interest.

Am I missing the boat...doing this wrong...how much should I "encourage" him to do other things?

Stephanie, I don't encourage or not encourage. I do try to get him off the DIY network and onto SPEED during the weekend, but that is mainly because I've seen all those shows a dozen or more times and I need a break.

He really loved racing. He went to Australia for the Grand Prix there with his friend/old boss right after we retired. It was his old boss' retirement present to him. I'm so glad he got to do that before it would have been too dangerous for him to travel all that way on his own because even a year later he could not have done it.

We literally live surrounded by NASCAR and even Grand Prix racetracks, all a great weekend trip away by car. If he hadn't gotten sick we would have had a great time travelling to all of those racetracks. I've never been all that interested, but as a retirement vacation those would have been great trips. We haven't gone once.

My husband "reads" 5 or 6 papers a day. He still can read, but basically he is just looking at the pictures most of the time. But it is literally the only thing that makes him happy right now, so I pay for those papers with a debit card so I can get the points. I think it is all going to stop pretty soon anyway.

At this point all I want is for him to be happy as long as he can. Better for me. Better for him.

We leave the tv's in all the house on the TCM channel or news or shopping channels:) DH loves the old movies -doesnt follow plots just likes to listen to voices. by the way, out of the blue one evening last week i turned on and there was George Carlin spitting out his outlandish language and DH was super entertained, and actually laughed at the punchlines, which floored me to no end...maybe the cuss words are the last to go:))) divvi

The reason I ask so much about the marathon TV watching is that is one of the things the doctors initially told us to avoid and that he should try to keep mentally active by working on puzzle type activities. Crosswords are the only puzzle-like activity he has ever done and then not very much. I am much more of a puzzle person and I've tried for years to get him interested, but it was never an interest to him. The game shows, he loves. My only problem is that he still wants to be an actual contestant. A couple of years before his stroke, he was actually a contestant on Who Wants to be a Millionaire with Regis, but he missed the hot seat by .3 seconds. He has never given up this dream. He has auditioned for a couple of them since, but has never made the cut. We've never talked about it, but I suspect his AD has prevented him from reacting fast enough. He still has enormous intelligence, it just takes him a little longer to come up with it and his word-searching has been increasingly problematic for quite sometime, giving the impression he doesn't know the answer. I am convinced he still has the knowledge. Even on his worst day, he knows things that most people never knew existed. He has sort of backed off of the audition quest, thank goodness. But for a while he was registering via the internet for audition dates in major cities all over the country. When I'd talk to him about how we couldn't afford the airfare, hotel and other expenses involved, he'd get so depressed.

Sunshyne,

Even as I read my posts, I kept thinking to myself that surely his active participation with games shows is a good thing. The doctor seems to be rather narrow minded about what is stimulating. Not everyone likes the same activities and as long as he likes it and shows the interest, why not? Marathon movie days of the same movies over and over have a very different effect on him. On days when he does the movies, lethargy and depression are unstoppable monsters. Thanks for the validation.

When Lynn still had abilities I did encourage him to do other things.
I agree Trisinger, there comes a time when TV is all they can enjoy.
Lynn loves it, and I don't discourage it. In fact I asked his kids to buy
him DVDs of Bonanza. He still laughs out loud at that show. He doesn't
yet like cartoons, but I find I do! LOL